God does not change men's condition unless they change their inner selves.

I am the kind of person who cannot handle rejection of any kind. The fear of things not going my way is then used as a cork to stop me from taking any form of action.

For example, i've had the idea to write a story for quite sometime now. I've got the characters and the plot all mapped out, but somehow, out of the fear that i am not able to construct the plot well enough or not being able to narrate the story well to the point that i'm a disappointment to my writer self, i refuse to get started.

I refuse to click on the 'New Document' button and type my thoughts away. It sounds pathetic, yes. Most of the time, i would avoid my problems, half expecting that it will sort itself out if i just leave it there long enough (which we all know is absolute crap). 

I mean, this is hardly a scene in Cinderella where a Fairy Godmother flicks her wand, chants 'Bippity Boppity Boo' and POOF! the pumpkin changes into an obscenely fabulous carriage!

Despite being aware of all that, it's not really a habit I could kick. Regardless of how many times i tell myself that it's better to simply face the inevitable and change along with the circumstance, my entire body will automatically stiffen when the mind gives out the command.

Though, if there's one thing that i learnt this week, perhaps the same shit is happening to you because you keep making the same mistakes in dealing with it. For as long as you refuse to learn from your mistakes, adapt to it and change your ways, your problems will never go away.

And if it provides any additional incentive to get you going, the relief that you get the moment you start taking control of the situation, is completely monumental!

I actually have plenty more to say but at the moment, I'm kind of distracted thinking about how my friends are doing in Egypt. And the fact that the online media restriction that our government plans to impose on us is looking frighteningly like what's happening in Egypt now is of no assurance whatsoever.

Give me a good few hours to finish reflecting. Perhaps then, i will be back to share silly stories instead of talking about life 'revelations' which might have just put a few of you guys reading to sleep already. Tee hee.

Til next time! :)

only believers go to heaven?

for the past two months or so,
i have had to take my sister to the hospital every other day for her physiotherapy appointment.
(she had a bad swimming accident, during which she almost got her finger cut into two. she's fine now if that's what you're wondering. just remember, dont wear rings when you swim! dont say i didnt warn you!)

anyway.
during one of the visits, we got to talking with this old Chinese uncle.
from talking about the Reproduction Chapter of high school Science, we somehow ended up talking about religion.

the uncle then told us about one of his encounter with a Catholic friend.
the friend preached to him about his religion and claimed "You have to embrace it because anyone other than the believers will NOT make it to heaven!"

the uncle then thought for a while and replied, "Well, in that case i dont want to go to heaven! All of my friends are from other religions."

sebab ni lah aku nak tinggal kat New York bai.

tahu tak, jadi manusia tak berduit tu sesungguhnya sangat lah tak best?
tahu tak?
mesti lah tahu kan.

bila nak beli lollipop harga 80 sen satu pun tergaru-garu kepala (yang tak gatal).
sudahnya, tabung adik jugak yang jadi mangsa.
takpa takpa.
dah kerja nanti, kena ganti balik 15 kali ganda amount yang dah dikorek keluar dalam keadaan darurat dan terpaksa.
hmph.
alasan nak sedapkan hati.

paling benci bila sedar status diri yang tak berduit merupakan punca utama tak boleh nak pergi Negara Singa untuk menghedonismakan diri di Laneway Festival hujung bulan ni.

macam perah limau nipis atas hati yang berdarah bila dah spend lebih 3 bulan mendengar lagu lagu Foals, Temper Trap, Blonde Redhead, Ladyhawke, Holy Fuck, !!! , Warpaint SAHAJA sebab konon kononnya nak get in the mood.

Sudahnya, mood dah terlebih lebih,
perginya tak jugak.

Kesian passport, kegersangan cop dari Singapura.
Haih.

Weh, ada siapa siapa baik hati nak belanja tiket Laneway? :)

Education System in Malaysia is flawed.

A pretty heavy title huh?

Pardon my lack of creativity in making up a more enticing headline, but I don't have time for flowers and rainbows. I need to type this out before my writing juice (and patience - ive been sitting on a very rigid, uncomfortable chair for the past 10 hours or so) dries up.

I've never been a big fan of politics.

But IF (that's a huge IF there), in the future, I find myself chucked into the middle of politics battle, I'd run straight to the Ministry of Education and attempt to be the last Gladiator standing.

Why?

Because i think our education system is seriously flawed.

And it's about bloody time somebody does something about it.

Take, for example, our History class. I still remember being fourteen and having a lioness for a History teacher. She used to make us read a whole chapter and write out notes summarizing said chapter.

That homework compromised the wellbeing of my wrist. I wouldve sued the teacher for exposing me to the threats of Carpal Tunnel if only ive learnt about the term back then (perhaps i wouldve heard of Carpal Tunnel if it wasnt for the restrictive education system).

I probably wouldnt have complained if writing those dates and stories and eccentric names meant that i would be a walking History textbook. But considering all that we did during those days were to copy out shortened notes from the Sasbadi reference book, i can't say that i picked up much.

Now compare it with the way Americans and Australians learn History. They'd have an open debate where students take up the cause of previous Presidents/Prime Ministers and argue back and forth on said issues. 

The way we do it in Malaysia is simply by reading (memorizing, more like) through one source of book (read : the textbook). But wey hey! All the easier to indoctrinate thoughts in the society eh? 

Effi Nazrel, better known as Obefiend has presented the matter in shorter paragraphs than i can possibly try, so READ THIS to get a better gist of what i'm trying to say.

Why can't we have an open-ended question for our History lessons? For example (aish, you people always want examples kan? Cannot take my word for what it is kan? Haha), 'During the economic downfall in 1997, the former Prime Minister, Tun Mahathir Mohamad refused to take loans from the IMF. Discuss if you agree or disagree with his action in terms of Malaysia's economic condition in less than 350 words.'

Whether the student agree or disagree, points should be given on how well-researched the essays are and the amount of solid facts based on reliable sources included in the answer.

Edited : After some points brought up by Mr. GGK, I'd like to point out that the example i headlined above is merely that - an example. By this, im trying to say that i am not encouraging Politics 101 to be taught in schools. With that said, here's another example that will encourage research : 

Explain the difference between strategies (whether it is by physical force or psychology stratagem) used by the Portuguese, Dutch, British and Japanese in their attempt to infiltrate Malacca.

That way, students will be forced to do their own research and along the way, they will probably pick up a new information or two. Over time, we will all be smarter and well-informed instead of being a blind nation that simply believes whatever they see and hear without giving it any further thought. 

In case you have not noticed, even our essays comes with a meticulously outlined complete guide that consists of the Introduction, 5 Main Points of Argument and the Conclusion. Isnt that proof enough that the system should be made obsolete? 

I still remember those chunky books with '350 Contoh Karangan Terbaik SPM' and '150 Model Essays for SPM' plastered all over its front pages. 

Dude!!

Writing an essay is supposed to be all about letting your creative juice flow! 

What's the point of having an essay-based question in the examination if the topics of the essays are the same year in year out. Plus, the answers can easily be obtained from a whole bunch of books ready to be copied to paper. Seriously, tell me, what's the point??

I remember a friend telling me that he came across a bunch of people who could barely speak decent English and yet has gotten A1 for their SPM English paper (for 1119 too!!). Turns out, back in the days of SPM, what they did was memorize essays from said books word-by-word.

Do you understand my frustration now? 

Essentially, studying is supposed to ensure that you become more knowledgeable. And i think it's safe to say that an 'A' on a scrap of paper is NOT a gauge of your intellect level. 

No wonder lah Malaysia is filled with plagiarists. 

Exam punya essay pun tiru sebiji sebiji from buku, ini kan pulak blog posts orang and other people's work. 

Haha.

back from hibernation

1. sorry for having been gone for so long. ive been happy and distracted, that's why.

2. i finally have something to be depressed about, and thus am back scribbling and typing away.

3. no, im not gonna tell you what is it that im depressed about, so that should save 5 seconds of your time that it takes to ask me the dreaded question. perhaps a lil bit later, when i'm not feeling as peaky as i am now? :)

4. 2010 has been utterly dreadful to me, and for the past 11 days, ive been living in the fantasy that 2011 will be the my Resurrection Year. It doesnt look too good now, but i'm forecasting better days to come give and take a few months. 

5. Life is uncertain and it sucks that we have to waddle through the uncertainties. But im pretty sure that the only reason we keep ending up at dead ends is that we have yet to learn from our mistake and made the best decision there is.

6. I am thinking of writing a novel. Do you guys think i should? I mean, if i were to write one, would any of you consider forking a small sum of your hard earned cash simply to read my ramblings? Eh ni honest question ni tau. I need answers so jawab laa eh if that's not too much to ask for. Hehe.

7. This is actually just a mock post to let you guys know that im virtually back from my month long hibernation. Am gonna finish the real post that has been sitting as a draft sampai dah berhabuk dah pun. Mneyh.

Later people. 

Love,
Tasha

small things and big gestures

you know how they call the first few months of relationship the 'honeymoon period'?
it's not surprising, considering that the romance level will decrease by a few notches post-honeymooning.

i think this (after the honeymoon period is over) is where we greedy humans often go wrong.
it is at this point that we tend to focus on the big gestures that says 'I LOVE YOU' and stop noticing the small things.

I read Amir Muhammad's story in Rojak where he recalled a certain memory from his childhood.
He was standing outside of a mosque with his father after prayer, simply waiting for his mother to come out. While they were waiting, he noticed his dad picking up his mother's shoes and simply moved the shoes so that it would face the other direction. That way, when his mother comes out from the mosque, she wouldnt have to fiddle with her shoes. Instead she could put it on right away. And that was the first time Amir realized that his father loves his Ummi.

I'm starting to think that those small things might actually mean more than big gestures.
It's awesome, really, how something so small that it's almost insignificant can actually determine how far you can go.

aku, dia dan ...

pagi pagi sejuk baru lepas hujan macam ni,
mesti tak sah kalau tak reminisce zaman zaman lalu.
kadang-kadang bila ingat balik drama yang dah jadi,
rasa macam tak boleh comprehend the kind of journey that you've had.

tapi sebab tu lah teenagers are stupid.
sebab memang they are meant to be.
so that they will do stupid stuff that will teach them a lesson
yang akan jadikan mereka semua smart adults.

memang cycle dia vicious that way.
terima je lah.

nak dengar cerita?

saya tak tahu lah kenapa,
dan macam mana,
saya boleh tercicirkan hati, bila;
tertentang saya dengan bulatnya mata
terkelu saya dengan senyum manisnya

saya memang teramatlah kagum
sebab tak pernah saya jumpa species serefreshing itu
seolah olah selama ni saya hidup dalam dunia 2 dimensi
dan tiba tiba dimensi ketiga dibentangkan depan mata

saya macam tak sangka
bagai bulan jatuh ke riba
haha
rasa gembira tapi tak faham apa yang saya dah buat untuk deserve rasa sedemikian rupa

tapi,
biasalah
kadang kadang gembira tu tak datang lama
sebelum diganti dengan kecewa

walaupun sedih tetap ada
tapi saya baru sedar bahawa bersyukur sajalah
sebab ; sekurang kurangnya, yang sempat ada cumalah memori indah saja
jadi takkan ada yang dapat tarnish imaji imaji yang dah terlekat dalam kepala

so, perhaps, it was for the best after all
kalau ada, bagus lah tu
kalau takde, adalah yang lebih baik yang menunggu

:)

at the end of the day, win-win juga kan?
jadi gopoh- gapah sangat pun tak guna juga.
hehe

sabarlah si atheist, sabarlah si anak muda.

berbagai macam isu berlegar legar dalam kepala
sampai tak mampu nak pilih yang mana satu nak diluahkan.

dari isu si atheist yang bencikan ibadah puasa,

ke isu anak anak muda (fuh, cakap mcm la dah tua sangat. hahah) bercumbu di tengah kota.

bagi yang dah tahu, elok lah tu.
bagi yang belum tahu, maaf, saya tak mahu tambahkan malu.

dua isu yang essence nya berbeza

tapi dari segi reaksi penonton, teramat lah sama

dua golongan yang dilabel berdosa

direjam dihina umat manusia

(ni apasal cakap nak rhyme ni? ngahahahaha)

entah la. bila tengok reaksi para pembaca,

yang rata rata nya mencaci mencerca

seolah olah tak pernah berdosa

rasa sayu tak terkata.

agama Islam, adalah seindah-indah agama
yang mana penganutnya penuh dengan kasih sayang dan kelembutan
yang mana tutur kata bisa melembutkan hati golongan yang tak percaya
tapi secara generalnya,sekarang ni, susah betul nak nampak kelembutan dan humility tu.

asal nampak benda/orang yang lari sedikit dari landasan normal,

terus ramai ramai balingkan hujah-hujah (yang agak repetitive dan sama in essence) 

"astaghfirullahhalazim budak budak zaman sekarang"

"ni perangai mcm ni memang kafir. neraka je la tempat kau"

"mak bapak tak ajar la ni, jadi macam ni."

"baik mati je daripada menyusahkan agama macam kau ni"

"bodoh bangang sial (sila tambah carutan di sini) punya orang. kau tak malu ke weh?"

jawab ini sejujur jujur nya:

Who are we to play God?
Apakah kelayakan kita untuk tentukan syurga neraka seseorang? Untuk menjatuhkan hukum mati? Untuk melabelkan orang sebagai kafir?
Fasih sangat kah kita untuk memfitnah orang lain bahawa mereka tidak mendidik darah daging dengan benar?

Sigh.

Dalam banyak banyak isu sosial, pada saya, keberanian memaki hamun dan melontar fitnah di balik skrin komputer adalah isu yang paling menyedihkan sekali.

Oh, saya bukan cuba kata kan yang saya manusia yang sempurna,
dan semua orang lain adalah salah dan saya seorang saja yang betul.

Jauh sekali.

Saya sendiri terlalu banyak kesilapan, terlalu naive, terlalu daif ilmu di dada.
Tapi kalau guna akal yang ada, it is pretty obvious that cara yang halus itu selalunya lebih berkesan dari cara yang kasar.
Kalau pun teringin di hati nak menegur, biarlah dengan cara yang betul.
Biarlah dengan rasa hormat, bukannya rasa superior kepada orang yang dinasihati.

Because when you advise anyone with respect, it shows.

And when you do it while bearing in mind that you are better than the other person, it will also show.

Hanya teguran dengan rasa hormat saja yang bakal membuatkan hujah-hujah kamu diterima juga dengan rasa hormat.

Ahhhhh. banyak lagi sebenarnya rasa rasa yang tak mampu nak ditulis.

Rasa rasa yang belum ada perkataan tercipta untuk explain with pen and paper.

Harap harap saya sentiasa ingat.

Untuk tidak mengclassifykan orang dalam category category apa pun
Untuk tidak cepat melatah
Untuk tidak memaki hamun sesedap rasa
Untuk tidak cepat membenci dan mengata.

:)

to you awesome women

Dear Baizulikha and Zalikha,

this is for you beautiful (inside and out) ladies.

Such was Zuleika, such around her shone
The nameless charms unmarked by her alone -
The light of love, the purity of grace,
The mind, the Music breathing from her face,
The heart whose softness harmonized the whole,
And oh! that eye was in itself a soul!

The Bride of Abydos,

Lord Byron

#3 : My Favourite Television Programme

this post is dedicated to Igniz.

the best combination of six people in the entire world

If you've never heard of the show before, I only have one thing to say to you :
WELCOME TO PLANET EARTH.

I grew up watching FRIENDS.
But it wasnt until 6 years ago that i started watching the show religiously.

In UTP, in the beginning of each semester, ill start watching the show from the Pilot episode and work my way through the 10 seasons. Usually, in 4 months, i wouldve finished watching it at least twice.

I mean, what is there not to love?
Exactly. Nothing.

The jokes are out of the world and original.
The characters are all both charming and weird at the same time.
The mere ease of them blending in together with each other.
The way they make you reaching out for tissues at the end of each season.

All my life,
this is all ive ever wanted.
this is all im asking for.

people who are there during the breakups and the proposals.
friends who stick through the fights and the makeups.
soulmates whom you want around you at all occasions.

i can talk about Friends day in day out.
i could make this post go on and on til you would start cussing at me for writing such a long piece that nobody wants to read (which is why, im trying hard not to start talking about favourite episodes).

this is the only TV series that made it 10 seasons and stayed awesome throughout the way.

p/s : i suka The One Where Joey Speaks French. kelakar gila tolong lah.

dari perempuan kepada perempuan

sungguh,

yang sudah berpunya memang lazimnya lebih menarik hati

yang bukan mudah dipetik yang itu menjadi keinginan abadi

tapi,

beringat ingat lah, 

Tuhan itu Maha Adil.

bilamasa kau cuba mencari ruang untuk menjadi orang ketiga

dan bilamasa hubungan terjalin atas kesedihan orang lain

ketika itulah namamu akan termaktub dalam buku karma

jika benar dia memang tercipta untukmu

dan engkau dicipta untuknya

tak perlu lah bermuslihat segala, 

tak perlu juga rebutkan dia

yang pasti, tak akan kemana.

jangan lah buka pekung di dada

jangan lah menangis meronta ronta

jangan mengejar jangan memaksa

nanti terjatuh terngadah sudahnya

aku faham apa kau rasa

aku juga pernah disana

tapi biarlah kena niat dan cara

tak perlu lah main redah saja

:)

oh Tuhan, benci nya bila lapar macam ini

bila ada harimau mengaum dalam perut
sambil cakar cakar
segala usus, segala isi

bila mula terbayang bayang segala macam jenis makanan.
hari-hari biasa, makanan dah terhidang depan mata pun eksyen tak nak makan.
tiba-tiba malam ni teringin nak homemade sandwich yang ada Pistachio Chicken slice dan cheese sekeping dua dan cili sos dan mayo yang melimpah ruah.

tapi ini Tronoh.
Bukan Toronto.
jadi pada pukul 2.06 pagi, bila tiba tiba teringin benda bukan bukan macam tu, jangan harap lah ada supermart buka 24 hours nak layan kerenah perut.

ok fine.
beli burger Ramly pun ok jugak.
tapi tak boleh.
sebab hujan.
dan bila hujan lebat, abang yang selalunya buka burger stall tak jadi buka kedai,
sebab kalau dia buka jugak, nanti baju basah kuyup kena hujan.

dekat Petronas UTP ni dulu patutnya ada McD.
Tapi tak jadi.
sebab ada pihak-pihak yang tulis surat bangkang pembukaan McD sebab itu franchise orang Yahudi, maka kita tak boleh support dan biar mereka untung besar dan guna duit tu untuk attack orang Islam.

mangsanya? saya yang kelaparan pukul 2 pagi sebab takde tempat lain jual burger 24 jam.
saya pun Islam jugak!
huhuhu.

uish. panjang nya rant pasal lack of makanan.

kan, lagi senang kalau tulis :

AKU LAPAR WOI.

settle.

of P. Ramlee and how Malaysians don't learn from past mistakes

cewah.
title blog tak nak panjang gila kan?
haha.

i saw the documentary of P. Ramlee on History channel.

(mula mula tension sebab Si Rambut Kembang tukar channel sebab masa tu tengah excited nak tengok cerita apa tah kat 413 haha. nasib baik the documentary was well worth it).

Lepas habis tengok, terus terkilan tertekan.

The man was a legend.
But he did not get the recognition and treatment that he deserved until long after his death,
which pretty much doesnt count dah kan?

(and after all these years of idolizing him, i never knew this!)
 

1. He was the 'anak ikan' of Shaw Brothers. A successful man like him are bound to be subjected to evil glares of others. Having been given special treatment over all the other directors, he became the bull's eye of their dart boards. Using their connection with the media, they managed to curb stories about P. Ramlee's success and brilliance from reaching the society.

2. He was well recognized internationally, but was criticized in Malaya.

3. During the Pop Yeh Yeh era, P. Ramlee was boo-ed on stage because his songs were already 'lapuk' by then and nobody wanted to listen to them.

4. After producing more than 360 songs for EMI, they one decided to tell him 'im sorry, we're not going to continue your contract with us because your album dah tak laku'.

aaaaah, the list of frustration goes and on and on.
just typing about it is giving me a headache.
and considering that i need my sanity so that i can study for my final exams, i shall stop listing it out.
you can read about it here and here if you're curious.

My point is, some things never change.

Allahyarham P. Ramlee was recognized at an international level, but he was shunned by his own countrymen. On the day that he died, there weren't even any food at home. Saloma didn't even have enough money to pay for his funeral. And his family couldn't even claim the royalty for his songs because even though he wrote the whole thing by himself, it wasnt copyrighted under his name.

It's just sad to know that 'our people' has been acting like this from dulu sampai la sekarang.
At the sight of somebody being more successful, we freak out and do all we can to bring that person down.

Ugh. Ugh. 

I take the 'we' back in the statement above.

(i initially thought that using 'we' would make it seem less like i'm pointing fingers at others, but being included in 'we' makes me feel disgusted with myself)

Surprise surprise,
Yasmin Ahmad was treated pretty much the same.
The genius in her movies were often misconstrued as something that it is not.
Her films are sought-after on an international level, and yet Malaysia refused to show her films as they are 'controversial'.
It was only after her death that they decided to air it.

I've lost my mood.

Can't write what i originally wanted to write.

So im gonna stop now.

Bye.

P/s : BTW, check out Amir Muhammad's  article on P. Ramlee foreseeing the future that is Facebook here.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

If you got here expecting to read a medical observation, you are in the wrong place.
This is just a rant, with no solid facts at all.
Go on. Hit the 'X' button, i will not be offended, i promise.
:)

anyway,

ive had a few telltale symptoms of OCPD.

then again, maybe it is just a few perfectionist traits due to my being born under the Virgo sign

but then OCPD sounds more fun! 

heheh. so im gonna stick to it.

im getting giddy, so im listing out a few of my quirks :

1. each time i write notes for class or exams, it has to have more than one colour. that is why i never go to class without my colour pens. in fact, it is so bad there was this one time that i had only just covered one out of ten topics for my paper which was due the next day, and i refused to simply doodle some quick notes using just my pencil. even though im just rewriting other people's notes or doing past year papers, the answer has to be neatly written in at least two colours. otherwise, i wouldnt be able to remember what ive written.

2. the work that i send in has to be perfect by my standard. lets say ive got an assignment that consists of 3 questions. if i only manage to get the answers for two of the questions, but not for the last one, i would rather not send in the assignment at all. -_-'

3. my room is a mess most of the time. but each time i want to study, the room has to be spick and span. (kalau tak, memang jam, baca apa pun tak kan boleh masuk). that is probably why last minute studying has proven to be ineffective in my case. because ill spend more time cleaning the pig-sty of a room than actually studying. 

4. at certain times, i will have a random need to read a certain book out loud. i dont know why, but i just have to do it. during this 'storytelling' phase, i will read a book and each time i mispronounce a word, i have to re-read from the top page. it is tedious and seriously annoying but i seriously cant stop doing it. 

5. every single time i park my car, after a few seconds, ill walk back towards the car to make sure that ive locked it. and it's pathetic because i know for sure that the first thing i do after getting out from the car is to lock it. yet, i have to make sure. every single time. it doesnt sound so bad if im just a few steps away from the car when the compulsion hits me. but sometimes ill be in the shopping mall, a few floors away from where i parked my car, and like it or not, i just have to walk back to the car to make sure that it has been locked. it's either that or i have to spend the rest of the time worrying about my car being stolen. 

this is getting a tad bit long and a tad bit embarrassing. so im gonna stop. 

have YOU got OCD/OCPD tendency? ;)

Minggu ni Arsenal tak berapa handsome?

i was watching Champion's League highlights tadi.

tiba tiba tension sebab Arsenal tak capable of playing a fast-paced game (well, ok perhaps Walcott was fast and he did overrun the two Shakhtar Donesk players, but we lost the game anyway didnt we?)

maybe i should stop following EPL and support Ajax and just watch Champion Leagues instead. 

it's a tempting thought. 

for a start, i dont have to be frustrated with Arsenal week in week out. 

aaaaand, the MU fans would probably get off my back over games that funnily enough, i do not play in but somehow get made fun of.

GARR. 

sense of loyalty hmph!. 

-_-'

(hahaha bitter gila ntah apa apa ntah)