God does not change men's condition unless they change their inner selves.

I am the kind of person who cannot handle rejection of any kind. The fear of things not going my way is then used as a cork to stop me from taking any form of action.

For example, i've had the idea to write a story for quite sometime now. I've got the characters and the plot all mapped out, but somehow, out of the fear that i am not able to construct the plot well enough or not being able to narrate the story well to the point that i'm a disappointment to my writer self, i refuse to get started.

I refuse to click on the 'New Document' button and type my thoughts away. It sounds pathetic, yes. Most of the time, i would avoid my problems, half expecting that it will sort itself out if i just leave it there long enough (which we all know is absolute crap). 

I mean, this is hardly a scene in Cinderella where a Fairy Godmother flicks her wand, chants 'Bippity Boppity Boo' and POOF! the pumpkin changes into an obscenely fabulous carriage!

Despite being aware of all that, it's not really a habit I could kick. Regardless of how many times i tell myself that it's better to simply face the inevitable and change along with the circumstance, my entire body will automatically stiffen when the mind gives out the command.

Though, if there's one thing that i learnt this week, perhaps the same shit is happening to you because you keep making the same mistakes in dealing with it. For as long as you refuse to learn from your mistakes, adapt to it and change your ways, your problems will never go away.

And if it provides any additional incentive to get you going, the relief that you get the moment you start taking control of the situation, is completely monumental!

I actually have plenty more to say but at the moment, I'm kind of distracted thinking about how my friends are doing in Egypt. And the fact that the online media restriction that our government plans to impose on us is looking frighteningly like what's happening in Egypt now is of no assurance whatsoever.

Give me a good few hours to finish reflecting. Perhaps then, i will be back to share silly stories instead of talking about life 'revelations' which might have just put a few of you guys reading to sleep already. Tee hee.

Til next time! :)

my brother, the clown.

i dont get why my room is so hot.
panas. panas. panas.
im living in fear of getting heat stroke while im sleeping!
tuh. tuh.

ok dah habis merengek.

anyway, my parents have always had this strict restriction :
no boyfriend/girlfriend until after high school.

perhaps that was why i never had a boyfriend until lah masuk university. (wahahaha, in denial gila! padahal time sekolah selekeh gila mana ada orang nak buat girlfriend!)

back to my story.
my brother (the only boy among us) is 10 just got ratted by our lil sister.
She told the parents that he has a girlfriend called something or other.

Mom : Hakim ada girlfriend? Kan Papa dah cakap dulu, no girlfriends until habis sekolah!

Hakim : Eleh biar lah.Papa lain, Hakim lain.

Mom : Girlfriend Hakim cantik tak?

Hakim : Mestilah cantik!

Mom : Tak pun biar Mama je lah cari kan. Nak tak?

Hakim : Tak mau!!! Kalau Mama yang pilih mesti Mama cari yang solehah.

-_-'

Bookworm Bitch is up and running!

Bila jejak kaki masuk ke rumah,
Senyap. Aman.
Ajaib.
Sebab satu keluarga saya semuanya bising belaka.
Jadi, kalau nak tahu betapa bingitnya rumah saya,
bayang kan saja 6 orang Fithri Natasha sedang bersembang.
Haa, itu lah rumah saya.

Hari ni saya pulang ke KL, tinggalkan kaki di UTP.
Kalau mahu beronggeng dan jalan jalan cuci mata, lihat awek awek yang sama lawa dengan Lisa Surihani atau lelaki lelaki macho yang sedap mcm aiskrim atau Subway (ini Ika yang ajar!), saya terpaksa pergi dengan mengesot.
Susah la bila kaki tak ada.
(kaki dalam context ini refers to Proton Savvy warna biru yang paling handsome sekali)

Mahu menulis, ilham tak berapa nak banyak.
Mahu tonton TV, tak ada cerita yang menarik.
Mahu membaca, ah! bahan bacaan semua tak kena dengan perasaan semasa.

Oh! Lupa nak beritahu!
Saya dah post entry pertama dalam Book Blog saya
Dah alang alang baca buku, tulis sajalah review, bukan susah pun.

Tapi, to be frank, saya bukan tulis dengan penuh ikhlas.
Ya, memang, salah satu faktor saya tulis supaya boleh kongsi dengan kamu kamu semua.
Tapi, ada faktor lain yang memegang percentage yang lebih besar.
Mana lah tahu, satu hari nanti, orang mula hantar buku untuk saya review.

Huh, jimat duit aku tak payah beli buku dah! Hehehh.

Tapi sementara masih belum ada orang nak sponsor buku, nampaknya terpaksa lah review buku buku yang dah sedia ada.

http://bookwormbitch.blogspot.com

Maaf, saya tahu memang kurang sesuai untuk gunakan judul series pornography sebagai URL sebuah blog yang review buku. Tapi saya dah kehabisan idea. Itu je yang saya mampu come up with.

Kalau tak suka, pergi buat blog buku sendiri yang lebih berilmiah. :D

mommy mommy

i never thought i'd say this tapi here goes,
I cannot tengok my Mom's Facebook profile sebab dia dah private kan! Ish! Nak rindu comel comel pun tak blh. Haih.

I missed my mom today, simply out of the blue, really. And i didnt have that many pics of her. so i thot i'd stalk her Facebook page and look at her pics there. Tapi dia dah pandai main private. Hmph.

Serves me right for making the whole 'Facebook is for friends ma. I can talk to you guys at home. Guna je la ur FB to ckp with ur friends. Dont mix family and friends. Not a pretty business, that one' speech to her.

bottom point is, jangan eksyen eksyen.
:P

Adik saya pandai cari loophole #2

(dont ask me why im suddenly spreading the family love. saya pun tak tahu)

We used to go out for a drive,
jalan jalan pergi random places.

And this one day my mum decided to teach my sister a life lesson or two.
We saw this tukang sapu sampah by the road and my mum said :

Nisha kena study pandai pandai. Kalau tak nanti end up jadi tukang sapu sampah mcm orang tu. Orang yang sapu sampah ni orang tak sekolah je.

Nisha just nodded.

A few months later,
my mum asked her to sweep the floor kat rumah.

Dengan nonchalant nya, Nisha berkata :
Oh nisha tak mau.

My mum asked why sambil bersedia untuk berleter.

Sebab sapu sampah tu kerja untuk orang yang tak sekolah je. Nisha pandai, tak mau la sapu sampah.

Hmmm Ma, who's learning the life lesson now? LOL.

Adik saya pandai cari loophole.

Adik teruna saya ada sebiji bantal busuk.
"Bantal Turtle" nama nya.
(entah celah mana datang nama tu saya tak tahu. FYI, bantal tu tiada rupa seekor penyu)

Bantal ni wajib dipakai setiap kali dia nak tidur.
Daripada kecil, sampai la sekarang dah Darjah 3.

Kalau saya terpinjam bantal dia dan tertidur,
tengah tengah malam nanti dia akan tarik bantal dari bawah kepala saya.
(tak pasal pasal saya bangun dengan tengkuk yang sakit)

Balik raya tempoh hari,
dia insist nak bawa bantal pulang ke kampung.
(walaupun kereta dah penuh, jangan kata bantal, nak letak satu botol mineral water pun dah tak muat)

Encik Mama tak kasi.
Takut kalau kalau tertinggal kat kampung nanti,
adik saya jadi insomniac, berbulan bulan tak blh tidur.

Tahu dia buat apa?

Dia cabut sarung bantal tersebut,
lipat berulang kali sampai size macam kad pengenalan,
dan ikat pakai getah mamak ikat roti canai dalam suratkhabar.
Kemudian, dia sorok dalam pocket.

tahukah anda : teka speed dan menang

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aduyai

this is like a greek tragedy.

right before my eyes.

who needs daily soap opera when you have this.

tsk.

wiseword

my dad told me that if ur far away from God,

everything in your life will go astray.

you'd be miserable in anything you do.

i think he's right.

the tale of a makcik

was locked out of my own house yesterday.

there i was, looking pathetic, duduk bersila in front of my door.

was actually planning to wait until my bimbotic sister comes home

unfortunately

an indian makcik from a few houses away

had a ritual going on

she was burning incense stick

and the smell got too much for me to bear

(i can just hear the 'i' word from my two gigolos.)

XD

siot punya adik,

balik rumah lambat.

hehe

its 9pm and im still at the office

this is gonna be a really deep and corny one.
bear with me.
(kalau tak suka, boleh berhenti baca dan pergi main jauh jauh)

im in this unpopable bubble living in my own world.
i cherish the fact that my parents are (in my opinion) uber cool and understanding. and perhaps, the fact that they might have given up on lecturing me sebab penat diorg ckp, tak pernah saya nak dengar.

my mom is one of my closest friend.
or at least she used to be.
ive been studying in UTP for four years now and every single day, without fail she would call me in the range of 1-3 times.

and bukan bual yang pendek pendek yer? ni stock yang gayut dgn boyfriend ckp 47 minutes each phone call utk update the new breakups and gambar pool party tersebar di internet(dalam utp saja setahu saya).

and my dad, he's the funniest. he's more serious now though. but at random times, he'll crack up the funniest joke. you should hear his indian impersonation! gelak guling guling saya dengar. (meet me personally, ill show you the impersonation. :P oh and to nadim and as, saya tak racist! hoho)

my sister. she's 8 years younger than me. but for all i know, she should be 8 years older. she's so freaking responsible and she loves me to bits(i swear to God im not making this up!). That 13 year old scrawny model-wannabe bugger will help me korek her own tabung in the occasion that i dont have enough money to buy ciggie/isi minyak kereta to go to work/shopping baju murah at bijou bazaar.
Yes yes im evil mcm kakak tiri Cinderella.

My sister does most of the work at home. And she listens to me more than she listens to my mom. Konon konon, nak jadi cool. Though ive never told her this, but i love that kid to bits. If she's not around, tak tau lah. Huhu.

I am always this ego bastard when it comes to showing emotions to my family. I love them and im telling you, i appreciate them but i rarely let it show. I dont know why.

And today, for the first time in a veeeeery long while, i realized how mean i can sometimes be. How i should show them that i like being around them. And how i wish i couldve been a better role model to my siblings.

This is sappy, i know. But to think about it, i probably dont deserve half the respect that i get. I rarely help out at home(because im rarely home). Im never around in the weekends. I dont hangout and do family things with them anymore.

Sheesh. I dont even wanna think about the shitty things that ive done.

I feel like going home today and giving them all a huge bear hug after this.
But its sad to know that i probably wont.

Ish Sha, jangan ego sangat please?