dont say i didnt warn you!

it is extremely easy to fall in love with me.

in the beginning, you might be in denial and claim that being in my company is out of mere convenience.

but soon enough, you will realize that i'm like no other.
with me around, you get to do whatever it is that you've always wanted to.

in other words,
i liberate you.

be aware, though.

the romance will not last forever.
once you get too fixated in my embrace,
too mesmerized by my presence,
that is when i shall break your heart.

forgive me,
it isnt intentional.
im not doing it on the sole purpose of hurting you.

i'm doing it
because i can.

for i am money.

to all the boys ive ever fallen in like with

sometimes you are near
and often you are far
you later disappear
thats just how things are

sometimes we hold hands
and sometimes we let go
sometimes we made plans
and sometimes we dont know

i wrote haikus that rhyme
and dream all day long
but it all fades with time
we simply dont belong

but i want you to know
that i never forgot
though i dont let it show
i remember quite a lot!

:)

Scandal Saya yang Paling Scandalous.

i blissfully walked into my neighbour's house,
with the intention of borrowing something.
i dont even remember what it was that i needed.
(a cup of sugar, maybe? talk about old school ey? *grins*)

it was a huge mansion.
i used to come over here as a kid, playing with Naqi's hundreds of remote controlled cars.
(you know, those cars that uses petrol instead of batteries and whose price could probably pay for the down payment for a starter car).

his room was a kid's Disneyland back then.
it had everything, everything that a 7 year old girl could wish for.
(ok so perhaps i was a bit boyish back then. he didnt have any dolls.)

so, anyway, back to the present,
I walked into his house, only to find that he was out.
His brother was home tho.
Fresh (jet lagged, more like it) out of a flight from somewhere abroad.

I had never met him before.
21 years in the neighbourhood, and i have never seen him.
Not once.
He studied abroad pretty much his whole life
(minus about 4 years of his childhood, during which i was not even born yet).

He was astonishingly jaw-dropping good looking.
And he flirted.
Which is always a good thing.
;)

He kept me company for that few hours, waiting for Naqi to come back from wherever he was.
And a delightful company, he was.

My bubble burst when his GIRLFRIEND popped by later,
all protective and claws all over him.
Ah well, what do you expect?
He was an Adonis.
Id probably do the same if i was her.
(oh but on second thoughts, i wont. I prefer to play the Cool Girlfriend Card. LOL)

It was turning to be quiet a telenovela scene.
And i decided to go home and come back another day before the Girlfriend pours a bucket of ice on my head.
(it certainly seemed like the idea crossed her mind).

Over the few short weeks,
i saw more and more of Naqi's brother.
(who, by then, has pretty much worn me over).

And it took my entire self-control not do the Chandler dance,
when he told me that he broke up with her.
(i believe the breakup had a lot to do with me)

There we were, sitting on the couch.
Me on his left, him in the middle, and Naqi at the other end.
Pretending to watch the stupid movie which Naqi wanted to see.
And i noticed that his hands crept closer to mine,
and soon, my tiny palm was wrapped in his not so tiny one.

Swooning, i was.

And then, i realized two things:

One : 21 years knowing Naqi's family, and its a well known fact that Naqi was an only child. He DOES NOT have any siblings.

Babi. Aku mimpi. Bloody vivid dream, at that.

Two : Dalam mimpi pun aku jadi boyfriend-stealer? Tahniah la Sha.

It was then that i woke up. Sungguh tak best. :(

sebuah cerita hantu

It was already 3 am.
And i have to send in my assignment at the deserted and supposedly haunted academic building.

I just got back from mamak with 3 other friends, and i dragged them along to accompany me.
(Scary kot nak naik block yang isolated tu tengah tengah malam!)

I went up Building 1 with one friend (A), leaving the other two (B and C) in the car.
We went up and quickly stuffed my assignment in the lecturer's mini postbox.
We were going to head back to the car when i got a brilliant idea to scare the other two scaredy cats.

Instead of heading back the way we came, A and I took the long way and walked to Building 2 instead. We came down and walked back to the car from Building 2.

As soon as we slammed the door shut, B and C were busy complaining because we kept them waiting for close to half an hour when we shouldve been done within 5 mins or so.

The whole time, A and I kept quite and did not say a single word. We were trying to spook the other two. The plan was to keep quite and after the car has moved, i was going to text B (subtly, of course) something that goes like :

Where are you? im already down here but i cant find your car. did you park somewhere else or have you left without us?

I have already composed the text message and switched off the background light of my phone. It would only take me one click of a button to send the message and watch B and C freak out. I sniggered silently at my brilliant plan.

B : Why did you guys come down from Building 2? I thought the lecturer's office is in Building 1?
*silence*
B : Dude!! Why the hell did you come down all the way from the other building? What happened?
*silence*
B : Why are you so quiet??
*silence*

Its starting to turn out to be a pretty good show.

The drive back from the academic building to our hostel is a pretty lengthy one and there were barely any lights along the road. It was spooky, indeed. Plus, we have heard plenty of gory stories about the road that we were currently driving along. You know, the kind of stories that will keep you up at night.

I could tell that B and C were starting to freak out.

At the darkest point of the road, i sent my message.

The whole while, i kept my eyes on B to see if she's gonna check her phone. I wouldnt miss her reaction for the world. Surprisingly, B's phone did not make a sound.

A whole 30 seconds later, a reply came in :

What the hell are you talking about? Im still down here waiting for you. Im parked at the same place i dropped you off just now. What's taking you so long? We've been waiting for you for half an hour already. Get your ass down here already! We're starting to get goosebumps waiting for you. Hurry up!!

*gulp*

At the same time, I could hear a disturbing chuckle coming from the front seat.

ive got silicones in my brain

ooooh, it has been a long time..
a looooooooooooooong time indeed (sama panjang dengan amount huruf O dalam long).

since what?

since i could take a break, and lie down on my bed.

since i could finally have the luxury of not having a chair-shaped vertebra (tak tipu! tulang belakang saya bentuk mcm kerusi murah ikea colour hitam kat bilik ni).

since i hung out with such a great crowd at mamak and discuss Wonderpets and their badly translated dialogue and songs (apa yang pentinnng? kerjaaasaama!) (ini seriusssssss. anak babi dalam kesusahan! Wonderpets datang menyelamatkaaan! Anak babi, kamu tak apa apa?)
i have not laughed like that in a loooong time. terima kasih atas hadiah itu.

since i saw the sunlight (tipuu! baru petang tadi pergi bazaar Ramadhan, beli murtabak dan dengan tak malu nya makan dalam kereta on the way balik)

since i put on my Yellow Power Rangers suit.

since i flirted with anyone.

since i was made Student of the Year.

(now now. try and guess which one is real and which one was made up. or if its all real. or all made up. or... hahaha.. okay okay.. saya stop sekarang)

have you heard about the 3 men who meditated?

3 men were to meditate in a cave for 100 years.

Since they will be in there for a long time, each men were given one wish to ask for something that they want to keep them entertained in the duration of 100 years.

The first man is a womanizer. Thus, he asked for Playgirl-like women to keep him company in the cave.
The second man is a bookworm. Thus, he asked for enough books to last him for a century.
The third man is a heavy smoker. Thus, he asked for enough cigarettes to last him for 100 years.

Guess what happens to them after they were released 100 years later?
(assuming that men can live that long)

The first man was released and you can see that his cave was infested by children of all ages. They literally crawled all over the cave.

The second man came out fully educated and intelligent and could answer all of the questions posed on him.

The third man came out, looking all stressed out, and rushed to the first person he saw and asked:
"Bang, ada lighter tak?"

oh dear

you like being in a mess dont you

as beautiful as it might be

homophobic

Today, i feel like :

• going someplace to eat, ask for 20 piece of tissues, use one and throw the rest away
• standing over people's shoulder and staring at their computer screen while they are doing their work
• speaking in annoying schoolkid sms language "kitew windu awak lew"
• getting into the elevator, smack my forehead repeatedly and mutter to myself "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP"
• pick up phonecalls, tell the people on the line to hold while i put myself on the line, and start singing in the most off-tuned manner possible.
• staring at people and when they ask why, grin at them and tell them "I have new socks on!" excitedly.

babyyy!!

baby, i used this photo of you and Mas as my screensaver at work.

Today, this guy came in and asked me to forward this pic to him because he said 'minah tu hot' and gambar tu lawa.

whats with the car and all.

i asked him why would i want to send him a personal pic of mine.

so he asked me who was it in the pic.

i told him it was my friend and my boyfriend.

dia terkejut sebab dia ingat saya tipu.

his last words were,

"ingatkan gambar artis luar negara tadi!"

haha.

bangga tak darlings berdua?

poor baby

I have just finished watching Juno for the nth time.
And i was suddenly reminded by the unfortunate girl who was infamous for dunking her newborn in the trash can in UTP earlier this sem.
The same girl who's probably doing time as i'm writing this.
Poor soul.

I am just trying to picture how hard it mustve been for her.
She has what i assume (based on the stories flying around UTP) an unhelpful boyfriend whom she couldnt count on.
Imagine what it was like for her when she first found out.

From this point on, everything is based on my imagination. Heheh.

She probably bought one of those cheap pregnancy tests with crappy names from Farmasi Kak Salmah or Vulva Pharmacy. I dont know la kan.

And she was probably squatting on the toiletbowl,trying to pee on the pregnancy stick (which i think must be messy).

Then she would probably be sitting restlessly waiting for the indication to turn a certain colour or show lines(or possibly even hoping for a Barney's face holding two thumbs up indicating that the test is negative).

In the meantime (a few minutes probably felt like forever to her), she would curse herself for the recklessness which led to the unfortunate event. It could probably be:

a) Dammit, i shouldve used the rubber even though it was like picking a nose with gloves on.
b) They should put on the box saying that rubbers are only like, 97% accurate!!! (oh yes, quoting Ross and Joey)
c) I knew i shouldve taken the morning after pills.
d) This is all his goddamn fault. he promised he wouldnt come inside, that fucking asshole!
e) I really shouldve paid more attention during all those sex-ed talks.
f) If this stick shows a positive, im gonna burn that motherfucker's dick!

Or something along the line.

When it did (indicate that she's pregnant) she was probably too busy crying over spilt sperm to execute her plans of burning the sorry jerk who contributed his good swimmers of sperm.

Now, she told him that she was pregnant and he doesnt want to have anything to do with it. And being optimistic, she went on as if nothing was wrong and that the product was faulty. It was just a scare, she tells herself.

Until the morning sickness came.
And she started craving for frog's legs and maggots.
And suddenly her jeans dont fit anymore.
And her problematic skin is suddenly glowing and flawless.

So she went to the doctor to get it removed.
No way is she keeping it.
Gila? Nak kena buang family?

But the gynaecologist told her that she needs 1000bucks for the operation.

She waited around for another two months to get enough money and went back to the doctor.
Which then broke the news that it was too late to get an abortion. She was already into her second trimester. If she went on, she'd be putting her life on risk.

No other choice but to come clean with the parents. And they, coming from a typical Malay background, flipped out. Oh no, they didnt kick her out but they might as well have. Neither the Mom or Dad spoke to her.

So, oh yes, she was all alone.

And then she came back to UTP. Using enormous and gigantic clothes and tudung, she went around hoping that people would think that she's simply fat.

And two weeks later, the baby came without notice.

There she was, back in the toilet again, waiting and sweating and crying, contraction after contraction.

Hours later, the baby came out the way she hoped it would. Quiet and not making much noise. The floor was bloody and wet.

She looked at the baby, scared.
Now now, why isnt the little boy making any sound?
She probably sat there, paralysed and the thought of spanking the baby's bottom to get him to cry never entered her mind.
By the time she got to her senses, the baby was already gone.

Freaked out, she took the baby and threw it in the trash can.

And we all know what happened after that.

If only our society dont discriminate unmarried girls who decide to keep their baby.
Im not saying that sex before marriage isnt wrong. Thats another issue altogether.
But things happen.

it would just be so nice if society is more welcoming.
That way, we probably wouldnt see too many babies napping in dustbins.
Aduhai Malaysian.

dogs

It has been a long time since anything happened in campus.
The most exciting thing would probably be the Mangga Madu makcik from pasar malam finally got a booth at v5 cafe.

Until that fateful night.

Venue: UTP's swimming pool.

It was the 5 of them that night. Lets call em Kartika, Sharifah, Nabilah, Mohd and Zulkifli. Having the sudden urge to go swimming that night, they jumped off the high wall and sat by the poolside, waddling their feet in the water.

Suddenly, they saw two heads bobbing about. They have invited over 3 friends from "Belgium" to share the massive pool with them. The two heads certainly didnt look like the 3. A thought that it might be the security guard made them cringe and scoundered silently so that they will go unnoticed.

It turned out that it was only another couple whom they also knew, Lets call em B and M. So Kartika and the others helped B and M to hop in.

Soon, the other 3 arrived. Elaine Nick and Arnold. :)

So there they were the 10 of them. With goggles and a beach ball. Laughing and chattering to one another.

And 5 minutes after that, they could hear a few suara sumbang. Asking them to leave the pool.

"ADIK! ADIK! KELUAR!" says the guard.

They pretended not to hear, hoping that the guard will finally get frustrated at being ignored and leave.

No chance of that.

After about 10 mins of ignoring the guards, and coming to terms that it's unlikely of them to leave them in peace, they pretended that they were all foreigners who couldnt understand a word of English.

The shouting got worse.

And so the group sent Nick and Arnold to talk to the guards. They started putting their dumb blonde act and pretended not to understand a single word that came out of the guard's mouth.

Guard: What time is it? [Translation: do you know what time is it.]
Dumb Blonde 1: Time? Time? I dont understand you.
Guard: WHAT TIME IS IT?
Dumb Blonde 2: 6? What you're saying? We dont understand.

Then Mr B came to join the two dumb blondes. And they started speaking in foreign language to the guards which was kind of hilarious for the others to watch.

But the guards wouldnt leave. Instead, they called for reinforcements. A few cars and trucks and more motorcycles crowded the pool.

Kartika then heard the guards saying that they wanna come in and take down everyone's name and pics.(which pops the question? what would they wanna do with the pics of people in swimming suits? jack off to them?).

She freaked because if the guards were to come in, they'd be so busted. Couldnt understand BM? Scoff.

And so they made a run for it. Using the backgate, one by one they jumped off the wall and ran to save their life. A very Baywatch moment i might add.

Nabilah and Zulkifli held hands and mastered the arts of pretending to be a couple. Sharifah, Mohd and Kartika on the other hand, freaked out , not knowing what to do. It was like a bad episode of a reality TV show where the cops busted a gang of bank robbers.

A freaky night, thats what they told me. Nabilah and ZUlkifli even got chased by a 'tracking dog'.

For more detailed info about what happened, you should ask the 10 of them. I cant really describe the exhilaration and what they were feeling prior to being chased. Only they know.

And for all you readers, as far as you are concerned, this is just a badly written fiction of someone who's mentally incompetent. :)

*evil grin

She was trying to scream. The bitch. Is the tape not secure enough?

I pulled out the roll of masking tape from my pocket. Stripped out enough, cut them off with my seasoned crocodile-teeth-sharp scissors, and taped a double layer on her mouth.

Hmph. Serves her right. We'll see if she can scream through that.

Both her hands are tied down under two blocks of dry ice. I can see both her hand rotting blue under the cold chunks. I dont believe in ropes. Theyre just so inconvenient. Ive seen too many movies where the hostage manages to escape due to the fucking ropes. I know better. Im sure she does too. Which is why im not gonna take any chances with this one.

I look over to my right and see my toolbox hanging open like the mouth of a hungry lion. So many beautiful tools i can manage her with. I cant seem to decide. Thats alright, theres plenty of time. Its not like anyone would notice that the bitch has disappeared.

Ive done my calculation. It would be at least a few days after im done with her before anyone would realize what has happened. By then, she'd be in little bits and scraps. Nothing anyone could do will make any difference then.

She was squirming. Squirming hard.

I kicked her on the stomach. Why is this piece of shit trying to make my work harder? Doesnt she know any better? Delicious red blood is trickling down her mouth. I giggled seeing the beautiful sight.

To be continued?

when people talk behind your back, you know you're ahead of them. :)

Dzul(thats the boyfriend) and I enjoy arguing in public.
You might say that we are attention-seekers.
Or you might also say that we are bigheaded and tak tahu malu.

But I say, the arguments that we have over a few cups of teh tarik suam and teh o ais are so that we can debate our points and laugh about it afterwards, with friends being the witnesses.

Often, these arguments end up as a big joke for the group.

And thats fine by us.

UNFORTUNATELY. There are ears around whom overhears the heated squabble and makes their own conclusion.

"If im him, i wouldve just left her. Why would anyone want to be with someone like her?"

said the observers.


Hahh! Honey, what gives you the right to judge me from afar?

Sure. I might have done things that you find inappropriate.

1) Im loud. When i talk the entire mamak can hear me.
2) I laugh hard. Perhaps thats not girly by your standard?
3) I curse like a robot programmed to do so. The female Bender of Futurama. hmmm.
4) I talk with my feet up a chair. Soo not ladylike ehh?
5) Oh. And of course. I puff away like nobody's business. So mcm lelaki kan?

Here's me defense reasons. Not that i owe u any explanation.

1) I come from a big family. At home, to be heard, you have to shout.
2) Same reason as above.
3) Been brainwashed by the guy friends.
4) Its more comfortable that way. If u dont like to be comfortable, then thts ur prob, not mine.
5) I picked the habit up because of a HUGE thing that happened to me 2 years back. I dont have any intention to tell u abt the incident. Nor do i expect u to understand.


All i've to say is that you've never taken the time to get to know me.
Or at least talk to me.
Which means you really dont know what ur talking abt.
And until you have been in a relationship with me, you really have no rights to determine whether or not my bf should dump me.

Just say hello, i dont bite. :)
Really, i dont.

You might think that ur better than me,but seriously, ur not.
Trust me.
Because unlike you, ive actually taken my time to befriend people like you.

:)

love,
Tasha

diary of a 9 year old

i used to have a little yellow duckie. or maybe it was orange in colour.
i cant remember.
but i took it wherever i went.
its probably not as special as the ones you used to have.
it doesnt make any kind of squeaky sound when u press its tummy.
nor does it have any exceptional talent.

its indifferent to those duckies that you can find at the pasar malam for a mere price of RM2.

but its my duckie.
and i was never bored of it.

until one day..
when i was busy playing with the new dolls Mummy got me, i abandoned Yellow Ducky(or maybe Orange).
and i left it somewhere.
somewhere.

I lost it.

I cried.
And i made Daddy call the police to report the missing duck.
But its lost.

And Ducky never found its way back to me.

p/s: Oh yes. This is metaphorically speaking sweethearts. :D

Lelaki #17

He was such a sweetheart.
Innocent, boyish look complete with the Beatles' hairdo.
Not to forget braces that make him talk as if he has a lisp.

He worked at a waffle store.
And he always showed up at the boutique she was working at, with a few waffles in hand.
Her lunch, his treat, he said.
And then he will flash that famous impish grin of his.

"he's so cute. and he likes you!!" her friends parroted repeatedly.
"yea yea. but his best friend is much cuter" was all she replied. every single time.

while he seemed like the nice guy, the bestfriend seemed more of a bad boy to her.
and that is certainly more appealing. or so she thought.

a few months went by. she never did get anywhere near woo-ing the bestfriend.
while Mr Nice Guy on the other hand, disappeared for months on end.
All she got was a few text messages every now and then and the random phonecalls.

One day, when she has successfully pushed both the dreamy good guy and his badboy bestfriend at the back of her mind, somebody appeared in front of her during her lunch hour.

"Its ur lunch time kan? I brought you some waffles." and smiled that signature grin that she has gotten so familiar with.

It was him. Only that it wasnt him.

New spiky haircut. The braces was no longer there.
And he has gotten all buff as if he has been working out. Real hard.

And his grin didnt look too boyscout-ish any longer. Its more of a sexy cheeky smirk now.

She gulped.
She felt butterflies fluttering in her stomach.
She felt all those metaphorical fireworks bursting inside her.
It finally hit her.

He stayed for a little while. She observed that he was no longer him.
She noticed that he's aware of his change as well. and mighty proud of it, come to that.
She knows that he no longer thinks of her the way he used to.
At least that explains the lack of phonecalls and messages from him nowadays.

After a few minutes of catching up, he told her he had to leave.
He hugged her goodbye, planted a kiss on her cheek, and walked away.
And she simply knew that that was the last time she'll see him.
And once he walked away, he would be gone for good.

And it turned out that she was right.

She still blames herself for being superficial and pushing away what couldve been hers.