Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Suffering from Quarter Life Crisis

and thus i think im going to be on hiatus for a while.

ive never in my life felt this way.
macam rasa theres a constant chest pain (yang kalau umur saya 56 tahun saya dah pergi checkup dah, kot kot symptom heart attack) and completely alone and tak tahu what i can do to fix things.

People tell me theyll be there for me,
and that theyll support me.
Tapi it doesnt make any difference.

And tak membantu lah kan, the fact that ive never in my life felt this way.
Im hoping by writing this down, it will take some of the burden off my chest.
Tapi mungkin this time i cant expect an easy way out.

Saya rasa saya tengah experience Quarter Life Crisis.
Umur saya sekarang ada lah dua dekad terlebih sikit.
Patutnya lagi 3 tahun baru qualify nak kena Quarter Life Crisis.
Dammit, premature symptom pulak.
Sheesh.

I came across this kat my Standard 6 bestfriend punya blog.
And for reason yang tak tahu apa, i need to spread the disease.

Symptoms of Quarter Life Crisis:

1. It's an end to your peer pressure era and you stop trying to fit in and tiba tiba you get all these new revelations about yourself. Yang tak best nya, you wont necessarily like what you discover about yourself. Macam ini contoh dia :

yess. ada orang tanya i ni kat formspring. woot woot.

2. You start fretting about what your life is gonna be like in a year or two. Lepas tu cuak extra lagi because you're going crazy about the near future, padahal you dont even know where you are right now. Macam, sekarang pun tak berapa nak berpijak di bumi yang nyata (wah wah) lagi nak fikir what will happen lagi setahun dua.

A few while back, i thought i had everything figured out. Nak beli duplex sendiri, nak tukar kereta, and then get married with someone i can lie in bed with and cerita drama hidup hari ini and attempt to make babies everyday just because it's legal dah.

Tapi tiba tiba sekarang semua priorities dah tunggang terbalik. I dont even know mana atas mana bawah.

3. You either :
- get your heart broken and tak faham how someone you love could crush you to pieces
- wonder why you can't meet somebody decent
- love someone but yet have feelings for someone else too and mcm 'shitt, why am i doing this? this is breaking the rules but yet i know aku takde la jahat'

soalan paling susah dalam dunia yang tak ada jawapan

4. You are either studying or doing something that is not even close to what you thought you would be doing. And you realize that when you start working, you'd have to begin from the bottom and it scares you.

OK. Pengakuan honest. I memang bahlol Physics. Serious jangan cakap dengan i pasal moment of inertia atau pun normal force and tension of a concrete pile. Memang satu hari aku garu kepala tak boleh nak jawab.

Yet, here i am, doing Civil Engineering and majoring in Offshore (i dont even like laut all that much!!!)


and this is how much i hate being stuck in my current position

5. Thank god, at this stage, people become more opinionated. Nak tahu tak, back in high school, i was someone who didnt have my own opinion. Macam loser gila okay. Kejap orang ni cakap Britney Spears cool, aku pun agree. Esok orang lain cakap Britney loser gila, pun agree jugak. Wahahaha.

And it's in this stage jugak, that you start to notice how people around you act and the reasons behind their actions. Boleh la kot kalau nak ckp that you become more judgmental. But not necessarily in a bad way.

And time ni lah, one minute you insecure, then the next rasa macam secure gila. You feel alone and scared and confused (which based on what im feeling now, is NOT a good combo, percaya lah). Change, at this point, macam raksasa jahat dalam cerita Ultraman. You want to avoid it selagi yang boleh, sebab you have this feeling that if you have to confront Change, it's gonna pijak u sampai lenyek boleh buat cekodok.

6. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

Ada satu phase in your life, you tend to get enthralled by semua new things that you baru discover, tapi sooner or later you'll realize that that was all it was. A phase. And you tend to want to snap out of it. Kalau ada yang masih tak nak snap out of it, maknanya they are just orang tua yang bajet muda. Atau worse still, culture shock tak hengat. Pfft.

I actually know this bunch of 28 year olds yang kalau duduk dekat mamak 5 jam, the whole 5 hours tu they wont stop talking about clubbing and drinking and hooking up with random guys. It's like, hello, cant we talk about something else? Penat gila aku nak dengar korang cerita benda sama 5 jam!

7. And it is now that you can't seem to make a decision. Semua benda confusing. Do i do this? Or would that option be better? And these questions seem to be stuck on a loop dalam kepala and yes, kawan kawan you lah yang penat nak dengar hikayat masalah you because you just cant stop talking about it. and tak dapat solution jugak.

8. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

Ini sangat betul sebab saya sendiri pun tengah ternganga trying to figure all this out. And i wish there is an easy way out tapi i guess God just wants us to go through this for some reason.

OK. Time untuk konklusi. Are you suffering from Quarter Life Crisis?
Cuz i sure as hell am.



16 comments:

GGK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GGK said...

im sorry for asking that quantum space physics question.

.... that said.






.... if you screwup this early, it probably mean you are going to be sucessfull later. Experience are the best teacher.

Now, what would a person see, if an object that was travelling near to the speed of light, accelerated to a velocity greater than the speed of light?

Merissa K. said...

aaahhh. apa sorry sorry!
hhahahahaha.

but yeah you're right, i guess kena suck it up je lah hmm?

and i dont want to answer that question. ghahahahah

joynstar said...

well the answer might likely be a black hollow.

prematur Q-life crisis?
what you need to do is spend half noon sitting in front of a commercial bank and see who look so much a looser. it helped me when I thought I lived long enough and the phases are over.

get over it girl! you still have the
-OMG I'm jobless grad phase
-bride fever
-preg or no preg league
-the 30's window
-schoolkid madness
-moneypause
-man's LIFE BEGINS AT 40 thing
-menopause
-retirement

kan?

Merissa K. said...

haaa.
just thinking about that is enough to drive me further down cuz im not quite ready to face it all.

tsk

Lya said...

yes, i am suffering quarter life crisis. :)

Hafidz said...

Hey,

U dont knw me but Ive been following your blog for quite awhile for i like your writing style. Stalker much aye? Hehe :p

Anyway, I cant help but to respond to this entry of yours. Because yes I'm going through EVERY single things that you've mentioned up there and I have to agree that no it aint pretty at all. Sigh. This phase just cant seem to pass any faster yes? Pft

Sorry can't help with any of those. Just, good luck with all your shites. Am trying hard with mine. Haha toodles :)

Hafiz Butetchai said...

*pulling Merissa K. away from joynstar black-hole-comment ;)

life memang camtu.
just live one breath at a time.
and buat2 tak paham jer kat semua bende2 serabut tu.
to enjoy life, is first to believe that you will do.
others no matters.

(lagu sekarang = Three Little Birds)

have a nice day!

*terlepas Merissa K. terus dia masuk dlm lubang hitam. berat gak aci ni :P

Afiq Abd Malik said...

Natasha,

Been there, done that. Hehe. I am sorry, but I think I cannot help you here.

You'll find your own light someday, believe me. Orang - orang di sekeliling tak akan boleh tolong, - sampai bila - bila - sebab semua orang takkan mampu jawab soalan - soalan awak. Dan soalan - soalan itu hanya akan terjawab bila sampai masanya.

And maybe you don't have all of the needed answers today, but you will in few months time.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

:)

Amir Hamzah said...

yeppers. gone thru this one. things'll get much better afterwards tho. much much better. :)

and now im in a phase where everyone of my friends seems to be married or getting married. even my cousin pon who's my age. :O

definitely a whole new phase to deal with. dangit.

Merissa K. said...

Lya :
you know im with you baby!

Hafidz :
oh takpe, stalker yang tak anonymous, i suka. :P
haha.
but youve helped enough just by letting me know that im not the only one whose ass life is kicking.
:(

haha. oh, good luck to you too. siapa get out of depression dulu kena belanja the loser ice cream. deal? haha.

Hafiz :
you made me laugh. :D
but oh yes all this while i thot that was what ive been doing. mcm, to hell with all the problems, buat buat ok je.

turns out i was just running away from my problems and now theyre chasing me pulak. tsk.

oh.and i dont want to masuk black hole pls pls.

Afiq :
oh part yang semua orang tak boleh tolong tu memang betul. proven fact. tsk.

but oh yes, nasib baik saya ada orang orang wise di sekeliling yang jadi inspirasi. *nudge nudge*
:)

Amir :
i think i remember you being in this phase jugak. hahaha. i shall take your word on this mir. kalau it doesnt get better, u kena belanja i makan fridays. :D

jeff said...

well, at least you've been through all this. you're alive!

Amir Hamzah said...

bet accepted! :P

Merissa K. said...

Jepp :
masih belum been through lagi, still going through it.. :) ini pun nyawa nyawa ikan. hehh.

Amir :
good! in that case, if things still tak work out, at least ill get dinner out of it. heheh.

Syaza Izzati said...

me likey this post! funny ada, dramatic ada.all combined into one. haha. everyone will go through these kinda phases in life. sememangnya life sangatlah complicated untuk di define kan.

kudos tasha ;p

Merissa K. said...

Thanks thanks.
haha.

but i think the person who invented the term QLC in the first place yang should get the compliment!

:D