Tuesday, December 22, 2009

secret


i LOLed hard when i read this on Postsecret.

The Infamous Theory

I have this theory :

The year you become famous, is the year you stop growing as a person.

Like, take Michael Jackson for example. He became famous at 5 or something, which is why he is permanently 5.
He wants to play children's games, hangout with kids, build a bloody funfair in his backyard and eat sweeties.

Robbie Williams, on the other hand, was 16. That is why he is always shagging girls and behaving like a teenager.

Fashion Babylon
Imogen Edwards-Jones

Sunday, December 13, 2009

adik saya yang sengal

Kebelakangan ini, saya selalu menjadi babysitter tak bergaji untuk adik lelaki saya, Hakim.
Parents saya pergi menunaikan haji dan sampai sekarang masih tak balik balik lagi.
T_T (rinduu.)

anyway,
disebabkan dia baru bersunat pada hari minggu lepas,
Hakim (yang baru berumur 9 tahun) secara automatic mengassume bahawa dia telah besar dan sudah layak ikut saya pergi lepak di kedai arab di Jalan Damai untuk bershisha.
(sengal!)

baru beberapa jam yang lalu,
saya ke rumah Zul untuk mengisi perut yang berbunyi kelaparan.
(sedih betul, parents pergi haji dan tak tinggal kan duit yang cukup, kesian saya terpaksa menagih simpati makan kat rumah orang)

sambil makan makan di dapur dengan Zul, ibu dan kakak nya (oh, dan Hakim yang makan biskut cicah milo sambil main PSP) kami bersembang sembang tentang benda2 insignificant yang tak perlu dicerita kan di sini.

Pada ketika itu ibu Zul baru sahaja membasuh kain baju sambil memakai pakaian rumah. Dia sungguh rajin melayan adik saya yang sengal seperti ubi kayu.

Kami kemudiannya membuat keputusan utk meronggeng di KLCC, jadi Auntie pun masuk lah ke dalam bilik untuk menukar pakaian cantik cantik.

Setelah bercantik cantik ala ala mak datin, Auntie ke dapur semula bersembang sembang dengan kami. Orang pertama yang Auntie tegur adalah Hakim.

Auntie : Hakim kenyang tak makan ni? Nak lasagne tak?
Hakim : Tak nak la. Hakim tak nak makan. Ni siapa ni? (dengan muka blur yang sungguh genuine)

Kami satu meja tergelak besar.
Belum sempat saya sekeh kepala Hakim kerana membuat statement yang memalukan, conversation telah pun bermula semula.

Auntie : Ni auntie laa. Mama Abang Zul. Kan dah jumpa tadi?
Hakim : Oh. Yang tadi tu bibik eh?

Saya terkedu.
Semua orang gelak sampai keluar air mata.
Saya over sikit, gelak sampai terbaring di lantai.

Dan Hakim (yang sekali lagi bermuka genuinely blur tak faham kenapa semua orang gelak besar) dengan tenang nya marah saya,

"Kakak ni no manners la. gelak sampai baring kat lantai! Apa yang kelakar sangat!"

Oh. sungguh tak sesuai.
(balik rumah nanti, siap lah kau Hakim. Kakak kunci dalam dungeon bawah rumah sampai Mama dengan Papa balik haji!)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

New Moon and all about the Vampire Craze

Of course it's easy to drool all over sparkly vampires (whose skin, my friend thinks, will only look good on a handbag!).

Imagine if Meyer left Bram Stoker's version of vampire as it is. And if they look like these:

The Salt Vampire in Star Trek

Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This one looks more like a witch to me, but oh heck!
(credits to Leeber)

I bet none of you would go ga-ga. No one would go to movie premieres wearing 'Bite Me, Edward' tops and go to Halloween parties as the Cullens looking like you just came out from a glitter bath.

And in that case, i think Twilight wouldnt have been made into movies pun in the first place. But then Meyer has already done the damage by making them Adonises and Greek gods and goddesses.

Ok. That's not the point of my story here.

I've read all 4 books in the Twilight saga. And ive seen the movies repeatedly to ogle at the fairytale of a love story (because in reality, not only are there NO vampires and werewolves, but also, you rarely get to see high school kids finding love in its purest form.)

Oh yes, the dialogues recited sometimes make me swoon and daydream. And hey, im just a girl, excuse me for liking romance (and yes, Twilight is categorized as romance. bukan adventure, bukan thriller. jangan tipu).

And i do think that some of the werewolves were hotttiiiees. and that Jacob (ntah apa nama actor dia, tak ingat) has 8 packs to kill for (I counted!). And that Robert Pattinson, when he's not looking too pale is quiet good looking.

But that's that. i still think people should not get carried away with their obsession.

A girlfriend, Vicky, told me that a few nights back, she went out to a club with a bunch of friends. There was this girl who was sitting near her (whom, was a stranger).

This stranger got tipsy after awhile and bored the whole table telling everyone how obsessed she is with Twilight. With no warning, she suddenly inched closer to Vicky, and BIT HER ON THE NECK!

Tipsy Girl then claimed that she has some sort of K5 bullshit substance in her blood that enables her to suck blood.

Vicky stood up and punched Tipsy Girl who then fell to the floor, showing no signs of superhuman strength.

Wicked!


its true, is it not?

Thousands of years ago, weren't we capable of building enormous structures like the pyramids?

Weren't we capable of worshipping gods, weaving, making fire, finding lovers and wives, sending written messages?

Of course we were.

But although we've succeeded in replacing slaves with wage slaves, all the advances we've made have been in the field of science.

Human beings are still asking the same questions as their ancestors. In short, they havent evolved at all.

Paulo Coelho
The Witch of Portobello



Monday, November 30, 2009

Arsenal Vs. Chelsea

now now now.
where should i start.

what about the fact that watching the match was like watching a 'sukaneka for kindergarten toddlers'?

the ball barely penetrated Chelsea's defense and there were too many goofballs horseplaying on the field.
GET A ROOM!

im not dissing my own team, no im not. (I REALLY AM NOT!!)
its just that, i dont want to be a sore loser who blames the ref when its clear that our own attack plan PHAILED big time.

i mean, come on!! what is it with Arsenal and scoring their own goals each time theres a big match?

Nadim said : I rasa Arsenal punya player requirement is that diorang kena reti own goal. tak reti buat own goal, tak boleh main for Arsenal.

wahahahaahah. siot betul.
eh okay okay. tak gelak.

With Van Persie out for 5 months, i dont know how we can survive this season.
No choice but to have faith that Wenger will cook something up soon enough.
I dont get why he refuses to use the money from selling off Adebayor to get good strikers.

Oh. and dont get me started on how slow Eduardo was.
(not that im confident of outrunning him, but it still, im no professional football player)
It's infuriating how EVERYONE outran him. sigghhh.

And i gotta admit, Chelsea's first goal was awesome.
At first, i thought the ball will go over the goalpost.
When it went in instead, i sat there dumbfounded, unaware of what just happened (in denial, more like)

But but but the second goal was truly a disappointment.
I did not expect this coming from Vermaelen.
I didnt take him for the scoring-own-goal kind.
Tsk tsk.

Thats enough disappointed rants to last me throughout the season.
Im getting back to my presentation.
Chao.

edited : i just remembered! did anyone see when Traore did a backflip and landed on his feet! whoah. i think he should just become a gymnast or something.


Monday, November 23, 2009

speaking of beanies,

i have a fetish for anything purple.
oh yes, ANYTHING.

so when i came across a purple beanie at Forever 21 a few months back,
i fell in love with it instantly.

i put it on, and never took it off since.
not even when i shower.
(ok, ur a dumbass if u bought THAT.heheh)

anyway,
it became a habit to sport it EVERYWHERE i go.
(you think i care if you think i look dumb in it? pfft.)

the thing is,
a few weeks back,
a friend PMed me online
the conversation goes a little like this:

Friend : tasha, can i ask you something personal?
Me : yeap sure, anything.
Friend : are u okay? as in, health wise?
Me : haha. yeah im healthy. why ey?
Friend : oh good good. im just curious with ur new style. with the hat and all. i thought ur suffering from leukimia or something.

T_T

and there i was thinking that i was being fashionable. tsk. haha.

does this really look like someone who is undergoing chemotheraphy? LOL.


is determination really the key to success?

it's the examination season.
of course i'm determined.
more so, as compared to all the other seasons (not so much next to the holiday seasons tho.)

and today, of all days, i am even more determined.
you might say that its because ill be sitting for my last paper tomorrow.

but, oh dont get me wrong,
im still the lazy ass Tasha that you all know.
that much has not changed.

im being rather contradictory, no?

let me explain (oh yes here it comes):

most of my housemates will be graduating this semester.
meaning, upon their last paper, they will come back home,
jumping and singing (on key, i might add) and well, rubbing it on the rest of our faces.
tee hee hee. (no no im not being bitter)

yea yea, im happy for u lot yadda yadda.
but then again, it simply reminds me that i have not one sem, but two sems left being stuck here.

and as i do not have much to celebrate come the end of this paper,
i was trying to kid myself into believing that it's a big deal,
finishing this semester without getting killed mid way.

and so, before the exam season began,
i made a plan to wear a kebaya to answer the last paper.

as you all know, this is what my hair looks like now.

no prize for guessing who the parrot is.

and for the past papers, ive been wearing a beanie to hide the red streak from the hounds of security guards.

im no fashionista, but even I know that kebayas and beanies, simply dont go.

and this brings me to the purpose of this post:

instead of focusing all my energy to study for the last paper,
i focused my determination to go out and find a packet of black henna instead.

and here, i am, writing this post, still refusing to read up.
heheh.

and tomorrow, i shall answer the paper, in my kebaya, with black hair,
and i shall come back to the room singing (perhaps a little off key) ,
and celebrate the end of the exam season.

Friday, November 20, 2009

rahsia lelaki (yang masih belum mampu dicrack)

lelaki adalah creation yang uber-pelik.
the minute you think you've got them figured out, is the same minute theyll prove you wrong.

ada lelaki yang bodoh.
ada yang pandai.
ada yang bodoh tapi berlagak pandai,
dan surprisingly, ada juga
yang pandai tapi berlagak bodoh.

motifnya?
sampai sekarang saya masih cuba untuk figure out.

saya lebih ramai kawan lelaki jika dibandingkan dengan kawan perempuan.
lebih selesa bagi saya.

selesa untuk bercakap selancang possible, tanpa risau menyinggung perasaan mana mana pihak.

selesa untuk duduk dalam environment bernikotin.


selesa untuk dengar opinion honest yang keluar dari bibir mereka.


tapi alang alang sudah terlajak berkawan,
saya secara automatik mendapat insider's information tentang spesies berskrotum ini.

ada di antara mereka yang berpacar semata mata untuk memuaskan nafsu.

ada yang romantic mengalahkan hero dalam 'The Notebook'. (saya yang perempuan pun tak mampu lawan).


ada yang beria ia, bersungguh sungguh mengejar their Flavour of the Month, tapi sebaik sahaja dapat respon yang baik (atau SANGAT baik), minat tersebut terus hilang umpama cottoncandy warna pink yang cair didalam mulut.


ada lelaki yang mulut manis (lebih manis dari cottoncandy yg mudah cair),
ada yang kasar (gaya seperti tak layak duduk dalam komuniti. bertapa mungkin lebih sesuai).
ada yang malu tak mampu nak bercakap dengan spesies lain(and/or spesies sendiri).
ada yang main terjah saja (dan hasilnya, jadi bahan kutukan orang lain).

saya rasa mereka pelik.
sebab sepelik mana pun mereka, biasanya, bila berjumpa dengan perempuan yang setanding, sifat, characteristic dan trait berkemungkinan berubah 360 darjah (eh salah. itu maknanya sama dengan origin bukan? 180 darjah maksud saya).

saya masih belum mampu faham bagaimana otak mereka berfungsi.
pada satu tahap, saya pernah samakan level ego, hati keras dan cara berfikir sama macam lelaki.
(at the time, rasa kurang masalah, esp masalah relationship nak dibanding kan dengan sekarang. )

tapi itu pun, saya masih belum mampu faham habis habisan.

mungkin ini experiment yang tak akan membuah kan konklusi yang solid.
mungkin lelaki are not meant to be understood oleh perempuan.
dan vice versa.

mungkin kita tak patut push it, baru lah clarity akan datang.
mungkin.
mungkin.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

dua ekor hantu

What's worse than leaving the exam hall to find a love letter from the security guard on your car?
(oh yes, i meant surat saman).


Cant think of anything worse? (wahh, seronok dan dandy nya hidup kau if you cant think of anything worse than getting a surat saman).

Lemme show you whats worse.

This written at the back of the surat saman.


And ini muka dua syaitan yang bertanggungjawab atas vandalisme tersebut.

Tapi haha, thank you. For giving me something to laugh at. :)

Monday, November 16, 2009

An Ode To A Future Lover

Talk to me
Let me indulge in your succulent voice

Allow me in
Let me explore all of you

Share with me
your deepest fears
For i shall hold you close and not let go

Make me fall in love with you
As i already am so very nearly there
All it might take is just
a simple phone call, or
a charming cheeky smile

You see,
i look at numbers and facts,
but it's your name that jumps off the page.

You see,
it's driving me nuts thinking of you this way,
but i can't stop, it's simply too mesmerizing.

Aaaah yes, you still haunt my dreams.
Each night, each time.
So save me.
Save me from falling into this bottomless pit.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

(insert a string of curse words here)

cursing my heart out would probably make me feel better right about now.
tapi dah tak mampu to even string cusses properly.
cant even strings words together, much less carutan bernas.

i hate final exams.
i hate doing Civil Engineering.

i am not interested in calculating the tension in a T-bar column,
or the wave force acting on a platform.
and i doubt it that ill ever be.

i wanna write, and talk for a living.

i dont wanna stand under the sun in the middle of a construction site, wearing an ugly hardhat.
i dont wanna be shipped off to work in the middle of some godforsaken oil platform.
i dont wanna stay in an office and do physics calculation on torque and whatnot.
i dont wanna endure another minute of this.
i dont wanna go to a landfill and take the filthy leachate(which is a konon konon glamour name for air sampah btw) and analyze it to see whether its fit for disposal.

im serious.
ive had enough.
four years and a half is enough.

but apparently, i have to stay put and go through this mindless garbs.
ive got a pounding headache, a runny nose and still i have to study Design of Offshore Structures and Structural Dynamics.

ahhh baik aku get wasted and layan Lapsap. lagi bagus.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

About The Boat That Rocked!

THIS MOVIE WAS SUGGESTED TO ME BY DZULHAZMI AND SHAREENA.

If you are at all a universal music lover,
and have no qualms being engaged with the mixture of drugs, alcohol, sex and (of course) rock and roll for about 2 hours,
i believe you'd be in love with this movie the way i am.

I might even say that i love this slightly more than Across The Universe.
And that's pretty big considering, id marry Across The Universe if it were human.

Its the 1960s. And the government has a whole policy against anything other than jazz to be aired on radio. So what this bunch of nuts did was went on a boat, and aired from the middle of the sea.

Radio Rock, was the name of the station. And it was everything that the government despised. To them, its just a platform for hooligans, drug dealers and fornicators.

Their form of rebellion, however, makes everyone wanna rock and roll.

What is more, it is infested with hotties (both male and female),

Tom Sturridge

Sturridge was actually the guy that Stephenie Meyer's fantasized about playing the part Edward Cullen for Twilight. I can see why. Yummy. Too bad they opted for Robert Pattinson instead.

He was the last crew on the boat. Sent to Radio Rock by his mom to learn something new. Oh, and he learnt indeed. Though, it was all very hedonistic in nature. :D

Tom Wisdom

And this is the dude who plays Sexy Mark. I dont really fancy him out of this movie. In 300, he was just another guy who ends up headless. But in The Boat That Rocked, he was like a more irresistable version of Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You.

Im telling you, the guy is a walking sex god. He doesnt say much in the movie. Just sleeps with an awful lot of women.

January Jones

Well, she wasnt actually in the most part of the movie. But i thought that she was incredibly hot in action. Heheh.

Im not gonna waste any more of my time Googling for images. If you want to ogle, watch the movie. :)

What more, the soundtrack is awesome. A little bit of Jimi Hendrix, The Kinks, The Who, The Beach Boys and many more. Brings you back to the 60s indeed.

It pretty much came down to saying Bollocks to the people who wants to see you fail.
And thats why, its a must-watch!


Monday, November 9, 2009

look who's in the 2nd place now, u smug bitches. :P

I just got back from the mamak, watching Manchester United get defeated yet again (oh yes Devils fans, offence intended. LOL)

I got there about 15 minutes after the kickoff,
and as expected there werent any seats left.
There werent even any room for you to squat on the road. (well, not if you dont want the cars passing by to run you over.)

And while waiting for the 'anney' to find us tables and chairs,
and listening to my favourite Mamak, going all

"Deyy, u Arsenal kalu, ini match, tak payah tengok laa."

Siot punya mamak.

Anyway, back to what i was saying, while waiting (patiently, i might add),
i came up with a mental list of things i cannot stand when hanging out at the mamak
(which doesnt make much of a difference since i still go there about 3 times a day).

#1 : The Bookworms
Imagine this. Its a huge match. Oh, lets say, Liverpool vs. Man United.
And you can expect that the crowd dekat mamak tried their best to outnumber the ones at the stadium itself.

And there were about 76 people who had to stand (not that they were eager to do the whole wave thing) waiting for a seat.
And suddenly, standing out from the crowd, you can see a table full of little kiasus, clad with their laptops and lecture notes, studying for their exam papers, and not once glancing at the big screen.

Aiyooooh machaaaaa.

Nak study, study kat bilik laaaaaaaaa. The internet connection dah stable already whaaat. You dont need the damned wireless at the mamak. We can fit half of the crowd at your table. Tapau ur food and have ur study group where its more comfy and less congested laaaa.

*smacks forehead*

Okay okay. Perhaps they were just trying to mock everyone else by going 'hey! you lot keep on complaining that you cant study in ur room. well check us out. we can study here, and that means we can study absolutely anywhere. theres nothing stopping us, not even ur evil stares.'

Ok. Fine fine. Aku terasa. Now, can we please have your seats?

#2 : The Inappropriate Couples
Yes, ur in love. We get it. But theres really no need to giggle at each other and make profane gestures with that banana ur holding.

For the love of God, some of us are trying to eat.

And friends. Yes, i know i was a tad bit like that too when we were a LOT younger. So dont give me a headache with your accusations, i dont wanna hear it. Hahaha.

(but hey, just for the record, i never played with bananas. not at the mamak. not elsewhere okay. hahah)

#3 : The Mamak with Bad Timing
Of aaaaaaaaalll the time they could walk between the big screen and the projector, some of them simply looooves to pick the most crucial time.

You're half standing, and half shouting, biting ur nails at that free kick. And the moment the ball is inches away from the goal post, time tuuuuu la mamak tu nak lalu.

And as everyone else are either shouting 'Goal!!!!' or groaning like a frog waiting to croak, all you could see was the mamak balancing 3 plates of maggi gorengs and his shadow, also balancing 3 plates of maggi goreng.

Tension betul aku. Lepas tu, time dia tunjuk replay, time tu la mamak tu nak lalu sekali lagi, tapi this time dia bawak 5 gelas nescafe ais pulak. Haishhh.

Well, he's just doing his job, i guess.

I swear i had another point just now. But i seem to have lost it, in the midst of getting all excited about MU getting beaten YET AGAIN. Oh, guess who's at 2nd place now? *grins*

Ahh well, that probably means i should give it a rest. Heheh. :)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

tonight,
i shall dream about
you and me

in that faraway land
(or perhaps a land that is not too far away)
hand in hand

where we shall
make love to good music
where we shall
have enchanting conversations
where we shall
get intoxicated by the magic
that YOU, wouldve cast on ME.

tonight,
i shall dream about
you and me

you and me
ahhh
what a saucy rendezvous

oh what a lovely dream that shall be.

:)

Friday, November 6, 2009

kalau.. kalau.. aku bilang kalauuu..

if im a celebrity in malaysia,
i would have to delete most of my pics on Facebook.
or. i might even resort to not taking any pics at all.

mneyh.

nasib baik aku bukan artis.
LOL

(traumatized after browsing through malaysian's gossip forums)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Superwoman, thats what i am!

tak percaya?
check out the underwear im wearing on top of my outfit!

My superpower?

i can do all these WHILE driving:
1) changing my whole outfit (yess, the car is the world's mobile dressing room!)
2) apply make up (the eyeliner is the most tricky)
3) read books (easier when the traffic is slow)
4) go on a laughing gas fit
5) become Harry Potter, flying across the sky (ini inside joke, tak perlu attempt utk faham)
6) lubricate my lenses
7) daydreaming about being an oil tycoon someday

Dah dah. That should be enough. Now, tell me what superpowers have you got!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

to all the boys ive ever fallen in like with

sometimes you are near
and often you are far

you later disappear

thats just how things are

sometimes we hold hands
and sometimes we let go
sometimes we made plans
and sometimes we dont know

i wrote haikus that rhyme
and dream all day long

but it all fades with time

we simply dont belong


but i want you to know
that i never forgot
though i dont let it show
i remember quite a lot!

:)

What I Miss About High School

1) Canteen food is cheeeeeeap.
Heck. Two ringgit are sufficient to last you throughout the day. Dah la air sirap pun 50sen je. Nowadays, those artificial drinks cost about RM1.50 a glass. Rip off sungguh.

Back in my school, they used to have these legendary Nasi Ayam on Fridays. Serious tak tipu, every Jumaat, as soon as the recess bell rings, its like ada orang bukak kandang kambing. Not to mention, orang yang cut class during the period before recess just to chup Nasi Ayam part yang best best.


2) Tiada masalah dunia.
Back then, the biggest problem that you have is if your crush is not aware of your existance. Atau, in my case, the guy that i had a crush on thinks that im a stalker/loser yang preside KFC (Khairil Fan Club). Fuck. Itu ada lah malu.

But then again, that beats the whole masalah dunia that i have now. Duit tak cukup, nak buat assignment lagi, saman kereta tak bayar, saman UTP tak bayar, baju tak cukup, berebut boyfriend dengan orang lain (Hajar, Munie, peace peace. heheh. i syg korang sekarang) and many more.

3) No worrying about the lack of moolah.
In those days, money were handed out each day. "Nah, ini duit belanja," kata ibu bapa. Tak payah kerja, but dapat gaji. Is nice. I likee.

Come to think of it, i was richer in high school nak compare dengan sekarang. Wahai ibu bapa, nak duit belanja lagi pleassseee.

And oh oh i miss pakcik yang jual unhealthy food outside the school compound. Keluar from school je, theres a food fest waiting outside. Satay ikan la, ice cream la, roti cream la, junk food sedaaaap murah la. Oh i want i want.

I sometimes offer to pick my siblings up from school just so that ill get to indulge myself with all these junkiesss once again. Ahh, saya dan keropok lekor, reunited.

4) The hot MILFs of teachers
We didnt have DILFs (go figure!) in our school. But we sure had Faustina (foxy name eyy) who wore black jarang kebayas and gstrings on Fridays. woot woot. That surely gave them boys something to fantasize about.

A few years after leaving school, i went to the Sports Day in order to support my juniors (semangat sekolah gila weeyyy) and i bumped into Faustina.

She motioned me to come closer and subtly ask "Eyy, ive been meaning to ask you, did you get THOSE done? Cuz if you did i was wondering where you did it. Maybe you could give me the number of the place?" and i was like "Emm no lah cikgu. Its au naturel."

She didnt believe me "Alaaa, come onn, you can tell me. I je pun".

Damn woman! I got it from my Mama! Its effing awkward. Now id have to go on with my life knowing the fact that my school teacher is thinking of getting a boob job. Pssh.

5) Its a Stalker Haven
Everything you need to know about the person that you like is there. Just check the... Eh eh. Hampir terberitahu semua secret. OKay. I tarik balik this one.

6) Tak Payah Jadi Diligent Worker
Since we didnt have courseworks to be done, and everything came down to the final examinations, all year long, you just have to study time nak exam je.

Other than that, sila angkat kaki and tak payah worry.

Its the best system for procrastinators all over the world. I loike.

7) Mean Girls teach you how to toughen up
I used to hate being picked on (hint hint Hani if ur reading this. heheh) and being laughed at. The cool cliques sure have a way to make you feel like you deserve to be isolated (haaa mula dah aku exaggerate) but it sort of prepares you for the cruel world out there.

If you can take on the people who were bitchy to you in school, you can handle anything. Haha. Im serious, it gives you an insight on how to deal with Evil Bosses, Annoying Colleagues and the endless streams of Wannabes in your life.

8) Educational Class Trips
Hoho. Konon konon je educational. Educational apa ntah pergi Genting Highlands. Hahaha. This is the time to scam on boys and belajar teknik teknik berseronok dengan kawan kawan. Seronok apa? Jangan tanya. haha.

What do YOU miss about high school?

Monday, November 2, 2009

what is wrong with the world?


a Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken doll?
One word.
WTF.

Mattel has gone out of their mind man.
First, they said that Ken was cheating on Barbie for the more tanned, beach bum California version of her.
and now they make him a Sugar Daddy.

What a way to promote a lifestyle.
Pfft.
Double pfft.

what next?
Paedophile Ken that comes with little Kelly?

(pardon my obsession with Barbie dolls)


DZULHAZMI SHAARIN


To the guy in the green shirt,
my soulmate for life (i think)

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY

(the rest, i cant put into words. when you know, you know)

Love you with all my heart.

From the guy in the red shirt.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

SHAREENA ALEEYA


This post was supposed to be published about a week back.
But just like my assignments,
i tend to procrastinate.

So, harap maaf,
Miss Sheena,
here is your belated Birthday Shoutout!

To a lifetime filled with glitz and glam,
and all the yummy boys in the world,
I now raise my glass to you,
and cheers, to the Birthday Girl.

Love you doll.

*hugs*

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

the day i die


ladies and gentlemen,
please take note.
:)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i hate Barbie, that bitch has everything!!

you'd be surprised at how many articles you can find on a doll.
(tak percaya, pergi lah Google!)

I read this article (on BBC News, no less) which depicted what Barbie would look like if she was human.


Kinda monstrous and alien-like eh? They even had the math calculation and formula thingamajig to calculate the feasibility of finding a human Barbie.

Here are some mindless facts that will result in a wastage of about 4.5 minutes of your life that you're never getting back.

1) If Barbie were life size, she probably wouldnt be able to menstruate because she does not have enough body fat. (sound appetizing much, bulimics out there?)

2) Barbie dumped Ken because he had commitment issues (he refused to get married after almost 50 years of courtship) but it is assured that they will 'remain friends'.

3) Those Barbies in wedding dresses, yeah those were just her figments of fantasy.

4) Barbie cheated on Ken with G.I Joe (remember that Christmas joke?)

Do you not think that it's bullshit, coming up with all these facts over a toy?

Oh, and this is a list of a more realistic fashion line for Barbie. Til next season. *smirks*

Aku Pathetic

i badly wanted to watch the Arsenal game.
All we needed was a win, and for MU to lose. (the latter did not disappoint me)

The homeboys wanted to leave early and watch the Liverpool MU game,
and since my car was a bit effed up, beggars cant be choosers ey?

Clad in an Arsenal jersey (pinjam Iylia punya because mine has sos cili all over the front),
dengan penuh animated nya i made an entrance at the mamak stall,
only to find out that our table was sooooo far behind that i could barely make out the screen in front of me, nampak hoodie mamat tinggi kat depan je. Cis.

Not having enough sleep,
campur lagi dengan paranoid sebab ada dua abang polis duduk dekat meja belakang (yes, in case you dont know, police terrifies the shit out of me, for no good reason).
this was what happened:


Last last, the boys left after MU dengan penuh kemaluan kalah 2 nil to Livvie.
And i DID NOT GET TO WATCH THE ARSENAL MATCH SECARA LIVE.

Nasib baik blk bilik the video was already up. Sheesh.

Moral of the Story : Tak payah poyo pakai jersey if ur not even gonna be watching the match.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

when the head goes all dizzy, i go all philosophical

mancis nya ku nyala,
curut nya ku sua.

terbakar.
hangus.
tinggal debu.

nafas ku sedut,
lamaaaa. lama.
lepas, ku hela.

aku tiba di dunia
di sebelah sana
terapung aku atas awanan biru
dengan sayap, gebu.

ilham gugur bagai rintik hujan
terik sungguh matahari
bahagia sungguh burung
luas sungguh angkasaraya
segar sungguh bau udara
lazat sungguh rasa deria

aku hanyut
tinggal kan kamu sebentar
tunggu aku
aku akan kembali


Friday, October 23, 2009

Adik saya pandai cari loophole #2

(dont ask me why im suddenly spreading the family love. saya pun tak tahu)

We used to go out for a drive,
jalan jalan pergi random places.

And this one day my mum decided to teach my sister a life lesson or two.
We saw this tukang sapu sampah by the road and my mum said :

Nisha kena study pandai pandai. Kalau tak nanti end up jadi tukang sapu sampah mcm orang tu. Orang yang sapu sampah ni orang tak sekolah je.

Nisha just nodded.

A few months later,
my mum asked her to sweep the floor kat rumah.

Dengan nonchalant nya, Nisha berkata :
Oh nisha tak mau.

My mum asked why sambil bersedia untuk berleter.

Sebab sapu sampah tu kerja untuk orang yang tak sekolah je. Nisha pandai, tak mau la sapu sampah.

Hmmm Ma, who's learning the life lesson now? LOL.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Adik saya pandai cari loophole.

Adik teruna saya ada sebiji bantal busuk.
"Bantal Turtle" nama nya.
(entah celah mana datang nama tu saya tak tahu. FYI, bantal tu tiada rupa seekor penyu)

Bantal ni wajib dipakai setiap kali dia nak tidur.
Daripada kecil, sampai la sekarang dah Darjah 3.

Kalau saya terpinjam bantal dia dan tertidur,
tengah tengah malam nanti dia akan tarik bantal dari bawah kepala saya.
(tak pasal pasal saya bangun dengan tengkuk yang sakit)

Balik raya tempoh hari,
dia insist nak bawa bantal pulang ke kampung.
(walaupun kereta dah penuh, jangan kata bantal, nak letak satu botol mineral water pun dah tak muat)

Encik Mama tak kasi.
Takut kalau kalau tertinggal kat kampung nanti,
adik saya jadi insomniac, berbulan bulan tak blh tidur.

Tahu dia buat apa?

Dia cabut sarung bantal tersebut,
lipat berulang kali sampai size macam kad pengenalan,
dan ikat pakai getah mamak ikat roti canai dalam suratkhabar.
Kemudian, dia sorok dalam pocket.

Scandal Saya yang Paling Scandalous.

i blissfully walked into my neighbour's house,
with the intention of borrowing something.
i dont even remember what it was that i needed.
(a cup of sugar, maybe? talk about old school ey? *grins*)

it was a huge mansion.
i used to come over here as a kid, playing with Naqi's hundreds of remote controlled cars.
(you know, those cars that uses petrol instead of batteries and whose price could probably pay for the down payment for a starter car).

his room was a kid's Disneyland back then.
it had everything, everything that a 7 year old girl could wish for.
(ok so perhaps i was a bit boyish back then. he didnt have any dolls.)

so, anyway, back to the present,
I walked into his house, only to find that he was out.
His brother was home tho.
Fresh (jet lagged, more like it) out of a flight from somewhere abroad.

I had never met him before.
21 years in the neighbourhood, and i have never seen him.
Not once.
He studied abroad pretty much his whole life
(minus about 4 years of his childhood, during which i was not even born yet).

He was astonishingly jaw-dropping good looking.
And he flirted.
Which is always a good thing.
;)

He kept me company for that few hours, waiting for Naqi to come back from wherever he was.
And a delightful company, he was.

My bubble burst when his GIRLFRIEND popped by later,
all protective and claws all over him.
Ah well, what do you expect?
He was an Adonis.
Id probably do the same if i was her.
(oh but on second thoughts, i wont. I prefer to play the Cool Girlfriend Card. LOL)

It was turning to be quiet a telenovela scene.
And i decided to go home and come back another day before the Girlfriend pours a bucket of ice on my head.
(it certainly seemed like the idea crossed her mind).

Over the few short weeks,
i saw more and more of Naqi's brother.
(who, by then, has pretty much worn me over).

And it took my entire self-control not do the Chandler dance,
when he told me that he broke up with her.
(i believe the breakup had a lot to do with me)

There we were, sitting on the couch.
Me on his left, him in the middle, and Naqi at the other end.
Pretending to watch the stupid movie which Naqi wanted to see.
And i noticed that his hands crept closer to mine,
and soon, my tiny palm was wrapped in his not so tiny one.

Swooning, i was.

And then, i realized two things:

One : 21 years knowing Naqi's family, and its a well known fact that Naqi was an only child. He DOES NOT have any siblings.

Babi. Aku mimpi. Bloody vivid dream, at that.

Two : Dalam mimpi pun aku jadi boyfriend-stealer? Tahniah la Sha.

It was then that i woke up. Sungguh tak best. :(


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

sebuah cerita hantu

It was already 3 am.
And i have to send in my assignment at the deserted and supposedly haunted academic building.

I just got back from mamak with 3 other friends, and i dragged them along to accompany me.
(Scary kot nak naik block yang isolated tu tengah tengah malam!)

I went up Building 1 with one friend (A), leaving the other two (B and C) in the car.
We went up and quickly stuffed my assignment in the lecturer's mini postbox.
We were going to head back to the car when i got a brilliant idea to scare the other two scaredy cats.

Instead of heading back the way we came, A and I took the long way and walked to Building 2 instead. We came down and walked back to the car from Building 2.

As soon as we slammed the door shut, B and C were busy complaining because we kept them waiting for close to half an hour when we shouldve been done within 5 mins or so.

The whole time, A and I kept quite and did not say a single word. We were trying to spook the other two. The plan was to keep quite and after the car has moved, i was going to text B (subtly, of course) something that goes like :

Where are you? im already down here but i cant find your car. did you park somewhere else or have you left without us?

I have already composed the text message and switched off the background light of my phone. It would only take me one click of a button to send the message and watch B and C freak out. I sniggered silently at my brilliant plan.

B : Why did you guys come down from Building 2? I thought the lecturer's office is in Building 1?
*silence*
B : Dude!! Why the hell did you come down all the way from the other building? What happened?
*silence*
B : Why are you so quiet??
*silence*

Its starting to turn out to be a pretty good show.

The drive back from the academic building to our hostel is a pretty lengthy one and there were barely any lights along the road. It was spooky, indeed. Plus, we have heard plenty of gory stories about the road that we were currently driving along. You know, the kind of stories that will keep you up at night.

I could tell that B and C were starting to freak out.

At the darkest point of the road, i sent my message.

The whole while, i kept my eyes on B to see if she's gonna check her phone. I wouldnt miss her reaction for the world. Surprisingly, B's phone did not make a sound.

A whole 30 seconds later, a reply came in :

What the hell are you talking about? Im still down here waiting for you. Im parked at the same place i dropped you off just now. What's taking you so long? We've been waiting for you for half an hour already. Get your ass down here already! We're starting to get goosebumps waiting for you. Hurry up!!

*gulp*

At the same time, I could hear a disturbing chuckle coming from the front seat.

Monday, October 19, 2009

tahukah anda : teka speed dan menang

My speedometer has gone awry.
Has been for the past year or so.
It simply wont budge from 0, even when im already using the 5th gear. tsk.

I went back to KL and my dad kicked up a fuss about me getting a summon because i was going 114 at a 90km/h road.

Dad : Ni macam mana blh kena saman ni?
Me : Mana tasha nak tau! Speedometer rosak kot. Tasha agak agak je la. 90 denan 114 takde la different sangatt.
Dad : An experienced driver should know how to estimate the speed. Awak dah berapa lama drive, tak kan tak blh agak lagi kot?
Me : Macam mana tasha nak agak? Sama jeeee. Kereta depan laju, tasha laju la. Dia slow, tasha slow la.
Dad : Boleh estimate la. Pakai angin pun orang blh estimate.

APAKAH??

Later on that day, in the car,

Me : *with one hand out the window* hmmmmm, i rasa speed kita sekarang 80.
Ami : oh tak tak. sensor u salah. sekarang 75.
Me : ehh you salah laaa. i baru pergi service sensor tadi. sekarang 80. *speeds a little* ok, sekarang 82.

Pfft. Yes Papa, you're right, i can totally estimate the speed just by giving the wind a lil hand job feel. I know you're pissed because i was caught by the bleepin speed trap and was just trying to come up with ways to scold me. Harap maaf tapi bukan saya yang rosakkan speedometer, dia rosak sendiri.

hint : please repair kan speedometer blh tak Papa? thank you. :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

we're all entitled to our own opinions. so in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

hello hello.
ive been doing the disappearing act,
blame UTP's internet connection.

since ive been quite the hermit,
i dont have anything much to tell you lot.
(unless, if you wanna hear all about my Ocean & Coastal Eng. yaks, that is)

oh.
due to the sucky-ass connection in the hostel,
we went to the mamak nearby
(funny how 'mamak' is a noun nowadays)
ladened with laptops.
(ok tak. bukan laptops, laptop je sebenarnya. sorang je yang bawak laptop, yang lain menyibuk nak check Facebook masing masing. ok tipu lagi sekali. yang lain tak ambik port, saya sorang je yang check Facebook kacau kerja orang)

My friend was Googling her study thingies when three mamaks crowded her.
"Kasi buka Tamil.com la dey"
"Cuba you kasi transfer itu Hindi songs kasi saya bole ka"

LOL


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

im a nerd, thats why

who wouldve thought that revising on Malaysian Studies would make me fall in love with Malaysia's visionary, Tun Mahathir.
(to all haters, scram. i dont need you here)

He was intelligent indeed.
And im scared that Malaysia will never again see the likes of Tun M.

When people speculated and questioned his decision to start an organization, producing our own national cars, they said :

"How the hell are we gonna produce cars when we cant even produce something as small as needles?"
He replied:

"If we can produce cars, how hard can it be to produce needles?"

And when everybody else was busy selling out their countries to the IMF (International Monetary Fund), he was dead determined that we could survive without the foreign help. And surprisingly to others, we did.

Instead of succumbing to the Western investors whose plan was to buy our Ringgit many times over, resulting in an increase of our Ringgit value (and thus, giving them the absolute power over our country), Tun tied our Ringgit instead.

Ringgit Malaysia could no longer be taken out of the country (well, they could, but in mild moderation of course) and this pretty much restrained the foreigners from playing with our currency as if they were Play-Doh.

Smart move, indeed. Im scared in behalf of the country if never again will Malaysia's politician be as smart as Che Det was. Im afraid that there wont be a scrap of nationalists in our generation.

Should that prediction ever come true, im afraid i would have to turun padang (cheewah, berangan).

p/s : now Mummy, arent you proud of me for blogging about intellectual issues for once? :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

we're old arent we?

and yet we havent changed that much.
recently, we had a Batch Dinner.
Rockstars of 2010.

and here are two photos.
one from 2005.
and the other from that dinner itself.
4 years worth of difference.
and yet, ambil gambar masih pose dan senyum yang sama.

pfft.


here's to growing up,
and yet staying exactly the same.

i love you people.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

this is what i get for visiting dumb sites while colouring my hair

omg omg omg omg omg
(sambung baca omg for the next seven minutes)

i just wasted a few hours of my life browsing through malaysia's gossip blogs.
waaaargggh tertekan nya aku.
tension sampai rasa macam nak bakar computer.

i CANNOT fathom how absolutely conservative close minded nya Malaysians are.
And im sorry to report that most of them are Malays.

Now, now, im not going all
"oooooh, im the New Age Malay and im better than them all"
(though from what ive just read, perhaps maybe i am)

its just that.. okay.. lemme start this again.

*takes a deep breath*

So, some stupid moron who's probably trying to make money out of publishing craps about Malaysian artist, releases all this stupid 'articles' that wouldnt make much sense pun if the person that theyre writing about is not an artist in the first place.

(atau mungkin dia teringin nak glamour, tapi takde talent, so dia blog la walaupun writing talent pun takde and they Facebook stalk people as a source to their craps)

It's one thing nak gossip about celebrities,
tapi cerita such as:

"Artis A tweeted that she wants to go to the pasar malam today"
"Artis B dilihat menjual air pink guava di pasar malam kepada Artis A"
"Adik Artis C pakai seluar atas lutut di pasar malam yang sama"

Weyy seriously,
ADA AKU KESAH??

As if that's not enough,
they write stupid stories about the so called celebrities' adik, mak, kakak, abang, bapak, nenek, posman, ketua kampung.
Ahh complete lah semua.

These people's Facebook (dan lain lain) were raided and pics yang takde la teruk mana pun was published and points were exaggerated.

OK.
Maybe ada lah some indecency.
But i dont think they deserve such crude and tasteless comments.

If you were to read the comments, you would think that the pictures were taken out of Playboy's middle spread.

Habis la semua benda diorang salahkan.
Keluar hadis and sunnah,
but then again, you people still check the site religiously anyway!

Cari apa?
The latest nude picture and 3gp?
Hoping to see some cleavage and camel toes?

*shakes head*
korang sama je laaa.

As if la the comments that they gave were so membina kan.
In the end, they will squabble with one another over each other's comments.
Korang gaduh gaduh pun, bukannya artis tu baca pun comment tu.
Pshh.

Yang paling zomg nya,
even about non-muslim artist pun they wanna kick up a fuss.
BIAR LAAA orang tu nak minum wine ke, pegang a bottle of Tiger ke.
The keyword is Non-Muslim.
Tak payah sibuk boleh tak?

i feel like a dumbass now.
my intention was just to get a few laughs at the expense of other's stupidity.
tapi last last sendiri yang rasa bodoh.

and needless to say, im ashamed of some Malaysian's stupidity and lameass comments.
memalukan sungguh.

please la dol, go and read up on some better form of reading material.
Banyak lagi literature works you can read on.
Kalau kau memang tak reti nak appreciate good literature, paling paling pun pergi la baca Soccernet ke, cari recipe buat choc chip cookies ke.

You're just scamming on other's popularity and are just upset that you're not as famous as they are.
And it SHOWS, goddammit.

Im serious.
Go get a life.
And stop trying to take part in somebody else's.
Orang tu tak kenal pun kau.

Ive wasted enough time.
Im gonna go wash my hair off now.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

i already know what i want to be when i grow up! (and no, i dont wanna have boobies!)

i will start a new crappy brand.
and with the help of modern marketing marvel,
ill sell off my crappy products.
and put a tagline:

"Your money refunded if not satisfactory"

And when the complaints come in from people who finds my crappy products not satisfactory,
ill send their mail back with a reply:

Your money has been found satisfactory.
It will not be necessary to refund it.

(start berangan)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

what to do when you see surat saman on ur windshield?

bring them in the car,
stash it in the dashboard.

the next time nampak lipas kereta,
take the surat saman,
and use it to slap on the lipas.

retrieve the lipas using the same surat saman.
and throw both the crap out your window.

:)

have fun experimenting!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

of reptiles, football and all that is pretty

Friends, this is an overused picture of Damien.
My first baby.
I lost him when he failed to fully digest a hamster that i fed him because UTP was fogging for Aedes 3 times a week.
(Bodoh. nak bunuh nyamuk Aedes, python aku yang mati!)

Ok. ok.
feeding him hamster, was my fault.
fogging terlebih lebih. UTP's fault.
:P

(yes kawan kawan, ini la cara nak be in denial and blame others for ur own mistake. please take note. heheh)

Now, this is Rocky.
I babysat him for Syafiq a while back.
He wasnt as tame as Damien though, tapi blh la kan, janji ada.
Heheh.

The big news!!!
Syafiq has already gotten me a new ball python as a bday present!!
Wheee!

Im thinking of naming him Casper.
Bajet la, so he'd be like, hantu Damien yang rise from the ashes.
*spooky song*

ok berangan.

On another note altogether, Arsenal has been winning the last few games.
Which is a relief after tersungkur to both Manchesters.
Though, they won over Fulham and Olympiacos,
(so takde la bangga gila).

Well, keep it up boys,
make mommy proud.
:)

Aaaaaaand, the biggest news EVER!
My baby is getting married!!
Ive always said that id marry her if i were a guy.
Tapi sayang nya im not, and thus, she's getting married to a real guy in two weeks time.

Though it makes me sad that i wont be able to attend her akad nikah,
(dammit aaa. siapa nak sponsor flight ticket pergi US?)
im getting all giddy planning on my bridesmaid dress.
hehehe.

ok. saya kena belajar rajin rajin.
so that saya dapat kerja gaji banyak, bonus 16 bulan.
so that saya blh pergi US tgk wedding cinta hati saya.
Sekian terima kasih.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Raya Rendezvous

raya was awesome.
for me, its that magical time of the year, where my entire keluarga kembangan will gather and show their true loud, crazy nature
(which in turn, explains a lot why im loud and retarded)

My family can be quite a nutty bunch.
This one night, my uncle (laden in his kain pelikat cap Gajah Duduk) was trying to coax my cousin to make him some coffee. The moment he suggested it, all the other men in the house started ordering drinks as if we were all smack in the middle of a mamak stall.
My cousin played dead and pretended to be asleep (which didnt work as she was chattering like there's no tomorrow just two seconds before).

Determined to have his coffee brewed especially by my cousin, my uncle attempted to drag her all the way to the kitchen. She was kurus and ringan, so my uncle pulled one of her hands while she played dead. It was like watching a rapist trying to dispose a fat girl's body into the nearest semak.

He got as far as about 5 steps when my cousin 'woke up' and tugged on his kain pelikat, exposing some really uncalled-for view. After a few rounds of hyena shrieks, the uncle then fixed his kain and continued dragging my cousin. The same dragging-kain pelikat tugging scene went on for about three rounds.

That's three times the obscenity if you cant count. Pahh.
(sorry no pics. takut ada underage kids di sini)

i will post other raya pics instead. :)

My sister(aka my personal maid) and I yg tgh bajet jadi stewardess. Mind you, she's only 13 and she revels in the fact that she's the hottest in the family. Dah 18 nanti tak tahu lah mcm mana. Hee.

That's the entire family.
`
This is my uncle. Castello wannabe. 'Nuff said.

Castello main masak masak.

Session main mercun and bunga api.

my Ayahyop is a photographer.. But we totally didnt expect him to carry his SLR to the graveyard to visit my late Grandpa. inappropriate ke tak ikhlas? LOL.

Ini Alya, Ayahyop's daughter. Anak Bunian. LOLS.



ok. itu saja. bye bye for now.