Friday, April 29, 2011

hello arsenal, it's been a while

i think it's been blindingly obvious why i havent written about Arsenal in such a long time.
the team has been distant to me and i am merely reciprocating the gesture.

ive had a 6 years love-hate relationship with the club.
6 years.
and not once have i had the pleasure of jumping up and down with an imaginary trophy in hand.
and after a while, i guess i sort of have gotten used to it.

somehow though, being the optimist that i usually am,
i still have faith (even though it is diminishing fast).

Wenger claims that it's about time that the game changes.
Obviously it's about bloody time!

1st May shall determine everything.
Everything.

Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm Not Going to Think About Him

I'm not going to think about him.

I'm not going to think about how he notices the stuff that I wear, and the books that I read and how he's always aware if I just bought myself something new.

I'm not going to think about how he scrunches his forehead in all seriousness when he's teaching me the proper way to kick a ball or how to strum the guitar.

I'm not going to think about how he compiles the advices that I gave him, and repeat them to me when I get stuck in the same predicament that he was previously in.

I'm not going to think about the fact that he always smells good. And how his smell always comforts me.

I'm not going to think about how he can completely pull me out of a rut just by showing his face and how he makes me feel better when I've had a crappy day.

I'm not going to think about how he knows me better than I know myself.

I'm not going to think about how he's not much of a talker and how most of the time, he keeps his thoughts to himself but somehow he always knows the right things to say at the right moments.

And I'm not going to think about the fact that I'm thinking of him the entire time I'm writing this list.

Monday, April 18, 2011

the line has been disconnected

i dont know what to think.
i really dont know what to think.
but for once, i want to feel, and not think.

i dont know where this road is leading me to.

i dont know if im going to end up happily married to a guy that ive been in love with for the past 6 years.
or if that's not going to work out and that there is someone else out there who is going to make an honest woman out of me (plus 6 years worth of good memories to fall back on)
or if i'm never going to get married and adopt a bunch of cats instead.

i dont know.
and well, that's the whole point, isnt it?
not knowing but trying anyway.

but to what extend should you try?
how do you when to call it quits?
seriously, how do people know the location of that thin line between fighting and giving up that everyone is talking about?
I CANT SEE NO LINE!!

by the way, the light in my room is flickering.
it feels like an awful medieval discotheque lights.
and all it does is remind me of how lonely i feel.

p/s : im sorry, these days, ive gotten into the habit of not finishing my thoughts.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

tu me manques

Everyday,
as one heart flutters, another will break.

Oh, but when the heart flutters,
isn't that just the most precious feeling in the world?

When you go crazy from thinking about that person too much. Like, literally crazy.
When you can't stop wishing the phone will ring, and that person's name will appear on the screen.
When everything you see reminds you of that person,
and when everything you want to do, you'd like to do it with them.

And to all of you, 
who just found love,
who just found hope,
who just found meanings,
you, my dear, are blessed.

And to all of you,
who just had a heart broken,
who just had a hope crushed,
who just had lost your way,
things, my dear, will be better.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

of little little things that are huge

i think i might have been to dark and murky these past few weeks.
*thunder blaring in the background*
wahahaha.
(eh, but seriously, it just started pouring heavily outside. frosty weather at 430 in the morning. awesome stuff)

you know, i like my hair now. the hair balances my unnaturally high testosterone level.
though i have to admit i sometimes miss my Justin Bieber-esque hair.

ala, time zaman zaman ni :


zaman muda rambut karat jiwa rancak.
hahahahaha.

it feels like an entire lifetime sometimes.
and the people around me, theyve orbited around too. 

sesungguhnya, rindu teramat kat mereka mereka ni :


***

on another note, ive been promising myself (and my roommate) to clean up my pigsty of a room. ive still got 7 dozens books to read. at this point, i think im capable of giving Proscrastination a run for its money.

***

earlier today, i got upset because my 'Shift' button was acting up on me. It suddenly went apeshit and i was a lousy person to chat with for quite a bit (if i wasnt one already) what's with all the symbols working against me. i ended up winking when i just wanted to smile.

anyway, it's working now. (the way i see it, the computer fairy waved its wand and single-wandedly fixed the 'Shift' button). I got excited and began composing this post.

***

Thursday, April 7, 2011

dimples

being me can sometimes be unnecessarily confusing.
at times, i feel like an old hippie stuck in the middle of little kids,
and at others, i feel like a naive teenager amidst the adults.

either way,
the conversation is not headed in the direction i expected it to.
and somehow,
somehow,
i got lost in translation.

you known graphs?
i am now standing above the number zero.
at number 18, i can see myself moving on (and forward)
at number -4, i can see me being left behind

it makes moving harder than it seems.

.
.
.

on a totally (un)related news, if you have Rs. 50 000 in Bangalore, you can get yourself a dimple. :')