jots and sanity

Notice how i never write about anything remotely academic?

It is all because writing is my escape from anything Engineering related.

Imagine this.
The world gets terrorized by something viral and fatal, say the Anthrax. And everybody has to resort to hiding underground.

Now, writing about buildings and columns and beams and tension and offshore structures and steel properties and wave characteristics ;

writing about all those will be equivalent to bringing an envelope-full of Anthrax in the underground refuge.

I know how some people love dropping their intelligent jargons into writing. I dont fall under the same category.

Writing makes me forget about Physics.

It makes me feel like everything is possible.

I seek solace in writing, from the torments of questions with answers that go on for 20 pages.

It doesnt matter if academia kills me.
Writing will revive me.

Suffering from Quarter Life Crisis

and thus i think im going to be on hiatus for a while.

ive never in my life felt this way.
macam rasa theres a constant chest pain (yang kalau umur saya 56 tahun saya dah pergi checkup dah, kot kot symptom heart attack) and completely alone and tak tahu what i can do to fix things.

People tell me theyll be there for me,
and that theyll support me.
Tapi it doesnt make any difference.

And tak membantu lah kan, the fact that ive never in my life felt this way.
Im hoping by writing this down, it will take some of the burden off my chest.
Tapi mungkin this time i cant expect an easy way out.

Saya rasa saya tengah experience Quarter Life Crisis.
Umur saya sekarang ada lah dua dekad terlebih sikit.
Patutnya lagi 3 tahun baru qualify nak kena Quarter Life Crisis.
Dammit, premature symptom pulak.
Sheesh.

I came across this kat my Standard 6 bestfriend punya blog.
And for reason yang tak tahu apa, i need to spread the disease.

Symptoms of Quarter Life Crisis:

1. It's an end to your peer pressure era and you stop trying to fit in and tiba tiba you get all these new revelations about yourself. Yang tak best nya, you wont necessarily like what you discover about yourself. Macam ini contoh dia :

yess. ada orang tanya i ni kat formspring. woot woot.

2. You start fretting about what your life is gonna be like in a year or two. Lepas tu cuak extra lagi because you're going crazy about the near future, padahal you dont even know where you are right now. Macam, sekarang pun tak berapa nak berpijak di bumi yang nyata (wah wah) lagi nak fikir what will happen lagi setahun dua.

A few while back, i thought i had everything figured out. Nak beli duplex sendiri, nak tukar kereta, and then get married with someone i can lie in bed with and cerita drama hidup hari ini and attempt to make babies everyday just because it's legal dah.

Tapi tiba tiba sekarang semua priorities dah tunggang terbalik. I dont even know mana atas mana bawah.

3. You either :
- get your heart broken and tak faham how someone you love could crush you to pieces
- wonder why you can't meet somebody decent
- love someone but yet have feelings for someone else too and mcm 'shitt, why am i doing this? this is breaking the rules but yet i know aku takde la jahat'

soalan paling susah dalam dunia yang tak ada jawapan

4. You are either studying or doing something that is not even close to what you thought you would be doing. And you realize that when you start working, you'd have to begin from the bottom and it scares you.

OK. Pengakuan honest. I memang bahlol Physics. Serious jangan cakap dengan i pasal moment of inertia atau pun normal force and tension of a concrete pile. Memang satu hari aku garu kepala tak boleh nak jawab.

Yet, here i am, doing Civil Engineering and majoring in Offshore (i dont even like laut all that much!!!)

and this is how much i hate being stuck in my current position

5. Thank god, at this stage, people become more opinionated. Nak tahu tak, back in high school, i was someone who didnt have my own opinion. Macam loser gila okay. Kejap orang ni cakap Britney Spears cool, aku pun agree. Esok orang lain cakap Britney loser gila, pun agree jugak. Wahahaha.

And it's in this stage jugak, that you start to notice how people around you act and the reasons behind their actions. Boleh la kot kalau nak ckp that you become more judgmental. But not necessarily in a bad way.

And time ni lah, one minute you insecure, then the next rasa macam secure gila. You feel alone and scared and confused (which based on what im feeling now, is NOT a good combo, percaya lah). Change, at this point, macam raksasa jahat dalam cerita Ultraman. You want to avoid it selagi yang boleh, sebab you have this feeling that if you have to confront Change, it's gonna pijak u sampai lenyek boleh buat cekodok.

6. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

Ada satu phase in your life, you tend to get enthralled by semua new things that you baru discover, tapi sooner or later you'll realize that that was all it was. A phase. And you tend to want to snap out of it. Kalau ada yang masih tak nak snap out of it, maknanya they are just orang tua yang bajet muda. Atau worse still, culture shock tak hengat. Pfft.

I actually know this bunch of 28 year olds yang kalau duduk dekat mamak 5 jam, the whole 5 hours tu they wont stop talking about clubbing and drinking and hooking up with random guys. It's like, hello, cant we talk about something else? Penat gila aku nak dengar korang cerita benda sama 5 jam!

7. And it is now that you can't seem to make a decision. Semua benda confusing. Do i do this? Or would that option be better? And these questions seem to be stuck on a loop dalam kepala and yes, kawan kawan you lah yang penat nak dengar hikayat masalah you because you just cant stop talking about it. and tak dapat solution jugak.

8. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

Ini sangat betul sebab saya sendiri pun tengah ternganga trying to figure all this out. And i wish there is an easy way out tapi i guess God just wants us to go through this for some reason.

OK. Time untuk konklusi. Are you suffering from Quarter Life Crisis?
Cuz i sure as hell am.

oh bulan!

wahai penghuni penghuni UTP sekalian,

cepat lah tidur..
semoga internet lebih laju tatkala anda semua sedang bermimpi.
saya benci kesiputan (or kekurakuraan) ini.

tidur ok?
sweet dreams!

yang benar,

speaking of beanies,

i have a fetish for anything purple.
oh yes, ANYTHING.

so when i came across a purple beanie at Forever 21 a few months back,
i fell in love with it instantly.

i put it on, and never took it off since.
not even when i shower.
(ok, ur a dumbass if u bought THAT.heheh)

anyway,
it became a habit to sport it EVERYWHERE i go.
(you think i care if you think i look dumb in it? pfft.)

the thing is,
a few weeks back,
a friend PMed me online
the conversation goes a little like this:

Friend : tasha, can i ask you something personal?
Me : yeap sure, anything.
Friend : are u okay? as in, health wise?
Me : haha. yeah im healthy. why ey?
Friend : oh good good. im just curious with ur new style. with the hat and all. i thought ur suffering from leukimia or something.

T_T

and there i was thinking that i was being fashionable. tsk. haha.

does this really look like someone who is undergoing chemotheraphy? LOL.

is determination really the key to success?

it's the examination season.
of course i'm determined.
more so, as compared to all the other seasons (not so much next to the holiday seasons tho.)

and today, of all days, i am even more determined.
you might say that its because ill be sitting for my last paper tomorrow.

but, oh dont get me wrong,
im still the lazy ass Tasha that you all know.
that much has not changed.

im being rather contradictory, no?

let me explain (oh yes here it comes):

most of my housemates will be graduating this semester.
meaning, upon their last paper, they will come back home,
jumping and singing (on key, i might add) and well, rubbing it on the rest of our faces.
tee hee hee. (no no im not being bitter)

yea yea, im happy for u lot yadda yadda.
but then again, it simply reminds me that i have not one sem, but two sems left being stuck here.

and as i do not have much to celebrate come the end of this paper,
i was trying to kid myself into believing that it's a big deal,
finishing this semester without getting killed mid way.

and so, before the exam season began,
i made a plan to wear a kebaya to answer the last paper.

as you all know, this is what my hair looks like now.

no prize for guessing who the parrot is.

and for the past papers, ive been wearing a beanie to hide the red streak from the hounds of security guards.

im no fashionista, but even I know that kebayas and beanies, simply dont go.

and this brings me to the purpose of this post:

instead of focusing all my energy to study for the last paper,
i focused my determination to go out and find a packet of black henna instead.

and here, i am, writing this post, still refusing to read up.
heheh.

and tomorrow, i shall answer the paper, in my kebaya, with black hair,
and i shall come back to the room singing (perhaps a little off key) ,
and celebrate the end of the exam season.

dua ekor hantu

What's worse than leaving the exam hall to find a love letter from the security guard on your car?
(oh yes, i meant surat saman).


Cant think of anything worse? (wahh, seronok dan dandy nya hidup kau if you cant think of anything worse than getting a surat saman).

Lemme show you whats worse.

This written at the back of the surat saman.

And ini muka dua syaitan yang bertanggungjawab atas vandalisme tersebut.

Tapi haha, thank you. For giving me something to laugh at. :)

(insert a string of curse words here)

cursing my heart out would probably make me feel better right about now.
tapi dah tak mampu to even string cusses properly.
cant even strings words together, much less carutan bernas.

i hate final exams.
i hate doing Civil Engineering.

i am not interested in calculating the tension in a T-bar column,
or the wave force acting on a platform.
and i doubt it that ill ever be.

i wanna write, and talk for a living.

i dont wanna stand under the sun in the middle of a construction site, wearing an ugly hardhat.
i dont wanna be shipped off to work in the middle of some godforsaken oil platform.
i dont wanna stay in an office and do physics calculation on torque and whatnot.
i dont wanna endure another minute of this.
i dont wanna go to a landfill and take the filthy leachate(which is a konon konon glamour name for air sampah btw) and analyze it to see whether its fit for disposal.

im serious.
ive had enough.
four years and a half is enough.

but apparently, i have to stay put and go through this mindless garbs.
ive got a pounding headache, a runny nose and still i have to study Design of Offshore Structures and Structural Dynamics.

ahhh baik aku get wasted and layan Lapsap. lagi bagus.

sebuah cerita hantu

It was already 3 am.
And i have to send in my assignment at the deserted and supposedly haunted academic building.

I just got back from mamak with 3 other friends, and i dragged them along to accompany me.
(Scary kot nak naik block yang isolated tu tengah tengah malam!)

I went up Building 1 with one friend (A), leaving the other two (B and C) in the car.
We went up and quickly stuffed my assignment in the lecturer's mini postbox.
We were going to head back to the car when i got a brilliant idea to scare the other two scaredy cats.

Instead of heading back the way we came, A and I took the long way and walked to Building 2 instead. We came down and walked back to the car from Building 2.

As soon as we slammed the door shut, B and C were busy complaining because we kept them waiting for close to half an hour when we shouldve been done within 5 mins or so.

The whole time, A and I kept quite and did not say a single word. We were trying to spook the other two. The plan was to keep quite and after the car has moved, i was going to text B (subtly, of course) something that goes like :

Where are you? im already down here but i cant find your car. did you park somewhere else or have you left without us?

I have already composed the text message and switched off the background light of my phone. It would only take me one click of a button to send the message and watch B and C freak out. I sniggered silently at my brilliant plan.

B : Why did you guys come down from Building 2? I thought the lecturer's office is in Building 1?
*silence*
B : Dude!! Why the hell did you come down all the way from the other building? What happened?
*silence*
B : Why are you so quiet??
*silence*

Its starting to turn out to be a pretty good show.

The drive back from the academic building to our hostel is a pretty lengthy one and there were barely any lights along the road. It was spooky, indeed. Plus, we have heard plenty of gory stories about the road that we were currently driving along. You know, the kind of stories that will keep you up at night.

I could tell that B and C were starting to freak out.

At the darkest point of the road, i sent my message.

The whole while, i kept my eyes on B to see if she's gonna check her phone. I wouldnt miss her reaction for the world. Surprisingly, B's phone did not make a sound.

A whole 30 seconds later, a reply came in :

What the hell are you talking about? Im still down here waiting for you. Im parked at the same place i dropped you off just now. What's taking you so long? We've been waiting for you for half an hour already. Get your ass down here already! We're starting to get goosebumps waiting for you. Hurry up!!

*gulp*

At the same time, I could hear a disturbing chuckle coming from the front seat.

we're all entitled to our own opinions. so in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

hello hello.
ive been doing the disappearing act,
blame UTP's internet connection.

since ive been quite the hermit,
i dont have anything much to tell you lot.
(unless, if you wanna hear all about my Ocean & Coastal Eng. yaks, that is)

oh.
due to the sucky-ass connection in the hostel,
we went to the mamak nearby
(funny how 'mamak' is a noun nowadays)
ladened with laptops.
(ok tak. bukan laptops, laptop je sebenarnya. sorang je yang bawak laptop, yang lain menyibuk nak check Facebook masing masing. ok tipu lagi sekali. yang lain tak ambik port, saya sorang je yang check Facebook kacau kerja orang)

My friend was Googling her study thingies when three mamaks crowded her.
"Kasi buka Tamil.com la dey"
"Cuba you kasi transfer itu Hindi songs kasi saya bole ka"

LOL

pembelajaran sedang dilakukan

ok. rasanya macam dah lama tak tulis post pasal pembelajaran saya di menara gading.
(ok. thats a lie. i dont think there ever were a single post about my subjects in here).

and macam jealous pula baca blog orang orang yang letak course code subject kat blog.
(unfortunately, i cant do the same cuz ive never been rajin enough to find out those VAB3412 thingamajig)

So today, im going to break its virginity (eh, eh).

Raya is in 5 days time.
My birthday is in *ehem ehem* time.
(hoho. ni konon konon nak cakap saya tak pancing suruh ingat. sebenarnya nak korang buat research cari pengisi ehem ehem yang tepat!)
And yet the workload is driving me nuts!

Nobody's fault.
It's all mine.
padan muka,siapa suruh tangguh.
(shuuushh. orang lain diam. saya sorang je blh padan kan muka sendiri. orang lain buat, saya sembur dengan ridsect)

I have got :
1) one assignment for Structural Dynamics
2) one assignment for Design of Offshore Structures
3) two assignments for Ocean & Coastal Engineering
4) two tests to study for
5) some Final Year Report to clean up on

all has to be handed in before the raya break. and considering im planning to balik on Thursday, that would pretty much mean i wont get to sleep this 2 days.

(siapa nak belanja White Coffee Ice, angkat tangannnn dengan penuh ikhlas!!)

Annoying People Yang Patut Kena Sembur Ridsect Dalam Mulut

ok.
im giving up trying to study Design of Offshore Structures.
The oil rigs can go calculate their own tension for all i care.
(angkat white flag)

in order to destress,
i have decided that i am going to pick on people to bash on.
and as the title suggest,
these are the kinds of people whose mouth i would love to spray insecticide aerosol in
(failing to find one, pepper spray would do just as fine).

and no, before you ask me why i'm so angry,
let me clarify that im happy and dandy,
im just doing this because im a sarcastic bitch.
XD

orang pertama yang patut ditembak:
orang yang cakap gebang

they will brag about unnecessary things that people dont even give a fuck about pun actually.
when you talk to them, you'll find out that theyre good in EVERYTHING.
cakap je, semua diorg hebat.

nak cakap pasal photography? they take the best damned picture.
camera diorang yang paling high end,
their equipments are the best there is in the market,
people would pay them a fortune to take photos.
(tapi bila tengok their portfolio, takde la lawa mana pun gambar. biasa je)

nak cakap pasal music?
oh diorang la paling knowledgable.
sebut je band apa, semua dia tahu.
diorang dengar semua lagu, dari Billy Talent sampai Britney Spears, gossip semua dalam tangan.
and about instrument, jangan cakap la.
Mereka ni goreng lagi hebat dari Jimi Hendrix.
yang main bass, apa yang dia tak blh buat,
slap pop just name it.
bila cerita kat orang about the effects that theyre capable of pulling,
woahh! hot-daymn.
(buat bunyi guitar pakai mulut je boleh la bang. main betul betul tengok? nak tune gitar sendiri pun tak reti)

pendek cerita,
life diorang lah yang paling best.
awek paling hot.
boyfriend paling kacak.
rumah paling banglo and mahal.
barang nak yang designer goods aje
(padahal macam orang tak tau je itu imitation. bukan semua orang noob, kau nak tipu yes?)

Wahai manusia,
its okay not to be perfect in everything you do.
if you are sincere enough, people will love you despite the flaws.
ni, cakap letup, last last orang benci juga kan? :)

orang kedua yang patut ditembak:
orang yang ada BO tapi suka pinjam baju orang lepas tu tak basuh for an entire sem sampai baju berkulat

true story.
kalau anda ada masalah hygienic, takpe lagi.
but please la. take a hint when people find an excuse to tutup hidung whenever u go and hug them.
duduk diam diam and tak perlu peluk orang kalau anda ada body odour.
ok?

and even if you adore your friend's baju and intend to buat baju tu jadi harta,
you dont have to perap the shirt yang dah drenched in ur sweat macam la nak marinate ayam buat BBQ.
the smell travels ok?
im pretty sure the owner would rather have you just tell them that you dont intend to pulang kan the baju balik.

(okay okay. saya mengaku. yang ini terpersonal sikit. heheh)

orang ketiga yang patut ditembak
orang yang buat uncalled-for bitchy remarks

"Eh kenapa hidung you besar aa?"
"Kau cepat mengah bila naik tangga sebab kau gemuk sangat kot"
"Ala, saya tak kisah pun tak pergi birthday party awak semalam. Saya dengar orang cakap bukan nya best sangat pun."
"OMG. U tak faham lagi ke equation ni? Gila lembap!"
"Theme untuk dinner batch ni bodoh dan tak sesuai. To the person who wrote this blogpost, (a much vulgar Malay word for ass) kau besar. Aku tak nak datang dinner ni"

Seriously wei?
WTF?
you werent taught good manners ke as a child?

what do you get for being such an asshole?
satisfaction?
oh well then , i hope all the dosa gives you just as much kepuasan then.

okay.
i gotta run to class now.
I'll come back and continue the second bit.
:)

ponteng kelas itu adalah bagus

Classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity.
Russell Crowe
A Beautiful Mind

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why you havent seen me around for the past three weeks.

frustration ey

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great", he said : "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Darn you error messages! Just you wait til i upgrade my RAM, harddisk and all those other IT jargon i cant even think of. Kalau kau buat hal jugak lagi lepas ni, aku tak tau la.

cuba teka kenapa

i dont wanna take a shower because i dont wanna wet/dirty kan my new friendship ankle bangle.

(alasan takut mandi air sejuk pagi pagi. haha)

the day i knew that i have to pay my summons

upon entering the gate of UTP, the uptight guards (yes, the ones wearing the masks nak prevent H1N1) will ask for your matric cards to ensure that you are indeed a UTP student (and not some random probable pembawa H1N1 from UITM nearby).

Today, as i drove by, and knowing that the mysterious guard behind the mask is gonna be annoying and ask us to produce our cards, i slowed down and fumbled with my purse.

He torched the windshield, checking for my nonexistant UTP car sticker (i havent had a sticker for the past 2 years and a half or so, hence resulting in my RM1020 summon total).

Mysterious Guard looked at me while i was still struggling to take my matrix card out from my purse and said "Hey Natasha, Natasha, dari dulu sticker awak tak buat buat jugak lagi..."

*congratulating self*

Tahniah la Sha. You are now on first name basis with the guards. I dont even frigging know how he came to know my name. over 5000 UTPians and about half of them has summon issues (this is a made up statistics) and its my name he remembers.

Must be due to that guard i ran over a few sems back. ;P

ETHYL CHLORIDE

dearest friends,

i was doing some 'research' on chemicals.

and ETHYL CHLORIDE was one of them.

Ethyl Chloride is commonly used as refrigerant, aerosol spray, and anaesthetic.

Though it has been discovered that there is a more 'recreative' use for it.

based on Wikipedia,

it is said that it is used as an inhalant during sexual activity for an intense several-minute-long high that results in a prolonged orgasm.

I guess they forgot to mention that while you're orgasming (is there such a word?), you'd be laughing ur ass off.

Oh.

Before you get too excited,

breathing in its vapors at 15% concentration or higher can often lead to FATALITY.

To whom it may concern,

please check your can for the concentration details

and see if you're on the dying list or not.

Hehe.

Last word from me, be careful. :D

For the first time ever, i woke up at 530am.
So tak Tasha kan?
LOL.

Im at the office by 720 and got stuck talking to the office geek.
(Pssh. I hope he doesnt read this, Haha)

I kept thinking about last weekend and how it left me elated and gembira.
I got a flower and a love confession(both from different guys). Thanks to Valentine's.

I skipped work yesterday cuz i was so wiped out.
So i came to work today bearing bribes in the form of chocolates and free mascaras.
Thank God my mom is an editor who gets free makeup by the load.
Hee.

a perfect ending to a not-so-perfect sem

Marking the last night in UTP, we jazzed things up a lil to make it a night to remember.

I never knew that leaving UTP is gonna make me so emotional. But i guess knowing how much fun the people i'm leaving behind are, it makes it that much harder.

That was us all, warming up to the camwhoring session before the real deal. Stereo pumping with lagu lagu membakar, and with my lousy driving skills we finally reached the destination.

Tasha Nad Ain
Zul Azik Nyet
Arnaud Nico Sebastien
Zayd Sopek Bijan

. this is me and si cinta hati.

. and this, is everyone of us.

Two mamak sessions and a visit to the karaoke station later, I was as happy as a fly.

It has been such a long while since we've loosen up and had this much fun.
And though it was practically a farewell party, i feel more exhilarated than i've ever felt this entire semester.

Thank you dear housemates,
Thank you boyfriend and his housemates,
Thank you my French musketeers,
and Thank you Zayd Sopek and Bijan.

It was so much fun.
I'll totally reminisce about this and cry time intern nanti.

Sigh.

Now i can drive back home feeling contented.

Hee.

Til next time, sweethearts.

Bye Bye UTP.
(ceyhhh, aku ckp macam dah nak grad je kan.haha)

heading back home

ive waited for this moment since my first month in UTP.
the moment where ill be leaving this place for 8 glorious months.

no more classes and tests and bloody assignments every other day.
no more making up excuses not to go to class.
no more sakit hati for the lack of social life.
no more watching perangai pelik2.

of course theres the downside of missing zul like a crazy cow.
shit.
long distance.
sigh.

but yeah im looking forward to facing a new environment even if that means being a buruh kasar/photostat engineer.

goodbye scums of guards.
goodbye UTP workers yg tak membantu.
and goodbye mamak mamak yg baik hati. ill miss ur teh tarik suam.

and most of all(no cynicism here)
goodbye ina and iylia(ill see u in KL)
goodbye nad(awesome roommate! no offence noin)
goodbye penghuni bilik no. 3
goodbye azik(the brother i wish is bonded by blood)
goodbye si cekangs: mizah ika izzah deli khai mimi (here's to our crazy studying days)
goodbye semua housemates: wina(bye bye baby) melissa(the house wont be the same)
goodbye koalas yg tinggal nama saja
goodbye three french musketeers: nicolas arnaud sebastien (ill miss you guys but i definitely wont miss those french jokes that i cant understand. long live assholes. hehe)

no goodbyes to Muhammad Dzulhazmi Shaarin because you baby, ill see u each weekend.
:)

poor baby

I have just finished watching Juno for the nth time.
And i was suddenly reminded by the unfortunate girl who was infamous for dunking her newborn in the trash can in UTP earlier this sem.
The same girl who's probably doing time as i'm writing this.
Poor soul.

I am just trying to picture how hard it mustve been for her.
She has what i assume (based on the stories flying around UTP) an unhelpful boyfriend whom she couldnt count on.
Imagine what it was like for her when she first found out.

From this point on, everything is based on my imagination. Heheh.

She probably bought one of those cheap pregnancy tests with crappy names from Farmasi Kak Salmah or Vulva Pharmacy. I dont know la kan.

And she was probably squatting on the toiletbowl,trying to pee on the pregnancy stick (which i think must be messy).

Then she would probably be sitting restlessly waiting for the indication to turn a certain colour or show lines(or possibly even hoping for a Barney's face holding two thumbs up indicating that the test is negative).

In the meantime (a few minutes probably felt like forever to her), she would curse herself for the recklessness which led to the unfortunate event. It could probably be:

a) Dammit, i shouldve used the rubber even though it was like picking a nose with gloves on.
b) They should put on the box saying that rubbers are only like, 97% accurate!!! (oh yes, quoting Ross and Joey)
c) I knew i shouldve taken the morning after pills.
d) This is all his goddamn fault. he promised he wouldnt come inside, that fucking asshole!
e) I really shouldve paid more attention during all those sex-ed talks.
f) If this stick shows a positive, im gonna burn that motherfucker's dick!

Or something along the line.

When it did (indicate that she's pregnant) she was probably too busy crying over spilt sperm to execute her plans of burning the sorry jerk who contributed his good swimmers of sperm.

Now, she told him that she was pregnant and he doesnt want to have anything to do with it. And being optimistic, she went on as if nothing was wrong and that the product was faulty. It was just a scare, she tells herself.

Until the morning sickness came.
And she started craving for frog's legs and maggots.
And suddenly her jeans dont fit anymore.
And her problematic skin is suddenly glowing and flawless.

So she went to the doctor to get it removed.
No way is she keeping it.
Gila? Nak kena buang family?

But the gynaecologist told her that she needs 1000bucks for the operation.

She waited around for another two months to get enough money and went back to the doctor.
Which then broke the news that it was too late to get an abortion. She was already into her second trimester. If she went on, she'd be putting her life on risk.

No other choice but to come clean with the parents. And they, coming from a typical Malay background, flipped out. Oh no, they didnt kick her out but they might as well have. Neither the Mom or Dad spoke to her.

So, oh yes, she was all alone.

And then she came back to UTP. Using enormous and gigantic clothes and tudung, she went around hoping that people would think that she's simply fat.

And two weeks later, the baby came without notice.

There she was, back in the toilet again, waiting and sweating and crying, contraction after contraction.

Hours later, the baby came out the way she hoped it would. Quiet and not making much noise. The floor was bloody and wet.

She looked at the baby, scared.
Now now, why isnt the little boy making any sound?
She probably sat there, paralysed and the thought of spanking the baby's bottom to get him to cry never entered her mind.
By the time she got to her senses, the baby was already gone.

Freaked out, she took the baby and threw it in the trash can.

And we all know what happened after that.

If only our society dont discriminate unmarried girls who decide to keep their baby.
Im not saying that sex before marriage isnt wrong. Thats another issue altogether.
But things happen.

it would just be so nice if society is more welcoming.
That way, we probably wouldnt see too many babies napping in dustbins.
Aduhai Malaysian.