Wednesday, August 4, 2010

of chocolates and sexual demureness (banality, more like it)

When bored and not talking about super important issues (this is just my drama queen way of saying normal issues), Dzul and I always come up with stupid (though, entirely logical) theories.

A few days back, Dzul (being the observant person he sometimes is) noted that chocolates arent usually adorned with colourful and kiddy designs. They are usually more subtle, and well, kinda elegant.

Look at these :

Now, tell me, do any of these look like kids were the target demographic of their marketing plan? Macam tak la kan? (well, unless if it was for kids with 6-going-on-25 issues)

So, we figured, with those kind of wrappings, they were probably not hoping for sweaty jocks to buy these chocolates too. So obviously it's for women!

I mean, we all know that chocolate is the perfect aphrodisiac! (i think it mustve been a dude who first invented chocolate, with a dirty intention to manipulate women's sexual vulnerability! Tapi serious malas nak pergi Google and check. Korang je lah check kan eh?) 

Check out all those chocolate adverts on TV. It always depicts a cute girl licking the centre filling of said chocolate, or at least eating them in the most sensual way there is.
(nampak sangat i cannot be in a chocolate advert because i kalau makan chocolate, memang telan je terus, takde maknanya nak makan sexy sexy)

Anyway, here's solid proof!

Check out Bournville's website and click on How to Savour. Ahhh i bet all you lazy people wouldnt even bother with the link kan? Fine laaah, i type balik la for korang.

Step 1 : Hold the chocolate and delicately peel the top half of the wrapper. One slow circle after another. After you've tempted your eyes long enough, allow them to set their sight on the fine dark chocolate. 
Step 2 : Bring the chocolate next to your ear and snap off a single cube. Let its sharp sound resonate inside you, long enough to give you that tingling sensation. Long enough for your eyes to shut knowingly.
Step 3 : Smell the chocolate before you eat it. Its distinct aroma is a tantalizing invitation to the tongue. It also prepares you for tasting the chocolate. This will enhance your perception of the flavour. 
Step 4 : Place the chocolate on your tongue and allow it to melt by pressing it on the roof of your mouth. The cocoa butter will spread evenly and an evolution of flavours will build up on your palate. 
Step 5 : As the chocolate melts in your mouth completely, close your eyes and concentrate on the flavours that are enveloping your tongue. Give in to the feeling and be guided to new experiences, to the world of Cadbury Bournville, fine dark chocolate.

Now. We all know that's not really chocolate they were describing. Those were not! Anyway, it's obvious that chocolate and sex goes hand-in-hand.

But dont you wonder why European chicks are sexually liberal as compared to Malaysian women? Because.... this was what we grew up eating!

Tak sexy langsung okay!


Igniz said...

hahaha! so true! cool! cool!
so i guess u're now back under pressure? hehe. cool observation. and writing of course. :)

Anonymous said...

aah kan?..memang teliti pemerhatian korang.nice!-sadis

Merissa K. said...

Igniz :
not particularly. about to enter pressurized environment, but not quite there yet. hehehe.
thank you ijan. you're just too nice! :D

Hazen :
agak agak kalau buat final year thesis on this blh tak? :P

s h a g o said...

roti cheese nan hameedia juga amat mengghairahkan.

s h a g o o said...

roti cheese nan hameedia juga amat mengghairahkan.

amywammy said...

chocolate packaging was NEVER, er, packaged (?) for kids. What do you think After 8 implies? It's a pre-sex chocolate, hence the mint to cover the bad breath during a game of tongue tennis :p