putus jari boleh jahit, putus hati?

di saat aku berdosa dan kamu berdosa.
di saat aku terleka dan kamu berahsia.
di saat ragu pilu menghentam dada.
di saat itu lahir curiga.

Hati yang agak fragile

Aku memang pelik sungguh dengan kamu.
Kamu cuma punya satu hati, bukan?
Bukan belasan mahupun puluhan?
Dan hati kamu, fragile bukan?
Sekali ku ambil, milik aku sampai bila pun.

Ya, mungkin akan ada yang lain menyusul selepas aku

Tapi yang kau mampu beri pada mereka cuma hati retak

Benar, bukan?

Jawablah sayang,

penat aku bertanya.

Jika benar kata aku,
   mengapa kamu hadiahkan aku hati kamu
   mengapa kamu biarkan aku tinggalkan tanda pada hati itu
dan tiba tiba, kamu menghilang diri.

Bila muncul semula,

kamu buat seolah-olah kita tak pernah punya kaitan

seolah-olah, pada satu masa, kau bukan penyelamat aku

dan aku bukan selimut kamu.

Cebis cebis hati kamu masih pada aku
Aku pelik sungguh,
tak mahu kah kamu tampal semula cebis-cebis yang aku genggam

Aku tak mampu faham

   agenda kamu yang sebenar

Atau mungkin aku salah faham perkataan 'istimewa'

Mungkin kame ada lebih satu hati, mungkin.

Atau mungkin kamu robot yang tak pentingkan rasa jiwa.

Aku masih rindu.

p/s : i found this written at the back of my Design of Steel & Prestressed Concrete exam paper from a long time ago. Cheers.

Hantaran Sedulang Hati untuk Puteri Rambut Sedap Part Two

Click sini untuk Part One

Mereka semua sudah pesan,
jangan buat kerja gila.
Fikir sebelum cakap
(google before you tweet, bak kata versi modern).
Nanti hati carik sebelah, kata mereka.

Tapi aku memang degil.

Haaa, sekarang kan dah dapat padah nya.
Hey! Gembira tak bergelumang dengan darah sendiri?
Puteri Rambut Sedap girang gembira dengan hantaran yang kamu bagi?
*ketawa sinis*

Sudah sudah lah
Ini memang tawar,
tapi telan saja lah.
Sama ada kamu telan, atau korban kan sanity kamu.
Faham?

Ini gambaran Puteri Rambut Sedap dalam kotak kepala.

(Ini Elina dalam ANTM Cycle 11)
(Hari ini pelukis graphic cuti bersunat, tak dapat nak hasilkan gambar untuk kisah dongeng ini)

After A While

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul.
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...



Veronica A. Shoffstal

dont say i didnt warn you!

it is extremely easy to fall in love with me.

in the beginning, you might be in denial and claim that being in my company is out of mere convenience.

but soon enough, you will realize that i'm like no other.
with me around, you get to do whatever it is that you've always wanted to.

in other words,
i liberate you.

be aware, though.

the romance will not last forever.
once you get too fixated in my embrace,
too mesmerized by my presence,
that is when i shall break your heart.

forgive me,
it isnt intentional.
im not doing it on the sole purpose of hurting you.

i'm doing it
because i can.

for i am money.

the revelations of 2009

1. In order to avoid bullshit splattering all over your windscreen of life (oh pelik nya metaphore!), all there is to hold on to is "dont do to others what you dont want to be done unto you". Percaya la. saya tak tipu.

2. Sometimes love can be right in front of you, but you are the one finding excuses to avoid it.

3. And sometimes, what is in front of you is not a lover, but more of an emotional tormentor. But you, YES YOU, are too busy being in denial to realize it.

4. Life makes more sense, and gives you less headache, when you dont spend your time agonizing over every little scrap of problems.

5. Having awesome friends (and by awesome, i mean those who doesnt judge you and those who will be there when you've just gotten your scholarship AND also when you are more miskin than the blind guy who collects money dekat Uptown Damansara) is equivalent to you being able to handle anything that life might inflict on you.

6. Feelings are confusing. Roll with it.

7. It IS possible to feel for more than one person. It is up to you what to do with it.

8. It seems that Manchester United fans received a MU fan handbook upon their christening. This can be seen from their scripted comebacks and arguments with non-MU fans.

9. This season is Arsenal's own goal season.

10. Awesome bands will always have performances in Singapore and skip Malaysia even though in terms of size, Singapore is just as big as Malaysia's toenail.

To be continued.

is determination really the key to success?

it's the examination season.
of course i'm determined.
more so, as compared to all the other seasons (not so much next to the holiday seasons tho.)

and today, of all days, i am even more determined.
you might say that its because ill be sitting for my last paper tomorrow.

but, oh dont get me wrong,
im still the lazy ass Tasha that you all know.
that much has not changed.

im being rather contradictory, no?

let me explain (oh yes here it comes):

most of my housemates will be graduating this semester.
meaning, upon their last paper, they will come back home,
jumping and singing (on key, i might add) and well, rubbing it on the rest of our faces.
tee hee hee. (no no im not being bitter)

yea yea, im happy for u lot yadda yadda.
but then again, it simply reminds me that i have not one sem, but two sems left being stuck here.

and as i do not have much to celebrate come the end of this paper,
i was trying to kid myself into believing that it's a big deal,
finishing this semester without getting killed mid way.

and so, before the exam season began,
i made a plan to wear a kebaya to answer the last paper.

as you all know, this is what my hair looks like now.

no prize for guessing who the parrot is.

and for the past papers, ive been wearing a beanie to hide the red streak from the hounds of security guards.

im no fashionista, but even I know that kebayas and beanies, simply dont go.

and this brings me to the purpose of this post:

instead of focusing all my energy to study for the last paper,
i focused my determination to go out and find a packet of black henna instead.

and here, i am, writing this post, still refusing to read up.
heheh.

and tomorrow, i shall answer the paper, in my kebaya, with black hair,
and i shall come back to the room singing (perhaps a little off key) ,
and celebrate the end of the exam season.

(insert a string of curse words here)

cursing my heart out would probably make me feel better right about now.
tapi dah tak mampu to even string cusses properly.
cant even strings words together, much less carutan bernas.

i hate final exams.
i hate doing Civil Engineering.

i am not interested in calculating the tension in a T-bar column,
or the wave force acting on a platform.
and i doubt it that ill ever be.

i wanna write, and talk for a living.

i dont wanna stand under the sun in the middle of a construction site, wearing an ugly hardhat.
i dont wanna be shipped off to work in the middle of some godforsaken oil platform.
i dont wanna stay in an office and do physics calculation on torque and whatnot.
i dont wanna endure another minute of this.
i dont wanna go to a landfill and take the filthy leachate(which is a konon konon glamour name for air sampah btw) and analyze it to see whether its fit for disposal.

im serious.
ive had enough.
four years and a half is enough.

but apparently, i have to stay put and go through this mindless garbs.
ive got a pounding headache, a runny nose and still i have to study Design of Offshore Structures and Structural Dynamics.

ahhh baik aku get wasted and layan Lapsap. lagi bagus.

merah sebab marah

shit happens.
and when they do,
you tend to expect that your friends will be there to help you fix em up or at least help you recover.

but when "friends" are the ones who shat in the first place,
the trust and respect gets flushed away along with them.

screw you.
thanks for 4 years worth of memories.
and one night that ruined them all.
thanks.
but no thanks.

you can now take your shit back.

mourning

i never got the chance to know him.
and now i never will.

and yes i never made an impact on his life
and neither has (had?) he, on mine
but i shed big drippy tears nevertheless

it was more of a combined mourning session
it just struck me that
perhaps growing up aint what i thought it was
friends got married
friends leaving for good

and there i was
thinking that we were all still too young
and wont be harmed
but hey, death doesnt give an eff about your age

its sad
so sad
(ceyh, ambik lyrics Blue pulak)

Al-Fatihah.
(tahun ni baju raya saya tiga tiga warna hitam)
satu untuk Eunice.
satu untuk Sara.
satu untuk Izmir.

there's no use crying over spilt milk unsaved report

As of today, my blog has turned one! Whippee! :D

Happy Birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, Happy birthday
Violent Violet Volkswagen

Baby, here's to our one year anniversary and its 370 something post babies. :)

So yeah, now you know im that geeky girl who sits in front of the pc all day and blog about life instead of going out and enjoying it. Ta-dah!

Ive been out of touch this past few weeks tho,
i wrote a 60 page report and on the day that im supposed to submit it,
my pc died on me along with the unrecovered pages.
So i've to start all over again from page one.
Here's to another few days of skipping classes and 3 hour naps. Tch.

I'd better get back to my report now.
It wont let me rest til i see the end of it.
Gahh.

P/s: was complaining to a friend that Tronoh is a desert. Blazing hot in the day, and freezing cold at night. And when asked where would i stay if given the chance and i answered bumming by the beach (read: Bora Bora or Hawaii) he called me a hypocrite. Duduk panas complain, tapi berangan nak jadi budak pulau. Pfft.

Pp/s: oh, you heard that we kicked Celtic's ass, didnt you? Next game, bring it on Portsmouth.

untitled

avenge the crippled
straighten the crinkled

beckon the light
and finish the fight

for what it is im doing
may seem like a breeze
but its tearing me apart
like the winter freeze

yes it hurts oh so much
to bottle my feeling
but ill hide far from you
to conceal the weeping

truffles

"I think you do love me..or you could love me..
But you're just too stubborn and scared to admit it
because the last time you really gave your heart to someone,
it got broken"

-jullian, one tree hill

aduyai

this is like a greek tragedy.

right before my eyes.

who needs daily soap opera when you have this.

tsk.

funny funny

it's funny how hello

is followed by goodbye

it's funny how good memories

can start to make you cry

it's funny how forever

never seems to last

it's funny how much you'd lose

if you forget about your past

it's funny how good 'friends'

can leave you when you're down

it's funny how when you need someone

they're nowhere to be found

it's funny how people change

to make themselves feel better

it's funny how so many lies

that one person can utter

it's funny how we can forgive

but cant really forget

it's funny how just one night

can be filled with this much regret

it's funny how ironic

life turns out to be

it's funny how none of these things

seem really funny to me

wiseword

my dad told me that if ur far away from God,

everything in your life will go astray.

you'd be miserable in anything you do.

i think he's right.

ironic bastard

distance and time dont play a part

it doesnt mend a broken heart

face karma if you want to heal

and dont deny that the pain is real

at least find the courtesy to be honest with me

the kind of irony

that life has in store for you

is something

that you'd never expect

maybe life is meant

to be as topsy turvy

or maybe

we were the ones

who created

issues

to begin with

kalau terjatuh, nak buat apa?

aku kerap terjatuh

(no no, nama aku bukan paan)

jatuh cinta

jatuh sakit

biasanya, jatuh cinta dulu

diikuti jatuh sakit.

shitson

sometimes

when things go down the drain

and it looks like

nothing can be done

to fix it

all you need

is a little misfortune

that binds everyone

together

like a glue