Saturday, January 29, 2011

God does not change men's condition unless they change their inner selves.

I am the kind of person who cannot handle rejection of any kind. The fear of things not going my way is then used as a cork to stop me from taking any form of action.

For example, i've had the idea to write a story for quite sometime now. I've got the characters and the plot all mapped out, but somehow, out of the fear that i am not able to construct the plot well enough or not being able to narrate the story well to the point that i'm a disappointment to my writer self, i refuse to get started.

I refuse to click on the 'New Document' button and type my thoughts away. It sounds pathetic, yes. Most of the time, i would avoid my problems, half expecting that it will sort itself out if i just leave it there long enough (which we all know is absolute crap). 

I mean, this is hardly a scene in Cinderella where a Fairy Godmother flicks her wand, chants 'Bippity Boppity Boo' and POOF! the pumpkin changes into an obscenely fabulous carriage!

Despite being aware of all that, it's not really a habit I could kick. Regardless of how many times i tell myself that it's better to simply face the inevitable and change along with the circumstance, my entire body will automatically stiffen when the mind gives out the command.

Though, if there's one thing that i learnt this week, perhaps the same shit is happening to you because you keep making the same mistakes in dealing with it. For as long as you refuse to learn from your mistakes, adapt to it and change your ways, your problems will never go away.

And if it provides any additional incentive to get you going, the relief that you get the moment you start taking control of the situation, is completely monumental!

I actually have plenty more to say but at the moment, I'm kind of distracted thinking about how my friends are doing in Egypt. And the fact that the online media restriction that our government plans to impose on us is looking frighteningly like what's happening in Egypt now is of no assurance whatsoever.

Give me a good few hours to finish reflecting. Perhaps then, i will be back to share silly stories instead of talking about life 'revelations' which might have just put a few of you guys reading to sleep already. Tee hee.

Til next time! :)


Valossa Vicious said...

I'm not too sure what is this about, but I can relate to this. I have trouble in dealing with problems and crisis because I most of the time I don't feel nervous or stress, which leads me to procrastination and complete ignorance. It's great to boost self-esteem but sometimes I think I'm a delusional optimist. Tell me, is that normal?

Merissa K. said...


This is about everything that sets my path astray. I tend to overgeneralize when i dont want people to know too much about what's going on in my head.

I do the same thing man. Procrastinate and deny everything because of the lack of nerves. If i dont feel too bad about it, then surely things are not that bad right?

I cant tell you whether or not it's normal. What i CAN tell you is that i feel the exact same way too. Heh. What is normal anyway? What the majority says is acceptable?

We should just stick to what we are used to, no? Why would we want to conform anyway?

syarin nusra said...

i found ur blog when reading obefiend. so i put your bloglink in my list of 'blog to read'. hope u dont mind :)

Merissa K. said...

On the contrary, im very very proud to even be considered worthy. :)

Thank you!