How I Derive the Equation of an Elastic Heart

It started with a good intention paired with actions that do not reflect that intention.

It started in a place of uncertainty and double-guessing. It started with grasping around for something to hold on to.

It evolves, as everything does. 

Into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Into an awkward cycle of mistakes and lessons learnt. Into swapped shoes and many miles.

It evolves into something that realizes its full existence, but also realizes that existence itself is temporary. 

It blooms into a calm heart - a heart that only fears fear, and one that only opens itself to another calm open heart. 

It blooms into a recognition that presence can be felt in absence, and the only weapon you should use against the world is your beautiful smile.

My journey bloomed and it brought me to you.

Queen of Clouds

There hasnt been many days like this one. 

A bright day where people just gawk in awe at the sky (at the clouds and the non-clouds) for a long stretch of time.

I like to think of it as a hopeful day. A new start.

Where there are both a hopeful day and a hopeful soul, there will be a junction where the Universe will meet.

To get to the junction, one would have to walk past tests and temptations (because, annoyingly, the right way cant be an easy way), upon completion of which, clarity may then be had. 

And the night?

It was full of stars. 

P/s : What if I told you that YOU are my bright day?

Scared Animals

People are scared animals. 

We're afraid of changes and scared when things remain the same.

Scared of ending up exactly where we started but also scared of taking chances.

Now, i know you're scared. I am too. We can't run away from it because that's just our instincts as human. 

For what it's worth, I'd much rather be scared together with you, than to go down this road by myself. 

I am too little butter on too much bread, I am too many thoughts in too little head.(Tyler Knott)

Happiness is finding contentment in doing everything in moderation. It's in being delighted over an amazing sunset. It's in recognizing that life is too short for you to either be too upset when things go wrong or too excited when it goes your way.

It's in finding joy in giving. And it's in existing in such a way that you make it slightly easier for everyone you meet along the way. 

Kindness grows. They grow into happiness.

Guidelines for 2015

1. Dont be a maybe.

2. Dont be a man of flimsy handshakes.

3. Dont walk around without a clear conscience.

4. Co-exist because the world really doesn't revolve around you.

5. Only ask questions that you are ready to hear the answers to.

6. Dont feel good for having made a good plan. Feel good for having done a good act.

7. Work to become, not to acquire.

8. You can't customize the rules to fit your fancy. 

9. Be grateful when things are fully great.

10. And also when they're not.

Remember, 

"Everything is changed forever all the time"

Underneath It All

For most questions you might have, you would already have the answer for it. It could be deep down, it could be at a mid-range depth or it might have already surfaced waiting for you to recognize that it is the answer or solution youve been looking for. 

For my birthday, i wanted to try something different and face my fear of drowning. So i went diving. 

During the assessment, the one rule that keeps coming up was 'dont forget to breathe!' And 'remember to keep breathing'. You can imagine other variations that carry the same context. 

My practical pragmatic side tends to get annoyed when it comes to stating the obvious (though this is a habit that i constantly indulge in). 

It was only during my first dive that i came to the realization that when emotion kicks in and you're surrounded by unfamiliar setting, you tend to lose track of things you already know. It doesnt matter if it's common sense. Emotions do not take heed of logical reasonings, unfortunately.

So there i was kicking around in the water (half thinking i was gonna die, half amazed at the underwater beauty). I was unable to equalize and 'balance myself out'. Suddenly, something as natural as breathing becomes a completely alien concept. 

I also feel that's sort of what happens to me when i fall in love. When I lose control, answers i already have morph into questions again. (Half feeling like i was gonna die and half absolutely amazed at the undersurface beauty).

You and i, we can either get fixated on our fear or we can focus on the beauty. And breathe.

Remember to breathe.

"Don't be afraid of your fears, they're not there to scare you; they are there to let you know that something is worth it."

Wish Well at the Wishing Well

I wished on you without knowing that you'd waltz in, an embodiment of all the closures i'd never gotten and answer all the questions i'd never thought of asking. 

I now wish that my wish is wishing on me too.

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I always wonder why i write better when im sad and bitter rather than when i do it when happy and smitten.

When i write happy, im always second-guessing my own ability to capture the joy into words. I feel like i would do myself injustice if i dont use the right context and portray it the way it is in my head. 

So i'm gonna face my fear and give it a try now, while i'm somewhat in limbo. 

Truth is, i'm scared of finding all ive ever been looking for in you. Because i'm unsure of whether or not you've been looking in me too.

At the same time, this is the kind of scared that I'm sure of. 

This is the kind of scared that comes with constant reassurances. 

So i'm gonna delve into this, scared and smitten and all. 

Sailor

To the one who watches the sun rise and set with/for me, the regular anticipation and constant companion is keeping me going.

Thanks for making your presence felt in your absence.

Menunggu Bulan Purnama

They say, there are three things wise men fear ; the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man. 

Now, i'm hardly wise and i'm hardly a man, but i have to say, 'they' make a very compelling argument, and i wholeheartedly agree.

The moon is half-full now as i'm typing this. For reasons i cannot articulate, i have been properly anxious awaiting for it to grow whole. This time, far more anxious than the previous moon cycles. 

Then again, the excitement is derived from the anticipation. 

If anyone knows the secret to calm an anxious heart and steady a restless mind, lets be friends. I'll buy you dinner and you can tell me all about it over the meal. 

Tingles

My fingers tingle...

At the memory of your clasped hand

At the feel of new pages

At the grip of a good pen

At the scribbles of new (and old) tales

And i want to share this with you -

through words and non-words

through silent goads and heavy whispers

In hopes that your context

will meet my context

and that they will be fond of one another

String of Words

"Let me do the walking"

"I don't know what I would've done if you weren't around"

"You make things interesting"

To be honest,

Sometimes I don't know what makes people say the things that they say.

To be more honest, 

'Most times' is more precise than 'sometimes'.

Most times, I wonder if these fleeting words were ever meant to travel far.

Each time, I wonder if they would linger, leave a legacy or get terribly lost in time.

"But if stars shan't shine

By the very first time

Then dear it's fine, so fine by me

Cause we can give it time

So much time, with me"

Stating The Obvious

Whenever in doubt, remove yourself, get away and come back so you can see things under new light.

Good decisions come with immense responsibility. Bad decisions come with immense consequences.

It's never about the destination but it's almost always about the people you meet and the stories you hear along the way.

More hesitance, more resistance.

Support always brings better outcomes than pressure does.

Nightmare

I had a terrible dream of my past chasing me up all the way into the present, suffocating me enough that I couldn't make it to the future.

Familiar faces with familiar behaviour can more often than not surprise you with alien outcomes.

Obviously

In the midst of plane crashes and conspiracy theories,
a thought (that had dawned on me for a while now) finally settled.

A prayer is a prayer,
whether it is vocalized or not.
Feeling for one or caring for them
is not indicated by your verbalization of the feeling or the care.

If it's there, it's there.
Making it public does not make it more significant,
just as Silence does not make it any less noteworthy.

They did say that at the end of the day, your view on the world is a mere reflection of yourself.
If compassion is what you give, compassion is what you receive.
(There I go again, stating the obvious!)

But when it comes to these things, that's what everything is - obvious - is it not?