aku, dia dan ...

pagi pagi sejuk baru lepas hujan macam ni,
mesti tak sah kalau tak reminisce zaman zaman lalu.
kadang-kadang bila ingat balik drama yang dah jadi,
rasa macam tak boleh comprehend the kind of journey that you've had.

tapi sebab tu lah teenagers are stupid.
sebab memang they are meant to be.
so that they will do stupid stuff that will teach them a lesson
yang akan jadikan mereka semua smart adults.

memang cycle dia vicious that way.
terima je lah.

nak dengar cerita?

saya tak tahu lah kenapa,
dan macam mana,
saya boleh tercicirkan hati, bila;
tertentang saya dengan bulatnya mata
terkelu saya dengan senyum manisnya

saya memang teramatlah kagum
sebab tak pernah saya jumpa species serefreshing itu
seolah olah selama ni saya hidup dalam dunia 2 dimensi
dan tiba tiba dimensi ketiga dibentangkan depan mata

saya macam tak sangka
bagai bulan jatuh ke riba
haha
rasa gembira tapi tak faham apa yang saya dah buat untuk deserve rasa sedemikian rupa

tapi,
biasalah
kadang kadang gembira tu tak datang lama
sebelum diganti dengan kecewa

walaupun sedih tetap ada
tapi saya baru sedar bahawa bersyukur sajalah
sebab ; sekurang kurangnya, yang sempat ada cumalah memori indah saja
jadi takkan ada yang dapat tarnish imaji imaji yang dah terlekat dalam kepala

so, perhaps, it was for the best after all
kalau ada, bagus lah tu
kalau takde, adalah yang lebih baik yang menunggu

:)

at the end of the day, win-win juga kan?
jadi gopoh- gapah sangat pun tak guna juga.
hehe

Hati yang agak fragile

Aku memang pelik sungguh dengan kamu.
Kamu cuma punya satu hati, bukan?
Bukan belasan mahupun puluhan?
Dan hati kamu, fragile bukan?
Sekali ku ambil, milik aku sampai bila pun.

Ya, mungkin akan ada yang lain menyusul selepas aku

Tapi yang kau mampu beri pada mereka cuma hati retak

Benar, bukan?

Jawablah sayang,

penat aku bertanya.

Jika benar kata aku,
   mengapa kamu hadiahkan aku hati kamu
   mengapa kamu biarkan aku tinggalkan tanda pada hati itu
dan tiba tiba, kamu menghilang diri.

Bila muncul semula,

kamu buat seolah-olah kita tak pernah punya kaitan

seolah-olah, pada satu masa, kau bukan penyelamat aku

dan aku bukan selimut kamu.

Cebis cebis hati kamu masih pada aku
Aku pelik sungguh,
tak mahu kah kamu tampal semula cebis-cebis yang aku genggam

Aku tak mampu faham

   agenda kamu yang sebenar

Atau mungkin aku salah faham perkataan 'istimewa'

Mungkin kame ada lebih satu hati, mungkin.

Atau mungkin kamu robot yang tak pentingkan rasa jiwa.

Aku masih rindu.

p/s : i found this written at the back of my Design of Steel & Prestressed Concrete exam paper from a long time ago. Cheers.

Mister.

I have tried writing this down hundreds of time, 

but each attempt had miserably failed.

It was as if my feelings have completely left me

as if my words simply refused to leave the tip of my pen.

Each time i begin to pen my feelings down, 

something always holds a piece of my soul back,

forbidding me from pouring my emotions onto paper.

GuiltAffectionFearDenialAttraction.

I cant be sure which of these are holding me back. 

I am deeply sorry, but the internal turmoil is clouding my judgments. 

I am fairly confused myself.

For the umpteenth time, i shall try this again.

He was a boy.

But not just any boy.

He was a boy, whom, next to, made me feel like a girl. Like a lady.

He was nice.

A downright pleasing gentleman should the circumstance require him to be.

A decent guy though he was, every single inch of me screams out at the sight of him, calling his name, yearning for its namesake.

He was nothing like the perfect heroes in novels.

Much less like Prince Charming in fairytales.

He was much much better.

A boy that i am devastatedly infatuated with.

He caresses with the softest touch;

kisses with the softest lips;

and smiles as if he was hiding the most devious (but delicious!) secret.

Grins that taunt me with its mysteriousness that i shall never unravel.

Unpredictable but incredibly passionate.

My casa for comfort.

My spot for solace.

eh eh saya suka la tulis pasal lelaki rupanya!

tengok INI, dulu pun saya pernah cuba mahu crack misteri lelaki.

it has been over 6 months,

dan misteri masih belum mampu diselesaikan.

lelaki is still lelaki

yang senyap masih berdiam diri

yang kecoh masih rasa nak tembak kasi mati

semalam i talked to my bestfriend.
and she told me that she found this letter that i wrote to her back in Form 5,
cerita masalah 'cinta' lah konon.
(wah wah macam besar sangat problem masa tu kan?)

and it reminded me of this boy i was smitten with.

weh weh suka gila kot masa tu!

baru satu hari lepas wish bday dia,

dah start plan tahun depan nak kasi present apa.

-_-'

tiap tiap hari tunggu handphone berbunyi
kalau orang lain yang sms atau call, terus jadi hampa

dan saya tahu dia suka saya juga

sebab dia rajin call sambil main guitar dan nyanyi lagu Incubus

tapi ego jauh lagi banyak dari perasaan suka

bila saya nak, dia jual mahal
bila dia finally nak, saya dah taknak jual

at the end of the day,

tak perlu la bersungguh sangat main tarik tali tu

sebab takut nanti sorang sorang je main dengan tali tu.

haaa main la kau puas puas!

nak tocang tali tu ke, nak buat ikat kerbau ke semua boleh.

happy tak?

*senyum sinis*

kadang-kadang,
memang akan jumpa orang yang sanggup make the first move,
tapi bila dah jumpa,
kena lah sanggup-sanggupkan diri buat consequent moves.

you can play hard to get all you want,
but one of these days, nobody will want to chase after you anymore.

jadi,
janganlah take people for granted.
kalau mahu, embrace saja
kalau tak mahu, jangan drag on lama lama.

:)

Mesej ini dibawa kepada anda oleh Kementerian Patah Hati.

Can You Keep A Secret?

OK.
Nak tau rahsia tak?
But i bet you blabbermouth wont keep it a secret kan?

Hmph.

Takpe lah, nak bagitau jugak. Heheh.

I am not the manja kind.
I am not one of those girls who hug their moms from behind and go (include la whatever manja statement that you can think of here).

Sorry, i did attempt lebih kurang 18 kali nak try and come up with a decent manja conversation between a manja daughter and a mom who layans her daughter's manja-ness. Tapi unsuccessful attempt. Sorry.

Semua dialogue that i could think of will make you rasa mcm nak baling bricks kat kepala i.

I sayang lagi my head.
So u guys buat la sendiri manja conversation tu ok.

Even when my housemates go all manja comel comel,
i sometimes ternganga because i dont know the right way to react.
Like, i want to try and be manja comel comel balik,

tapi serious part comel tu paling uber-susah nak achieve.

Tak tipu.

But but buuuuuut.
I have a weakness for lelaki yang manja.

Tolong lah.
serious i cair bila org cakap dengan i suara nak lembut alaaaaahaaaai mcm roti soggy rendam dalam air milo panas.

OK.

Metaphore serious tak appealing.

Fine. tukar la roti soggy tu dengan marshmallow.

Comel sikit. Pfft.

I yang loud-mouthed ni pun terus rasa nak turn down volume jadi -3 bila dengar orang ckp lemah gemalai comel comel.
It makes me want to cubit cubit pipi orang tu and cakap 'heeeeyyyy kenapa manja sangat sampai i geram ni haaa'.

Haa. macam tu lah.
Conclusion : Orang orang manja boleh lari jauh jauh from me sekarang kalau takut kena terkam.

Sekian, terima kasih. :)

p/s : oh but there is also such a thing as OVER-MANJA nak mintak pelangkung. if you dont know what a pelankung is, try la overdoing it, i tunjuk pelangkung tu apa. :P

tergugat iman

i think u were sent to goyahkan my iman.

yes, thank you very much technology.

:)

sebab kau la aku senyum panjang lebar malam ni.

sambil makan keropok RM1 beli kat bawah block.

when i think about you

you are
something that fills in my blanks

the punchline to my jokes
the chorus to my songs
the dimple to my smile
the sparkle in my eyes

you are
the missing piece of my puzzle

dah balik UTP, confirm la kena start excessive blogging balik!

ya allah.
this is so silly.

i was bloghopping.
and randomly terjumpa the blog of this guy i used to know a loooong time ago.

back then, he was quiet a flirt.
walaupun at the time, dia ada gf.
he's sort of known for his lady-fetish.
and secara tak sengaja, for a brief moment, i sort of got sucked into a minor drama.
(tapi takde la bitchfight tarik tarik rambut ye)

long story la.

but i never so much as talked to his gf pun.
and i kinda stopped talking to him altogether.

adalah dengar update update about him and the gf via kawan kawan.
tapi setakat dengar je la, tak ambik port sangat pun cuz it has nothing to do with me sejak berzaman dah.

i heard from the little birds that some shit came up.
and that shit turned him into a real gentleman.
and he got married to the gf.

and as i mentioned before,
baru beberapa saat yang lalu, i came across both their blogs.

read their rants dated from yeaaaaars back,
and saw their pics together.

upon seeing their wedding pics (dan gambar yang lain lain),
i suddenly realized air mata dah menitik jatuh.
terharu gila babi seeing how loving they are now.
and how grown up they both seem.

to know that he is no longer the childish impish boy i knew,
and that he is now a man who is soooo in love and soooo responsible,
rasa macam 'oh wow, he finally found what he's looking for in life'.

and it made me so happy.
even though it doesnt have anything to do with me.

tonight, they made me realize that even the relationship with the craziest rollercoaster ride pun has the potential to be 'The Real Thing'.

Tolong jangan tanya if it's THAT time of the month, sebab menangis tiba tiba baca stranger punya blog. Terharu okay. This is a beautiful moment! Let me wallow in it.

;)

Kepada Encik X dan Puan Y,
Though you guys may never read this, please note that i am touched by your love for each other.

Yang benar,
Fithri Natasha Merissa Kartika.

An Ode To A Future Lover

Talk to me
Let me indulge in your succulent voice

Allow me in
Let me explore all of you

Share with me
your deepest fears
For i shall hold you close and not let go

Make me fall in love with you
As i already am so very nearly there
All it might take is just
a simple phone call, or
a charming cheeky smile

You see,
i look at numbers and facts,
but it's your name that jumps off the page.

You see,
it's driving me nuts thinking of you this way,
but i can't stop, it's simply too mesmerizing.

Aaaah yes, you still haunt my dreams.
Each night, each time.
So save me.
Save me from falling into this bottomless pit.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

tonight,
i shall dream about
you and me

in that faraway land
(or perhaps a land that is not too far away)
hand in hand

where we shall
make love to good music
where we shall
have enchanting conversations
where we shall
get intoxicated by the magic
that YOU, wouldve cast on ME.

tonight,
i shall dream about
you and me

you and me
ahhh
what a saucy rendezvous

oh what a lovely dream that shall be.

:)

to all the boys ive ever fallen in like with

sometimes you are near
and often you are far
you later disappear
thats just how things are

sometimes we hold hands
and sometimes we let go
sometimes we made plans
and sometimes we dont know

i wrote haikus that rhyme
and dream all day long
but it all fades with time
we simply dont belong

but i want you to know
that i never forgot
though i dont let it show
i remember quite a lot!

:)

Scandal Saya yang Paling Scandalous.

i blissfully walked into my neighbour's house,
with the intention of borrowing something.
i dont even remember what it was that i needed.
(a cup of sugar, maybe? talk about old school ey? *grins*)

it was a huge mansion.
i used to come over here as a kid, playing with Naqi's hundreds of remote controlled cars.
(you know, those cars that uses petrol instead of batteries and whose price could probably pay for the down payment for a starter car).

his room was a kid's Disneyland back then.
it had everything, everything that a 7 year old girl could wish for.
(ok so perhaps i was a bit boyish back then. he didnt have any dolls.)

so, anyway, back to the present,
I walked into his house, only to find that he was out.
His brother was home tho.
Fresh (jet lagged, more like it) out of a flight from somewhere abroad.

I had never met him before.
21 years in the neighbourhood, and i have never seen him.
Not once.
He studied abroad pretty much his whole life
(minus about 4 years of his childhood, during which i was not even born yet).

He was astonishingly jaw-dropping good looking.
And he flirted.
Which is always a good thing.
;)

He kept me company for that few hours, waiting for Naqi to come back from wherever he was.
And a delightful company, he was.

My bubble burst when his GIRLFRIEND popped by later,
all protective and claws all over him.
Ah well, what do you expect?
He was an Adonis.
Id probably do the same if i was her.
(oh but on second thoughts, i wont. I prefer to play the Cool Girlfriend Card. LOL)

It was turning to be quiet a telenovela scene.
And i decided to go home and come back another day before the Girlfriend pours a bucket of ice on my head.
(it certainly seemed like the idea crossed her mind).

Over the few short weeks,
i saw more and more of Naqi's brother.
(who, by then, has pretty much worn me over).

And it took my entire self-control not do the Chandler dance,
when he told me that he broke up with her.
(i believe the breakup had a lot to do with me)

There we were, sitting on the couch.
Me on his left, him in the middle, and Naqi at the other end.
Pretending to watch the stupid movie which Naqi wanted to see.
And i noticed that his hands crept closer to mine,
and soon, my tiny palm was wrapped in his not so tiny one.

Swooning, i was.

And then, i realized two things:

One : 21 years knowing Naqi's family, and its a well known fact that Naqi was an only child. He DOES NOT have any siblings.

Babi. Aku mimpi. Bloody vivid dream, at that.

Two : Dalam mimpi pun aku jadi boyfriend-stealer? Tahniah la Sha.

It was then that i woke up. Sungguh tak best. :(

merah sebab marah

shit happens.
and when they do,
you tend to expect that your friends will be there to help you fix em up or at least help you recover.

but when "friends" are the ones who shat in the first place,
the trust and respect gets flushed away along with them.

screw you.
thanks for 4 years worth of memories.
and one night that ruined them all.
thanks.
but no thanks.

you can now take your shit back.

wrong number

Ini adalah extract dari phone conversation saya 5 saat yang lalu. Watak watak ada lah seperti berikut:

Orang Pelik (OP)
Saya yang tak berapa nak pelik (T)

OP : Haluu. Boleh cakap dengan Nadia?
T : Err sorry. I think u got the wrong number.
OP : Nadia ada nadia?
T : Takde, ni bukan Nadia. You got the wrong number.
OP : Ni siapa?
T : Ini bukan Nadia.
OP : Bukan bukan. I nak cakap dengan Maria.
T : Ini bukan Maria jugak. You got the wrong number.
OP : Then ni siapa?
T : Err. tak payah tahu kot.
OP : Apasal pulak tak payah tahu?
T : Because im not Nadia. or Maria. Im not the person you're calling for. YOU GOT THE WRONG NUMBER ! (part ni kena kuat sikit in case this freak is deaf in addition to being pelik)
OP : Ye la tapi nama u apa.

*line disconnected*

And i thought i could then get on with my work. Tak jugak. An sms came in:

ANDA TELAH TERLEPAS UTK MENDAPATKAN ANGPAU RAYA.. SEKIAN

(err. macam aku kisah.)

Followed by another one:

Weh.. angkatla. i nk ngorat u.. kwn u pn boley..

And another:

Nk duit raya x? xnk sudey

Ni pick up line zaman bila ni?
Sighhh.
Malaysians are getting weirder by the day.
Seriously, tactic tak blh bodoh lagi ke?

ah well, what has the world gotten to

I remember hearing this somewhere.

First date. He took her to a fast food restaurant and they were talking in the parking lot afterward.
He said, “You wanna fool around since I paid for your meal and all?”
She said, “You want the $4 back?”

It amazes repulses me to know how inappropriate some guys people can be. More often than not, when faced with a situation as such, people tend to be a bit slow coming up with a catty comeback. I know im slow that way. (im the kind of person who can only come up with a good retort after the bitch has walked away)

Some guys simply assume that they'll get away with that. Stupid. I dont know where the courage to become such an obnoxious ass come from.

And the best part is that, when a guy does it, people will say

"oh, he's just being a guy"

but when such behaviour comes from a girl, they go

"yeah she's a downright slut"

ah well, what has the world gotten to.

inguinal hernia - i think you would wanna see this.

I came across this term on Ira's blog.

Anyways. The term inguinal hernia piqued my interest and thus leading to the part where i googled it.

Basically, in non-medic terms (to enhance the understanding of those yang fail Bio and yang nak dekat dekat dail mcm saya), inguinal hernia is basically a bulge on one or both sides of the groin. This is due to a part of the intestines that slipped out from its orbit. Heheh. Ada pahamm?

Anyways, its more common in men as opposed to women.

Getting to my point, the whole bulge thing was not what caught my attention. It was the picture i saw in wiki.


As you can see, there's a bulge on the top left part of the picture. Again, thats not my point.

Check out how smallllllll the dude's peenis is!!! Waahahahaha. Wee penis! Weenis!!! LOL.

Okay, so thats not very nice of me ( i hope that doesnt equate me to end up married to a guy with a smallie like that due to karma retribution). I swear im not a pervert, i just thought that this is effing hilarious. Hehehe.

To those who cant take a joke like a good sport, go away! Im sick. and i have the rights to entertain myself in the midst of my sickness. XD

p/s: the bulge itself is bigger than the whole thing that might be called a penis. LOL

of tears streaming down the cheek

Thank you :

For being honest about ur feelings
For understanding me better than I understand myself
For trying so hard to make amends
For trying to fix what’s broken
For telling me the truth
For looking after my feelings
For giving me a wonderful experience of a first love
For being my bestfriend when Hafizah is so far away
For taking care of me when I am sick
For not being overprotective
For not asking me to give up the things that I love
For not asking me to be someone I am not
For always making me laugh
For making me so proud to have you around

For not giving up on me
For everything you’ve done for the name of this relationship

kalau terjatuh, nak buat apa?

aku kerap terjatuh

(no no, nama aku bukan paan)

jatuh cinta

jatuh sakit

biasanya, jatuh cinta dulu

diikuti jatuh sakit.

how to get a girl to like you

i feel like being a Dr. Love today.

based on past experiences(mine and other people's), i came up with a guideline for you moronic boys out there.

tee hee.

1) dont ask a girl out and then just sit there staring at her boobs. dont expect her to do all the talking. when i say that, i dont mean you should ramble on about the new underpants that you bought last Saturday. and we dont want to know your preference of underwear, be it Y-fronts, boxers or even homosexual g-strings. we want substance.

2) the above rule applies to phone conversations as well. dont waste your credit talking about the weather. we already know that it rained like a dog this morning and that it was blazing hot the day before. we want to talk to you, not the weatherman.

3) the moment we ask you whether or not we're fat, dont pause. dont think of the answer. without any hesitation, quickly answer no. we dont care if you're lying. we just want to hear what we want to hear.

4) if you have the intention to get some action at the end of the date, dont talk about it beforehand. we probably want the same thing too. but the moment you discuss it, it will automatically push us away. nothing turns us off faster than a guy who says:

i want to kiss you and do this and that to you at the end of the night. do you want to do it at my place? or if that is an inconvenience, the backseat of my car is always available.

it doesnt matter how good looking you are, the cuteness level will drop exponentially the moment you appear desperate like that. if you wanna do it, just do it. dont talk about it.

5) we know you want to impress us, but please draw a line between that and boasting(which makes you appear like an arrogant fuck). there's a reason why people say, less is more.

6) play a tad bit hard to get. i know we complain a lot about guys who fails to give us attention. but calling us every half an hour to ask what we've been up kinda screams 'i dont have a life'. not exactly attractive, boys.

7) we know you are born horny. but please try to keep it in your pants for at least a few dates. it doesnt make us feel good to have you pawing at us on the first date. makes us feel like a cheap one night stand.

the true soul of an asshole

When the dusk, gives way to the dawn
When I’m sleepy, and have started to yawn
You came in, and jumped on the bed
Rubbed here and there, and then called me fat

When the month, comes close to an end
When I’m broke, and have not paid the rent
You walked up to me, and rummaged through my purse
Took all my money, and started to curse

When I’ve waited for hours, by the pretty lake
With dinner, presents, and your birthday cake
I waited and waited, but you never came
You stood me up, and put me to blame

When I’ve grown tired, of you and your crap
When your true colour, started to unwrap
I pack my bags, and wrote you a note
“I hope somebody will slit your throat”

p/s : poem ini adalah rekaan semata-mata. tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup atau pun yang telah mati.

pp/s: no animals were harmed during the production of this poem.