antara hidup antara semesta

 jika aku disuruh
memetik baris baris kata dari kotak minda
dan disuruh menyulam kata dengan rasa
ini lah yang akan tercipta :

hidup,
adalah gabungan antara -
kata putus, yang tercipta dari benak benak jiwa ;
percanggahan rasa, yang mula ada sejak wujud manusia ;
tangisan airmata, yang terbit tanpa dijangka ;
dan senyuman gembira yang datang tanpa dipelawa.

on top of my mind

1. an average person falls asleep in 7 minutes.

i often have to lie down for hours, staring at the ceiling (entertaining wild thoughts) before i finally manage to move to Dreamland. 

i dont know if that means i'm not average, or i'm not a person.

2. in French class, i learnt :

Il est bien, mais ses amis sont bizarres !

which means : he's all right but his friends are weird. 

the lecturer said that this sentence is surprisingly useful. claims that she uses it everyday. being in Tronoh, i'm not surprised (and if you're wondering where Tronoh is, you've just proved my point heheh). Just saying.

3. lately, i keep finding myself on the brink of giving up. but each time, you pulled me away from the ledge. if it wasn't for you, i would've been able to tell you what is in the abyss by now. thank you for babysitting me.

4. I came across this video :

It's a French version of 'Hold Me Tight' by Les Baronnets. Sure, they aren't as good as The Beatles were but the song is still pretty cute.

5. as much as i try to remind myself, i keep forgetting that some things are unexplainable. these things ought to be left by itself for if you try too hard to make sense of it, before you know it, you will be carted off to a psychiatric ward. i should know, there has been too many nights in which i broke down crying simply because i was thinking too much and i couldnt make sense of the thoughts in my head.

6. do you realize that time passes by really fast when you're not doing anything? which sucks because it is when you're at your laziest and not in the mood to do anything that datelines try their hardest to smother you. and when you're taking the time to be as useful as humanly possible, that is when the weekend never seems to come around. whose idea was it again to have a 7 day week ?

people can't be there for you, if you don't let them in.

it's not fair that you wallow by yourself,
and you push people out,
and then you blame them for not being there for you.

it really is not fair.

people always leave. but sometimes they come back.

Speak when you're angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

when you are angry, stay silent.
why?
becauseeeeee..

1) even though you're raging inside, the least you could do is to rage gracefully.
2) it gives you time to come up with good comebacks.
3) 99% of the time (excuse the made up statistic), you'll end up saying something you'll regret or something you dont mean or something that you simply cant take back or something that .. well you get the drift
4) angry people dont look good. (dont believe me? go ahead! scrunch your forehead and flare your nostrils in front of the mirror. and THEN you tell me whether or not you look good!)
5) because you wouldnt want me taunting you later with 'I-Told-You-So's, would you?

;)

Mesej komuniti ini dibawakan kepada anda oleh Jabatan Kesihatan Mental.
Sila take note.

i miss writing for the sake of writing.

i do.
writing without any pretense has it's own ways of liberating you.
you know, some people attempt suicide in the search of freedom, some write.

okay.
that sounds a bit grim.
hahaha.

ive been somewhat trapped in between growing up and craving for the ability to freeze time.
it's kind of a limbo, really. (not the same ones like in Inception)
there has been plenty of contentment and just as much confusion.
and i guess for the longest while, i havent been able to put it into words.

im rambling now, arent i?
you know, i tend to ramble when im sleepy (not that i am at the moment, though). i'll talk nonsense (and non-stop) until at some point i realize that i'm not making any sense at all.

i'd then go all

'am i making any sense to you? cuz im not making much sense to myself. i have the tendency to do this each time im sleepy. are you following what im saying? cuz if you're not, perhaps you should force me to go to sleep. that way, you can skip the whole rambling session...' 

and ill go on and on until somebody either :

a) stop me

b) pop sleeping pills in my mouth/drink

c) hand me a pillow

see. there i go again.
perhaps i am sleepy after all and was just being in denial.
pillow. now. please.