Journeys and Destinations

I have loved quotes for about as long as I have learnt what the word 'quote' means..
Having put that in context, i shall start this post by quoting Pablo Neruda who wrote, amongst many others :

We, of that time, are no longer the same 

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her 

My voice tries to find the wind to touch her hearing 

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses. 

Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes. 

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her 

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

(Pah. If i had a penny for each time i quoted Neruda!)

And today,

as I looked through (clicked on, more like) old pictures, I got to thinking that there should be a word for that feeling when you look at someone (or images of them) from the past and remembers a time when their built were yours to seek comfort in, and their cheeks were yours to pinch when you felt like it, and their hair were yours to tousle when you want it messy.

You remember this feeling, while at the same time, being fully aware that these are merely figments of your memories. That it is no longer applicable.
Yes, there should definitely be a word for that feeling.

Having said that, I shall place an interval of another quote right about here :

Remember, you are part of a beautiful story that did not start when you were born.
As your body cuts through the air, think of only the things that made you smile, the people that made you love, the ideas that made you strong.
Remember, those things will never happen again but they cannot unhappen.
Remember, what you felt can't ever be taken away.
Remember, you are part of a beautiful story that did not start when you were born.
And it will not end when you die.
Remember.

And so I have decided to go on retreats (not that I needed an excuse to want to go on retreats in the first place!) so i can remember and forget. So I can ask questions and receive answers. So I can get lost and be found.

I think it's gonna be a much needed break from monotony (look at that! now I'm a BFM marketer!).

After all, Terry Pratchett said

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."

I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.

My eyes grew heavy, and my heart, even heavier.
The question in my head screamed for an answer. An answer that my heart couldn't give.
Because it wasnt a series of whys and hows. It was a series of whens and whos.
And those answers were never mine to be given out, anyway.
It belongs to Time and are only answerable with time.

In, the meantime,
I have found that the temporary-cure lies in moments.

That moment in between a hectic workday, where you sit with a friend, next to a commercialized lake in a commercialized bit of town, basking in the Surrogate Nature that lies in front of you, in all its polluted glory, breathing in polluted air. And you talk about complete nonsense. You debate about favourite animals actually being the form that you see yourself projecting to the world. For 15 minutes. Maybe 20. 30, if you're lucky. And then you go back to your hectic workday, feeling slightly okay with the routine that followed a wholesome break.

That moment at the end of the day, when you are simply brimming with discoveries, with stories, with realizations - and you took all of that, to meet your favourite person. And you sit on cushy sofas with  your feet up, recounting bits and details. And as you came to the Conclusion of the Day, you realized that this moment was just like the favourite animal conversation you had the other day.

That moment when you take a day off and spend it lazing idly by the roadside, with sunshine gazing directly at you, The XX and Jack Johnson playing in the background, chasing cars that rushed by with your eyes. And you realize that most days, you are one of those cars - chasing appointments and other people. But today is not most days. Today, you are allowed to bask under the sun, not worrying and not caring.

Find these moments.
Revel in it.