Wednesday, October 28, 2009

the day i die

ladies and gentlemen,
please take note.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i hate Barbie, that bitch has everything!!

you'd be surprised at how many articles you can find on a doll.
(tak percaya, pergi lah Google!)

I read this article (on BBC News, no less) which depicted what Barbie would look like if she was human.

Kinda monstrous and alien-like eh? They even had the math calculation and formula thingamajig to calculate the feasibility of finding a human Barbie.

Here are some mindless facts that will result in a wastage of about 4.5 minutes of your life that you're never getting back.

1) If Barbie were life size, she probably wouldnt be able to menstruate because she does not have enough body fat. (sound appetizing much, bulimics out there?)

2) Barbie dumped Ken because he had commitment issues (he refused to get married after almost 50 years of courtship) but it is assured that they will 'remain friends'.

3) Those Barbies in wedding dresses, yeah those were just her figments of fantasy.

4) Barbie cheated on Ken with G.I Joe (remember that Christmas joke?)

Do you not think that it's bullshit, coming up with all these facts over a toy?

Oh, and this is a list of a more realistic fashion line for Barbie. Til next season. *smirks*

Aku Pathetic

i badly wanted to watch the Arsenal game.
All we needed was a win, and for MU to lose. (the latter did not disappoint me)

The homeboys wanted to leave early and watch the Liverpool MU game,
and since my car was a bit effed up, beggars cant be choosers ey?

Clad in an Arsenal jersey (pinjam Iylia punya because mine has sos cili all over the front),
dengan penuh animated nya i made an entrance at the mamak stall,
only to find out that our table was sooooo far behind that i could barely make out the screen in front of me, nampak hoodie mamat tinggi kat depan je. Cis.

Not having enough sleep,
campur lagi dengan paranoid sebab ada dua abang polis duduk dekat meja belakang (yes, in case you dont know, police terrifies the shit out of me, for no good reason).
this was what happened:

Last last, the boys left after MU dengan penuh kemaluan kalah 2 nil to Livvie.

Nasib baik blk bilik the video was already up. Sheesh.

Moral of the Story : Tak payah poyo pakai jersey if ur not even gonna be watching the match.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

when the head goes all dizzy, i go all philosophical

mancis nya ku nyala,
curut nya ku sua.

tinggal debu.

nafas ku sedut,
lamaaaa. lama.
lepas, ku hela.

aku tiba di dunia
di sebelah sana
terapung aku atas awanan biru
dengan sayap, gebu.

ilham gugur bagai rintik hujan
terik sungguh matahari
bahagia sungguh burung
luas sungguh angkasaraya
segar sungguh bau udara
lazat sungguh rasa deria

aku hanyut
tinggal kan kamu sebentar
tunggu aku
aku akan kembali

Friday, October 23, 2009

Adik saya pandai cari loophole #2

(dont ask me why im suddenly spreading the family love. saya pun tak tahu)

We used to go out for a drive,
jalan jalan pergi random places.

And this one day my mum decided to teach my sister a life lesson or two.
We saw this tukang sapu sampah by the road and my mum said :

Nisha kena study pandai pandai. Kalau tak nanti end up jadi tukang sapu sampah mcm orang tu. Orang yang sapu sampah ni orang tak sekolah je.

Nisha just nodded.

A few months later,
my mum asked her to sweep the floor kat rumah.

Dengan nonchalant nya, Nisha berkata :
Oh nisha tak mau.

My mum asked why sambil bersedia untuk berleter.

Sebab sapu sampah tu kerja untuk orang yang tak sekolah je. Nisha pandai, tak mau la sapu sampah.

Hmmm Ma, who's learning the life lesson now? LOL.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Adik saya pandai cari loophole.

Adik teruna saya ada sebiji bantal busuk.
"Bantal Turtle" nama nya.
(entah celah mana datang nama tu saya tak tahu. FYI, bantal tu tiada rupa seekor penyu)

Bantal ni wajib dipakai setiap kali dia nak tidur.
Daripada kecil, sampai la sekarang dah Darjah 3.

Kalau saya terpinjam bantal dia dan tertidur,
tengah tengah malam nanti dia akan tarik bantal dari bawah kepala saya.
(tak pasal pasal saya bangun dengan tengkuk yang sakit)

Balik raya tempoh hari,
dia insist nak bawa bantal pulang ke kampung.
(walaupun kereta dah penuh, jangan kata bantal, nak letak satu botol mineral water pun dah tak muat)

Encik Mama tak kasi.
Takut kalau kalau tertinggal kat kampung nanti,
adik saya jadi insomniac, berbulan bulan tak blh tidur.

Tahu dia buat apa?

Dia cabut sarung bantal tersebut,
lipat berulang kali sampai size macam kad pengenalan,
dan ikat pakai getah mamak ikat roti canai dalam suratkhabar.
Kemudian, dia sorok dalam pocket.

Scandal Saya yang Paling Scandalous.

i blissfully walked into my neighbour's house,
with the intention of borrowing something.
i dont even remember what it was that i needed.
(a cup of sugar, maybe? talk about old school ey? *grins*)

it was a huge mansion.
i used to come over here as a kid, playing with Naqi's hundreds of remote controlled cars.
(you know, those cars that uses petrol instead of batteries and whose price could probably pay for the down payment for a starter car).

his room was a kid's Disneyland back then.
it had everything, everything that a 7 year old girl could wish for.
(ok so perhaps i was a bit boyish back then. he didnt have any dolls.)

so, anyway, back to the present,
I walked into his house, only to find that he was out.
His brother was home tho.
Fresh (jet lagged, more like it) out of a flight from somewhere abroad.

I had never met him before.
21 years in the neighbourhood, and i have never seen him.
Not once.
He studied abroad pretty much his whole life
(minus about 4 years of his childhood, during which i was not even born yet).

He was astonishingly jaw-dropping good looking.
And he flirted.
Which is always a good thing.

He kept me company for that few hours, waiting for Naqi to come back from wherever he was.
And a delightful company, he was.

My bubble burst when his GIRLFRIEND popped by later,
all protective and claws all over him.
Ah well, what do you expect?
He was an Adonis.
Id probably do the same if i was her.
(oh but on second thoughts, i wont. I prefer to play the Cool Girlfriend Card. LOL)

It was turning to be quiet a telenovela scene.
And i decided to go home and come back another day before the Girlfriend pours a bucket of ice on my head.
(it certainly seemed like the idea crossed her mind).

Over the few short weeks,
i saw more and more of Naqi's brother.
(who, by then, has pretty much worn me over).

And it took my entire self-control not do the Chandler dance,
when he told me that he broke up with her.
(i believe the breakup had a lot to do with me)

There we were, sitting on the couch.
Me on his left, him in the middle, and Naqi at the other end.
Pretending to watch the stupid movie which Naqi wanted to see.
And i noticed that his hands crept closer to mine,
and soon, my tiny palm was wrapped in his not so tiny one.

Swooning, i was.

And then, i realized two things:

One : 21 years knowing Naqi's family, and its a well known fact that Naqi was an only child. He DOES NOT have any siblings.

Babi. Aku mimpi. Bloody vivid dream, at that.

Two : Dalam mimpi pun aku jadi boyfriend-stealer? Tahniah la Sha.

It was then that i woke up. Sungguh tak best. :(

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

sebuah cerita hantu

It was already 3 am.
And i have to send in my assignment at the deserted and supposedly haunted academic building.

I just got back from mamak with 3 other friends, and i dragged them along to accompany me.
(Scary kot nak naik block yang isolated tu tengah tengah malam!)

I went up Building 1 with one friend (A), leaving the other two (B and C) in the car.
We went up and quickly stuffed my assignment in the lecturer's mini postbox.
We were going to head back to the car when i got a brilliant idea to scare the other two scaredy cats.

Instead of heading back the way we came, A and I took the long way and walked to Building 2 instead. We came down and walked back to the car from Building 2.

As soon as we slammed the door shut, B and C were busy complaining because we kept them waiting for close to half an hour when we shouldve been done within 5 mins or so.

The whole time, A and I kept quite and did not say a single word. We were trying to spook the other two. The plan was to keep quite and after the car has moved, i was going to text B (subtly, of course) something that goes like :

Where are you? im already down here but i cant find your car. did you park somewhere else or have you left without us?

I have already composed the text message and switched off the background light of my phone. It would only take me one click of a button to send the message and watch B and C freak out. I sniggered silently at my brilliant plan.

B : Why did you guys come down from Building 2? I thought the lecturer's office is in Building 1?
B : Dude!! Why the hell did you come down all the way from the other building? What happened?
B : Why are you so quiet??

Its starting to turn out to be a pretty good show.

The drive back from the academic building to our hostel is a pretty lengthy one and there were barely any lights along the road. It was spooky, indeed. Plus, we have heard plenty of gory stories about the road that we were currently driving along. You know, the kind of stories that will keep you up at night.

I could tell that B and C were starting to freak out.

At the darkest point of the road, i sent my message.

The whole while, i kept my eyes on B to see if she's gonna check her phone. I wouldnt miss her reaction for the world. Surprisingly, B's phone did not make a sound.

A whole 30 seconds later, a reply came in :

What the hell are you talking about? Im still down here waiting for you. Im parked at the same place i dropped you off just now. What's taking you so long? We've been waiting for you for half an hour already. Get your ass down here already! We're starting to get goosebumps waiting for you. Hurry up!!


At the same time, I could hear a disturbing chuckle coming from the front seat.

Monday, October 19, 2009

tahukah anda : teka speed dan menang

My speedometer has gone awry.
Has been for the past year or so.
It simply wont budge from 0, even when im already using the 5th gear. tsk.

I went back to KL and my dad kicked up a fuss about me getting a summon because i was going 114 at a 90km/h road.

Dad : Ni macam mana blh kena saman ni?
Me : Mana tasha nak tau! Speedometer rosak kot. Tasha agak agak je la. 90 denan 114 takde la different sangatt.
Dad : An experienced driver should know how to estimate the speed. Awak dah berapa lama drive, tak kan tak blh agak lagi kot?
Me : Macam mana tasha nak agak? Sama jeeee. Kereta depan laju, tasha laju la. Dia slow, tasha slow la.
Dad : Boleh estimate la. Pakai angin pun orang blh estimate.


Later on that day, in the car,

Me : *with one hand out the window* hmmmmm, i rasa speed kita sekarang 80.
Ami : oh tak tak. sensor u salah. sekarang 75.
Me : ehh you salah laaa. i baru pergi service sensor tadi. sekarang 80. *speeds a little* ok, sekarang 82.

Pfft. Yes Papa, you're right, i can totally estimate the speed just by giving the wind a lil hand job feel. I know you're pissed because i was caught by the bleepin speed trap and was just trying to come up with ways to scold me. Harap maaf tapi bukan saya yang rosakkan speedometer, dia rosak sendiri.

hint : please repair kan speedometer blh tak Papa? thank you. :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

we're all entitled to our own opinions. so in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

hello hello.
ive been doing the disappearing act,
blame UTP's internet connection.

since ive been quite the hermit,
i dont have anything much to tell you lot.
(unless, if you wanna hear all about my Ocean & Coastal Eng. yaks, that is)

due to the sucky-ass connection in the hostel,
we went to the mamak nearby
(funny how 'mamak' is a noun nowadays)
ladened with laptops.
(ok tak. bukan laptops, laptop je sebenarnya. sorang je yang bawak laptop, yang lain menyibuk nak check Facebook masing masing. ok tipu lagi sekali. yang lain tak ambik port, saya sorang je yang check Facebook kacau kerja orang)

My friend was Googling her study thingies when three mamaks crowded her.
"Kasi buka la dey"
"Cuba you kasi transfer itu Hindi songs kasi saya bole ka"


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

im a nerd, thats why

who wouldve thought that revising on Malaysian Studies would make me fall in love with Malaysia's visionary, Tun Mahathir.
(to all haters, scram. i dont need you here)

He was intelligent indeed.
And im scared that Malaysia will never again see the likes of Tun M.

When people speculated and questioned his decision to start an organization, producing our own national cars, they said :

"How the hell are we gonna produce cars when we cant even produce something as small as needles?"
He replied:

"If we can produce cars, how hard can it be to produce needles?"

And when everybody else was busy selling out their countries to the IMF (International Monetary Fund), he was dead determined that we could survive without the foreign help. And surprisingly to others, we did.

Instead of succumbing to the Western investors whose plan was to buy our Ringgit many times over, resulting in an increase of our Ringgit value (and thus, giving them the absolute power over our country), Tun tied our Ringgit instead.

Ringgit Malaysia could no longer be taken out of the country (well, they could, but in mild moderation of course) and this pretty much restrained the foreigners from playing with our currency as if they were Play-Doh.

Smart move, indeed. Im scared in behalf of the country if never again will Malaysia's politician be as smart as Che Det was. Im afraid that there wont be a scrap of nationalists in our generation.

Should that prediction ever come true, im afraid i would have to turun padang (cheewah, berangan).

p/s : now Mummy, arent you proud of me for blogging about intellectual issues for once? :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

we're old arent we?

and yet we havent changed that much.
recently, we had a Batch Dinner.
Rockstars of 2010.

and here are two photos.
one from 2005.
and the other from that dinner itself.
4 years worth of difference.
and yet, ambil gambar masih pose dan senyum yang sama.


here's to growing up,
and yet staying exactly the same.

i love you people.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

this is what i get for visiting dumb sites while colouring my hair

omg omg omg omg omg
(sambung baca omg for the next seven minutes)

i just wasted a few hours of my life browsing through malaysia's gossip blogs.
waaaargggh tertekan nya aku.
tension sampai rasa macam nak bakar computer.

i CANNOT fathom how absolutely conservative close minded nya Malaysians are.
And im sorry to report that most of them are Malays.

Now, now, im not going all
"oooooh, im the New Age Malay and im better than them all"
(though from what ive just read, perhaps maybe i am)

its just that.. okay.. lemme start this again.

*takes a deep breath*

So, some stupid moron who's probably trying to make money out of publishing craps about Malaysian artist, releases all this stupid 'articles' that wouldnt make much sense pun if the person that theyre writing about is not an artist in the first place.

(atau mungkin dia teringin nak glamour, tapi takde talent, so dia blog la walaupun writing talent pun takde and they Facebook stalk people as a source to their craps)

It's one thing nak gossip about celebrities,
tapi cerita such as:

"Artis A tweeted that she wants to go to the pasar malam today"
"Artis B dilihat menjual air pink guava di pasar malam kepada Artis A"
"Adik Artis C pakai seluar atas lutut di pasar malam yang sama"

Weyy seriously,

As if that's not enough,
they write stupid stories about the so called celebrities' adik, mak, kakak, abang, bapak, nenek, posman, ketua kampung.
Ahh complete lah semua.

These people's Facebook (dan lain lain) were raided and pics yang takde la teruk mana pun was published and points were exaggerated.

Maybe ada lah some indecency.
But i dont think they deserve such crude and tasteless comments.

If you were to read the comments, you would think that the pictures were taken out of Playboy's middle spread.

Habis la semua benda diorang salahkan.
Keluar hadis and sunnah,
but then again, you people still check the site religiously anyway!

Cari apa?
The latest nude picture and 3gp?
Hoping to see some cleavage and camel toes?

*shakes head*
korang sama je laaa.

As if la the comments that they gave were so membina kan.
In the end, they will squabble with one another over each other's comments.
Korang gaduh gaduh pun, bukannya artis tu baca pun comment tu.

Yang paling zomg nya,
even about non-muslim artist pun they wanna kick up a fuss.
BIAR LAAA orang tu nak minum wine ke, pegang a bottle of Tiger ke.
The keyword is Non-Muslim.
Tak payah sibuk boleh tak?

i feel like a dumbass now.
my intention was just to get a few laughs at the expense of other's stupidity.
tapi last last sendiri yang rasa bodoh.

and needless to say, im ashamed of some Malaysian's stupidity and lameass comments.
memalukan sungguh.

please la dol, go and read up on some better form of reading material.
Banyak lagi literature works you can read on.
Kalau kau memang tak reti nak appreciate good literature, paling paling pun pergi la baca Soccernet ke, cari recipe buat choc chip cookies ke.

You're just scamming on other's popularity and are just upset that you're not as famous as they are.
And it SHOWS, goddammit.

Im serious.
Go get a life.
And stop trying to take part in somebody else's.
Orang tu tak kenal pun kau.

Ive wasted enough time.
Im gonna go wash my hair off now.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

i already know what i want to be when i grow up! (and no, i dont wanna have boobies!)

i will start a new crappy brand.
and with the help of modern marketing marvel,
ill sell off my crappy products.
and put a tagline:

"Your money refunded if not satisfactory"

And when the complaints come in from people who finds my crappy products not satisfactory,
ill send their mail back with a reply:

Your money has been found satisfactory.
It will not be necessary to refund it.

(start berangan)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

what to do when you see surat saman on ur windshield?

bring them in the car,
stash it in the dashboard.

the next time nampak lipas kereta,
take the surat saman,
and use it to slap on the lipas.

retrieve the lipas using the same surat saman.
and throw both the crap out your window.


have fun experimenting!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

of reptiles, football and all that is pretty

Friends, this is an overused picture of Damien.
My first baby.
I lost him when he failed to fully digest a hamster that i fed him because UTP was fogging for Aedes 3 times a week.
(Bodoh. nak bunuh nyamuk Aedes, python aku yang mati!)

Ok. ok.
feeding him hamster, was my fault.
fogging terlebih lebih. UTP's fault.

(yes kawan kawan, ini la cara nak be in denial and blame others for ur own mistake. please take note. heheh)

Now, this is Rocky.
I babysat him for Syafiq a while back.
He wasnt as tame as Damien though, tapi blh la kan, janji ada.

The big news!!!
Syafiq has already gotten me a new ball python as a bday present!!

Im thinking of naming him Casper.
Bajet la, so he'd be like, hantu Damien yang rise from the ashes.
*spooky song*

ok berangan.

On another note altogether, Arsenal has been winning the last few games.
Which is a relief after tersungkur to both Manchesters.
Though, they won over Fulham and Olympiacos,
(so takde la bangga gila).

Well, keep it up boys,
make mommy proud.

Aaaaaaand, the biggest news EVER!
My baby is getting married!!
Ive always said that id marry her if i were a guy.
Tapi sayang nya im not, and thus, she's getting married to a real guy in two weeks time.

Though it makes me sad that i wont be able to attend her akad nikah,
(dammit aaa. siapa nak sponsor flight ticket pergi US?)
im getting all giddy planning on my bridesmaid dress.

ok. saya kena belajar rajin rajin.
so that saya dapat kerja gaji banyak, bonus 16 bulan.
so that saya blh pergi US tgk wedding cinta hati saya.
Sekian terima kasih.