Monday, May 31, 2010

amalkan gaya hidup hijau bak kata advertisement aircond kat Astro

cuba beritahu sikit,
macam mana nak berkarya
tapi tak cukup herba, vitamin, supplement
untuk berfilosofi (ngahahaha. philosophy sounds so buruk in malay. eh jap. berfalsafah kan sebenarnya? PHAIL la sha hish.)?

haaaa beritahu lah cepat!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

you are my anti-depressant.

Writing is my theraphy.
Some people shop, some people drink, some people get high.
And I,
I write.

When you, (a crush), first said hello,
I'd come home and i write.

When you, (a friend), helped me find revelations deep in the night,
I'd open my book and i write.

When you, (a stranger), says something witty or does something amusing,
I'd remember and i write.

You, all of you,
You are
my Valium,
my Prozac, 
my Xanax.

For it gives me pleasure to write
and someday in the future,
I'll read all about you (and you and you)
and I'll smile. 

:)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Letter to Myself

Dear Future Tasha,

I have been influenced by How I Met Your Mother and am now writing a letter to you Ted Mosby style.

I am writing with the purpose of reminding you that you DONT DESERVE to feel the slightest bit remorseful when your exam result comes out.

This is because :
- my insistence on procrastinating will not reflect well on you
- i am solely depending on luck for my paper tomorrow and i should let you know earlier not to let your hopes up
- Design of Steel has always been our enemy.

Let me remind you that it is now only 12 hours away from the paper, and I am too busy being a nutcase to actually revise.

So there. If you so much as mutter 'damn. i shouldve studied for this paper', memang aku sekeh kepala kau lepas tu gelak kuat kuat.

Sincerely yours,
Present Tasha

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

eh eh saya suka la tulis pasal lelaki rupanya!

tengok INI, dulu pun saya pernah cuba mahu crack misteri lelaki.
it has been over 6 months,
dan misteri masih belum mampu diselesaikan.

lelaki is still lelaki
yang senyap masih berdiam diri
yang kecoh masih rasa nak tembak kasi mati

semalam i talked to my bestfriend.
and she told me that she found this letter that i wrote to her back in Form 5,
cerita masalah 'cinta' lah konon.
(wah wah macam besar sangat problem masa tu kan?)

and it reminded me of this boy i was smitten with.
weh weh suka gila kot masa tu!
baru satu hari lepas wish bday dia,
dah start plan tahun depan nak kasi present apa.
-_-'

tiap tiap hari tunggu handphone berbunyi
kalau orang lain yang sms atau call, terus jadi hampa

dan saya tahu dia suka saya juga
sebab dia rajin call sambil main guitar dan nyanyi lagu Incubus
tapi ego jauh lagi banyak dari perasaan suka

bila saya nak, dia jual mahal
bila dia finally nak, saya dah taknak jual

at the end of the day,
tak perlu la bersungguh sangat main tarik tali tu
sebab takut nanti sorang sorang je main dengan tali tu.
haaa main la kau puas puas!
nak tocang tali tu ke, nak buat ikat kerbau ke semua boleh.
happy tak?
*senyum sinis*

kadang-kadang,
memang akan jumpa orang yang sanggup make the first move,
tapi bila dah jumpa,
kena lah sanggup-sanggupkan diri buat consequent moves.

you can play hard to get all you want,
but one of these days, nobody will want to chase after you anymore.

jadi,
janganlah take people for granted.
kalau mahu, embrace saja
kalau tak mahu, jangan drag on lama lama.

:)

Mesej ini dibawa kepada anda oleh Kementerian Patah Hati.

i hate it when this happens

Read this : prologue

Now, read on.

Situation 1
we were at the mamak, and i brought along my assignment (i skemaa woot woot!).
Spot took one look at the paper that i was writing on, and said :
uish. tulisan u lawa la Sha, macam tulisan perempuan!

-_-'

Situation 2
I had a phase when i tried to be girly-girly.
OK. tak la girly mana.
but you know,
i tried the whole soft-spoken approach,
and this was what Timmy said to me :
Eh Sha, apa cakap lemah lembut macam perempuan ni? Tamau jadi perempuan please? Tamau tamau.

-_-'

Situation 3
We were planning on a day out to de-stress after exam papers yang (hampir) membunuh.
And the crowd was supposed to be a bunch of guys and ME!
And Spot said :
yeahhh! first kita tengok movie, then makan sedap sedap, then kita tengok Champions League finals! Tomorrow : BOYS Day Out!

-_-'
Habis aku ni apaaaaaa?
Hasil plastic surgery??

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

this is not a love story. this is a story about love. eh tipu. love pun bukan, story pun bukan. -_-



masa saya darjah lima, 
saya pengawas berwibawa.
dan saya teramat lah infatuated dengan seorang lagi pengawas,
(walaupun dia sedikit kurang berwibawa dari saya).

satu hari dia tulis surat untuk saya.
tak ingat sangat content surat tu,
dia mintak couple kot.
tapi yang saya ingat, dia cakap, 
lepas baca kena bakar surat tu.
motif? 
sampai sekarang tak tahu. -_-'

lepas tu, comel comel je,
waktu rehat pengawas, 
makan nasi ayam sama sama,
lepas tu seronok kalau dapat posted duty kat tempat sama.
(come to think of it, korang rasa tak, sekolah buat sistem pengawas sebab nak kurangkan workload cikgu and so that tak payah hire extra security guards, maka guna cheap labor : pengawas!)

sekarang, 
dah 12 years later.
dia dah besar.
(saya pun dah besar jugak eventhough kadang kadang buat perangai macam masih darjah 5 lagi)
dan kami tak lagi makan nasi ayam waktu rehat.
tapi bila pagi pagi pergi breakfast roti canai,
dan sembang tentang Chuck Palahniuk, 
atau samada Mahathir did the right thing not taking any loans from IMF,
atau teori philosophy dalam Sophie's World,
saya senyum sendiri sebab rasa macam walaupun dah enter adulthood (ewah ewah)
we are still good friends.

walaupun,
surat snailmail yang patut dibakar lepas baca,
dah diganti dengan casual text messages,
yang lepas baca terus delete,
the friendship is still there.

xxx

masa saya kerja lepas SPM,
saya gila makan waffle.
i guess it's fate,
saya jumpa seorang lelaki yang walaupun muka macam cina dan dipanggil AhChong oleh rakan-rakan,
tapi hakikat sebenarnya, dia adalah melayu.
rambut dia masa tu ala ala The Click Five dan dia ada gigi besi.
the epitome of innocence.

yang paling comel, dia suka saya!
lepas kerja, mesti dia datang GUESS jumpa saya,
bawak beberapa kotak waffle sebab kedai dah tutup,
jadi boleh kasi waffle free.
:D

tapi, 
masa tu saya rasa dia mcm budak baik sangat.
masa tu saya terpengaruh dengan Heath Ledger dalam 10 Things I Hate About You,
saya teringin nak menggedik dengan badboy.
dan instead of mengoffer discount 10% di GUESS kepada si mata sepet yang bekerja di kedai Waffle,
saya bergoogly-eyed dengan kawan baik dia.
(atau bila dalam manga, jadi mata bersinar berkaca bagai)

jadi, 
si mata sepet yang innocent dan baik back off,
sebab dia baik.
tak lama lepas tu, 
dia dipanggil pergi National Service.
a few months later,
dia datang jumpa saya di GUESS
(kali ini tak bawa waffle)
dan rambut dah spiky,
badan dah buff,
braces dah bukak,
rupa dah macam Heath Ledger version cina sikit.

dan saya menyesal.
sebab dah la kawan baik dia saya tak dapat.
lepas tu, dia yang dah kacak, PUN saya tak dapat.

ever since then,
saya dah belajar.
nak jatuh cinta,
mesti dengan jiwa, 
bukan dengan rupa.

xxx

ada satu masa,
saya jumpa lelaki berlesung pipit.
everytime dia senyum,
saya suka cucuk jari dalam dimple dia.
(walaupun sedikit macam retard, tapi tak apa)

dia banyak diam,
sembang cuma bila perlu.
dan mungkin aura misteri tu buat dia lebih suave dan cryptic
(macam haiwan mistik yang penuh dengan rahsia)

dan dia yang buat saya sedar,
kalau kita rasa,
tapi tak mahu lafaz dengan bicara,
sampai bila bila, 
rasa tak akan jadi nyata.

xxx

like i mentioned before,
this is not a love story.
and i lied about it being a story about love.

ini bukan cerita 500 days of summer.
ini blog seorang budak yang tak reti tidur malam.
dan bila tak boleh tidur,
dia reminisce dan ingat benda benda yang dah hilang significance dalam dunia,
tapi masih significant bagi dia.

betul lah kata orang,
You might mean nothing to the world,
but you might mean the world to someone.
Jadi,
bak kata Afiq (lagi sekali),
All of us,
we don't have to be a good musician,
we don't have to be a good friend,
we don't have to be a good follower,

we don't need to be anything.

We just have to be a good human being..
:)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Why Would You Want To Blend In When You Can Stand Out?

I'd like to tell you that i'm different.
and that i am unique.

That i was uncool way before it was cool to be uncool.

That i am not like anything and anyone that you've ever met before.
But that would be a lie.
Worse still, that would be a cliche.

So many have claimed that they are different.
And it makes me think, what's so bad about being the same as everyone else?

Cuz i can bet you all the money i have
(which is really not that much, heheh)
that whatever you've been through,
there are others who have been through the same thing.

And why do some people insist on being different?
Do you really have to state your uniqueness?
If you're truly different,won't it simply radiate out of you without you having to make a single statement?

Dont take this the wrong way, ive done it too in the past.
At the time, i felt it was as if people only saw one side of me.
And i wanted people to know that i was more than what they saw.

Macam,
what? just because i wear shorts pergi mamak, does that mean i am not the kind yang baca Yassin every Thursday night?
Just because i buat statement bimbo tak ingat dunia, does that mean i am incapable of discussing anything remotely intelligent?

Siapa ajar korang buat stereotype macam tu haa?

But maybe the lesson to be learnt here is that,
IT'S OKAY if society doesnt see you as who you entirely are.
Because there will be this one person,
who will come into your life
(atau mungkin they are already in it as im typing this)
and this person, will take the time to discover every nook and cranny of you
and love you as who you are.

Regardless of you being different,
or just the same as everyone else.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Can You Keep A Secret?

OK.
Nak tau rahsia tak?
But i bet you blabbermouth wont keep it a secret kan?
Hmph.
Takpe lah, nak bagitau jugak. Heheh.

I am not the manja kind.
I am not one of those girls who hug their moms from behind and go (include la whatever manja statement that you can think of here).

Sorry, i did attempt lebih kurang 18 kali nak try and come up with a decent manja conversation between a manja daughter and a mom who layans her daughter's manja-ness. Tapi unsuccessful attempt. Sorry.

Semua dialogue that i could think of will make you rasa mcm nak baling bricks kat kepala i.

I sayang lagi my head.
So u guys buat la sendiri manja conversation tu ok.

Even when my housemates go all manja comel comel,
i sometimes ternganga because i dont know the right way to react.
Like, i want to try and be manja comel comel balik,
tapi serious part comel tu paling uber-susah nak achieve.
Tak tipu.

But but buuuuuut.
I have a weakness for lelaki yang manja.

Tolong lah.
serious i cair bila org cakap dengan i suara nak lembut alaaaaahaaaai mcm roti soggy rendam dalam air milo panas.
OK.
Metaphore serious tak appealing.
Fine. tukar la roti soggy tu dengan marshmallow.
Comel sikit. Pfft.

I yang loud-mouthed ni pun terus rasa nak turn down volume jadi -3 bila dengar orang ckp lemah gemalai comel comel.
It makes me want to cubit cubit pipi orang tu and cakap 'heeeeyyyy kenapa manja sangat sampai i geram ni haaa'.

Haa. macam tu lah.
Conclusion : Orang orang manja boleh lari jauh jauh from me sekarang kalau takut kena terkam.

Sekian, terima kasih. :)

p/s : oh but there is also such a thing as OVER-MANJA nak mintak pelangkung. if you dont know what a pelankung is, try la overdoing it, i tunjuk pelangkung tu apa. :P

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

i love my roommate.

this 
was shortly followed by this

weh serious lawak.

lesson learnt :
1) boys are perverts. 'I LIKE IT ON THE CHAIR' proves that you guys will always try to find sexual innuendos in everything you read. Pah. 
2) dont hookup with your roommate, no matter how hot they are. otherwise, they'll tell the whole world that you didnt like it on the bed.

this post has no relevence whatsoever. lebih baik tak payah buang masa baca.

ok i dah lama rasa pelik tapi baru sekarang rasa nak tanya.
bagitau i sekarang siapa yang tiap tiap minggu google nama i nak dekat 20 kali seminggu.
siapa siapa siaaaaapaaaa?


this week im in the mood to be random.
siapa rajin nak layankan?
:)

who here thinks that scarlett johansson's hair dalam IronMan 2 macam sedap dikunyah??
boleh tak i nak rambut mcm tu jugaaaak?
serious bila rambut dah panjang i nak curl it and dye it the exact red-brown shade.
(padahal kulit macam la sama putih dengan scarlett nak pull off rambut merah. pfft)

 ms. johansson, boleh tak tak payah hot sangat? hish.

and tolong lah, i rindu gila binatang sekor ni.



i mean, HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THESEEEEEE?
they are soooo pretttttyyyy.
shit. i need to go herping again this sem break and catch some of these beauties.
lepas tu mesti parents bising gila 'laaa tak habis lagi phase ular awak ni???'
ok dah boleh dengar dah dialogue diorang marah marah and threaten tak nak tolong feed kan mice dekat ular sebab i penakut tikus, serious geli tak boleh nak pegang.
ughhh.
im getting goosebumps just thinking about those wretched vermins.

and im fickle.
my facebook has been activated and deactivated ntah berapa banyak kali ntah.
bila rasa mcm i cannot handle stalking, deactivate.
bila rasa rindu nak bakar fan MU sebab tak menang EPL, on balik just because.
heh heh.

(Hadi Mok, Spot, Igniz wahahahahahahhahahahahah lawak gila. korang pergi la kahwin dengan title Carling Cup korang tu ehh? hahaha. and dont even THINK about giving me all this 'eleh daripada Arsenal dapat 3rd place apa barang' shit ok? kata, Arsenal byk youngsters. Kata, bukan dalam league korang. ok apa, trail one step behind je. korang banyak orang tua pun, tak menang jugak. wahahahahahhahha. to everybody yang anti-MU, tolong join i gelak evil sekarang please! haha)

ok dah.
that's enough flaming for the day.
tak payah tambah dosa.
dosa yang ada pun tak cukup tangan nak handle.
-_-

i had really short hair a few while back.
in retrospect, i cant remember what i was trying to prove getting a haircut that makes me look like a boy (refer to pics below)



and now that it has grown to a decent length,
i have to remind myself 'boleh tak jangan gila pergi potong rambut pendek lagi lepas ni???' each and everyday.
lepas ni tak payah buat rambut merapu sangat boleh?

Dzul said i looked dykey.
sedih betul.
Ada rupa macam lesbiannnnn ke haaaaaaa?
(scarlett johansson, apparently i dig girls. call me!)

and sekarang i rindu rambut panjang ,
along with orang orang who was around dari zaman i rambut panjang jugak.

korang, buat beach party lagi jom?
i rindu.
*starts sniffling*

i hate the fact that im gonna have to spend time in UTP lepas ni without my crazy housemates.
sebab, without u guys, mcm serious takde function duduk kat Tronoh ni.
i think i would be better off being a hermit dalam gua.

but on the other hand, the thought of escaping reality and tak payah pening fikir about work is kinda tempting.
okay, juniors juniors semua, sila angkat tangan siapa nak lepak dengan 'akak' next sem!
-_-'

i dont like the fact that my juniors are calling me kak tasha.
weh, im only 21 kot! (in denial tak nak mengaku tahun ni nak masuk 22)
tak payah by the book sangat ok?
please la dont remind me of the fact that im older.
ye, akak tua, akak sedar diri.
pfft.

i love being in denial.
nanti i dah tua, i nak jadi macam rosnah mat aris.
when im 60, im gonna make my 16 year old granddaughter call me 'babe'.
wahahahahahhahahahaha.
serious lepas tu ramai gila orang berebut nak tolak i masuk kubur.
hahaha.

i think i'd better stop now.
im using this post as an excuse not to finish any of my outdated work.
dah dah.
:D

Monday, May 10, 2010

space cookies are yummy. this has nothing to do with my post. i just think they're yummy

last weekend proved that I :
- am a lazyass
- need to get laser eye surgery because without my glasses/lenses, ive mistaken a kid jogging in his Arsenal kit with a CAB. -_-
- love sleep more than anything. eh wait. that's not true. there's about two things that i love more than sleeping. and theyre both actually done best right before sleeping. hmm.
- have short term memory loss.
- love bruises.
- am clingy

ok. dah cukup.

Friday, May 7, 2010

tergugat iman

i think u were sent to goyahkan my iman.
yes, thank you very much technology.

:)

sebab kau la aku senyum panjang lebar malam ni.
sambil makan keropok RM1 beli kat bawah block.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

dalam otak ada masalah

this will be a tad bit deep.
(or at least that's how i intend it to be aa haha)

i've often wondered what's the purpose of us living.
what exactly was God aiming to achieve when he created us,
along with emotions, insecurities and determination
(add on another 27462542 kinds of emotion and we're good to go!)

i think
ive got some hint as to what it might be

we need to learn.
(ok jangan start gelak lagi, tunggu dulu sekejap while i elaborate!)

macam ini lah,
if you want to get A's for your exam,
you'll have to study.
kan?
(kalau tak payah study pun boleh score, anda bukan manusia. this post is not relevant to your species. boleh tutup browser ni sekarang)

In life,
to score,
you need to study jugak.
(tapi pemalas pemalas semua boleh tepuk tangan sekarang, because this form of studying does not involve buku of any kind)

In life there will be obstacles.
Ini kira macam, quiz and tests lah.
So in order for you to score during the finals,
kena go through the past tests and quizzes,
look at the questions that you got wrong and find the right answer to it.

Sebab if you get the same question wrong time finals,
you're gonna have to repeat the semester.
Faham tak analogy i sekarang?

Selagi you tak learn from your mistake,
you will face the same kind of problems
(with minor details altered)
And the loop will go on, until one fine day,
you look at the bigger picture and
sedar sendiri what your problem really is.

All these teeny weeny problems (even the huge ones) that you're always complaining about,
it is to make you know yourself a little bit better.
The closer you get to knowing yourself,
the closer you are to God.

That's what i believe lah.
Korang tak nak percaya sudah.

This is Why Parents Are NOT Supposed to Facebook

Situation 1

Hadi has been putting off approving his dad on Facebook. The dad then sent a message, blackmailing him.

Oh. Taknak kawan abah eh? Tak nak kasi duit!


And because everyone needs money to eat and go for a few karaoke sessions,
'Abah' was straight away approved.

Situation 2

Sabri (whom i dreamt about semalam, funnily enough) commented on Hadi's picture,
wei. bila nak party lagi?


And Hadi's dad butted in :
Nak party apa nya? Study pun tak habis habis lagi!

Situation 3

Hadi's brother (banyak cerita pasal hadi, yes i know. haha) wrote 'I miss you abah' on their dad's wall.

To which, their dad replied,
Hmmh kau nak rindu apa nya? Abah ada kat rumah, kau asyik keluar je.

It's safe to say that Hadi's brother is always at home during the weekend from that point on.

I got these from failbook.com
Enjoice.




That concludes my argument. Thank you very much. :)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Semua sebab conversation

Someone wise (Afiq) once told me:
once you start working, the only thing you have left to keep you going is similar interest. Macam saya, kalau saya penat-penat balik kerja, saya balik rumah nak cerita pasal music. Kalau Iylia tak layan music, susah lah.

Haa. ambik kau.
verbatim aku tulis.

But, it's true, i think.
Companionship tu tak de apa apa kalau u dont have something solid to fall back on.
Faham tak i cakap apa?

My relationship is of a VERY dysfunctional nature.
Dysfunctional sangat sampai i dont have the heart nak tulis kat sini.
And many have asked why i stuck by.
Why neither one of us could just pack our bags, and leave Akademi Fantasia.
eh eh.

I guess the answer would be :
because we have great conversations.

Because he is intelligent and understanding.
Because he knows what i'm thinking about without me having to say it.
Because he points out things about me yang i sendiri pun tak pernah notice.
Because with him, i can talk about ANYTHING and i know he understands.

Technically saying, we dont have any similarities langsung.
Total polar opposites.

I'm crazy about books.
He has never finished reading a whole book.
(eh jap. ada satu. a book that i got him for his bday)

He's a movie buff.
Ive never known how to appreciate movies the way one would appreciate art.

But when i talk about books, he will analyze the plots of the book with me. And fikir sama sama what the author might be thinking about when they wrote what they wrote. And link it with real-life situations.

And he taught me how to watch, instead of see. It was him who made me see the cinematography wonders in movies. And the moral underneath the script. The sarcasm. The dark humour. The story behind the story.

It sounds stupid and trivial.
But it's important.
When you're really passionate about something, you want to share them with someone.
And bila dapat share that passion with someone you love, dia jadi macam superduperpassionatewootwoot and buat semua benda jadi lagi best.

I used to love flirting for no reason dengan orang orang random.
It's not because i'm a slut ke apa.
Intriguing sebenarnya how a human mind works.
And i'm a curious cat.
I like finding out how people react when teased and complimented.

And with him, i could discuss flirting in all technicalities.
Macam, kalau guna pick up line ni,
orang yang macam ni akan reply macam ni.
orang yang macam tu akan reply macam tu.

Ish. susah la nak cakap.
It's just really awesome when you can have solid conversations at all times.
Walaupun topic sangat bodoh, tapi conversation tu blh jadi sangat interesting.

These days,
bila jarang jarang bersembang,
i jadi rinduuuu gila macam apatah.
Rindu conversations, and rindu tuan punya badan.

Bila nak avoid rindu, baca buku.
Bila habis baca buku, sedih gila sebab takde orang nak sembang with about the book.
Huhu.

You know that saying, 'when you love someone you have to let them go'?
All this while i thought that the statement is for orang orang yang kena hijack by a third person.
So, u have to let your loved ones go to that other person.
If you are indeed the better person, they will soon realize it and come back to you.

Today i learnt that that wasnt necessarily what it means by letting go.
for couples who got together dari zaman muda muda, and tak experience banyak lagi benda,
at a certain point, you have to let go.

Let the other person experience life without you.
Experience the things that he can't with you in the picture.
Experience life.
Sebab, like it or not, that's a phase in life that you can't skip.

Sama macam belajar ABC. Semua orang kena belajar. These phases are simply that. The ABCs of life.

Sometimes kena redha je.
And tunggu je lah kalau sanggup.
Kalau tak sanggup, walk away.
Tapi, by walking away, you might miss out on something gilababiawesome.
Your pick.
:)