Tuesday, March 31, 2009

how to avoid being heartbroken

1) Instead of waiting to have your heart broken, be the heartbreaker first. The moment you see yourself falling deep, make a run for it. Run, and dont turn around.

2) As soon as the relationship ends, hook up with someone new. It doesnt matter who it is, as long as its not a sheep or a dog. Have as many one night stands as you need to get over the current heartbreaker. Its okay to end up as the asshole who fools around or the cheap hussy. Its even okay if you break a few hearts in the process of healing your own.

3) Aggravate the person who broke your heart. Get a makeover and make them drool at how hot you've become. Let them know what they're missing out on. Go on dates where you'll definitely bump into them. Watch in triumph as you see them smack their forehead with the invisible bubble on their head going 'why did i ever let him/her go?"

4) Be as mean as you can afford to be. Whenever possible, try to make their life hell. But be careful not to appear that you are obviously heartbroken. Otherwise this method will get you laughed at instead of getting you a delicious revenge.

5) Do stupid things that will ruin your life. Be a gigolo. Take dangerous chemical substances that others call drugs. Be a junkie. Get wasted every night. If possible, make sure that you contract AIDS / HIV and then try to spread it to the person who caused the heartbreak in the first place.

6) Turn gay.

7) Cry. Eat dozens of chocolates everyday. Eat to fill in the hollow void that they left in your life. Put on 74 kgs. Ta-da! Now you can expect to find an uglier partner(due to your immediate weight gain). You know what they say about uglier people being nicer. :)

p/s: yes, i was just being terribly sarcastic.


Igniz said...

have u ever thought of being a writer, dear tasha? u write well tau..:)

wana said...

ehem2.nk trse ke x ek?hmmph!hahaha

Merissa K. said...

oh why thank you dear.

this post is specially dedicated to you darling. wahahahhahaha. ill help you whichever option you decide to choose. XP