hai perempuan halimunan!

hai lah perempuan,
dengan sepenuh perasaan aku attempt untuk cuba jadi memahami
dan dengan nada suara paling lembut yang aku bisa muster,
aku mahu tanya kamu ini,

mengapa yang tak pasti juga yang kamu mahu?
adakah kamu ditipu oleh ayat cinta manis bersalut gula,
atau dipaksa keadaan yang sentiasa tak menyebelahi kamu,
atau kamu merely in denial?

apa kamu tak sedar yang kamu bukan sekadar inflict pain atas diri sendiri?
tempias tempias luka sampai ke hati aku, hai perempuan.
sakit perit derita akan termaktub ke jiwa jiwa lain juga, hai perempuan.

susah sangat ke,
kalau kali ini,
aku minta jasa baik kamu,
beri aku peluang untuk betul betul bahagia?

sebab sumpah aku penat jalan atas duri yang sama!

Revelation #77

being understanding sure is noble, but sometimes it drains the energy out of you.
no?
especially when there are about a million things out there that escapes your comprehension and lacks stability.

i lack stability.
that says a lot about my mental sturdiness, kan?
keeping that fact in mind, what chance do i have at being understanding?

maybe it's not stability that i lack, maybe it's faith.
maybe it's sanity.
fuck if i know.

p/s : will you people stop spamming my chatbox with cliched bloghopping invitations? if you really do have to do it, then at least make an effort to be original. pfft.

P. Ramlee bears quite a huge resemblance to Charlie Chaplin in this, dontcha think?

:)

Oh, i miss those days when i used to set up my sleepover kit in my parent's bedroom and cuddle under the covers eating Koko Krunch while watching Pendekar Bujang Lapuk (takpun tengok Chaplin's Modern Time).

5 is the best age, if you ask me.

I mean, seriously, i was so easily entertained and awed back then.

Pfft. Who needs Astro? Watching huge greasy guys in spandex wrestle each other pun boleh terbeliak mata aku tengok sampai pukul 1-2 pagi.

Spongebob? Naaah, back then pagi tengok Peter Pan, petang sikit will be time for Beauty & The Beast, then malam-ish i'll watch Cinderella. I love Disney's cartoon. Evergreen siot. 

Repeat la satu cartoon sampai 15 kali sehari pun takpe, it's all good. 

Weh. Rindu nya. 

:'(

Paul The Octopus, the football pundit.

Hello!

My name is Paul.

As you can see, i am an octopus!

In the other world, before i was hatched, I made an acquaintance with a delightful (albeit peculiar) man called Nostradamus and this gentleman taught me (above all things) how to predict the result of football games.

I was bred in Germnay, and thus could only predict games played by the Germans (though i actually hatched from my egg in England).

Back in 2008, for EURO 08, i only got one prophecy wrong (this is turning to be quite a badly presented resume ey? hehe).

This year, they once again put my prediction skill to test for the FIFA World Cup. I was there stuck in my aquarium (which, to be honest, makes me feel a tad bit claustrophobic) and they will put my food in two containers that are marked with the German flag as well as the flag of the opposing team.

You know, earlier on, when i predicted the win of Germany over Argentina, plenty of Argentinian fans threatened to eat me (thank god they never actually did!). 

It was also pretty chaotic the other day when i indicated that Serbia will win over our nation. Some chose not to believe me, but at the end of the game, they had to silently succumb to the fact that they were wrong, and i was, once again, right.

Last night, i made my final prediction for this year's World Cup. To be honest, i just thought that the food in the Spain container looked more enticing.

I have no idea if we lost due to the fact that Spain's defense was spot on, or if i have unintentionally brought the morale of my countrymen down by predicting their loss. 

But hey! i didnt want to repeat my last mistake where i rooted for Germany but they were beaten by Spain, which made me look kinda stupid (though, as an octopus, you would think it's hard to appear any more stupid that i already do).

I saw last night's game so that i will be able to foresee the chances of me receiving more death threats. Looks like it's coming fast and steady now. I shall go and hide in the corner of my tank now before somebody makes a 'sambal sotong' out of me. 

Til the next prediction! (and you guys who are rooting for Netherlands and Spain can breathe in relief now as I wont be able to predict the outcome of THAT game!) 

:)

p/s : i do have a hunch that Holland will win though! ;)

Bookworm Bitch is now Bookenstein!

Due to the inappropriateness of the name and the unfortunate sexual innuendo (as well as the fact that my mom now reads my blog) i have decided to change the url of my book blog. 

It is now officially christened bookenstein.blogspot.com

Hear! Hear!

:)

i'm not homophobic, but Archie IS gay!

1. Archie is as queer as a three dollar bill.

2. He's the bitch while Jughead's the butch (why do you think he wears that crown hat all the time?)

3. That's why he never got around to choosing between Betty and Veronica. Not even the smoking hot Cheryl Blossom. Seriously, which straight guy would say no to Cheryl?

4. And that's why he's always doing extra chores for Mr. Weatherbee while The Bee 'helps him with his homework'.

Thank you Chasing Amy for this wonderful revelation. :)

(and a paedophile to add on to the insult!)

Revelation #265

Phwoar.
Pagi ni emotion bercampur-campur.
Dalam otak macam ada rojak!

Life takes you places.

And it deceives you. 

It does! It does!

It makes you think that you have changed and become wiser over the years.

But you're still the same.

The essence of you is still the same.

The sound of your common sense is more amplified, but your logic is still flawed.

Or maybe it's just me.

Pagi pagi ni time angin tiup sepoi sepoi bahasa, macam best kan kalau reminisce?

All this while, ive always told you guys stories yang gembira lompat lompat.

Hari ni, nak buka cerita lain.

Warning keras : Saya type panjang panjang ni, bukan untuk anda anda judge saya (kita bukan dalam court sekarang) tapi so that hopefully somebody will learn from my mistakes.

Warning satu lagi : Mama, tak payah baca post ni please! :D 

OK, sambung.

Dulu, saya pernah TERmarah.
Bila TERmarah,TERbuat benda benda yang parah.
in the end, sendiri yang terngadah.

I was upset with someone that i love.

And when i felt like i was no longer needed, i walked away.

Oh wait, that wasnt all i did.

I walked away and attempted to replace him.

(walaupun deep down inside dah tahu, dia irreplacable, tapi ego punya pasal, saya hantam saja)

I was mean.
Very very very mean.
Inexcusably mean.

Perasaan perasaan buruk, memang brings out the worst in you.

Looking back, it was obvious that i was going through a phase.
Tapi, semua orang pun experience these phases, it does not give anyone any right to be awful about it.
And, that was the beginning.
The beginning of my own personal modernized Zaman Jahiliah.

Listen to me.

And listen carefully.

Most of the time, things will not go our way.
It's okay.
You have to fight it, yes, but not rebel against it.
There is no such thing as inflicting pain on others to reduce your own suffering.

You know, there was a wise bald old man who once said : An eye for an eye, and soon the world will be blind.

Gandhi was right.
and i was wrong.

When i was being heartless, to be honest, it did my ego some good. But that feeling did not last very long. Life span dia memang very very short. 

Tak berbaloi langsung with the amount of dignity, respect and trust that was taken away.

Jadi lah manusia yang baik baik.
Firdaus Sapidih pernah cakap, kalau nak handle breakup dengan tenang, ingat lah memori-memori yang seronok. When you talk about them to other people, only mention the good things. Baru lah boleh senyum.

Cukup cukup lah it's over. That in itself dah cukup sedih. Tak perlu lah nak tambah lagi kesedihan dengan cerita benda benda yang buruk. Do yourself a favour. Let it go. Perasaan perasaan tak seronok ni, will only go away if you let it. Kalau sampai bila bila pun nak cling on to the negativity, hidup tak kan tenang.

Random Notes From A Mental Hospital

1. The people here are pretty amusing. (some are unbelievably annoying, yes, but mostly they are pretty amusing)

2. Ive learnt that the first rule of being in a mental hospital is you do not talk about the mental hospital.

3. Whatever you say here will be automatically discounted as you most probably have an alter ego that contradicts yourself.

4. The cutleries here are made of plastic. (you know, it's pretty hard to poke your eyeballs out with plastic. i should know, ive tried)

5. They don't put on much music here. I miss music. The most i can get here is a vibrant humming of La Vie en Rose on loop.

6. Do you know that the government is pretty rich? They actually have enough money to pay for a few dragons to guard the door to this place!

7. I know i'm not making much sense to you right now. The voices inside my head are telling me the same thing.

Summary : I am going crazy.

Mari Joanna, mari. :)

mari joanna, mari!
teman kan aku.

mari jalan berpimpin tangan di atas awan
atau, kau lebih gemar kan taman taman indah yang hijau?
semua juga bisa,
mari joanna,
mari.

mari nikmati hidangan lazat
dengan dessert buah buah anggur yang disuap oleh bidadari kayangan
mari joanna,
mari.

ahh aku sudah penat dengan warna warna kelam ini
selamat tinggal dunia pudar
aku mahu ke warped dimensi sebentar.
mari joanna?

bisik bisik sebelum terlena

hey!

tahu tak?

just like physical strength, 

willpower tu boleh didevelop.

nak buat the right thing,

nak stay on the right path,

memang uber-susah.

sebab :

nak dapat diamonds

memang lebih payah dari nak obtain pasir.

aku memang lemah semangat

tapi aku lucky,

aku ada kamu.

kamu yang sacrifice macam macam untuk revive balik semangat aku.

(dan kamu yang distance kan aku,

dari syaitan syaitan yang bisik di telinga tanpa jemu)

hey!

tahu tak?

kalau jumpa manusia istimewa

yang boleh pimpin ke jalan bahagia

jangan sakitkan hati dia

jangan sia sia kan peluang yang ada

the path to discovery, and to happiness

is never a straight journey.

(buka mata besar besar, tengok signboard betul betul!

dan bilamasa instinct dah terjerit jerit, jangan jadi ignorant)

hey!

jangan takut takut.

aku tak pergi mana mana.

aku ada, untuk kamu.

p/s : the boat may rock, and it might scare you. but i promise ill be in that boat with you, not once letting go of your hands. ini janji aku, sampai kapan pun. :)

request yang tak tahu macam mana nak tolak

a girlfriend of mine who recently went through a breakup said this to me :

Sha, i dah takde orang nak manja-manja with.

Kalau i nak manja manja, i manja manja dengan you eh?

Kalau i rasa nak kiss, i peck you on the cheek eh?

Kalau i rasa nak yang lain lain, i baca Quran!

-_-'

Manusia Memang Selfish

Aku nak jadi serious pagi ni.

I just finished reading Never Let Me Go (you can read my review about it here ) and somehow, something about the book reminded me of Avatar.

I guess it is easier to comprehend the behaviour of us homo-sapiens when it is presented to us from another creature's point of view. (Saya pernah baca kata kata ini : You can't find yourself inside yourself. Step outside. I'll meet you there)

Avatar was from the POV of well, an alien and this book was from the POV of clones. Yes, human clones. You know how we've always thought of clones as this human-form that is kept in like, huge test tubes and their purpose are solely to produce human organs that will enhance our biological and medical technology? (Saya sendiri pun termasuk dalam kategori jahil, sebab tak pernah terfikir ada kemungkinan that there is a realm where something other than that orthodox belief exists)

Well, the idea that Kazuo Ishiguro puts forward was that these clones were capable of thoughts and emotions but even when presented with proof of that, the society and the government ran scared and denied the possibility of the clones being anything more than mere lab apparatus.

(Apa yang saya cuba nak ketengahkan di sini bukannya tentang possibility bahawa ada kemungkinan ciptaan manusia tu adalah seperfect ciptaan Tuhan. Jangan cepat melatah! Saya sedang bicara tentang ignorance secara general ni)

When it comes to anything remotely sensitive, like politics or religion or extreme social issues, ive noticed that TOO MANY people refuse to address these issues directly. They refuse to read up on said subjects and they refuse to discuss and debate it openly. 

Why? I keep asking myself, why? Out of fear that their opinions might be open to ridicule, perhaps? Or fear that it will lead them astray to further unconventional thoughts, maybe. Instead, they would rather deny the possibility of there being anything more substantial to discuss, and they will kill the topic and move on to other lighter and less complicated subjects.

I have once touched the subject of alcohol in Islam. Of course it is prohibited, but why exactly? I've gotten so sick with all this 'sebab Allah cakap haram, haram lah!' and 'Itu kan air kencing setan, duhh' statements that are repetitive in nature. It is as if, everyone are clones (pah! the irony!) and have exactly the same thoughts when it comes to subjects such as these.

It was stated that alcohol is prohibited for health reasons. Besides, it makes you high and when you are in an ecstasy, you will not be thinking straight and thus, it will prevent you from conducting your ibadah in a sober state.

Now, let me ask you this (pardon me for repeating my own posts), if a series of experiments were to be conducted where a medical test is done on a person where the amount of alcohol consumed is carefully calculated - an amount that will not induce any form of health hazard AT ALL, will not affect the person's sanity and is not enough to cause an addiction - is it still prohibited in that sense?

This is just one example out of the many questions that i ask myself. I personally think that there is nothing wrong in asking questions. For, if you do not ask questions, how else do you expect to get answers? As long as you do not let your faith be swayed by whatever question you might pose and answers you might obtain, i believe there is nothing wrong with it. 

Satu lagi example. (harap harap tak kena rejam lepas ni). Dalam Quran, there is a surah called Al-Qiyamah. It is about Doom's Day. Thing is, the direct translation of the name of the surah is The Resurrection.

While resurrection can mean 'the act of rising from the dead', it can also mean 'the state of one who has returned to life'. All this while, everyone has always assumed that it is a literal account of what The End of The World will be like. Isnt there just a possibility that instead, it describes a journey of somebody whose life has gone through darkness and is just discovering a newfound light? 

Isn't al-Quran after all a complete book of guidelines that covers every aspects of our lives? I don't want to get into details with the whole al-Qiyamah business. It will be too lengthy. Penat korang nak baca nanti. But if you are as jobless as i am, and you've got time to spare, go read the translation and see if there's a hidden meaning behind those physical lines that you can read.

If you want to discuss and debate it with me, by all means, do so. (Sambil sambil tu, we can both generate an extra brain cell or two heheh). Drop a comment, write me an email. Apa apa pun boleh. OK, moving on.

What is wrong with asking questions? What is wrong with trying to discover the source of why such and such rules and regulations were created in the first place? You never know, if you give these questions a chance, you might just discover something new within yourself.

Sampai bila weh, kita nak run scared everytime something out of the ordinary surfaces? Kalau semua orang ada attitude macam ni, sampai sekarang kita still ingat bumi tu flat. Sampai sekarang kita still ingat matahari tu yang orbit around bumi. 

Ke kita memang spesies yang suka di-institutionalized? Ikut semua hukum hakam dan akta akta tanpa fikir panjang? 

Open up your minds, let your mind wander around. Unless if you think it's too small to be let out by itself without a leash lah, haha. In that case, you can stay under your blanket of ignorance til the day you die. :)

Science Application in Love (tak sia sia belajar kimia)

Pernah dengar ura-ura bahawa opposites attract?

Petang tadi aku bereksperimentasi

Cuba buktikan teori laknat itu

Kamu tahu apa jadi,

bila asid sulfurik ditambah dengan sodium bikarbonat?

Jadi neutral, tenang,

serasi dan tak akan meletup.

Dalam bikar aku,

Aku lihat chemicals yang sizzle sesama sendiri.

Oh, jangan mimpi mahu lihat fireworks!

(Apa, kamu ingat, ini cerita dongeng Disney?)

Fireworks, dalam makmal, adalah equivalent dengan destruction!

Makanya, hipotesis aku terbukti!

Konklusi aku?

Ya benar, opposites attract!

Jadi, tak apa kan, kalau kita tiada similarities?

:)

30 Days Project

Ini bukan project abstinence.
Bukan project mencari cinta jugak.
Bukan bukan bukan.

This is a shortcut untuk orang macam I yang nak tulis, tapi for the time being, takde idea nak tulis apa.
Tapi tangan gatal nak tulis jugak.
Walaupun bukannya orang kisah kau update blog ke tak Tasha oii, tapi nak tulis jugak.
Because writing gives me the same kind of rush that you might get from getting randy with your blow-up doll.

I came across this project on Hanna's page and decided that i want a 30 days project of my own!

I will write 30 posts based on the most trivial things.
Rasa macam best pulak nak ramble on random things.
Lepas dah tulis boleh cross out topic on the checklist.
Boleh la perasan macam achieve something big, padahal berjaya tulis yet another blogpost je pun.

Mari mari mari, tulis merapu rapu! :D

Bookworm Bitch is up and running!

Bila jejak kaki masuk ke rumah,
Senyap. Aman.
Ajaib.
Sebab satu keluarga saya semuanya bising belaka.
Jadi, kalau nak tahu betapa bingitnya rumah saya,
bayang kan saja 6 orang Fithri Natasha sedang bersembang.
Haa, itu lah rumah saya.

Hari ni saya pulang ke KL, tinggalkan kaki di UTP.
Kalau mahu beronggeng dan jalan jalan cuci mata, lihat awek awek yang sama lawa dengan Lisa Surihani atau lelaki lelaki macho yang sedap mcm aiskrim atau Subway (ini Ika yang ajar!), saya terpaksa pergi dengan mengesot.
Susah la bila kaki tak ada.
(kaki dalam context ini refers to Proton Savvy warna biru yang paling handsome sekali)

Mahu menulis, ilham tak berapa nak banyak.
Mahu tonton TV, tak ada cerita yang menarik.
Mahu membaca, ah! bahan bacaan semua tak kena dengan perasaan semasa.

Oh! Lupa nak beritahu!
Saya dah post entry pertama dalam Book Blog saya
Dah alang alang baca buku, tulis sajalah review, bukan susah pun.

Tapi, to be frank, saya bukan tulis dengan penuh ikhlas.
Ya, memang, salah satu faktor saya tulis supaya boleh kongsi dengan kamu kamu semua.
Tapi, ada faktor lain yang memegang percentage yang lebih besar.
Mana lah tahu, satu hari nanti, orang mula hantar buku untuk saya review.

Huh, jimat duit aku tak payah beli buku dah! Hehehh.

Tapi sementara masih belum ada orang nak sponsor buku, nampaknya terpaksa lah review buku buku yang dah sedia ada.

http://bookwormbitch.blogspot.com

Maaf, saya tahu memang kurang sesuai untuk gunakan judul series pornography sebagai URL sebuah blog yang review buku. Tapi saya dah kehabisan idea. Itu je yang saya mampu come up with.

Kalau tak suka, pergi buat blog buku sendiri yang lebih berilmiah. :D