Violent Violet Volkswagen

on things that dont make much sense

2012-01-23T04:25:00.000+08:00

There is a friend of mine, who quite frankly, is one of the best guy I know.
I should think anyone would be lucky to be granted his companion.
But as no one has ever promised that life will be easy, it is only natural to be greeted with downfall after downfall, I guess.

However, from where I am standing, it looks like he's growing up, one heartbreak at a time (so at least some good is coming out of it right?)
Which led me to thinking that we are all simply being prepped up for when the time is right.

So, as long as we strive to be a little bit better at a time, it should all be good, yes?
Please. Someone needs to confirm this bit.
I'd like to think that happiness can be achieved given enough effort and goodwill.
Clarification on this theory will be greatly appreciated (in fact, any feedback at all will do).

one

2012-01-16T03:23:00.001+08:00

The first night I met him was intoxicating.
The full moon was out, positioned smack in the middle of a spread of stars across Nature's canvas.
The wind was breezy enough to give us a placebo effect of hanging out by the beach, but not so much that we were shivering.
A movie setting couldn't have been set better.
Like I said, it was intoxicating - and we, we were intoxicated.

He bore too much resemblance to a Spanish David Beckham that i dismissed him on auto-pilot initially.
I fell for the biggest misconception of them all - such a pretty face couldn't possibly be fronting an equally pretty mind.
By the time he was finishing off my sentences, I had to admit to myself that I've committed the most common sin of all - I judged a bloke entirely by his floppy brown hair and his surfer's physique.

Getting high on life, I did not want the night to end.
We were playing guitar by a lake that was speckled with reflections of pretty lights, our taste buds consistently savoring munchies.
The night did not end. It went on, and on, and on.
Through the crack of dawn, through the chirping birds and the trees with 7 shades of green.
Through breakfast, through morning classes.
The night just went on. As did the conversation.

I can't say it, so I'm writing it down instead.

2011-12-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we forget that people's actions are largely based on their experiences (the good AND the bad).
We forget to take into account the traumatizing events of their past that are likely to be reflected on their current fears.
We forget that at the end of the day, they're human too.
When we do remember, however, we realize that we have wasted so much time and energy into being upset whenever people disappoint us.
It's okay.
We're human too.

Past. Perfect.

2011-11-20T23:48:00.000+08:00

Those things that happened,
those were just stories from some time ago.

Perhaps, it had been real - but only in the past.
They are not any more real now than the facts we read about in history books.
It happened, and it's over.

The only thing that is real right now is the present.
That's why you make the best out of it,
and enjoy the fact of now - the fiction of later.

Just Maybe

2011-11-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

Maybe it had everything to do with you.
Maybe it had nothing to do with you.
Maybe you can't for the life of you stop analyzing which of the two is true.
But maybe you were never meant to know.

The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship.

2011-11-10T19:52:00.000+08:00

When it comes to friendships, I value quality over quantity, any given day.

Who gives a rat's ass if you have 26 gazillion friends on Facebook when in real life you can't even get one person to sit down and have dinner with you?
What's the point of having people say Hello to you wherever you go, when late at night, you end up feeling sorry for yourself because there's no one who would listen to your problems?
Why would you want to collect superficial friends whom you can brag to, tell ha-ha funny stories to, but who won't have your back when you need them the most?

I personally think these talking-behind-backs, fighting over ridiculously unimportant things, jealousy of one another, inability to directly address issues to someone's faces are very high school-like behaviour, and I have no intention of getting sucked into the unnecessary drama of it.

A real friend wouldnt mind if you've been spending more time with your partner than you do with them. A gap apart of a few months or years wouldnt affect the friendship, because the moment you meet again, it's like you never left each other. You're just glad you have all these new things to share with the other person.

You know someone genuinely cares about you when they would tell you to your face if there's anything wrong with you, however painful and awkward the conversation might turn out to be, just because they want you to be the better person they know you can be.

Good friendships are built with trust and sincerity. Thus, if you don't think you can be sincere and trust another person, don't be surprised if you suddenly realize you have a few knives stuck on your back. If you have a problem with someone, talk it out with them first before jumping to others with the 'gossip'.

I'm coming out of my hiding place today, writing about friendships, because I'm missing my half-sister, my roommate, my friend - Baizulikha. I guess i thought writing this tribute would make me miss her less. Unfortunately, business of the mind never seems to be that simple.

To Ika, who can finish my sentences, who argues with me even when we are rooting for the same side just so we will have a healthy discussion from time to time, who sometimes understands me better than i understand myself, who i can have conversations with without the usage of words and gestures, I miss you.

:)

When the Clock Strikes Midnight

2011-06-30T03:03:00.000+08:00

it's midnight.
your phone starts ringing and beeping.
look at that!
birthday wishes in bulk!
there's the long heartfelt text from your bestfriend,
and the template impersonal 'Happy Birthday' message from your friend from primary school whom you have not met in almost a decade.

you are finally 20.
a proper adult, you think to yourself.
while you browse through your Facebook wall, attempting to personally reply each and every one of the virtual wishes that you received, you stop for a while and wonder how much life will be different now that you are no longer a teenager.

from that point on, every word that comes out of your mouth sounds like a piece of wisdom (to yourself of course. others might beg to differ).

sometimes, when you sit by yourself and reflect on the past, you shudder at all the mistakes that you've made, and promise yourself that you'll never be as foolish again.

fast forward to three/four/five birthdays later.
your Facebook birthday wishes have exponentially replaced text messages and phone calls.
you would prefer nothing more than to enjoy a quiet evening with the people that you love rather than have a huge celebration filled with people you barely know.

once you get the opportunity to entertain your thoughts, you realize that the 20 year old you was just as dumb as the 15 year old you.

how could the 20 year old you not know how foolish and naive it was to think that the era of screwing up your own life is over the moment you become an adult? how could you miss the fact that it's only ever going to get worse?

Since your birthday three/four/five years ago,

you have fallen in love,
fallen out of it,
perhaps even do the whole thing a few times over.
at the end of the day, you'll question if you will ever settle down and find the real thing.
if you are lucky enough to have found the real thing, somewhere along the line you will be too comfortable and forget that sustaining anything good involves a lot of effort. and thus make a mess of everything.
repeat cycle as many times as necessary.

you have realized that the course you are taking in university/college is not really what you want to be stuck doing for the rest of your life.

you have also come across the revelation that you are NOT one-of-a-kind or unique in any sense at all. you are just another face in the crowd.

you have had dreams of changing the world.
and those dreams have been shattered in front of your own eyes.
because the world and everyone in it (including yourself) is so fucked up and there's too many wrongs around you and there's nothing you can do to challenge the government and the society.

It is as it is.

You will find me in the shadow of things, and half-things, and ghost of things.

2011-06-27T03:51:00.000+08:00

They were young.
He was 18 and she was barely 17.
Pretty much the right ages for the lead of a story (albeit this story only resides in an unread blog).

They were at a beach,
looking at the waves from a semi-secluded spot,
where they could also see friends eating and singing around the bonfire.

They were laughing.
At some jokes that is long forgotten by now.

Mid-conversation, he looks up to her and asked
"do you know what time it is now?"

"Four. 422. Why? "

"Because i want to know the exact time i asked you to be my girlfriend."

Oh. I'm sorry i forgot to mention that this was going to be a short story.

I will always love you, so go easy on yourself.

2011-06-26T07:31:00.001+08:00

I know you don't want it to matter right now. That's why it matters the most.

I'm actually having one of the biggest writer's block I've ever had. I have tried approximately 74 times (this statistic is bound to be rigged with a pinch of exaggeration) to write a blog post, and failing ever so gracefully.

I am facing a huge loss.
And honestly saying, i dont know how to deal with it.
I go to class and read books and talk about life and humanity with my roommate in an attempt to fill the void, but a void becomes a void for a good reason.
Otherwise, it wouldve been filled with something else already.

Sometimes we live within memories, not realizing that memories are all we have.
Sometimes we get really good at distracting ourselves.
Sometimes we wish someone was here, and at others, we wish them the best.

Because after all,
......

you are expecting me to say something poignant that sounds deep and believable, arent you?
Come on,
you don't need me for that.
you don't need a random person on the net to tell you that everything is going to be fine in the end.
or that there's a very important reason for you to go through all that you've been through.

because deep down inside, you already know.

p/s : This one goes to Fasheeha Adnan, for getting me up from my lazy chair and out of my rut.

lost

2011-06-12T08:54:00.003+08:00

i did not stop writing because i dont care.
in fact, it's quite the opposite.
i stopped writing (as much) because i care too much.

i care that the society that we are living in is hypocritical in nature.
i care that people are selfish.
and i care that they are hard to please.

and i am part people, part society.
so yes, im aware that i am also a part of all the traits that i mentioned above.

picture this.
a couple is sitting side by side,
and lets say the girl tells the guy that she got a new job.
an opportunity of a lifetime - in another country.

so,

Situation A : he makes a fuss about it, because moving so far away insinuates jeopardizing the relationship. she gets upset because he's being selfish and asks herself why couldnt he just be happy for her.

Situation B : he smiles and congratulates her for getting the job. and he tells her to go for it. she gets upset because it seems like it didnt matter to him one bit being far away from her.

see? hard to please.

still not convinced?

okay, lets take the issue of cronyism.

If somebody gets a job over you because they know somebody important, you call it cronyism. but if you get that job over others because you know somebody important, then you call it networking.

Selective truthfulness - hypocrisy at its worst (or best?)

People are unpredictable, and they are constantly changing (as am I) and that scares me more than anything else. Because i never know if i've said too much or too little, if i have screwed up or if it's still fixable.

There are just too many things to be said, but I'm afraid i'm not in the best state of mind to say them all. Perhaps when I've gotten better, i'll come back and splash my soul to these pages. Perhaps.

In the meantime, just know that i still care and probably always will. I just need to find the words because as of now, I am kind of lost.

...

2011-06-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

it gets worse.
it gets infinitely worse.
your issues, your problems, your fears,
it gets worse when you refuse to face it.

take it from me.
ive been putting a brave face on for too long.
and the funny thing is, i didnt even realize that i was being in denial.
seems apt, no?
i was in denial that i was being in denial.
if these things were happening to someone else, i might even consider it as a LOL moment.
but since im the one who has to face all these, it doesnt tickle me all that much.

im running scared. all over the place.
because i dont even know in which direction im supposed to run.
and it is infinitely worse because i cant even confide in the one person who knows how to handle me in this state.

this sounds depressing, i know.
i sound depressed, i know.
but i really just need to rant.
because ive been hiding under this shadow for too long.
and i dont know what other way to go about this.

ahhhhhh tak tau lah.
tak tau nak kata apa dah.

Valentine's Day

2011-05-30T16:55:00.000+08:00

Red hearts strewn carelessly,
Perky umbrellas in the colourful cocktails,
The festive air consumes you each time you breathe it in.

Ladies in evening gowns
and pretty dresses
And the men, all clean shaven,
a bouquet in their hands.

'I Love You's and 'Be My Valentine's spread all over Hallmark cards.
And I,
I sit here gazing in the eyes of my past, my present and (hopefully) my future.
Laughter invading my face each time he cracks a joke.

And even though i know he might not stay for long,
tonight,
it's enough that he is with me.

Tonight, I am complete.

This.

2011-05-12T04:36:00.000+08:00

hey !
i need to tell you this
you need to find someone to feed you.
to make sure that you get fed.

and you need to find someone
who can make you smile
(because things are better when you smile, really, they are)
better than that,
someone who can bring out the quirk in your smile.

although, this person that you're gonna find?
she's gonna have to be okay with your shaggy hair
because that's one of your best parts
and i wouldn't change it for the world.

i dont understand why
you seem like you have the answer
but are refusing to share them with me
so you left me wondering

i dont understand why
you create a barrier between you and people
between you and me
between you and spaces

and i dont understand why
i think you're one of the best people i have had the chance to meet in this lifetime
i wish i had understood you more
i wish i had tried harder
i wish i had been enough

and so, i am sad, yes
but i do not regret This.
feeling This. and being This.

I am better because of This.

what i love

2011-05-02T22:31:00.001+08:00

1. sitting at a coffee place with a light book in hand, and great company that makes you laugh.

2. the sound of guitars that have just been tuned.

3. the feeling i get when i look at old pictures of me and realize how much Ive grown since then.

4. having silly crushes.

5. the idea of sitting in a neat cafe/bakery somewhere out of town in France, with old kitsch French songs playing in the background with a book in my hand and fresh croissants in front of me.

6. being near someone I like, and letting the smell of his perfume fill the space between us and intoxicate me.

7. the sound a sharp scissors make.

hello arsenal, it's been a while

2011-04-29T04:53:00.000+08:00

i think it's been blindingly obvious why i havent written about Arsenal in such a long time.
the team has been distant to me and i am merely reciprocating the gesture.

ive had a 6 years love-hate relationship with the club.
6 years.
and not once have i had the pleasure of jumping up and down with an imaginary trophy in hand.
and after a while, i guess i sort of have gotten used to it.

somehow though, being the optimist that i usually am,
i still have faith (even though it is diminishing fast).

Wenger claims that it's about time that the game changes.
Obviously it's about bloody time!

1st May shall determine everything.
Everything.

I'm Not Going to Think About Him

2011-04-25T05:35:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to think about him.

I'm not going to think about how he notices the stuff that I wear, and the books that I read and how he's always aware if I just bought myself something new.

I'm not going to think about how he scrunches his forehead in all seriousness when he's teaching me the proper way to kick a ball or how to strum the guitar.

I'm not going to think about how he compiles the advices that I gave him, and repeat them to me when I get stuck in the same predicament that he was previously in.

I'm not going to think about the fact that he always smells good. And how his smell always comforts me.

I'm not going to think about how he can completely pull me out of a rut just by showing his face and how he makes me feel better when I've had a crappy day.

I'm not going to think about how he knows me better than I know myself.

I'm not going to think about how he's not much of a talker and how most of the time, he keeps his thoughts to himself but somehow he always knows the right things to say at the right moments.

And I'm not going to think about the fact that I'm thinking of him the entire time I'm writing this list.

the line has been disconnected

2011-04-18T03:48:00.000+08:00

i dont know what to think.
i really dont know what to think.
but for once, i want to feel, and not think.

i dont know where this road is leading me to.

i dont know if im going to end up happily married to a guy that ive been in love with for the past 6 years.
or if that's not going to work out and that there is someone else out there who is going to make an honest woman out of me (plus 6 years worth of good memories to fall back on)
or if i'm never going to get married and adopt a bunch of cats instead.

i dont know.
and well, that's the whole point, isnt it?
not knowing but trying anyway.

but to what extend should you try?
how do you when to call it quits?
seriously, how do people know the location of that thin line between fighting and giving up that everyone is talking about?
I CANT SEE NO LINE!!

by the way, the light in my room is flickering.
it feels like an awful medieval discotheque lights.
and all it does is remind me of how lonely i feel.

p/s : im sorry, these days, ive gotten into the habit of not finishing my thoughts.

tu me manques

2011-04-17T14:47:00.000+08:00

Everyday,
as one heart flutters, another will break.

Oh, but when the heart flutters,
isn't that just the most precious feeling in the world?

When you go crazy from thinking about that person too much. Like, literally crazy.
When you can't stop wishing the phone will ring, and that person's name will appear on the screen.
When everything you see reminds you of that person,
and when everything you want to do, you'd like to do it with them.

And to all of you,
who just found love,
who just found hope,
who just found meanings,
you, my dear, are blessed.

And to all of you,
who just had a heart broken,
who just had a hope crushed,
who just had lost your way,
things, my dear, will be better.

of little little things that are huge

2011-04-12T06:13:00.001+08:00

i think i might have been to dark and murky these past few weeks.

*thunder blaring in the background*

wahahaha.

(eh, but seriously, it just started pouring heavily outside. frosty weather at 430 in the morning. awesome stuff)

you know, i like my hair now. the hair balances my unnaturally high testosterone level.
though i have to admit i sometimes miss my Justin Bieber-esque hair.

ala, time zaman zaman ni :

zaman muda rambut karat jiwa rancak.
hahahahaha.

it feels like an entire lifetime sometimes.
and the people around me, theyve orbited around too.

sesungguhnya, rindu teramat kat mereka mereka ni :

***

on another note, ive been promising myself (and my roommate) to clean up my pigsty of a room. ive still got 7 dozens books to read. at this point, i think im capable of giving Proscrastination a run for its money.

***

earlier today, i got upset because my 'Shift' button was acting up on me. It suddenly went apeshit and i was a lousy person to chat with for quite a bit (if i wasnt one already) what's with all the symbols working against me. i ended up winking when i just wanted to smile.

anyway, it's working now. (the way i see it, the computer fairy waved its wand and single-wandedly fixed the 'Shift' button). I got excited and began composing this post.

***

dimples

2011-04-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

being me can sometimes be unnecessarily confusing.
at times, i feel like an old hippie stuck in the middle of little kids,
and at others, i feel like a naive teenager amidst the adults.

either way,
the conversation is not headed in the direction i expected it to.
and somehow,
somehow,
i got lost in translation.

you known graphs?
i am now standing above the number zero.
at number 18, i can see myself moving on (and forward)
at number -4, i can see me being left behind

it makes moving harder than it seems.

.
.
.

on a totally (un)related news, if you have Rs. 50 000 in Bangalore, you can get yourself a dimple. :')

antara hidup antara semesta

2011-03-18T10:07:00.001+08:00

jika aku disuruh
memetik baris baris kata dari kotak minda
dan disuruh menyulam kata dengan rasa
ini lah yang akan tercipta :

hidup,
adalah gabungan antara -
kata putus, yang tercipta dari benak benak jiwa ;
percanggahan rasa, yang mula ada sejak wujud manusia ;
tangisan airmata, yang terbit tanpa dijangka ;
dan senyuman gembira yang datang tanpa dipelawa.

on top of my mind

2011-03-17T20:20:00.000+08:00

1. an average person falls asleep in 7 minutes.

i often have to lie down for hours, staring at the ceiling (entertaining wild thoughts) before i finally manage to move to Dreamland.

i dont know if that means i'm not average, or i'm not a person.

2. in French class, i learnt :

Il est bien, mais ses amis sont bizarres !

which means : he's all right but his friends are weird.

the lecturer said that this sentence is surprisingly useful. claims that she uses it everyday. being in Tronoh, i'm not surprised (and if you're wondering where Tronoh is, you've just proved my point heheh). Just saying.

3. lately, i keep finding myself on the brink of giving up. but each time, you pulled me away from the ledge. if it wasn't for you, i would've been able to tell you what is in the abyss by now. thank you for babysitting me.

4. I came across this video :

It's a French version of 'Hold Me Tight' by Les Baronnets. Sure, they aren't as good as The Beatles were but the song is still pretty cute.

5. as much as i try to remind myself, i keep forgetting that some things are unexplainable. these things ought to be left by itself for if you try too hard to make sense of it, before you know it, you will be carted off to a psychiatric ward. i should know, there has been too many nights in which i broke down crying simply because i was thinking too much and i couldnt make sense of the thoughts in my head.

6. do you realize that time passes by really fast when you're not doing anything? which sucks because it is when you're at your laziest and not in the mood to do anything that datelines try their hardest to smother you. and when you're taking the time to be as useful as humanly possible, that is when the weekend never seems to come around. whose idea was it again to have a 7 day week ?

Both Light and Shadow are the dance of Love.

2011-03-08T05:08:00.001+08:00

For any relationship to work,
it is important that you have Faith.
Even when it seems like Faith doesnt want anything to do with you.

To be able to trust and to understand is not everybody's forte.
But if you find someone who is willing to give just as much as you would, then perhaps you've stumbled onto something that a lot of people out there is still seeking for (and for some, still trying to believe in).

When it comes to this topic,
I'm just as clueless as the next person.
As years passed by, bringing with it an additional digit in my age, it becomes more and more important to me to try and figure it all out.

But the #1 rule of life is that it is unpredictable.

So, for the time being, this is all i can tell you.

1) Somebody once told me, sometimes it's a good thing to rock the boat a little just so you'll know that you are on the right boat and that the boat is strong enough, but don't overdo it because it might just topple over. Sometimes, in order to test whether or not you've made the right decision, you have to challenge it. Call it a test if you like.

But sometimes, in discovering whether or not you're on the right path, there is a possibility that you'll stray from your destination. The key is to delve into your heart and soul, but at the same time do not be too hard on yourself. You never know, you might be pushing something good away without you even realizing it.

2) HAVE FAITH at all times. It has to come from you because it is unfair to ask someone else to have faith for both of you. There might be a point in time in which the person's faith won't be enough to cover both your asses.

3) If you've come across someone that's good for you, don't let go of them in the search of someone better. There's always going to be someone better out there, ALWAYS. But that does not mean that they will be good for you. The grass will always be greener on the other side, and if you keep seeking for something better, you might lose something that is already the best for you.

4) For whatever reason, do not string someone along just because you're lonely. Don't give false hopes and by restraining from being selfish, hopefully you will be rewarded with happiness. Ive seen it happen before my eyes waaaay too many times already. People leading other people on for selfish reasons. It might be fun at first, but mark my words, if you are not sincere, it will end on a bitter note.

5) It's hard to let people in. But if you pick the right person, that one person could lift all your worries away and light your entire world. And to have that person let you in as well is something magical that money can't buy.

Are you fleeing from Love because of a single humiliation?
What do you know of Love except the name?
Love has a hundred forms of pride and disdain,
and is gained by a hundred means of persuasion.
Since Love is loyal, it purchases one who is loyal:
it has no interest in a disloyal companion.
-Rumi

6) At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason. If things go your way, simply be grateful and treasure it like a gift from God (which it is). If it doesn't, then you should figure out the errors in your way and right your wrongs. Shame on you if you refuse to learn from your mistakes. It can only make you a better, stronger person and that's a gift more precious than anything you could ever think to ask for.

7) It is NEVER too late. We all have regrets, but some of us still have enough time to erase them.

people can't be there for you, if you don't let them in.

2011-03-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

it's not fair that you wallow by yourself,
and you push people out,
and then you blame them for not being there for you.

it really is not fair.

people always leave. but sometimes they come back.

Speak when you're angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

2011-03-06T04:34:00.000+08:00

when you are angry, stay silent.
why?
becauseeeeee..

1) even though you're raging inside, the least you could do is to rage gracefully.
2) it gives you time to come up with good comebacks.
3) 99% of the time (excuse the made up statistic), you'll end up saying something you'll regret or something you dont mean or something that you simply cant take back or something that .. well you get the drift
4) angry people dont look good. (dont believe me? go ahead! scrunch your forehead and flare your nostrils in front of the mirror. and THEN you tell me whether or not you look good!)
5) because you wouldnt want me taunting you later with 'I-Told-You-So's, would you?

;)

Mesej komuniti ini dibawakan kepada anda oleh Jabatan Kesihatan Mental.
Sila take note.

i miss writing for the sake of writing.

2011-03-02T02:27:00.000+08:00

i do.
writing without any pretense has it's own ways of liberating you.
you know, some people attempt suicide in the search of freedom, some write.

okay.
that sounds a bit grim.
hahaha.

ive been somewhat trapped in between growing up and craving for the ability to freeze time.
it's kind of a limbo, really. (not the same ones like in Inception)
there has been plenty of contentment and just as much confusion.
and i guess for the longest while, i havent been able to put it into words.

im rambling now, arent i?
you know, i tend to ramble when im sleepy (not that i am at the moment, though). i'll talk nonsense (and non-stop) until at some point i realize that i'm not making any sense at all.

i'd then go all

'am i making any sense to you? cuz im not making much sense to myself. i have the tendency to do this each time im sleepy. are you following what im saying? cuz if you're not, perhaps you should force me to go to sleep. that way, you can skip the whole rambling session...'

and ill go on and on until somebody either :

a) stop me

b) pop sleeping pills in my mouth/drink

c) hand me a pillow

see. there i go again.
perhaps i am sleepy after all and was just being in denial.
pillow. now. please.

Random #4 : My Favourite Book

2011-02-20T00:04:00.001+08:00

If you ask me (i know you didnt, but shh! it's a matter of expression, so just let me be will ya?) I honestly think that reading widens a person's perspective and makes them more mature when it comes to analyzing issues.

I don't just mean books specifically. Any kind of reading material should be able to give you that extra edge that you need to be a better prepared person to deal with Life in all its forms.

Anyway. My friends and I went book shopping a few hours back (right after we got back from eating strawberries on top of Cameron Highlands no pics sorry kitorang miskin takde camera). BARGAIN ALERT!

I managed to get my hands on a vintage copy of Romeo and Julia (that's not a typo), which was 'DI-CHETAK DI-SEMENANJONG TANAH MELAYU' in 1960. Yeah, you guessed right. It was a copy of Romeo and Juliet translated into Bahasa by a certain Trisno Sumardjo.

What i love about this tattered issue is that it kind of reminded me of 'Hikayat 1001 Malam' that was also translated into BM that i read when i was a kid. That wasnt even the best part! The best part is that it only cost me RM4. I have no idea whether the translation is any good as I havent even taken my copy out of it's glorious plastic wrapping yet, but i'll let you know how it goes once im through with it.

Back to what i was saying previously, I always find myself daydreaming about a future in which i have read ten-folds the amount of books that I already have at this point of time. I imagine the kind of person I'd be then and the kinds of new things that I wouldve discovered via reading.

Truth be told, I am kinda looking forward to seeing what that version of me would be like.

Back to the topic of the post, there are two reasons why i'd dig a book (as much as i would a hot hunk). It would be either because it's so well written that it becomes a source of entertainment for me, or, it could be because it is in some way, life changing (or to be less dramatic and more politically correct : thought-provoking).

And, duh! Having too many choices to pick from makes it all that much harder to pinpoint my favourite book. I love Palahniuk's books, Haunted more than the others. I love Ben Elton's books as well, for the strong points that he brings forward through such pleasing form of language. But at the same time, I also dig The Little Prince (i dont care that it's a book for kids, it is AWESOME when it comes to classifying the different kinds of people you see around you!) and If Only It Were True (which, for me, is like the written equivalent of the film 'Ghost', only better).

Angela's Ashes was one of the first books that opened my eyes to oppression and stereotypes. A Man Named Dave introduced me to the topic of Abuse. Reading 120 Malay Movies gave me a clearer insight of both the filming industry and the Malay culture (and how obsessed we are about being subtle in every aspects).

Oooooh.

I've got it! The most recent book that got me thinking on a loop will be Isa Kamari's Intercession. Seeing as the story involves the act of combining Science and Religion, i could only imagine how hard it was for him to finish the story and to present it to us readers the way that it has been presented. I do not suggest the book for those weak at heart. Haha. (Intercession is to the Muslims SORT OF what Da Vinci's Code was to the Christians. In the sense that it is controversial.)

By the way, I came across BFM's podcast. And I figured i should share with you this particular segment where they discussed 'The Most Overrated Books'. Give it a listen! I think it's a kick-ass discussion that needs to be heard by book lovers worldwide. CLICK HERE.

lain macam punya culture shock

2011-02-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

In Malaysia, the term 'culture shock' is often associated with people who has led a very sheltered life and was then exposed to hedonism at its best.

Oh yes, i have been shocked by cultures before.

I was 12 and it was my first day in high school. I did not understand the term 'couple'. My knowledge in music was non-existant. I could barely converse in English and i did not know the first rule of socializing.

Yeah, i was THAT naive.

Coming from a different primary school than most of the kids there, i was hoping i could start fresh and not be the number one target of the bullies. (in primary school, i was given a hard time for not keeping up with the latest gossip of 'Nsync and not knowing what TLC stands for)

No such luck.

As i walked in with my parents on the Orientation Day, students who passed us by kept wishing my parents 'Good morning, sir' 'Good afternoon Madam'. Yeah. And my parents were beaming, everyone in the school is so polite! And they speak such fluent English! Obviously they would be a great influence to me.

On Monday, as i stood by myself in the middle of the huge assembly area, I could see a bunch of Form Fivers hugging each other, catching up on each other's end-of-the-year vacation. I saw a good looking guy embracing a super model lookalike tightly, kissing her on the cheeks, right in front of the row of schoolteachers.

I dont know what i was expecting. Perhaps from the stories Ive heard about other schools, i half-guessed that one of the teachers would walk to them and smack them on the head for 'inappropriate behaviour'. Nobody seemed to care.

A few weeks into the semester, a gossip was going round, saying that one of the girls in the next class has proudly announced that she was finger-effed (please pardon the language, this is just for the sake of telling the story) by another classmate.

And i didnt know the F word. I didnt understand the concept. I didnt know what to make out of that piece of rumour flying about.

Almost every weekend, i would hear about some party somebody's throwing. But i was never invited, so it was never my concern. Heck, even if i was, my parents would not have allowed me to attend anything that involves dirty dancing at that tender age.

There were all kinds of people. 15 year old boys who drove Skyline to school, trying to provoke the seniors to race him. There were people making out in classrooms after school (so u really had to be careful upon entering any deserted rooms after hours). There were cliques like the ones you see in Hollywood movies depicting a typical American school. There were the handball team who went to tournaments dolled from top-to-toe in complete, matching Nike baby-Ts, pants and shoes (it seemed then as if Nike was the main sponsor for our team).

The opponent team often mocked our school with statements like 'ek eleh, ni nak main handball ke nak pergi model ni?' hahahahahah.

I vividly remember a particular Bahasa Malaysia class. The teacher was trying to explain 'kabus' but nobody seemed to understand what the word meant. Eventually, she went 'dont you guys know what fog is? Haaaa, that is what kabus means!' It was entertaining! All this while, ive been hearing about English teachers who has had to teach in Malay, and there i was, sitting in the midst of a reversed situation.

I was in the Entrepeneur Club, and there was this one project that we worked on where we make bracelets and sold them to raise money for the club. One time, i lost my pliers and couldnt complete a particular bracelet on time. The girl who ordered the bracelet then confronted me asking for the bracelet. I explained the situation to her, to which she practically shouted (in front of the entire class),

"Bitch!! I dont care if your pliers are missing! My bracelet was supposed to be done by now! Are you stupid, bitch?? Next time, if you cant follow through, dont attempt to start a business in the first place!!"

I was traumatized by that particular episode for years. These days, I could just laugh about it along with the person who terrorized me but back then, it was a bleak memory that petrified me to no ends.

Despite ALL of the stories i've just told you (and a lot more that i havent), i loved the school from the core of my heart. Apart from the random bitchiness, they were mostly pleasant people who was horrifyingly intelligent. A friend of mine, at the age of 13 wrote to the publisher of countless History books, pointing out facts and details that they have gotten wrong. She was in love with the Renaissance era and was reading Russian literature (she even tried to get me to read them too but it was a tad bit too heavy for me back then)

They were in general, open to opinions and they respect other people's views of the world. Heated discussions are inevitable but at the end of the day, you learn that you don't necessarily have to be right all the time. It is when you do not have any opinions that it becomes Hades for you.

All in all, being there gave me a wider perspective of life. It taught me to stand up to those who put me down and to have my own voice in stating opinions. I was taught to not be too much of an orthodox when it comes to assessing situations and that everyone is different in their own ways and the least you can do is respect that and simply agree to disagree.

Life in university was an even bigger shock for me. But lets save that story for another day, shall we? Penat lah type.

God does not change men's condition unless they change their inner selves.

2011-01-29T02:45:00.002+08:00

I am the kind of person who cannot handle rejection of any kind. The fear of things not going my way is then used as a cork to stop me from taking any form of action.

For example, i've had the idea to write a story for quite sometime now. I've got the characters and the plot all mapped out, but somehow, out of the fear that i am not able to construct the plot well enough or not being able to narrate the story well to the point that i'm a disappointment to my writer self, i refuse to get started.

I refuse to click on the 'New Document' button and type my thoughts away. It sounds pathetic, yes. Most of the time, i would avoid my problems, half expecting that it will sort itself out if i just leave it there long enough (which we all know is absolute crap).

I mean, this is hardly a scene in Cinderella where a Fairy Godmother flicks her wand, chants 'Bippity Boppity Boo' and POOF! the pumpkin changes into an obscenely fabulous carriage!

Despite being aware of all that, it's not really a habit I could kick. Regardless of how many times i tell myself that it's better to simply face the inevitable and change along with the circumstance, my entire body will automatically stiffen when the mind gives out the command.

Though, if there's one thing that i learnt this week, perhaps the same shit is happening to you because you keep making the same mistakes in dealing with it. For as long as you refuse to learn from your mistakes, adapt to it and change your ways, your problems will never go away.

And if it provides any additional incentive to get you going, the relief that you get the moment you start taking control of the situation, is completely monumental!

I actually have plenty more to say but at the moment, I'm kind of distracted thinking about how my friends are doing in Egypt. And the fact that the online media restriction that our government plans to impose on us is looking frighteningly like what's happening in Egypt now is of no assurance whatsoever.

Give me a good few hours to finish reflecting. Perhaps then, i will be back to share silly stories instead of talking about life 'revelations' which might have just put a few of you guys reading to sleep already. Tee hee.

Til next time! :)

only believers go to heaven?

2011-01-26T03:59:00.000+08:00

for the past two months or so,
i have had to take my sister to the hospital every other day for her physiotherapy appointment.
(she had a bad swimming accident, during which she almost got her finger cut into two. she's fine now if that's what you're wondering. just remember, dont wear rings when you swim! dont say i didnt warn you!)

anyway.
during one of the visits, we got to talking with this old Chinese uncle.
from talking about the Reproduction Chapter of high school Science, we somehow ended up talking about religion.

the uncle then told us about one of his encounter with a Catholic friend.
the friend preached to him about his religion and claimed "You have to embrace it because anyone other than the believers will NOT make it to heaven!"

the uncle then thought for a while and replied, "Well, in that case i dont want to go to heaven! All of my friends are from other religions."

sebab ni lah aku nak tinggal kat New York bai.

2011-01-25T03:43:00.000+08:00

tahu tak, jadi manusia tak berduit tu sesungguhnya sangat lah tak best?
tahu tak?
mesti lah tahu kan.

bila nak beli lollipop harga 80 sen satu pun tergaru-garu kepala (yang tak gatal).
sudahnya, tabung adik jugak yang jadi mangsa.
takpa takpa.
dah kerja nanti, kena ganti balik 15 kali ganda amount yang dah dikorek keluar dalam keadaan darurat dan terpaksa.
hmph.
alasan nak sedapkan hati.

paling benci bila sedar status diri yang tak berduit merupakan punca utama tak boleh nak pergi Negara Singa untuk menghedonismakan diri di Laneway Festival hujung bulan ni.

macam perah limau nipis atas hati yang berdarah bila dah spend lebih 3 bulan mendengar lagu lagu Foals, Temper Trap, Blonde Redhead, Ladyhawke, Holy Fuck, !!! , Warpaint SAHAJA sebab konon kononnya nak get in the mood.

Sudahnya, mood dah terlebih lebih,
perginya tak jugak.

Kesian passport, kegersangan cop dari Singapura.
Haih.

Weh, ada siapa siapa baik hati nak belanja tiket Laneway? :)

Education System in Malaysia is flawed.

2011-01-12T23:14:00.001+08:00

A pretty heavy title huh?

Pardon my lack of creativity in making up a more enticing headline, but I don't have time for flowers and rainbows. I need to type this out before my writing juice (and patience - ive been sitting on a very rigid, uncomfortable chair for the past 10 hours or so) dries up.

I've never been a big fan of politics.

But IF (that's a huge IF there), in the future, I find myself chucked into the middle of politics battle, I'd run straight to the Ministry of Education and attempt to be the last Gladiator standing.

Why?

Because i think our education system is seriously flawed.

And it's about bloody time somebody does something about it.

Take, for example, our History class. I still remember being fourteen and having a lioness for a History teacher. She used to make us read a whole chapter and write out notes summarizing said chapter.

That homework compromised the wellbeing of my wrist. I wouldve sued the teacher for exposing me to the threats of Carpal Tunnel if only ive learnt about the term back then (perhaps i wouldve heard of Carpal Tunnel if it wasnt for the restrictive education system).

I probably wouldnt have complained if writing those dates and stories and eccentric names meant that i would be a walking History textbook. But considering all that we did during those days were to copy out shortened notes from the Sasbadi reference book, i can't say that i picked up much.

Now compare it with the way Americans and Australians learn History. They'd have an open debate where students take up the cause of previous Presidents/Prime Ministers and argue back and forth on said issues.

The way we do it in Malaysia is simply by reading (memorizing, more like) through one source of book (read : the textbook). But wey hey! All the easier to indoctrinate thoughts in the society eh?

Effi Nazrel, better known as Obefiend has presented the matter in shorter paragraphs than i can possibly try, so READ THIS to get a better gist of what i'm trying to say.

Why can't we have an open-ended question for our History lessons? For example (aish, you people always want examples kan? Cannot take my word for what it is kan? Haha), 'During the economic downfall in 1997, the former Prime Minister, Tun Mahathir Mohamad refused to take loans from the IMF. Discuss if you agree or disagree with his action in terms of Malaysia's economic condition in less than 350 words.'

Whether the student agree or disagree, points should be given on how well-researched the essays are and the amount of solid facts based on reliable sources included in the answer.

Edited : After some points brought up by Mr. GGK, I'd like to point out that the example i headlined above is merely that - an example. By this, im trying to say that i am not encouraging Politics 101 to be taught in schools. With that said, here's another example that will encourage research :

Explain the difference between strategies (whether it is by physical force or psychology stratagem) used by the Portuguese, Dutch, British and Japanese in their attempt to infiltrate Malacca.

That way, students will be forced to do their own research and along the way, they will probably pick up a new information or two. Over time, we will all be smarter and well-informed instead of being a blind nation that simply believes whatever they see and hear without giving it any further thought.

In case you have not noticed, even our essays comes with a meticulously outlined complete guide that consists of the Introduction, 5 Main Points of Argument and the Conclusion. Isnt that proof enough that the system should be made obsolete?

I still remember those chunky books with '350 Contoh Karangan Terbaik SPM' and '150 Model Essays for SPM' plastered all over its front pages.

Dude!!

Writing an essay is supposed to be all about letting your creative juice flow!

What's the point of having an essay-based question in the examination if the topics of the essays are the same year in year out. Plus, the answers can easily be obtained from a whole bunch of books ready to be copied to paper. Seriously, tell me, what's the point??

I remember a friend telling me that he came across a bunch of people who could barely speak decent English and yet has gotten A1 for their SPM English paper (for 1119 too!!). Turns out, back in the days of SPM, what they did was memorize essays from said books word-by-word.

Do you understand my frustration now?

Essentially, studying is supposed to ensure that you become more knowledgeable. And i think it's safe to say that an 'A' on a scrap of paper is NOT a gauge of your intellect level.

No wonder lah Malaysia is filled with plagiarists.

Exam punya essay pun tiru sebiji sebiji from buku, ini kan pulak blog posts orang and other people's work.

Haha.

back from hibernation

2011-01-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

1. sorry for having been gone for so long. ive been happy and distracted, that's why.

2. i finally have something to be depressed about, and thus am back scribbling and typing away.

3. no, im not gonna tell you what is it that im depressed about, so that should save 5 seconds of your time that it takes to ask me the dreaded question. perhaps a lil bit later, when i'm not feeling as peaky as i am now? :)

4. 2010 has been utterly dreadful to me, and for the past 11 days, ive been living in the fantasy that 2011 will be the my Resurrection Year. It doesnt look too good now, but i'm forecasting better days to come give and take a few months.

5. Life is uncertain and it sucks that we have to waddle through the uncertainties. But im pretty sure that the only reason we keep ending up at dead ends is that we have yet to learn from our mistake and made the best decision there is.

6. I am thinking of writing a novel. Do you guys think i should? I mean, if i were to write one, would any of you consider forking a small sum of your hard earned cash simply to read my ramblings? Eh ni honest question ni tau. I need answers so jawab laa eh if that's not too much to ask for. Hehe.

7. This is actually just a mock post to let you guys know that im virtually back from my month long hibernation. Am gonna finish the real post that has been sitting as a draft sampai dah berhabuk dah pun. Mneyh.

Later people.

Love,
Tasha

small things and big gestures

2010-11-29T03:12:00.000+08:00

you know how they call the first few months of relationship the 'honeymoon period'?
it's not surprising, considering that the romance level will decrease by a few notches post-honeymooning.

i think this (after the honeymoon period is over) is where we greedy humans often go wrong.
it is at this point that we tend to focus on the big gestures that says 'I LOVE YOU' and stop noticing the small things.

I read Amir Muhammad's story in Rojak where he recalled a certain memory from his childhood.
He was standing outside of a mosque with his father after prayer, simply waiting for his mother to come out. While they were waiting, he noticed his dad picking up his mother's shoes and simply moved the shoes so that it would face the other direction. That way, when his mother comes out from the mosque, she wouldnt have to fiddle with her shoes. Instead she could put it on right away. And that was the first time Amir realized that his father loves his Ummi.

That got me thinking, me being as selfish as I am, i'm pretty sure there are dozens of little things that i haven't been grateful for.

To take one small example, i love to talk (im sure you are also tired of hearing me repeat this fact). Sometimes, when i'm on a roll, i just cannot stop.
I need to talk just for the sake of talking, without having anything substantial to talk about.

There has been plenty of times when Rambut Kembang is too tired to talk to me.
He would then ask me to sit by the couch where he sleeps and read him a story.
That way, i get to talk, but he doesnt have to respond.

I'm starting to think that those small things might actually mean more than big gestures.
It's awesome, really, how something so small that it's almost insignificant can actually determine how far you can go.

aku, dia dan ...

2010-11-20T07:22:00.000+08:00

pagi pagi sejuk baru lepas hujan macam ni,
mesti tak sah kalau tak reminisce zaman zaman lalu.
kadang-kadang bila ingat balik drama yang dah jadi,
rasa macam tak boleh comprehend the kind of journey that you've had.

tapi sebab tu lah teenagers are stupid.
sebab memang they are meant to be.
so that they will do stupid stuff that will teach them a lesson
yang akan jadikan mereka semua smart adults.

memang cycle dia vicious that way.
terima je lah.

nak dengar cerita?

saya tak tahu lah kenapa,
dan macam mana,
saya boleh tercicirkan hati, bila;
tertentang saya dengan bulatnya mata
terkelu saya dengan senyum manisnya

saya memang teramatlah kagum
sebab tak pernah saya jumpa species serefreshing itu
seolah olah selama ni saya hidup dalam dunia 2 dimensi
dan tiba tiba dimensi ketiga dibentangkan depan mata

saya macam tak sangka
bagai bulan jatuh ke riba
haha
rasa gembira tapi tak faham apa yang saya dah buat untuk deserve rasa sedemikian rupa

tapi,
biasalah
kadang kadang gembira tu tak datang lama
sebelum diganti dengan kecewa

walaupun sedih tetap ada
tapi saya baru sedar bahawa bersyukur sajalah
sebab ; sekurang kurangnya, yang sempat ada cumalah memori indah saja
jadi takkan ada yang dapat tarnish imaji imaji yang dah terlekat dalam kepala

so, perhaps, it was for the best after all
kalau ada, bagus lah tu
kalau takde, adalah yang lebih baik yang menunggu

:)

at the end of the day, win-win juga kan?
jadi gopoh- gapah sangat pun tak guna juga.
hehe

sabarlah si atheist, sabarlah si anak muda.

2010-11-17T04:23:00.000+08:00

berbagai macam isu berlegar legar dalam kepala
sampai tak mampu nak pilih yang mana satu nak diluahkan.

dari isu si atheist yang bencikan ibadah puasa,

ke isu anak anak muda (fuh, cakap mcm la dah tua sangat. hahah) bercumbu di tengah kota.

bagi yang dah tahu, elok lah tu.
bagi yang belum tahu, maaf, saya tak mahu tambahkan malu.

dua isu yang essence nya berbeza

tapi dari segi reaksi penonton, teramat lah sama

dua golongan yang dilabel berdosa

direjam dihina umat manusia

(ni apasal cakap nak rhyme ni? ngahahahaha)

entah la. bila tengok reaksi para pembaca,

yang rata rata nya mencaci mencerca

seolah olah tak pernah berdosa

rasa sayu tak terkata.

agama Islam, adalah seindah-indah agama
yang mana penganutnya penuh dengan kasih sayang dan kelembutan
yang mana tutur kata bisa melembutkan hati golongan yang tak percaya
tapi secara generalnya,sekarang ni, susah betul nak nampak kelembutan dan humility tu.

asal nampak benda/orang yang lari sedikit dari landasan normal,

terus ramai ramai balingkan hujah-hujah (yang agak repetitive dan sama in essence)

"astaghfirullahhalazim budak budak zaman sekarang"

"ni perangai mcm ni memang kafir. neraka je la tempat kau"

"mak bapak tak ajar la ni, jadi macam ni."

"baik mati je daripada menyusahkan agama macam kau ni"

"bodoh bangang sial (sila tambah carutan di sini) punya orang. kau tak malu ke weh?"

jawab ini sejujur jujur nya:

Who are we to play God?
Apakah kelayakan kita untuk tentukan syurga neraka seseorang? Untuk menjatuhkan hukum mati? Untuk melabelkan orang sebagai kafir?
Fasih sangat kah kita untuk memfitnah orang lain bahawa mereka tidak mendidik darah daging dengan benar?

Sigh.

Dalam banyak banyak isu sosial, pada saya, keberanian memaki hamun dan melontar fitnah di balik skrin komputer adalah isu yang paling menyedihkan sekali.

Oh, saya bukan cuba kata kan yang saya manusia yang sempurna,
dan semua orang lain adalah salah dan saya seorang saja yang betul.

Jauh sekali.

Saya sendiri terlalu banyak kesilapan, terlalu naive, terlalu daif ilmu di dada.
Tapi kalau guna akal yang ada, it is pretty obvious that cara yang halus itu selalunya lebih berkesan dari cara yang kasar.
Kalau pun teringin di hati nak menegur, biarlah dengan cara yang betul.
Biarlah dengan rasa hormat, bukannya rasa superior kepada orang yang dinasihati.

Because when you advise anyone with respect, it shows.

And when you do it while bearing in mind that you are better than the other person, it will also show.

Hanya teguran dengan rasa hormat saja yang bakal membuatkan hujah-hujah kamu diterima juga dengan rasa hormat.

Ahhhhh. banyak lagi sebenarnya rasa rasa yang tak mampu nak ditulis.

Rasa rasa yang belum ada perkataan tercipta untuk explain with pen and paper.

Harap harap saya sentiasa ingat.

Untuk tidak mengclassifykan orang dalam category category apa pun
Untuk tidak cepat melatah
Untuk tidak memaki hamun sesedap rasa
Untuk tidak cepat membenci dan mengata.

:)

to you awesome women

2010-11-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

Dear Baizulikha and Zalikha,

this is for you beautiful (inside and out) ladies.

Such was Zuleika, such around her shone
The nameless charms unmarked by her alone -
The light of love, the purity of grace,
The mind, the Music breathing from her face,
The heart whose softness harmonized the whole,
And oh! that eye was in itself a soul!

The Bride of Abydos,
Lord Byron

#3 : My Favourite Television Programme

2010-11-15T02:21:00.000+08:00

this post is dedicated to Igniz.


the best combination of six people in the entire world

If you've never heard of the show before, I only have one thing to say to you :
WELCOME TO PLANET EARTH.

I grew up watching FRIENDS.
But it wasnt until 6 years ago that i started watching the show religiously.

In UTP, in the beginning of each semester, ill start watching the show from the Pilot episode and work my way through the 10 seasons. Usually, in 4 months, i wouldve finished watching it at least twice.

I mean, what is there not to love?
Exactly. Nothing.

The jokes are out of the world and original.
The characters are all both charming and weird at the same time.
The mere ease of them blending in together with each other.
The way they make you reaching out for tissues at the end of each season.

All my life,
this is all ive ever wanted.
this is all im asking for.

people who are there during the breakups and the proposals.
friends who stick through the fights and the makeups.
soulmates whom you want around you at all occasions.

i can talk about Friends day in day out.
i could make this post go on and on til you would start cussing at me for writing such a long piece that nobody wants to read (which is why, im trying hard not to start talking about favourite episodes).

this is the only TV series that made it 10 seasons and stayed awesome throughout the way.

p/s : i suka The One Where Joey Speaks French. kelakar gila tolong lah.

dari perempuan kepada perempuan

2010-11-14T15:10:00.000+08:00

sungguh,

yang sudah berpunya memang lazimnya lebih menarik hati

yang bukan mudah dipetik yang itu menjadi keinginan abadi

tapi,

beringat ingat lah,

Tuhan itu Maha Adil.

bilamasa kau cuba mencari ruang untuk menjadi orang ketiga

dan bilamasa hubungan terjalin atas kesedihan orang lain

ketika itulah namamu akan termaktub dalam buku karma

jika benar dia memang tercipta untukmu

dan engkau dicipta untuknya

tak perlu lah bermuslihat segala,

tak perlu juga rebutkan dia

yang pasti, tak akan kemana.

jangan lah buka pekung di dada

jangan lah menangis meronta ronta

jangan mengejar jangan memaksa

nanti terjatuh terngadah sudahnya

aku faham apa kau rasa

aku juga pernah disana

tapi biarlah kena niat dan cara

tak perlu lah main redah saja

oh Tuhan, benci nya bila lapar macam ini

2010-11-14T02:13:00.000+08:00

bila ada harimau mengaum dalam perut
sambil cakar cakar
segala usus, segala isi

bila mula terbayang bayang segala macam jenis makanan.
hari-hari biasa, makanan dah terhidang depan mata pun eksyen tak nak makan.
tiba-tiba malam ni teringin nak homemade sandwich yang ada Pistachio Chicken slice dan cheese sekeping dua dan cili sos dan mayo yang melimpah ruah.

tapi ini Tronoh.
Bukan Toronto.
jadi pada pukul 2.06 pagi, bila tiba tiba teringin benda bukan bukan macam tu, jangan harap lah ada supermart buka 24 hours nak layan kerenah perut.

ok fine.
beli burger Ramly pun ok jugak.
tapi tak boleh.
sebab hujan.
dan bila hujan lebat, abang yang selalunya buka burger stall tak jadi buka kedai,
sebab kalau dia buka jugak, nanti baju basah kuyup kena hujan.

dekat Petronas UTP ni dulu patutnya ada McD.
Tapi tak jadi.
sebab ada pihak-pihak yang tulis surat bangkang pembukaan McD sebab itu franchise orang Yahudi, maka kita tak boleh support dan biar mereka untung besar dan guna duit tu untuk attack orang Islam.

mangsanya? saya yang kelaparan pukul 2 pagi sebab takde tempat lain jual burger 24 jam.
saya pun Islam jugak!
huhuhu.

uish. panjang nya rant pasal lack of makanan.

kan, lagi senang kalau tulis :

AKU LAPAR WOI.

settle.

i love him cuz he makes me laugh

2010-11-13T22:14:00.002+08:00

Rambut Kembang and I were having dinner (Char Kuey Teow, big yum alert) and was interrupted by a cat meow-ing at his feet.

He threw out a few prawn skins and watched intently while the cat gobbled it up.
I, on the other hand, was staring at him staring at the cat.

Him : Why are you looking at me like that?

Me : Saja. Suka. You tengok kucing tu, penuh dengan humanity. Heheh.

Him : Humanity apanya? I kesian la tengok dia lapar.

Me : Betul lah. You were looking at the cat with more kasih sayang in your eyes daripada you tengok i. Hahah.

He looks up from the cat and gazed at me.

"Minum lah air tu. Minum lah. I nak pandang you dengan penuh kasih sayang and humanity ni "

he says while looking at me without blinking. Tak kelip mata okay.

dia pandang mcm ni serious tak tipu.

of P. Ramlee and how Malaysians don't learn from past mistakes

2010-11-12T05:50:00.002+08:00

cewah.
title blog tak nak panjang gila kan?
haha.

i saw the documentary of P. Ramlee on History channel.

(mula mula tension sebab Si Rambut Kembang tukar channel sebab masa tu tengah excited nak tengok cerita apa tah kat 413 haha. nasib baik the documentary was well worth it).

Lepas habis tengok, terus terkilan tertekan.

The man was a legend.
But he did not get the recognition and treatment that he deserved until long after his death,
which pretty much doesnt count dah kan?

(and after all these years of idolizing him, i never knew this!)

1. He was the 'anak ikan' of Shaw Brothers. A successful man like him are bound to be subjected to evil glares of others. Having been given special treatment over all the other directors, he became the bull's eye of their dart boards. Using their connection with the media, they managed to curb stories about P. Ramlee's success and brilliance from reaching the society.

2. He was well recognized internationally, but was criticized in Malaya.

3. During the Pop Yeh Yeh era, P. Ramlee was boo-ed on stage because his songs were already 'lapuk' by then and nobody wanted to listen to them.

4. After producing more than 360 songs for EMI, they one decided to tell him 'im sorry, we're not going to continue your contract with us because your album dah tak laku'.

aaaaah, the list of frustration goes and on and on.
just typing about it is giving me a headache.
and considering that i need my sanity so that i can study for my final exams, i shall stop listing it out.
you can read about it here and here if you're curious.

My point is, some things never change.

Allahyarham P. Ramlee was recognized at an international level, but he was shunned by his own countrymen. On the day that he died, there weren't even any food at home. Saloma didn't even have enough money to pay for his funeral. And his family couldn't even claim the royalty for his songs because even though he wrote the whole thing by himself, it wasnt copyrighted under his name.

It's just sad to know that 'our people' has been acting like this from dulu sampai la sekarang.
At the sight of somebody being more successful, we freak out and do all we can to bring that person down.

Ugh. Ugh.

I take the 'we' back in the statement above.

(i initially thought that using 'we' would make it seem less like i'm pointing fingers at others, but being included in 'we' makes me feel disgusted with myself)

Surprise surprise,
Yasmin Ahmad was treated pretty much the same.
The genius in her movies were often misconstrued as something that it is not.
Her films are sought-after on an international level, and yet Malaysia refused to show her films as they are 'controversial'.
It was only after her death that they decided to air it.

I've lost my mood.

Can't write what i originally wanted to write.

So im gonna stop now.

Bye.

P/s : BTW, check out Amir Muhammad's article on P. Ramlee foreseeing the future that is Facebook here.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

2010-11-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

If you got here expecting to read a medical observation, you are in the wrong place.
This is just a rant, with no solid facts at all.
Go on. Hit the 'X' button, i will not be offended, i promise.
:)

anyway,

ive had a few telltale symptoms of OCPD.

then again, maybe it is just a few perfectionist traits due to my being born under the Virgo sign

but then OCPD sounds more fun!

heheh. so im gonna stick to it.

im getting giddy, so im listing out a few of my quirks :

1. each time i write notes for class or exams, it has to have more than one colour. that is why i never go to class without my colour pens. in fact, it is so bad there was this one time that i had only just covered one out of ten topics for my paper which was due the next day, and i refused to simply doodle some quick notes using just my pencil. even though im just rewriting other people's notes or doing past year papers, the answer has to be neatly written in at least two colours. otherwise, i wouldnt be able to remember what ive written.

2. the work that i send in has to be perfect by my standard. lets say ive got an assignment that consists of 3 questions. if i only manage to get the answers for two of the questions, but not for the last one, i would rather not send in the assignment at all. -_-'

3. my room is a mess most of the time. but each time i want to study, the room has to be spick and span. (kalau tak, memang jam, baca apa pun tak kan boleh masuk). that is probably why last minute studying has proven to be ineffective in my case. because ill spend more time cleaning the pig-sty of a room than actually studying.

4. at certain times, i will have a random need to read a certain book out loud. i dont know why, but i just have to do it. during this 'storytelling' phase, i will read a book and each time i mispronounce a word, i have to re-read from the top page. it is tedious and seriously annoying but i seriously cant stop doing it.

5. every single time i park my car, after a few seconds, ill walk back towards the car to make sure that ive locked it. and it's pathetic because i know for sure that the first thing i do after getting out from the car is to lock it. yet, i have to make sure. every single time. it doesnt sound so bad if im just a few steps away from the car when the compulsion hits me. but sometimes ill be in the shopping mall, a few floors away from where i parked my car, and like it or not, i just have to walk back to the car to make sure that it has been locked. it's either that or i have to spend the rest of the time worrying about my car being stolen.

this is getting a tad bit long and a tad bit embarrassing. so im gonna stop.

have YOU got OCD/OCPD tendency? ;)

Minggu ni Arsenal tak berapa handsome?

2010-11-10T17:06:00.000+08:00

i was watching Champion's League highlights tadi.

tiba tiba tension sebab Arsenal tak capable of playing a fast-paced game (well, ok perhaps Walcott was fast and he did overrun the two Shakhtar Donesk players, but we lost the game anyway didnt we?)

maybe i should stop following EPL and support Ajax and just watch Champion Leagues instead.

it's a tempting thought.

for a start, i dont have to be frustrated with Arsenal week in week out.

aaaaand, the MU fans would probably get off my back over games that funnily enough, i do not play in but somehow get made fun of.

GARR.

sense of loyalty hmph!.

-_-'

(hahaha bitter gila ntah apa apa ntah)

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book

2010-11-09T07:03:00.003+08:00

Ika's mom is going to move to Labuan soon and she would be leaving all her books behind. Being a sucker for freebies, I hogged three huge paperbags of books that should last me til next June or so.

I have just finished lining them up on the rack (according to height!) and am about to cry because it already looks like a mini library :')
crying over a book shelf would definitely put me under the 'psycho' list, so ive decided to blog about it instead (as a way to stop the tears from making a debut).

And yes, a part of me just wants to show off. :P

1) State of Fear - Michael Crichton
2) The Terminal Man - Michael Crichton
3) Noble House - James Clavell
4) Absolute Proof - Stephen Frey
5) Justice - Faye Kelleman
6) Life of Pi - Yann Marcel
7) Primary Colours - Anonymous
8) Bleachers - John Grisham
9) Inside The Kingdom - Carmen bin Laden
10) Dolores Clairborne - Stephen King
11) Dreamcatcher - Stephen King
12) Twelve Red Herrings - Jeffrey Archer
13) Black Market - James Patterson
14) Hide and Seek - James Patterson
15) The Doomsday Conspiracy - Sidney Sheldon
16) The Stars Shine Down - Sidney Sheldon
17) It Is Bliss Here - Myles Hildyard
18) Dead Air - Iain Banks
19) Walking on Glass - Iain Banks
20) Canal Dreams - Iain Banks
21) Ash Wednesday - Ethan Hawke
22) Brother Odd - Dean Koontz
23) A Darkness More Than Night - Michael Connelly
24) Vanished - Danielle Steel
25) Mixed Blessings - Danielle Steel
26) The Hot Zone - Richard Preston
27) There Is No Me Without You - Melissa Fay Greene
28) La Prisonniere - Malika Oufkir and Michele Fitoussi
29) Revolusi Mental Mahathir - Yahaya Ismail

karma schmarma.

2010-11-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

im the kind of person who constantly needs to talk.
it's more of a sickness, really, if i were to be honest.
each time i'm faced with a new set of problems, my friends (and their respective ears) are the ones that suffer.

i have a raging need to voice something out loud in order for my brain to compute it.

(as im writing, im feeling very sympathetic towards my friends. you see, i can be obsessive at times. ahh, who am i kidding, i obsess ALL the time. i can talk about a stupid topic for hours and hours. and now i think i ought to personally thank all of you for still wanting to befriend me. ngehh)

my parents once told me though,

whatever it is that you want the world to see, you need not show. if you are sincere enough, one day, at the right time, the world will realize it all on its own accord, without any coercion on your part.

which brings me to the realization that perhaps, you ought not be talking about negative things. like, your fears and your dark issues and well, things that you intend to forget.

this is not optimism talking. it really isn't.
it's just well, common sense.

constantly talking about something will not provide the issue with any solution, i can vouch for that. all it makes you do is worry more and more about something that might or might not even happen. and well, to be honest, if you focus on something more than you should, it has a tendency of propelling you out of control.

so you want to forget about a bad breakup.

why the hell are you still talking about the heartbreaker to your friends?

you keep telling yourself and everybody who's listening that you want to forget all about the jerk who broke your heart, and the awful things that the person has done to you.
talking about it relentlessly will NOT give you what you need to move on and walk away.

but then again, if anybody were to tell me this a few months back, i would probably ignore it and do whatever the hell i want anyway.

so yeah.

haha.

How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours.

1..2..3..4..5

2010-11-05T01:17:00.001+08:00

Tolak tambah lima tahun lepas,

saya mula embrace kebebasan bermain bola

sebab, selama lama 16 tahun tinggal kat rumah,

mak saya start risau tak tentu pasal bila saya nak main bola

Ini semua bila dah take into consideration bahawa : sampai umur saya 15 tahun,
saya asyik nak panjat pokok hike bukit
dia risau anak perempuan dia tak jadi perempuan.
perhaps. perhaps.

Jadi, bila masuk UTP, saya galak gila bila dapat peluang main futsal tiap tiap malam.

Tiba tiba rasa semangat nak main hebat gila supaya boleh main for Malaysia lepas ni.

(memang angan angan tak beragak)

Tapi, agak nya memang bukan takdir saya nak jadi pemain bola sepak,

tapi untuk tertendang kaki seseorang.

Seseorang yang tolak tambah lima tahun kemudian,
akan jadi antara orang yang paling penting dalam hidup saya.

Dari waktu tendangan berlaku,

sampai lah waktu kalian membaca,

saya dah lihat pelbagai warna,
dah dengar berbagai bicara,
dah melalui bermacam acara.

Dan saya rasa, ~~pelajaran~~ pengajaran yang paling penting yang saya dapat adalah :

- relationship yang ikhlas tak perlu kan apa apa label

- confusion antara perasaan sayang dengan 'pride of ownership' boleh mendatangkan bahaya

- sayang tak menjamin togetherness. kadang kadang atas sebab sayang lah, people are forced to let go. sebab bila sayang, the only thing you want is the other person to be happy too, even if it means without you in the same frame.

- dan walau apa sekalipun, you have to be willing to forgive. dengan seikhlas hati.

of you and me

2010-11-02T04:46:00.004+08:00

LOVE IS THE MASTER

Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love.
By my passion of love for Love
I have ground sweet as sugar.
O furious Wind, I am only a straw before you;
How could I know where I will be blown next?
Whoever claims to have made a pact with Destiny
Reveals himself a liar and a fool;
What is any of us but a straw in a storm?
How could anyone make a pact with a hurricane?
God is working everywhere his massive Resurrection;
How can we pretend to act on our own?
In the hand of Love I am like a cat in a sack;
Sometimes Love hoists me into the air,
Sometimes Love flings me into the air,
Love swings me round and round His head;
I have no peace, in this world or any other.
The lovers of God have fallen in a furious river;
They have surrendered themselves to Love's commands.
Like mill wheels they turn, day and night, day and night,
Constantly turning and turning, and crying out.

(Rumi)

and after all these years,

what else can i do,

but to be hopelessly in love with you?

i cant run from it,

and i cant deny it,

for Love is the master, and i am its slave.

Happy Birthday Sayang,

i could write you a thousand poems,

and it still wouldnt be enough,

because you complete me.

and no amount of words can even begin to describe what THAT feels like.

Quand je suis avec vous, je suis chez soi.

(pelukkuatkuat)

Love.

pantun attempt #1

2010-10-25T19:48:00.000+08:00

rintik rintik di balik jendela
bagai menyanyi lagu di hati
dijentik jentik hati yang lara
mengharap senyum terukir kembali

Arsenal vs. Manchester City

2010-10-25T03:46:00.000+08:00

fuh.

after 45 minutes of nail-biting, they made a comeback.

Nasir, Bendtner, Song,

tonight korang lelaki paling handsome atas muka bumi!

Thank you Fabianski, for not pulling a Rob Green.

Thank you Adebayor, for the almost-own-goal. It wouldve been so much better if it wasnt an 'almost'. Imagine the entire Arsenal team sliding in front of Man City's supporters, showing off, just like you did last season. Imagine. Fuh. That would be swell!

Thank you.

Thank you for not being a disappointment tonight.

Thank you for this feeling of triumph! (you know how long it has been..)

Thank you for making it worth skipping studying for my test.

of being content and uncertainties

2010-10-25T03:20:00.001+08:00

Iylia Elena once told me :

The line between your love for something and your pride of ownership over it is very thin.

Boy! I hate it when she's right (which is pretty much all the time)!

When something goes wrong, being human, we tend to point the finger elsewhere. But like love, mishaps too, take two to tango. As much as it sucks being in the wrong, you can't deny that you too, have erred.

Wanting to be a part of someone's life is only understandable, especially when you're in love. But it is never okay to take full part. Your life is yours, and your partner's life is theirs. Some space, are simply not meant to be invaded.

With that,

*inhale* *exhale*

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not, then it's not the end."

because we are as we are

2010-10-22T13:38:00.000+08:00

while i still have a smidgen of rage in me (which will hopefully help this post write by itself), i guess i should write.

Something. Anything.

life gives us not answers but instead,
it poses questions.

and if you get it correct,
you would know,
because it would feel right.

as im hovering
neither here nor there
grasping for hints
to guide me through it all,
i float higher
i sink lower
but i am as i am
and the world is what it is

Alas,
even if you do not make a decision, the universe will make one for you.

putus jari boleh jahit, putus hati?

2010-10-22T05:49:00.000+08:00

di saat aku berdosa dan kamu berdosa.
di saat aku terleka dan kamu berahsia.
di saat ragu pilu menghentam dada.
di saat itu lahir curiga.

my brother, the clown.

2010-10-20T01:24:00.001+08:00

i dont get why my room is so hot.
panas. panas. panas.
im living in fear of getting heat stroke while im sleeping!
tuh. tuh.

ok dah habis merengek.

anyway, my parents have always had this strict restriction :
no boyfriend/girlfriend until after high school.

perhaps that was why i never had a boyfriend until lah masuk university. (wahahaha, in denial gila! padahal time sekolah selekeh gila mana ada orang nak buat girlfriend!)

back to my story.
my brother (the only boy among us) is 10 just got ratted by our lil sister.
She told the parents that he has a girlfriend called something or other.

Mom : Hakim ada girlfriend? Kan Papa dah cakap dulu, no girlfriends until habis sekolah!
Hakim : Eleh biar lah.Papa lain, Hakim lain.
Mom : Girlfriend Hakim cantik tak?
Hakim : Mestilah cantik!
Mom : Tak pun biar Mama je lah cari kan. Nak tak?
Hakim : Tak mau!!! Kalau Mama yang pilih mesti Mama cari yang solehah.

-_-'

randomites.

2010-10-08T02:27:00.001+08:00

1. im having one of those days. that day where i feel like strangling strangers.

2. ive been stuck at Freecell game #169 for thirty minutes and i still havent been able to solve it. at this rate i will be 45 when i finally finish game #1000000.

3. FRIENDS is still the only thing that's making me feel better on an awful day.

4. i used to think that Kristin Stewart was an abysmal actress. turns out it was just Bella Swan who was an airhead.

5. the idea of synchronised swimming is really appealing right now, but i cant even swim to begin with so i might as well forget it.

6. i really dig Kevin McHale who plays the dude in the wheelchair in Glee. comellll.

Unwelcome Words

2010-10-07T02:43:00.000+08:00

i was re-reading Amir Muhammad's piece for New Malaysian Essays 1 : Unwelcome Words when my OCD side of the brain refuses to read on without highlighting ones that i particularly like.

Anak ikan :
Catamite ; a young man, perhaps barely past the age of consent, used for sexual purposes. Has both heterosexual and homosexual connotations and so, in the parlance of personal ads, it's a 'versatile' phrase. From the Malay 'little fish' which you can swallow whole without worrying about de-boning.
"The actress Rosnah Mat Aris got into trouble for speaking too enthusiastically about her alleged anak ikan on a talk show."

Apanama :

Malay for 'Whatsisname'. To say this while searching your mental database for the person's name might signify a kind of lofty contempt. Popularised by former Prime Minister Tun Mahathis Mohamad, who used it all the time during interviews, although the word would usually be edited out by the time it appeared in the print media.

"That anak ikan of hers... apanama... Adam was just in here looking for DVDs."

Cable :
Denotes crony connections. A stronger version of 'pulling strings'. Despite the government's persistent attempts to encourage transparency and openness, some spoilsports insist on doing business this way!
"That bugger should not have been promoted so quickly, but he has cable."

Chu kia :

Of inferior quality. From the Hokkien, 'make/work false.'

"That sex video recording is not so chu kia, they used four cameras!"

Feng tau :
Chinese techno music, that is associated in the popular imagination with the XTC drug, the consumption of mineral water, dark places, laser strobe lights, and throbbingly insistent songs that consist of the repetition of the same 5 words. From the Cantonese, 'shake head.'/
"I tried to concentrate on Trigonometry despite the feng tau from across the road."

Kau tim :

To settle a debt or seal a deal. From the Cantonese, 'play finish.'

"The cop stopped me for speeding but he was such an obliging bugger that RM5 was enough to kau tim."

Line clear :
This is a bit more than 'the coast is clear', it means that there are no further impediments to success. Probably after you have kau tim with the right people. One of Malaysia's most commercially successful film directors, Razak Mohaideen, uses it for his company name, although here it might mean he's so attuned to what the public wants it's like he gets a good radio signal.
"After he married the leader's daughter, it was line clear for him."

Muka seposen :

To look pitiful ; sometimes a useful tool for the passive aggresive type. Literally Malay 'ten-sen face', as if that person were a beggar who would be content with such a small amount.

"Get that lancau and his muka seposen out of here or I will lanyak him."

Porah/podah :
Go away, sometimes in a figurative sense of 'Get outta here!' from the Tamil.
"When the DVD scandal broke, he insisted he wouldn't resign, but everyone else told him to porah."

Projek :

Malay sland for 'illicit sex' ; because the way projects are awarded in Malaysia also involves lies subterfuge and some cleaning up afterwards.

"They decided the movie was poyo and so they porah to the staircase to projek."

Rempit :
Young Malay males on motorcycles, who conduct illegal street races and inspire hit movies. The Dictionary defines the word only as 'to hit with a rattan cane' but this now probably refers to a fantasy punishment for the racers.

Sabo :

Short for sabotage.

"We were about to projek last night but some guard sabo our plans by locking up the staircase."

Skandal :
A sex partner with whom you have no emotional bond.
"He was driving back with his skandal when they were overtaken by a bunch of samseng rempit types."

Skodeng :

Peeping tom. Someone who spies on, and maybe takes secret recordings of courting couples while they projek in parks and staircases.

"There was a suggestion in Terengganu in early 2007 to recruit skodeng to become religious vigilantes, all in the name of vice reduction."

I would seriously suggest all of you to get a copy of New Malaysian Essays. They are in their 3rd edition already as of now.

It's really good to know that there are plenty of unconventional published writers who writes with real essence as compared to those sappy Malay 'romance' novels and Malay chic-lit with predictable story line. At least these people won't kill your brain cells simply through their writing. :)

Arsenal vs. Chelsea

2010-10-04T22:18:00.002+08:00

1. Benci tak bila 1st, 2nd, 8th, 28th minute ada goal attempt tapi haram satu pun tak masuk?

2. Benci tak bila match against big teams je tak boleh nak menang? Nak seri pun susah. Kalau setakat menang dengan ~~West Brom~~ Bolton and the likes je buat apaaaaa.

3. Benci tak bila there's nothing to be proud of sebab team sendiri dah bertahun tahun tak menang league?

4. Benci tak bila Arshavin perform the first few games je lepas tu showed the world that he's just an old guy who cant even run properly after the ball?

5. Benci tak bila ball possession dah 62-38 to our advantage pun still tak boleh score lagi?

6. Benci tak bila Chelsea's first goal was by accident terkena kaki sekali heyyyyy WTF MASUK PULAAAAKKKK? Dah lepas tu Drogba boleh bajet Elvis pulak tepi padang. Hotdaymn.

7. Benci tak bila player Arsenal lembik gila sikit sikit nak injured?

8. Benci tak bila tengok Koscielny macam takde contribution? Since his debut, kerja asyik nak injured, lepas tu kena yellow card. Pfft.

9. Benci tak bila ada striker yang tak reti nak tendang bola, reti header je. (read : Chamakh)

10. Benci tak bila Fabregas takde, it's as if semua orang doesnt have a clue what to do and bercamaraderie di atas padang?

11. Benci tak bila delay journey nak balik UTP just to watch the game tapi kalah bodoh macam ni?

12. Benci tak bila in addition to all these, ada suara suara sumbang bahan Arsenal dengan semangat sebab pergi tengok bola dekat area Chelsea's supporters?

BENCI.

I repeat. BENCI.

p/s : tapi at least Arsenal tak kalah dengan Blackpool dekat turf sendiri, unlike some people. hahahah. (cheap shot, i know)

God's Existence.

2010-10-01T11:00:00.000+08:00

If God does not exist,

that means heaven does not exist either.

And that means the world's poor,

those millions who live in poverty and oppresion,

will never go to heaven.

And if that is so,

then how do you explain all the suffering of the poor?

What are we here for,

and why do we put up with so much unhappiness,

if it's all for nothing?

-Snow, Orhan Pamuk

of enjoying life and going with the flow (just like a fish!)

2010-10-01T10:55:00.000+08:00

Fall in love or Fall in hate.
Get inspired or Be depressed.
Ace a test or Flunk a class.
Make babies or Make art.
Speak the truth or Lie and cheat.
Dance on tables or Sit in the corner.
Life is divine chaos.
Embrace it.
Forgive yourself.
Breathe.
And enjoy the ride.

-Solbeam-

p/s : on another totally unrelated note, i am - since last night - determined to play Freecell from game #1 right up to #1000000 . so far i've reached #58. :)

The Trouble With Malaysia

2010-09-30T04:34:00.003+08:00

Brian Yap once wrote :

The trouble with Malaysia is that too many people like to tell others what the trouble with Malaysia is. This includes me of course, as the topic of this essay evidently proves.

Most of us might not have much to say about the melting of the ice caps, but many of us have plenty of opinions about the state of our nation, and more importantly, what we think the problems are.

All of which is fine. Except, if so many people know what the trouble with Malaysia is, then do we hate ourselves so much, or are we so helpless, that we choose not to do anything?

If we all know what the trouble with Malaysia is, and a big part of solving any problem is identifying the cause, then why are we still trapped?

And I, being Malaysian, am also subjected to the geographical need to conform.
Though, in the spirit of being a nationalist (wahahaha), I shall not conform too much.
Malaysia is fine. It's the people in it that I have problems with.

Things I Can't Stand :

one :

a few years back, we started crowding the Arab restaurants at Jalan Damai for a good pot of shisha, a chilled bottle of Barbican and the random Shawirma every now and then.

it was crowded then too but every bit possible to get a table.

somehow, over time, it became infested.

uhuh, infested is apt here, i think.

Parking area with their "RM4 per entry" signs started propping up.

and perhaps, it had a lot to do with Hartamas Square closing down, but soon enough you see random guys chasing you after you have parked by the road side, demanding RM2, RM3 and then RM4.

seriously, who gave those guys the authority to rob people blind?

it's not as if they did anything much apart from waiting for someone to park, with a glisten in their eyes that seems to threaten you that your car will be violated with car-key-scratches unless you pay up.

it's gangsterisme in its worst form.

perhaps i should consider doing that for extra pocket money.

i could easily make thousands a day if i were to do that in the parking area in campus.

hmmm.

the only outcome i can predict is that either all the cars in UTP will sooner or later be scratched beyond recognition, or that it's my face that will end up with the scratches.

LOL

two :

remember the whole TV3 is secretly a Freemason/Illuminati organization hype a few weeks back over the Raya advertisement?

Over-speculation.

Some things are undeniable, sure.

But some things are also unnecessary.

Look. I can start one right now.

You know which other organization has Freemason-tendency?

PLUS.

Check out the triangle roof.

It's shaped like a pyramid.

It has an All-Seeing-Eye right dab in the middle of the triangle.

So that probably means that PLUS is under a Mason organization too, yes?

I mean, come on, do we have over-read everything .

We're meant to discover stuff, yes, but that is by doing a thorough research, not to get over-excited over a piece of the picture and dwelt on it without trying to discover the bigger picture.

now I'm not saying it's only Malaysians who over-speculate (of course, other people from other countries do it too link ) but our tendency to do so is shockingly obvious. And some even go to extreme lengths with extreme thoughts and extreme words.

It's a pity really.
And again, just as Mr. Brian Yap (he is the dude who starred in Muallaf and writes for KLUE btw. check this out to see the tribute piece he wrote for Yasmin Ahmad) suggests, I do not have the solution for this.

So yes, we are still trapped for the time being. Sigh.

2010-09-22T03:21:00.000+08:00

i was going to go to bed but then i suddenly felt bad for abandoning my blog so i decided to ramble on about something even though i dont exactly have anything to say.

it was my birthday on the 19th.
being 22 was not much different than any other day.
well, except for the fact that i got a box of cuppacakes (all of them chocolate because they know that i dont really dig other flavours. thanks ami aisha dean terharu serious tak tipu!) and that it took me three whole days to thank everyone who wished me on facebook (i had to say thanks individually. doing it in bulk makes it seem impersonal. I memang OCD that way. abaikan)

ive kinda been on a TV-series frenzy for a few days now and im worried about my sanity. im scared that watching too much will make me question why people don't have anything sweet and poignant to say in real life.
it's sort of like that time in FRIENDS when Joey and Chandler got free porn and started questioning the fact that the delivery girl sent in pizza and left without stripping and seducing them.

I cant really afford being institutionalized by TV programmes, you know?
Hehh.

ive actually got plenty of things to ramble on about but i'm getting pretty restless. need to get to bed now.

bila takde stock mercun..

2010-09-17T04:37:00.000+08:00

tahun ni supplier mercun tak balik kampung.
so instead of main mercun battery yang mcm mini-fireworks kat KLCC, The Curve time Merdeka and New Year,

tahun ni, i duduk depan pc,
main Spider Solitaire macam orang gila,
lepas tu excited sorang sorang each time menang and ada keluar fireworks kat screen.

Fuh.
best dowh raya ni.

Terima kasih Spider Solitaire.

Selamat Hari Raya! now lets go out and main mercun!

2010-09-10T03:41:00.000+08:00

fuh fuh.
tiba tiba teringin nak conform dengan society.

I would like to publicize sesi pemohonan ampun maaf sempena Hari Raya.

I am, by nature, a loud person. To add to the damage, i am also (most of the time) incapable of watching the things i say. As a result, i might have unintentionally (and sometimes, bila tengah bad mood, intentionally) caused you to add your own dosa sebab marah/simpan dendam/maki maki dekat i due to sakit hati. Teramat amat lah sorry kalau ada such a case (which im pretty sure, ada).

And sometimes, the things that i do are incomprehensible to other (more) normal beings. I wont apologize for being myself and jumping up and down and kadang kadang tergelak extra kuat, but i will say sorry if you happen to be on the same table and malu due to my 'tak cover' behaviour.

I'm only human. I make mistakes. And sometimes i break hearts. Sometimes i provoke and instigate others. Sometimes i do impulsive things that may result in tragedies.

For all of that, saya susun sepuluh jari (i still do not understand the relevance behind this symbolism) and Minta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. Halalkan makan minum i (or if you insist, claim la lepas i dapat duit raya ni).

Selamat Hari Raya.
Maaf Zahir. dan Batin (hanya kepada golongan golongan tertentu sahaja).

Dont indulge too much with raya food yaww! Jangan menyesal di kemudian hari!

Akhir kata, maju lah sukan untuk negara!

how do you expect me to respect you when you can't even respect yourself?

2010-09-02T06:00:00.001+08:00

if it makes you happy parading your stupidity to the whole world as if it's something to be proud of, then go on, i can't stop you.

but that also means i can't respect you.

ahhhhh maybe we should all just leave you as you are.

besides, you seem to enjoy playing the part of the imbecile in the glass.

you seem to adore having people pass you by, pointing and sniggering.

if that's your choice, then so be it.

but don't blame us if we get a kick out of pointing and laughing at you.

hey, it's only fair, no?

(lopsided grin)

ini semua gara gara baca perihal politik in the light of the celebration of Independence.

2010-09-01T05:35:00.001+08:00

1. bilamasa fahaman dan ideologi terbit secara membabi buta, kesedaran patut ada bahawa we are treading on the wrong track.

2. bilamasa ketidaksetujuan tidak lagi diiringi dengan rasa hormat, muncul lah golongan golongan lancang yang hanya mahu kan kemenangan, bukan lagi kebenaran.

3. bilamasa aku sudah bicara tentang perihal perihal yang randomly righteous, sudah pasti maksudnya telah sampai waktu untuk aku tidur lena.

Independent enough ke nak celebrate Independence Day?

2010-09-01T02:32:00.001+08:00

Early Disclaimer : Today is not Malaysia's birthday. It is just the 53rd anniversary of it's independence. Those are two very different things mmkay?

Beberapa calendar tahunan yang lepas, saya still semangat nak sambut Hari Merdeka. Masa tu, saya jakun lagi dengan fireworks yang buat saya rasa macam kat dalam Disney's animation, duduk santai layan asap tepi castle yang besar mcm Hogwarts.

Tapi, then again, rasanya sampai mati pun tak hilang kot rasa jakun tu?

Unfortunately, ada incident yang buat saya turn off dengan mass Merdeka celebration. Masa tu kat The Curve. Ingat kan okay la, checkout fireworks 5 mins je pun from home. Tak payah la nak sesak sesak layan kaki cramp sebab tekan clutch byk sgt being stuck dalam traffic. Padahal kat Curve pun sama je. Nak cari parking dah dekat sejam. Dapat tengok fireworks 5, 6 minit je. Tak berbaloi langsung.

Tapi masa tu darah muda, hahah. Claustrophobic pun claustrophobic lah. Tak kisah la even though kena sesak nafas in the midst of orang orang hyper macam nak pergi reformasi. Tiba-tiba, ada a bunch of underaged kids sprayed snow in a can all over my face! Habis makeup rambut segala penat je duduk depan cermin lama lama nak set up, tapi last last kena spray. Ish.

Tapi, somehow, over the years saya dah notice how Merdeka has simply become an excuse for people to party without even knowing the real meaning of that celebration.

Bukannya nak jadi bitter (which actually means, memang bitter ni, tapi sikiiiit je la, tak la bitter sangat) tapi how do you expect me to be all hyped up pasal Independence Day when i am in no way independent. Tak langsung! Dalam apa apa aspek pun, im pretty much masih dijajah oleh pihak pihak lain.

Masih ada ikatan dengan Petronas yang bakal memakan masa yang lama.

Masih mengharap setiap minggu parents akan email cakap duit dah masuk kat Maybank account.

Masih layan EPL tiap tiap hari nak kena cukak Soccernet tapi local football scene tak nak ambik tahu langsung (one of these days, kena jugak tengok Selangor punya match dekat Stadium Shah Alam!).

Masih dikelilingi orang orang yang berfikir macam time nama Malaysia masih Tanah Melayu dulu.

Masih dikeliling mentaliti yang tak logik dan kurang berkembang.

Masih ada egoist egoist yang tak mahu terima pendapat orang lain.

Masih malas dan masih bertangguh.

Jadi, apa yang nak diraikan sekarang? Jadi, lebih baik layan hari ni macam hari yang lain lain kan?

Sebab memang tak ada bezanya.

Selamat Hari Merdeka, Malaysia.

p/s : bulan dan bintang kat langit pun boleh tahan power lawa macam fireworks jugak. Cuma tak ada bunyi meletup je. :)

Hati yang agak fragile

2010-08-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

Aku memang pelik sungguh dengan kamu.
Kamu cuma punya satu hati, bukan?
Bukan belasan mahupun puluhan?
Dan hati kamu, fragile bukan?
Sekali ku ambil, milik aku sampai bila pun.

Ya, mungkin akan ada yang lain menyusul selepas aku

Tapi yang kau mampu beri pada mereka cuma hati retak

Benar, bukan?

Jawablah sayang,

penat aku bertanya.

Jika benar kata aku,
mengapa kamu hadiahkan aku hati kamu
mengapa kamu biarkan aku tinggalkan tanda pada hati itu
dan tiba tiba, kamu menghilang diri.

Bila muncul semula,

kamu buat seolah-olah kita tak pernah punya kaitan

seolah-olah, pada satu masa, kau bukan penyelamat aku

dan aku bukan selimut kamu.

Cebis cebis hati kamu masih pada aku
Aku pelik sungguh,
tak mahu kah kamu tampal semula cebis-cebis yang aku genggam

Aku tak mampu faham

agenda kamu yang sebenar

Atau mungkin aku salah faham perkataan 'istimewa'

Mungkin kame ada lebih satu hati, mungkin.

Atau mungkin kamu robot yang tak pentingkan rasa jiwa.

Aku masih rindu.

p/s : i found this written at the back of my Design of Steel & Prestressed Concrete exam paper from a long time ago. Cheers.

to : orang orang jauh

2010-08-23T04:41:00.000+08:00

1.2.3.4.5.6

to 7 pretty pretty girls :

when we took the pictures,

it was only to pass time and be a lil bit in love with ourselves

but that wasnt all we captured.

here's to many many marvelous memories.

*clink*

banana split personality

2010-08-21T20:14:00.001+08:00

saya baru baca blog Tidak Best (nama je Tidak Best, tapi best!) yang mengingatkan saya tentang perihal alter ego.

Baru malam semalam waktu otak berpinar pinar, saya terkenangkan alter ego saya sendiri.

Kelakar.

Rasa macam deja vu pun ada.

Eh. Takde kena mengena.

Saya rasa saya yang menulis dan saya yang bercakap adalah dua being yang lain.
Sesungguhnya lain.

Yang menulis ;

mungkin lebih matang
mungkin lebih bijak menilai keadaan
mungkin lebih faham tata manusia

Yang bercakap ;

masih rancak bergelak ketawa
masih hilang dipimpin rasa
masih terkedu masih ternganga

Saya yang ke kelas dan saya yang bermalas di atas katil adalah dua jiwa yang beza.

Sesungguhnya berbeza.

Adanya tembok di tengah.
Yang kiri itu malas,
Yang kanan rancak menari.

To those who only know me virtually ;

jangan terpedaya dengan manis kata

yang hakiki ini tidak lah segah mana.

p/s : sorry termerepek panjang lebar terikutkan perasaan. :)

im not a good storyteller

2010-08-21T00:53:00.002+08:00

As much as you make me smile
As much as you are always by my side
As much as I cry on your bony shoulders
You may only exist in my fantasies

As much as your words become my conscience
As much longing as I feel for you
As much as I want to unravel you
You may only exist in my fantasies

Because, as of now, you are not real.
Because, you and I, have never been real.

jots and sanity

2010-08-20T00:17:00.001+08:00

Notice how i never write about anything remotely academic?

It is all because writing is my escape from anything Engineering related.

Imagine this.
The world gets terrorized by something viral and fatal, say the Anthrax. And everybody has to resort to hiding underground.

Now, writing about buildings and columns and beams and tension and offshore structures and steel properties and wave characteristics ;

writing about all those will be equivalent to bringing an envelope-full of Anthrax in the underground refuge.

I know how some people love dropping their intelligent jargons into writing. I dont fall under the same category.

Writing makes me forget about Physics.

It makes me feel like everything is possible.

I seek solace in writing, from the torments of questions with answers that go on for 20 pages.

It doesnt matter if academia kills me.
Writing will revive me.

2010-08-19T12:17:00.003+08:00

to my half a decade ,

We can just sit and talk to each other all day long,
and I wouldn't mind.

or maybe we can choose not to talk to each other at all and sit idly beside each other and; that too,
I wouldn't mind at all.

Seriously,I wouldn't mind at all,
because above all,I just want you to be you,so that I can be me.

-Zalikha Anas-

Because it seems fitting, doesnt it?

Because it says it all.

143.

think before you talk. google before you tweet. (Re: Salleh G. Samsa)

2010-08-19T08:38:00.001+08:00

Human reflex and emotions have always been fascinating to me (though sometimes it baflles me more than it should).

If you observe enough, you can always differentiate those who take the time to think and those who uses their brain merely as an accessory. Academic intelligence have nothing to do with it. You either base your actions and conversations on your thoughts, or you dont.

We are a bunch of very angry species. And egoistic too. Come on, dont tell me you havent noticed?

For me, whenever anybody tells me something that i dont particularly agree with, something stirs inside of me, urging me to express my disagreeing thoughts. Now, im sure the same thing happens to a lot of you.

(Ke tak? Ke its just me?)

The thing is, how many of us stop to think before saying or doing anything? How many of us actually tries to consider what the other person is saying or doing before arguing rebuttals in reflex?

Phoebe Buffay once said to Ross Gellar (oh hello there fellow FRIENDS addict!)

Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?

You know what got me thinking this far?
A few days back i came across a story of an unfortunate unbeliever who goes by the name Salleh Gregor Samsa.

This dude insulted the fact that he is forced to fast just because he was born Muslim. He also said a lot deal more but i wont be wasting my blog space to go on about it because that's not the point of my story. Nak tahu, pergi Google sendiri.

Anyway, this Salleh dude has provoked a lot of unnecessary wrath from Muslims, nationwide. Out comes the

ish murtad dah budak ni.

Hey Salleh! Kau ni confirm masuk neraka tahu tak?

Mak bapak kau tak ajar ke? Apasal bodoh bengap (include more cussings) sangat kau ni?

My point is, is this how we preach to unbelievers? Seriously? Orang tu dah la dah takde faith dekat religion and fellow believers. Is this seriously the way to make him change his mind?

Try and google his name, tonnes of people are blogging about him (benci betul bila rasa macam i am conforming to a sick Malaysian pop-cultureish issue). Anyway, you can analyze sendiri the public's opinion on this dude.

Not really knowing why, (perhaps sebab terlebih banyak masa lapang or perhaps sebab memang i was born a busybody) i looked Salleh up and read his writings. Amongst many, i found one that i find intriguing.

Sebabnya, aku percaya, setiap manusia pun punya dosa dan jika manusia lain boleh dibiarkan hidup dengan gelumang dosa mereka, kenapa aku tak boleh?

Jadi, aku tak akan peduli jika aku dikatakan sedang hidup di dalam dosa yang akan membuatkan aku terbakar di api neraka nanti. Aku tak peduli, sebab aku tahu, pada masa tu, dia yang akan malu, sebab dia pun akan sama menyertai aku di dalam neraka. Dan, lebih ironi bila kami tinggal bersebelahan dan berkongsikan api neraka yang sama.

Jadi, jika manusia yang sedang berteriak kepada aku menidakkan keupayaan aku kepada pilihan aku sendiri, aku hanya akan berkata dan berharap untuk bertemu lagi dengannya, satu hari nanti di pintu neraka. Dan, aku yang akan bentangkan permaidani emas panas yang emasnya masih menggelegak pada kepanasan melampau yang tak pernah kita di bumi sekarang, rasakan. Dan, aku akan bayarkan kos meraikan kedatangannya di sana dengan limpahan kenikmatan yang dihinanya dulu, yang selalu dijadikan sebagai satu set pengukur yang membezakan antara jahat dan baik, hitam dan putih, bersih dan berdebu.

Before i continue, let me make it clear (sebab kadang kadang ada je golongan tak faham bahasa). I am NOT justifying or in any way agreeing to the points of Mr. Salleh. Tapi, you have to admit, it would suck if the scenario described above jadi betul betul kan?

Memang lah, as a Muslim, we have an obligation to tegur if we come across benda benda atau orang orang atau perilaku perilaku yang menghala ke arah kesesatan. But then again, are we doing it right?

I myself, honestly loathe it bila ada orang yang nak menegur, tapi bunyi teguran tu dah iras-iras bunyi insult dan cemuhan. Seriously beats the purpose. Intention tu dah baik dah, tapi methodology FAIL!

All i'm saying is (and ini juga peringatan untuk diri sendiri), sometimes you have to stop and think before you say anything. Even though you are right and the person is wrong, it doesnt mean you have the right to say 'haaaa! take that bitch! you were wrong! i told you so!' Itu memang clearly statement mintak pelempang.

Guna lah otak, The purpose of akal is so that you can think. Bila boleh fikir, takde lah buat statement statement inconsiderate yang bakal mengundang pelempang. Capisce? :)

Arsenal Vs. Liverpool

2010-08-16T17:30:00.003+08:00

First game of the season, and already we were facing the losers of last season (or so i thought at the time).

The first half was sloooooooowww.
Serious tak faham kenapa Arsenal players refused to run.

Sayang sayang sekelian, kalau setakat nak power walk, baik suruh Watson Nyambek je play for Arsenal.

Haaa, macam ni lah bila Fabregas takde,
semua kelam kabut tak tau which direction to head to.
This is the reason behind Wenger's insistence tak nak give in to Barca okaaay.

Tapi tak kisah lah, lari slow pun takpe, sayang still sayang jugak.

Even though I dengar plenty of voices (suara suara murtad) who claims nak give their loyalty to Blackpool after the game, Arsenal tetap di hati ku eceeeh.

ok siapa boleh teka apa tengah jadi ni? heheh

Koscielny, Chamakh and Wilshere made their debut semalam.

(who here thinks that Chamakh looks a bit like C. Ronaldo, angkat tangan!!)

I think it is due to the amount of newbies kot that they kind of fumbled on the field.

Jadi super geram bila ball possession was definitely monopolized by the Gunners, tapi tak boleh langsung nak penetrate Liverpool's defense.

OK lah, their defense was airtight, ill give them that.

Tapi, after Joe Cole got sent off (hehe) and dah down to 10 man pun, Arsenal still couldnt get the ball pass the goal line.

I loved it when they sent in Rosicky and Walcott. And when Persie came in, rasa macam ada newfound hope. As if, Wenger ada some kind of back-up plan, some secret weapon that i had no idea existed.

(hee. but then again, that was just me being melodramatic.)


orang handsome yang wouldve scored if it werent for Reina punya fingertips

Rosicky attempted a very dramatic and cantik shot, but Reina managed to stop the ball by a fraction.

At the time, i dah maki maki dah bising macammana lah Reina boleh on form gila pulak malam ni. Serious stress dengan Reina. (just take a look at my love-hate relationship with Almunia. memang bakar aa)

Tapi tapi tapi. Jeng jeng jeng. What came next got me laughing. Ta-da!


okay. ini Chamakh being violated by Reina. ngahahaha.

ok look closely

i said LOOK! ni dah slow motion habis dah ni.

aaaaaaaaaaaaanddddd... GOAL!!!!!!

Wahaahah. epic okay Reina!
serious boleh gang dengan Rob Green! LOL.

p/s : i read another review by Ms. Aisyah Ezral and loved it. Suka sangat sampai naik bulu roma satu badan baca. Hahahaha. Click HERE to read.

Mister.

2010-08-16T15:28:00.001+08:00

I have tried writing this down hundreds of time,

but each attempt had miserably failed.

It was as if my feelings have completely left me

as if my words simply refused to leave the tip of my pen.

Each time i begin to pen my feelings down,

something always holds a piece of my soul back,

forbidding me from pouring my emotions onto paper.

GuiltAffectionFearDenialAttraction.

I cant be sure which of these are holding me back.

I am deeply sorry, but the internal turmoil is clouding my judgments.

I am fairly confused myself.

For the umpteenth time, i shall try this again.

He was a boy.

But not just any boy.

He was a boy, whom, next to, made me feel like a girl. Like a lady.

He was nice.

A downright pleasing gentleman should the circumstance require him to be.

A decent guy though he was, every single inch of me screams out at the sight of him, calling his name, yearning for its namesake.

He was nothing like the perfect heroes in novels.

Much less like Prince Charming in fairytales.

He was much much better.

A boy that i am devastatedly infatuated with.

He caresses with the softest touch;

kisses with the softest lips;

and smiles as if he was hiding the most devious (but delicious!) secret.

Grins that taunt me with its mysteriousness that i shall never unravel.

Unpredictable but incredibly passionate.

My casa for comfort.

My spot for solace.

of friends

2010-08-12T05:32:00.001+08:00

for months, i have been in deep denial of people leaving me behind.
the fact that everyone has moved on, leaving me one station behind, was not one that i would like to ponder on for too long.

back in school, to be honest, being a social butterfly was all i dreamed about.
having grown up (in other words, finally chucking that stupid ideology out of my head) i began to realize that im more of a closed-community kind of person.

dont get me wrong.
i would say hi to a lamppost if i passed one by on the street, but when it comes down to it, im most comfortable with specific sets of people.

ive seen people whose friends stab backs and causes problems that to me, are only relevant when related with 7 year olds. to tell you the truth, in my circle(s), such problems are practically nonexistant.

i choose to spend time with people who only gets my quirks and twists, people who knows my flaw but dont use it against me. you can say that i'm choosy when it comes to picking friends, but well, my choice has never backfired on me.

the people who has made my campus life bearable are now going places and getting on with life. our daily conversations will now only be a once-in-a-blue-moon catch-up sessions. and that kinda bums me out.

what are you gonna do about it though heh?

To everyone whom i have confided in, tell stupid anecdotes to, made fun of myself in front, You are life saviours.

And, well, in simple words, I Love You. :)

Random #2 : My Favourite Movie

2010-08-12T02:30:00.002+08:00

Just like music, i find it hard to pick just one movie.
Senang cerita, two is always better than one (three four five apa lah lagi kan?)

oooh btw this reminds me of my 'Two Boyfriends Are Better Than One' top. ngahaha. mana baju tu hmmm?

back to what i was saying, movies. Hmmm. i have sooo many favourites la. how to pick just one?

I love most of Quentin Tarantino's work. Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, Four Rooms, Reservoir Dogs, and obviously Inglourious Basterds (that goes without saying). Deathproof was okay i guess. I didnt like it as much as i liked the others. Tarantino has that special knack of creative directing. It's a challenge trying to figure out his hidden message.

Stanley Kubrick was also pretty good. I think Kubrick was a visionary of his time. Lolita was great (in a slightly disturbing manner, of course). So was Dr. Strangelove, A Clockwork Orange and Full Metal Jacket. Eyes Wide Shut too was eerily pointless.

I repeat watching romance movies like The Notebook and matter-of-fact stories like 500 Days of Summer. I adore musicals like Across The Universe and The Boat That Rocked. Rock N Roll Nerd has a collection of awesome songs. Same goes for Once.

And there are the odd ones like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, A Fish Called Wanda, Who Killed Gilbert Grape, Catch Me If You Can. Those are all brilliant movies. Some foreign ones are good too. Like, the French Love Me If You Dare and Le Fabeleux destin d'Amelie Poulain. Or the Japanese Departures.

OF course, there are also some exceptional local movies from Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad. I loved all of her movies. Rabun, Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin, Talentime, Muallaf. She brings out real emotions from me.

Like I said, theres just too many to choose from. Im fickle that way, remember? Do you get me now when i tell you that i simply cant pick any certain one?

But suggesting good ones, THAT i can do. Try movies that were based on Chuck Palahniuk's books. Fight Club, Choke, disturbingly goood. And i heard that Invisible Monsters, Lullaby, Rant and Haunted will soon be made into movies too so that's bound to be explosive.

Cant wait cant wait. :)

books that kept me inside the room

2010-08-10T16:35:00.000+08:00

Being stuck in the room is not so bad. Especially with these books by my bedside.

I havent been able to write much these days.

Takde inspiration sangat la.

Ngaa.

But wey hey! Maybe we should just wait for assignments to be piling up! Im sure by then i would have plenty to say.

Until then, toodles.

p/s : Amy, yes yes i know your book is still with me. Wait til i balik KL for buka puasa yeah? :) Love you bebeh!

i can read you like a book

2010-08-05T17:12:00.001+08:00

you are extremely transparent

you think you are being broody and unpredictable

but i can see right through you

as if,

you were made out of glass

Relationship Revelation #24 (ni nombor main petik je ni)

2010-08-05T02:47:00.002+08:00

I rasa (I ni memang suka rasa macam macam kan?), for a relationship to work, you dont need someone perfect. I have once read :

Love isnt about finding a perfect person. It is seeing an imperfect person, perfectly.

Though, just like cliche cliche yang lain, the saying above were obviously exaggerated. Heck! Perfect tu, by definition, is SEMPURNA tahu tak? There's no such thing as perfect (except when it comes to God which is a different story. Itu kena tunggu blogpost lain la pulak)

I think it's just human kalau the person you are with sometimes do things that annoy you a little, or has traits that you probably wouldnt tolerate if it was in someone else. But IT IS OKAY! Like i said, it's only human.

Yang penting, despite all that, they still complement you and YOUR annoying traits (apa kau ingat dia je ada flaw, kau takde?) and somehow it just works.

It might not be a fairytale. Maybe, not even macam drama melayu pun. Tapi who cares? You cant expect your story to turn out exactly like a plot from a romance novel.

Just make it work! and then you can write your own book with your own customized storyline!

Be grateful je lah if you already have someone who:

will laugh at your jokes (both funny and not) hjtg
comforts you even when you are (unattractively) crying and sobbing sampai mata lebam keluar hingus semua
listens when you're raging and pretend for a moment that they hate the guts of the person who caused you grief

Cant always expect people to change in order to suit you. Sebab you know that you yourself pun susah nak change to become somebody's fantasy partner.

What you have is probably already great. Just have to have faith in it je.

of chocolates and sexual demureness (banality, more like it)

2010-08-04T04:54:00.003+08:00

When bored and not talking about super important issues (this is just my drama queen way of saying normal issues), Dzul and I always come up with stupid (though, entirely logical) theories.

A few days back, Dzul (being the observant person he sometimes is) noted that chocolates arent usually adorned with colourful and kiddy designs. They are usually more subtle, and well, kinda elegant.

Look at these :

Now, tell me, do any of these look like kids were the target demographic of their marketing plan? Macam tak la kan? (well, unless if it was for kids with 6-going-on-25 issues)

So, we figured, with those kind of wrappings, they were probably not hoping for sweaty jocks to buy these chocolates too. So obviously it's for women!

I mean, we all know that chocolate is the perfect aphrodisiac! (i think it mustve been a dude who first invented chocolate, with a dirty intention to manipulate women's sexual vulnerability! Tapi serious malas nak pergi Google and check. Korang je lah check kan eh?)

Check out all those chocolate adverts on TV. It always depicts a cute girl licking the centre filling of said chocolate, or at least eating them in the most sensual way there is.

(nampak sangat i cannot be in a chocolate advert because i kalau makan chocolate, memang telan je terus, takde maknanya nak makan sexy sexy)

Anyway, here's solid proof!

Check out Bournville's website and click on How to Savour. Ahhh i bet all you lazy people wouldnt even bother with the link kan? Fine laaah, i type balik la for korang.

Step 1 : Hold the chocolate and delicately peel the top half of the wrapper. One slow circle after another. After you've tempted your eyes long enough, allow them to set their sight on the fine dark chocolate.

Step 2 : Bring the chocolate next to your ear and snap off a single cube. Let its sharp sound resonate inside you, long enough to give you that tingling sensation. Long enough for your eyes to shut knowingly.

Step 3 : Smell the chocolate before you eat it. Its distinct aroma is a tantalizing invitation to the tongue. It also prepares you for tasting the chocolate. This will enhance your perception of the flavour.

Step 4 : Place the chocolate on your tongue and allow it to melt by pressing it on the roof of your mouth. The cocoa butter will spread evenly and an evolution of flavours will build up on your palate.

Step 5 : As the chocolate melts in your mouth completely, close your eyes and concentrate on the flavours that are enveloping your tongue. Give in to the feeling and be guided to new experiences, to the world of Cadbury Bournville, fine dark chocolate.

Now. We all know that's not really chocolate they were describing. Those were not! Anyway, it's obvious that chocolate and sex goes hand-in-hand.

But dont you wonder why European chicks are sexually liberal as compared to Malaysian women? Because.... this was what we grew up eating!

Tak sexy langsung okay!

one last night with Iylia Elena

2010-08-03T04:42:00.001+08:00

I hope I wont forget this tomorrow!

*voice gets squeaky*

I know! I'm gonna write this down!

*voice gets squeakier*

Ooooh! I shall tweet about this!

*voice goes down 2 notches*

I dont think I can fit all these in a single tweet. This'll have to go in my blog!

And, so, here it is.

(I eventually forgot what it was that i feared i would )

i could but i dont wanna

2010-07-26T04:54:00.003+08:00

ahh.
i could be all poetic and ambiguous in telling you what i feel.
i could use big words and metaphors in every sentence.

but i choose not to.
because i want to be obvious.
and i want the world to know how smitten i am.

more importantly,
i want YOU to know, that,
"My atoms and chemicals could've been made anywhere in the universe, but they were made here, near you. Near yours."

Random #1 : My Favourite Song

2010-07-23T14:46:00.001+08:00

It took me so long to start the 30 days project,
not because i was suddenly swamped with ideas,
but the title for the first day (which is my favourite song) proves to be a huge setback.

For those of you who has hung out with me before,
you would know just how fickle i am.
I am that girl who goes 'id like one McChicken please.'

*5 seconds later*

'eh kejap kejap kejap. change that to Double Cheeseburger lah!'

*yet another 5 seconds*

'eh wait wait. can u cancel the Double Cheeseburger and make it a Big Mac instead?'

If you're the unfortunate person who's queuing behind me, or worse still the person who's taking my orders, dont think your death stares escaped my notice. I perasan okay, saja je buat muka bajet innocent macam tak buat salah.

Yes, i am fickle.
And i felt pressured nak kena pick just one song to list as my favourite so i did what i do best.
I stalled.
:)

To be honest, i dont have any preference to the songs i listen to.
Semua pun ikut mood.

Like, say, if i'm driving long-distance, i'd listen to Muse,Ratatat, Phoenix, Foals, Feist or Nadasurf.
If i'm angry, I'd listen to System of a Down or The Mars Volta.
If i'm in a breakup mode, i'd listen to Dygta, Coldplay, Damien Rice, Broken Social Scene or songs with heartbreaking lyrics.
If i'm chilling, i'd opt for Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Metric, The New Pornographers, Jack Johnson, Lily Allen or Regina Spektor.

Sometimes i listen to The Donnas and The Pierces when i'm in a girl-power mode. Or Weezer, Phantom Planet, OK Go, Garbage when i want to reminisce on my Foundation days. Or Lapsap, Klaxons or Agrikulture when i want to goyang goyang.
See?

How the hell am i supposed to break it down to one song?

Hehh. Fine just so tak lari tajuk. My favourite song right at this moment is Woo-Hoo by the 5678s. That's the same song as the famous whistling in Kill Bill Vol. 1 btw.

:)

Ok dah la dah penat type lah. Bye bye.

hai perempuan halimunan!

2010-07-14T02:37:00.001+08:00

hai lah perempuan,
dengan sepenuh perasaan aku attempt untuk cuba jadi memahami
dan dengan nada suara paling lembut yang aku bisa muster,
aku mahu tanya kamu ini,

mengapa yang tak pasti juga yang kamu mahu?
adakah kamu ditipu oleh ayat cinta manis bersalut gula,
atau dipaksa keadaan yang sentiasa tak menyebelahi kamu,
atau kamu merely in denial?

apa kamu tak sedar yang kamu bukan sekadar inflict pain atas diri sendiri?
tempias tempias luka sampai ke hati aku, hai perempuan.
sakit perit derita akan termaktub ke jiwa jiwa lain juga, hai perempuan.

susah sangat ke,
kalau kali ini,
aku minta jasa baik kamu,
beri aku peluang untuk betul betul bahagia?

sebab sumpah aku penat jalan atas duri yang sama!

Revelation #77

2010-07-14T01:26:00.005+08:00

being understanding sure is noble, but sometimes it drains the energy out of you.
no?
especially when there are about a million things out there that escapes your comprehension and lacks stability.

i lack stability.
that says a lot about my mental sturdiness, kan?
keeping that fact in mind, what chance do i have at being understanding?

maybe it's not stability that i lack, maybe it's faith.
maybe it's sanity.
fuck if i know.

p/s : will you people stop spamming my chatbox with cliched bloghopping invitations? if you really do have to do it, then at least make an effort to be original. pfft.

2010-07-10T04:42:00.000+08:00

P. Ramlee bears quite a huge resemblance to Charlie Chaplin in this, dontcha think?

Oh, i miss those days when i used to set up my sleepover kit in my parent's bedroom and cuddle under the covers eating Koko Krunch while watching Pendekar Bujang Lapuk (takpun tengok Chaplin's Modern Time).

5 is the best age, if you ask me.

I mean, seriously, i was so easily entertained and awed back then.

Pfft. Who needs Astro? Watching huge greasy guys in spandex wrestle each other pun boleh terbeliak mata aku tengok sampai pukul 1-2 pagi.

Spongebob? Naaah, back then pagi tengok Peter Pan, petang sikit will be time for Beauty & The Beast, then malam-ish i'll watch Cinderella. I love Disney's cartoon. Evergreen siot.

Repeat la satu cartoon sampai 15 kali sehari pun takpe, it's all good.

Weh. Rindu nya.

:'(

Paul The Octopus, the football pundit.

2010-07-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

Hello!

My name is Paul.

As you can see, i am an octopus!

In the other world, before i was hatched, I made an acquaintance with a delightful (albeit peculiar) man called Nostradamus and this gentleman taught me (above all things) how to predict the result of football games.

I was bred in Germnay, and thus could only predict games played by the Germans (though i actually hatched from my egg in England).

Back in 2008, for EURO 08, i only got one prophecy wrong (this is turning to be quite a badly presented resume ey? hehe).

This year, they once again put my prediction skill to test for the FIFA World Cup. I was there stuck in my aquarium (which, to be honest, makes me feel a tad bit claustrophobic) and they will put my food in two containers that are marked with the German flag as well as the flag of the opposing team.

You know, earlier on, when i predicted the win of Germany over Argentina, plenty of Argentinian fans threatened to eat me (thank god they never actually did!).

It was also pretty chaotic the other day when i indicated that Serbia will win over our nation. Some chose not to believe me, but at the end of the game, they had to silently succumb to the fact that they were wrong, and i was, once again, right.

Last night, i made my final prediction for this year's World Cup. To be honest, i just thought that the food in the Spain container looked more enticing.

I have no idea if we lost due to the fact that Spain's defense was spot on, or if i have unintentionally brought the morale of my countrymen down by predicting their loss.

But hey! i didnt want to repeat my last mistake where i rooted for Germany but they were beaten by Spain, which made me look kinda stupid (though, as an octopus, you would think it's hard to appear any more stupid that i already do).

I saw last night's game so that i will be able to foresee the chances of me receiving more death threats. Looks like it's coming fast and steady now. I shall go and hide in the corner of my tank now before somebody makes a 'sambal sotong' out of me.

Til the next prediction! (and you guys who are rooting for Netherlands and Spain can breathe in relief now as I wont be able to predict the outcome of THAT game!)

p/s : i do have a hunch that Holland will win though! ;)

Bookworm Bitch is now Bookenstein!

2010-07-08T23:25:00.001+08:00

Due to the inappropriateness of the name and the unfortunate sexual innuendo (as well as the fact that my mom now reads my blog) i have decided to change the url of my book blog.

It is now officially christened bookenstein.blogspot.com

Hear! Hear!

i'm not homophobic, but Archie IS gay!

2010-06-24T11:34:00.002+08:00

1. Archie is as queer as a three dollar bill.

2. He's the bitch while Jughead's the butch (why do you think he wears that crown hat all the time?)

3. That's why he never got around to choosing between Betty and Veronica. Not even the smoking hot Cheryl Blossom. Seriously, which straight guy would say no to Cheryl?

4. And that's why he's always doing extra chores for Mr. Weatherbee while The Bee 'helps him with his homework'.

Thank you Chasing Amy for this wonderful revelation. :)

(and a paedophile to add on to the insult!)

Revelation #265

2010-06-23T12:31:00.000+08:00

Phwoar.
Pagi ni emotion bercampur-campur.
Dalam otak macam ada rojak!

Life takes you places.

And it deceives you.

It does! It does!

It makes you think that you have changed and become wiser over the years.

But you're still the same.

The essence of you is still the same.

The sound of your common sense is more amplified, but your logic is still flawed.

Or maybe it's just me.

Pagi pagi ni time angin tiup sepoi sepoi bahasa, macam best kan kalau reminisce?

All this while, ive always told you guys stories yang gembira lompat lompat.

Hari ni, nak buka cerita lain.

Warning keras : Saya type panjang panjang ni, bukan untuk anda anda judge saya (kita bukan dalam court sekarang) tapi so that hopefully somebody will learn from my mistakes.

Warning satu lagi : Mama, tak payah baca post ni please! :D

OK, sambung.

Dulu, saya pernah TERmarah.
Bila TERmarah,TERbuat benda benda yang parah.
in the end, sendiri yang terngadah.

I was upset with someone that i love.

And when i felt like i was no longer needed, i walked away.

Oh wait, that wasnt all i did.

I walked away and attempted to replace him.

(walaupun deep down inside dah tahu, dia irreplacable, tapi ego punya pasal, saya hantam saja)

I was mean.
Very very very mean.
Inexcusably mean.

Perasaan perasaan buruk, memang brings out the worst in you.

Looking back, it was obvious that i was going through a phase.
Tapi, semua orang pun experience these phases, it does not give anyone any right to be awful about it.
And, that was the beginning.
The beginning of my own personal modernized Zaman Jahiliah.

Listen to me.

And listen carefully.

Most of the time, things will not go our way.
It's okay.
You have to fight it, yes, but not rebel against it.
There is no such thing as inflicting pain on others to reduce your own suffering.

You know, there was a wise bald old man who once said : An eye for an eye, and soon the world will be blind.

Gandhi was right.
and i was wrong.

When i was being heartless, to be honest, it did my ego some good. But that feeling did not last very long. Life span dia memang very very short.

Tak berbaloi langsung with the amount of dignity, respect and trust that was taken away.

Jadi lah manusia yang baik baik.
Firdaus Sapidih pernah cakap, kalau nak handle breakup dengan tenang, ingat lah memori-memori yang seronok. When you talk about them to other people, only mention the good things. Baru lah boleh senyum.

Cukup cukup lah it's over. That in itself dah cukup sedih. Tak perlu lah nak tambah lagi kesedihan dengan cerita benda benda yang buruk. Do yourself a favour. Let it go. Perasaan perasaan tak seronok ni, will only go away if you let it. Kalau sampai bila bila pun nak cling on to the negativity, hidup tak kan tenang.

Random Notes From A Mental Hospital

2010-06-19T13:27:00.002+08:00

1. The people here are pretty amusing. (some are unbelievably annoying, yes, but mostly they are pretty amusing)

2. Ive learnt that the first rule of being in a mental hospital is you do not talk about the mental hospital.

3. Whatever you say here will be automatically discounted as you most probably have an alter ego that contradicts yourself.

4. The cutleries here are made of plastic. (you know, it's pretty hard to poke your eyeballs out with plastic. i should know, ive tried)

5. They don't put on much music here. I miss music. The most i can get here is a vibrant humming of La Vie en Rose on loop.

6. Do you know that the government is pretty rich? They actually have enough money to pay for a few dragons to guard the door to this place!

7. I know i'm not making much sense to you right now. The voices inside my head are telling me the same thing.

Summary : I am going crazy.

Mari Joanna, mari. :)

2010-06-18T02:02:00.000+08:00

mari joanna, mari!
teman kan aku.

mari jalan berpimpin tangan di atas awan
atau, kau lebih gemar kan taman taman indah yang hijau?
semua juga bisa,
mari joanna,
mari.

mari nikmati hidangan lazat
dengan dessert buah buah anggur yang disuap oleh bidadari kayangan
mari joanna,
mari.

ahh aku sudah penat dengan warna warna kelam ini
selamat tinggal dunia pudar
aku mahu ke warped dimensi sebentar.
mari joanna?

bisik bisik sebelum terlena

2010-06-14T09:10:00.003+08:00

hey!

tahu tak?

just like physical strength,

willpower tu boleh didevelop.

nak buat the right thing,

nak stay on the right path,

memang uber-susah.

sebab :

nak dapat diamonds

memang lebih payah dari nak obtain pasir.

aku memang lemah semangat

tapi aku lucky,

aku ada kamu.

kamu yang sacrifice macam macam untuk revive balik semangat aku.

(dan kamu yang distance kan aku,

dari syaitan syaitan yang bisik di telinga tanpa jemu)

hey!

tahu tak?

kalau jumpa manusia istimewa

yang boleh pimpin ke jalan bahagia

jangan sakitkan hati dia

jangan sia sia kan peluang yang ada

the path to discovery, and to happiness

is never a straight journey.

(buka mata besar besar, tengok signboard betul betul!

dan bilamasa instinct dah terjerit jerit, jangan jadi ignorant)

hey!

jangan takut takut.

aku tak pergi mana mana.

aku ada, untuk kamu.

p/s : the boat may rock, and it might scare you. but i promise ill be in that boat with you, not once letting go of your hands. ini janji aku, sampai kapan pun. :)

request yang tak tahu macam mana nak tolak

2010-06-14T07:58:00.001+08:00

a girlfriend of mine who recently went through a breakup said this to me :

Sha, i dah takde orang nak manja-manja with.

Kalau i nak manja manja, i manja manja dengan you eh?

Kalau i rasa nak kiss, i peck you on the cheek eh?

Kalau i rasa nak yang lain lain, i baca Quran!

-_-'

Manusia Memang Selfish

2010-06-12T12:08:00.003+08:00

Aku nak jadi serious pagi ni.

I just finished reading Never Let Me Go (you can read my review about it here ) and somehow, something about the book reminded me of Avatar.

I guess it is easier to comprehend the behaviour of us homo-sapiens when it is presented to us from another creature's point of view. (Saya pernah baca kata kata ini : You can't find yourself inside yourself. Step outside. I'll meet you there)

Avatar was from the POV of well, an alien and this book was from the POV of clones. Yes, human clones. You know how we've always thought of clones as this human-form that is kept in like, huge test tubes and their purpose are solely to produce human organs that will enhance our biological and medical technology? (Saya sendiri pun termasuk dalam kategori jahil, sebab tak pernah terfikir ada kemungkinan that there is a realm where something other than that orthodox belief exists)

Well, the idea that Kazuo Ishiguro puts forward was that these clones were capable of thoughts and emotions but even when presented with proof of that, the society and the government ran scared and denied the possibility of the clones being anything more than mere lab apparatus.

(Apa yang saya cuba nak ketengahkan di sini bukannya tentang possibility bahawa ada kemungkinan ciptaan manusia tu adalah seperfect ciptaan Tuhan. Jangan cepat melatah! Saya sedang bicara tentang ignorance secara general ni)

When it comes to anything remotely sensitive, like politics or religion or extreme social issues, ive noticed that TOO MANY people refuse to address these issues directly. They refuse to read up on said subjects and they refuse to discuss and debate it openly.

Why? I keep asking myself, why? Out of fear that their opinions might be open to ridicule, perhaps? Or fear that it will lead them astray to further unconventional thoughts, maybe. Instead, they would rather deny the possibility of there being anything more substantial to discuss, and they will kill the topic and move on to other lighter and less complicated subjects.

I have once touched the subject of alcohol in Islam. Of course it is prohibited, but why exactly? I've gotten so sick with all this 'sebab Allah cakap haram, haram lah!' and 'Itu kan air kencing setan, duhh' statements that are repetitive in nature. It is as if, everyone are clones (pah! the irony!) and have exactly the same thoughts when it comes to subjects such as these.

It was stated that alcohol is prohibited for health reasons. Besides, it makes you high and when you are in an ecstasy, you will not be thinking straight and thus, it will prevent you from conducting your ibadah in a sober state.

Now, let me ask you this (pardon me for repeating my own posts), if a series of experiments were to be conducted where a medical test is done on a person where the amount of alcohol consumed is carefully calculated - an amount that will not induce any form of health hazard AT ALL, will not affect the person's sanity and is not enough to cause an addiction - is it still prohibited in that sense?

This is just one example out of the many questions that i ask myself. I personally think that there is nothing wrong in asking questions. For, if you do not ask questions, how else do you expect to get answers? As long as you do not let your faith be swayed by whatever question you might pose and answers you might obtain, i believe there is nothing wrong with it.

Satu lagi example. (harap harap tak kena rejam lepas ni). Dalam Quran, there is a surah called Al-Qiyamah. It is about Doom's Day. Thing is, the direct translation of the name of the surah is The Resurrection.

While resurrection can mean 'the act of rising from the dead', it can also mean 'the state of one who has returned to life'. All this while, everyone has always assumed that it is a literal account of what The End of The World will be like. Isnt there just a possibility that instead, it describes a journey of somebody whose life has gone through darkness and is just discovering a newfound light?

Isn't al-Quran after all a complete book of guidelines that covers every aspects of our lives? I don't want to get into details with the whole al-Qiyamah business. It will be too lengthy. Penat korang nak baca nanti. But if you are as jobless as i am, and you've got time to spare, go read the translation and see if there's a hidden meaning behind those physical lines that you can read.

If you want to discuss and debate it with me, by all means, do so. (Sambil sambil tu, we can both generate an extra brain cell or two heheh). Drop a comment, write me an email. Apa apa pun boleh. OK, moving on.

What is wrong with asking questions? What is wrong with trying to discover the source of why such and such rules and regulations were created in the first place? You never know, if you give these questions a chance, you might just discover something new within yourself.

Sampai bila weh, kita nak run scared everytime something out of the ordinary surfaces? Kalau semua orang ada attitude macam ni, sampai sekarang kita still ingat bumi tu flat. Sampai sekarang kita still ingat matahari tu yang orbit around bumi.

Ke kita memang spesies yang suka di-institutionalized? Ikut semua hukum hakam dan akta akta tanpa fikir panjang?

Open up your minds, let your mind wander around. Unless if you think it's too small to be let out by itself without a leash lah, haha. In that case, you can stay under your blanket of ignorance til the day you die. :)

Science Application in Love (tak sia sia belajar kimia)

2010-06-11T01:45:00.001+08:00

Pernah dengar ura-ura bahawa opposites attract?

Petang tadi aku bereksperimentasi

Cuba buktikan teori laknat itu

Kamu tahu apa jadi,

bila asid sulfurik ditambah dengan sodium bikarbonat?

Jadi neutral, tenang,

serasi dan tak akan meletup.

Dalam bikar aku,

Aku lihat chemicals yang sizzle sesama sendiri.

Oh, jangan mimpi mahu lihat fireworks!

(Apa, kamu ingat, ini cerita dongeng Disney?)

Fireworks, dalam makmal, adalah equivalent dengan destruction!

Makanya, hipotesis aku terbukti!

Konklusi aku?

Ya benar, opposites attract!

Jadi, tak apa kan, kalau kita tiada similarities?

you are my budak kecik, but you are also the man i can always count on.

2010-06-08T22:15:00.002+08:00

5 years ago,

somebody stole my heart.

i caught the thief,

but instead of taking my heart back,

i let him keep it.

5 years later,

and here we are.

5 years later,

and ive never regretted my decision to let him keep it.

5 years later,

and he still makes me smile.

and i still think he's the funniest guy on earth.

and he still makes me blush.

i still wouldnt know what to do without him.

5 years later,

im still very much in love.

30 Days Project

2010-06-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

Ini bukan project abstinence.
Bukan project mencari cinta jugak.
Bukan bukan bukan.

This is a shortcut untuk orang macam I yang nak tulis, tapi for the time being, takde idea nak tulis apa.
Tapi tangan gatal nak tulis jugak.
Walaupun bukannya orang kisah kau update blog ke tak Tasha oii, tapi nak tulis jugak.
Because writing gives me the same kind of rush that you might get from getting randy with your blow-up doll.

I came across this project on Hanna's page and decided that i want a 30 days project of my own!

I will write 30 posts based on the most trivial things.
Rasa macam best pulak nak ramble on random things.
Lepas dah tulis boleh cross out topic on the checklist.
Boleh la perasan macam achieve something big, padahal berjaya tulis yet another blogpost je pun.

Mari mari mari, tulis merapu rapu! :D

Bookworm Bitch is up and running!

2010-06-05T16:33:00.001+08:00

Bila jejak kaki masuk ke rumah,
Senyap. Aman.
Ajaib.
Sebab satu keluarga saya semuanya bising belaka.
Jadi, kalau nak tahu betapa bingitnya rumah saya,
bayang kan saja 6 orang Fithri Natasha sedang bersembang.
Haa, itu lah rumah saya.

Hari ni saya pulang ke KL, tinggalkan kaki di UTP.
Kalau mahu beronggeng dan jalan jalan cuci mata, lihat awek awek yang sama lawa dengan Lisa Surihani atau lelaki lelaki macho yang sedap mcm aiskrim atau Subway (ini Ika yang ajar!), saya terpaksa pergi dengan mengesot.
Susah la bila kaki tak ada.
(kaki dalam context ini refers to Proton Savvy warna biru yang paling handsome sekali)

Mahu menulis, ilham tak berapa nak banyak.
Mahu tonton TV, tak ada cerita yang menarik.
Mahu membaca, ah! bahan bacaan semua tak kena dengan perasaan semasa.

Oh! Lupa nak beritahu!
Saya dah post entry pertama dalam Book Blog saya
Dah alang alang baca buku, tulis sajalah review, bukan susah pun.

Tapi, to be frank, saya bukan tulis dengan penuh ikhlas.
Ya, memang, salah satu faktor saya tulis supaya boleh kongsi dengan kamu kamu semua.
Tapi, ada faktor lain yang memegang percentage yang lebih besar.
Mana lah tahu, satu hari nanti, orang mula hantar buku untuk saya review.

Huh, jimat duit aku tak payah beli buku dah! Hehehh.

Tapi sementara masih belum ada orang nak sponsor buku, nampaknya terpaksa lah review buku buku yang dah sedia ada.

http://bookwormbitch.blogspot.com

Maaf, saya tahu memang kurang sesuai untuk gunakan judul series pornography sebagai URL sebuah blog yang review buku. Tapi saya dah kehabisan idea. Itu je yang saya mampu come up with.

Kalau tak suka, pergi buat blog buku sendiri yang lebih berilmiah. :D