cut and paste : Malaysian politicians

George Washington Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. The story goes that George gives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe.

His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted as bravely admitting the truth: 'I can't tell a lie. Pa, you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my axe.'

Now what would some of Malaysia's politician when posed the same question:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - 'I did not cut down the tree, I was just taking a nap underneath it.'

Najib Razak - 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'

Hishamuddin Hussein Onn - '...but I only own a keris, not axe, how to cut down the tree?'

Mahathir Mohamad - 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because I don't like the idea of Pak Lah sleeping under it.'

Chua Soi Lek - 'Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.'

VK Lingam - 'It could be me, it might have been me, but I don't think it's me.'

Anwar Ibrahim - 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.'

Mohd Khir Toyo - 'The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.'

Azalina Othman - 'The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around the tree.'

Shabery Cheek - 'I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.'

S Samy Velu - 'I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.'

Rais Yatim - 'You must see the bigger picture. Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain. Ali Rustam said that are against our national identity. And I needed to test my new axe. So, you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.'

Karpal Singh - 'The bigfoot creature did it.'

Pandikar Amin Mulia - 'There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees......Kinabatangan duduk! Bukit Gelugor duduk!'

Khairy Jamaluddin - I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?'

Lim Kit Siang - 'Cherry tree also you don't know. You are an insult to Oxford!'

Nazri Abdul Aziz - 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...'

Malaysian Citizens - 'Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death!'

Pardon me for cut and pasting. I thought that this was too funny to be ignored. Ngehh. It seems like this has become quiet the syndrome semasa berinternship. I cant help receiving all the emails in bulks. And more often than not, i found some good really good ones.

So, here goes. Enjoy. :)

and the winner is...

There was this National Poetry Contest, and all the colleges and the universities sent a representative to enter the competition.

The final round came and it was down to two particular individuals.

The first dude was a well bred, high class snob from Harvard and his contestant was some redneck from a rundown college whose name was not even significant enough to be mentioned here.

The rule of the contest was for each finalist to compose a four line poem within one minute and the poem has to contain the word 'Timbuktu.

The high class snob went first. With confidence oozing out from him, he read:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination, Timbuktu.

The crowd cheered like you wouldnt believe. Everybody thought that the snob will win hands down. I mean, come on, there's no way the redneck will be able to beat that.

The redneck then stood up, cleared his throat and recited his poem:

Tim and me, a-huntin' went
Saw three whores in a pop-up tent
They was three, we was two
So i bucked one, and Tim bucked two!

Needless to say, the redneck won the competition. ;)

aduyai

this is like a greek tragedy.

right before my eyes.

who needs daily soap opera when you have this.

tsk.

MERDEEEK-dush kena tembak dengan komunis

cheh, ingat kan dah habis presentation, dah merdeka.
so much for the habis-presentation-tak-payah-datang-kerja myth ive heard before.
tipu betul.

kerja lagi banyak, ada la.
wtf weyy, kena kerja until 1230 midnight??

ni kalau tak dapat A ni, tak tau la.
hishh.

heheh.

p/s: saya kan yang banyak complain tuu.

homos

GREAT people talk about GREAT ideas

average people talk about average ideas

small people talk about other people

owh, so kalau awak nak continue ckp pasal saya, go on.

:)

misery loves miserable people

what is it like to be like those who find faults in everything?

mesti hidup dia tak seronok kan?

going cuckoo

someone brilliant told me,
that sometimes, in order to heal from a broken heart,
you tend to put up a Tembok Besar China to push all the pain away.

true, by doing that, you become that much stronger.
but you also become that much numb, that much heartless.

and yes, you manage to push the heartbreaker away,
but you also push everyone else around you.

i never used to be this angry.
i was never this sarcastic.
oh, and believe me, kerek-ness wasnt my thing(oh well, maybe on the odd occasion that i have to come up with a comeback to Noin's statements).

good thing someone managed to penetrate the wall.
;)

oooh, excuse the pun.

weird dude at the office

this past few months, i have had to walk around and take the reading for noise, temperature and light in the shopfloor.

so obviously, during these rounds, i was equipped with some sort of bulky gadget.

each time i went round to take the reading, there is always this one dude, whom, upon seeing me whill shout :
tolong adoi tolong tolong. perut saya sakit. doktor tolong saya.

he always has this comical look on his face.
and the way he shouted out his request, i cant help but be reminded of one my colleagues, Kuchai. hehe. Kuchai jangan marah. XD

after almost 13 times being confronted with his weird, and i hope what meant to be a joke of a statement, i still dont know whether or not to find it funny.

it's like, sound level meter aku ni, ada rupa macam high blood pressure punya machine ke?
and he keeps saying that he has stomachache. my face looks like a toilet bowl ke???

abai kan

sometimes you're so determined to fix your life.
sometimes when you're so adamant to work things out,
you dont realize who you end up hurting.

your life is not just yours for you to be so selfish with,
it's exactly like suicide.
you might think that you have every right to end it, not even considering the people in your life that will be affected by it.
just like suicide.
you think you can change your life and your ways as you like.
but you really shouldnt unless uve mapped out who'll be affected and by what degree.

this is just nonsense btw.
haha

p/s: to the people who has been affected by the change, im sorry. i truly am. ill find some way to make it up to u.

careful what you say

I have never been that big a fan of historical facts.
If there is one thing that ive learnt from history, its that i DONT learn anything from history.

Anyway, this particular story pretty much made me eat my words.

You know Neil Armstrong? (you do not need to answer this. the question is posed out of formality je pun). When he walked on the moon, he made some statements that soon become a catchphrase for many years to come. Right before he re-entered his lander, he made a remark "Good Luck Mr Gorsky".

This seemed insignificant at the time as everyone assumed that Mr Gorsky was probably just some rival astronaut from Russia or something along the lines. However, upon checking, no Gorsky was identified in the database of either the American or the Russian's space program.

After 26 years however, a journalist managed to prive the answer from Mr. Armstrong.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball in his backyard. His friend accidentally hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbour's bedroom windows. His neighbours were the Gorskys.

As he leaned down to pick the ball up, Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky :
"Oral sex?? You want oral sex?? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

the other day at work,

i was munching some chocolate biscuits while listening to some music.

my boss suddenly called out to me. so i took off the earphones in order to hear her better.

once we were done talking, in reflex, i shoved the earphones in my mouth and stuffed the crackers in my ears.

typical tasha

funny funny

it's funny how hello

is followed by goodbye

it's funny how good memories

can start to make you cry

it's funny how forever

never seems to last

it's funny how much you'd lose

if you forget about your past

it's funny how good 'friends'

can leave you when you're down

it's funny how when you need someone

they're nowhere to be found

it's funny how people change

to make themselves feel better

it's funny how so many lies

that one person can utter

it's funny how we can forgive

but cant really forget

it's funny how just one night

can be filled with this much regret

it's funny how ironic

life turns out to be

it's funny how none of these things

seem really funny to me

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Good: You’re pregnant.

Bad: It’s triplets.

Ugly: Your husband had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your husband is not talking to you.

Bad: He wants a divorce.

Ugly: He’s a lawyer.

Good: Your daughter is finally maturing.

Bad: She’s involved with the woman next door.

Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.

Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.

Ugly: You’re in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.

Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.

Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give "the birds and the bees" talk to your 14-year-old daughter.

Bad: She keeps interrupting.

Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.

Bad: As a hooker.

Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.

Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!

impatience and pending phone call

as the hours passed by,

my smile quickly turned into a frown.

tolong la orang lain yang unrelated jangan call aku time time crucial macam ni.
suspense tau tak.
hish.

know your bedtime stories

" Alice: [after eating a mushroom] I'm tired of being only three inches
high.
[suddenly grows out of control]

Alice: Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi! "

I'm not sure if the extract is familiar to you.

I dont know if you have read Alice in Wonderland and are familiar with the mushroom scene, in the first place.

But a friend of mine , got the honours of trying shrooms and this was what she said, word by word:

Honestly, i am still not interested in drugs at all. But once i took shrooms, i totally understand alice in the wonderland. haha. she was totally tripping, that is all i've gotta say.
When i was on shrooms, i felt i understood the world. and then i felt music in my mouth. and everybody was talking in haiku. and it was amazing.

All i have to say, Go Alice! *winks*

im thinking of putting one of this up on my door

so which one should it be?

ehh. im dead serious tau about getting the signage.

and im dead serious about needing opinion.

:D

limp

limp

so that is what i have become

i miss the erected form i used to be in

with such conviction,

that i can overtake anything

and now

and now

now

now im just a limp figure

helpless and pathetic

watching other sturdy figures walk by

someone i know had a field day yesterday.

In the evening, he went to hangout with his recently pronounced ex-girlfriend.
At night, he went for a mamak session with first love, his first (ex)girlfriend.
Even later that night, he accompanied his goodfriend to see the last installment of the ex-gf trio.

Three in a day.
Not bad, baby.
haha.

Now, what would you do, if you were to see your flame from centuries ago, the blast from the past. Followed by, your recent boyfriend/ex. And last but not least, your current flavour of the month.

Okay everybody, here's a task for each and everyone of you. Groom yourself up and complete the very task i mentioned above within this very week. You shall then report back to me with your findings!

Hehe. Rasa macam Sergeant dalam Army!

Dear Government,

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that i bought a television set and golf clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where i was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms i've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's license, on the last eight passports i've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms i've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that i've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also, would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, and my father's name is Jack, and i'd be absolutely fucking astounded if that ever changed between now and when i drop dead!!!...

Shit

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But i'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do i look like Bin Laden? I cant even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether i plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If i ever get the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, cause i have to go to the other end of the city, and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Noooo... that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our fucking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo.. the one where we're not allowed to smile?!.. you fucking morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P/s: Remember what i said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850!

In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with PeterLalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.

I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt Genereal Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that i have to get someone 'important' to verify who i am ; you know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!... a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'

You are all fucking idiots.

[I found this while browsing. It's a real letter written by an Australian to his government. Id have to say, it explains very well how most Malaysians feel about our government as well. Heheh. Im sorry ive been posting utter nonsensicals lately. Believe me you, ive got tonnes to yak about, but a public blog such as this might not be the most appropriate media to lash out. Hehehe.]

i know somebody...

who can do this!

and i remember someone saying:
"god knows what that tongue's capable of! "

wedding card shopping

im going to Bandung to shop for fancy wedding invitation card.

now, now, any takers to be my hubby?

*grins*

ronaldo ughh.

the entire weekend, all the newspapers were capable of showing was a two page spread of Ronaldo's dating history.

Yeah yeah, so he bagged the 80mil pounds transfer. that doesnt mean i want to know who he has been fucking for the entire duration of him being an MU player. i dont even give a fig about Paris H. going gaga over him.

ugh. benci ronaldo. but now that he's leaving MU, ive got one reason less to bitch about the team. haha.

effing excuses

Please excuse me for missing work on Monday.

I forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when i found it Monday, i thought it was Sunday.

Oh, did you the assignment was due on Tuesday sir?

I thought u said Thursday.

moonlighting

Ooof. The betrayal.
Hahah. Yeah I was just being a tad bit dramatic there (as I always have).

Anyways, it sucks when people assume ur doing something ur really not.
But it sucks even more when you discover it was actually someone else doing it, and ur just the person people put the blame on because it seems like ur the problematic kind.

Hoho. No, im not being bitter. It’s just the truth. Ive been kept out of the loop for a while now so it took me quite sometime to catch up with whats real.Im kinda numb inside from everything that has been happening, but I know I feel this disappointment.

Im not angry, really. Im used to having people thinking the worst of me. It’s no different this time. I just wish someone would’ve filled me in rather than have me find out this way. As always.

But I guess it is fun for Life to see me squirm like this. Have your laugh Life. The joke’s on me. *winks*

wiseword

my dad told me that if ur far away from God,

everything in your life will go astray.

you'd be miserable in anything you do.

i think he's right.

the fear

I dont know what's right and what's real anymore

And i don't know how i'm meant to feel anymore

And when do you think it will all become clear?

Cuz im being taken over by the Fear

-lily allen

one for this morning

Kid : Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?
(Dad thinks for a while)
Dad : Well kiddo. You are my son, of that i am confident. Your friend, Timmy, is also my son. THAT is confidential.

:)

my favourite scene

Ross: Hey you know Mon, if things works out with you and Richard's son, you'll be able to tell your kids that you slept with their grandfather!

Monica : Fine, judge all you want to, but.. (points at Ross) married a lesbian, (points at Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points at Joey) threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, (points to the box Chandles is in) LIVE IN A BOX!

Oh i love F.R.I.E.N.D.S

i love Phoebe Buffay because she said:

If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so i can buy a computer!

kepohchi

people talk.
and the walls eavesdrop.

thats especially true in a working environment.
i guess, being (scoff) old and not having a life outside of home and the office contributes a lot to people being busybodies from hell.

ive never really minded these people talking.
in some ways, ive gotten used to it.
talk about me all you want, go ahead, try and break the girl who thinks nothing of you.
(insert more cliches here)

Tapi tak payah la sampai nak pergi report kat boss aku
Gila darjah satu.
Dah la the stories had nothing to do with work langsung.

Apparently, I am a bad influence because this other intern started smoking because of me.
Apparently, I forced another girl to feel peer-pressured and thus, in order to conform, she took her headscarf off.
Apparently, I am having an affair with the German intern who's sitting in front of me.

Good thing ive got a cool boss who backs me up.

Eyy busybodies, i know ur life is not all that interesting and everything, but i'm just doing my internship je kot. I wont even be around in a month's time. So tak payah la waste ur time nak sibuk sibuk about my life. Aku bukan celebrity pun.

oh for fuck's sake.
im screwed.
:'(

tolong la , intern tinggal lagi sebulan je kot.
tolong la kasi aku habis.

money comes in handy when ur bored at work

yeah so im also bored at work.

but unlike these dudes, i dont have that many currencies in hand.

so, instead, im posting this on the blog.

:D

one surefire way to look smokin' hot!

use photoshop.

Im serious. The skill will come in handy pre-blind dates.

And well, you know, you can just get married virtually and everything.

My point is,

go learn how to use Photoshop.

and then, u can edit my pics.

;)

sexy la sangat.

the one sickness that i hate the most in life.

sore throat.

of aaaaaaaaaaaaallll the common sickness, i hate it the most when i lose my voice.

tak larat bgn, takpe.

cant stop coughing, takpe.

having to blow my nose every 1 min, takpe.

not being able to speak properly and be heard? oh. tak boleh.

tsk.

one good thing coming out from this is I can sing Macy Gray's I Try with this konon konon husky voice now!

LOL

for the first time in 20 years of my life, i finally managed to finish a whole box of staples!
achievement! achievement!
heheheh

its amazing how much you can discover by stalking people.

master the art of stalking,

and you will be blessed.

*wink wink*

signed,

tok guru stalker.

talk about precise irony!

Once upon a time, there was this (not so good) baseball pitcher called Gaylord Perry (yeah i bet he has a nightmare of a school life!).

He was pretty awful ( all presumptious, of course) at his game and he knows it. So one day he made a statement:
"They'll put a man on the moon before i hit a homerun!"

Six years a later, in a matter of a few hours after Neil Armstrong set his foot on the moon, Mr. Gaylord (haha!) hit his one and only homerun of his entire career!

:)

p/s: did i not tell u that this is random?

Mari mari tuan dengar ini cerita

So there's this girl called Miss Insensitive, whose desk at work is right next to, hmmmm lets call her Lola(don’t ask me why).

OK, anyways, Lola has a boyfriend within the same company. We shall call him Yucky. They’ve been together for quite some time (the exact duration could not be identified by writer at the point when this story is written).

Throughout the relationship, Lola has always kind of expected that she will eventually be married to Yucky. One day, out of the blue, Yucky broke things off with Lola. Which is nothing to be surprised about. Breakups happen whether we like it or not.

The best part is, within (approximately) a week after the breakup, it was announced all over the company that Yucky is getting married in 5 months’ time. To Miss Insensitive.

Now, Lola was not only the only one who had to heal from the shock. Whilst everyone else still has fumes coming out of their ears and noses(being the busybodies we Malaysians are), Lola could still be polite and courteous to Miss Insensitive whom she has to sit next to every single freaking day.

Now. 4 months and a half later.
Yucky and Miss Insensitive’s wedding is due in two weeks time.

There was a family day for the company. And Lola was the emcee. After the event was over, the Family Day committee decided to get Lola a lil thank you gift for saving them a whole loada cash paying for a professional emcee(cheapskate or what? Haha.)

Everyone in the committee signed the darned box, including Miss Insensitive. Under her signature, she wrote ‘Hope You’ll Get Married Soon :o) ’.

Talk about being a nightmare man! Sheesh.

twist it!

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?