Mister.

I have tried writing this down hundreds of time, 

but each attempt had miserably failed.

It was as if my feelings have completely left me

as if my words simply refused to leave the tip of my pen.

Each time i begin to pen my feelings down, 

something always holds a piece of my soul back,

forbidding me from pouring my emotions onto paper.

GuiltAffectionFearDenialAttraction.

I cant be sure which of these are holding me back. 

I am deeply sorry, but the internal turmoil is clouding my judgments. 

I am fairly confused myself.

For the umpteenth time, i shall try this again.

He was a boy.

But not just any boy.

He was a boy, whom, next to, made me feel like a girl. Like a lady.

He was nice.

A downright pleasing gentleman should the circumstance require him to be.

A decent guy though he was, every single inch of me screams out at the sight of him, calling his name, yearning for its namesake.

He was nothing like the perfect heroes in novels.

Much less like Prince Charming in fairytales.

He was much much better.

A boy that i am devastatedly infatuated with.

He caresses with the softest touch;

kisses with the softest lips;

and smiles as if he was hiding the most devious (but delicious!) secret.

Grins that taunt me with its mysteriousness that i shall never unravel.

Unpredictable but incredibly passionate.

My casa for comfort.

My spot for solace.

of friends

for months, i have been in deep denial of people leaving me behind.
the fact that everyone has moved on, leaving me one station behind, was not one that i would like to ponder on for too long.

back in school, to be honest, being a social butterfly was all i dreamed about.
having grown up (in other words, finally chucking that stupid ideology out of my head) i began to realize that im more of a closed-community kind of person.

dont get me wrong.
i would say hi to a lamppost if i passed one by on the street, but when it comes down to it, im most comfortable with specific sets of people.

ive seen people whose friends stab backs and causes problems that to me, are only relevant when related with 7 year olds. to tell you the truth, in my circle(s), such problems are practically nonexistant.

i choose to spend time with people who only gets my quirks and twists, people who knows my flaw but dont use it against me. you can say that i'm choosy when it comes to picking friends, but well, my choice has never backfired on me.

the people who has made my campus life bearable are now going places and getting on with life. our daily conversations will now only be a once-in-a-blue-moon catch-up sessions. and that kinda bums me out.

what are you gonna do about it though heh?

To everyone whom i have confided in, tell stupid anecdotes to, made fun of myself in front, You are life saviours.

And, well, in simple words, I Love You. :)

Random #2 : My Favourite Movie

Just like music, i find it hard to pick just one movie.
Senang cerita, two is always better than one (three four five apa lah lagi kan?)

oooh btw this reminds me of my 'Two Boyfriends Are Better Than One' top. ngahaha. mana baju tu hmmm?

back to what i was saying, movies. Hmmm. i have sooo many favourites la. how to pick just one?

I love most of Quentin Tarantino's work. Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, Four Rooms, Reservoir Dogs, and obviously Inglourious Basterds (that goes without saying). Deathproof was okay i guess. I didnt like it as much as i liked the others. Tarantino has that special knack of creative directing. It's a challenge trying to figure out his hidden message.

Stanley Kubrick was also pretty good. I think Kubrick was a visionary of his time. Lolita was great (in a slightly disturbing manner, of course). So was Dr. Strangelove, A Clockwork Orange and Full Metal Jacket. Eyes Wide Shut too was eerily pointless.

I repeat watching romance movies like The Notebook and matter-of-fact stories like 500 Days of Summer. I adore musicals like Across The Universe and The Boat That Rocked. Rock N Roll Nerd has a collection of awesome songs. Same goes for Once.

And there are the odd ones like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, A Fish Called Wanda, Who Killed Gilbert Grape, Catch Me If You Can. Those are all brilliant movies. Some foreign ones are good too. Like, the French Love Me If You Dare and Le Fabeleux destin d'Amelie Poulain. Or the Japanese Departures. 

OF course, there are also some exceptional local movies from Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad. I loved all of her movies. Rabun, Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin, Talentime, Muallaf. She brings out real emotions from me.

Like I said, theres just too many to choose from. Im fickle that way, remember? Do you get me now when i tell you that i simply cant pick any certain one?

But suggesting good ones, THAT i can do. Try movies that were based on Chuck Palahniuk's books. Fight Club, Choke, disturbingly goood. And i heard that Invisible Monsters, Lullaby, Rant and Haunted will soon be made into movies too so that's bound to be explosive.

Cant wait cant wait. :)

books that kept me inside the room

 

Being stuck in the room is not so bad. Especially with these books by my bedside. 

I havent been able to write much these days. 

Takde inspiration sangat la. 

Ngaa. 

But wey hey! Maybe we should just wait for assignments to be piling up! Im sure by then i would have plenty to say. 

:)

Until then, toodles.

p/s : Amy, yes yes i know your book is still with me. Wait til i balik KL for buka puasa yeah? :) Love you bebeh!

i can read you like a book

you are extremely transparent

you think you are being broody and unpredictable

but i can see right through you

as if,

you were made out of glass

Relationship Revelation #24 (ni nombor main petik je ni)

I rasa (I ni memang suka rasa macam macam kan?), for a relationship to work, you dont need someone perfect. I have once read :

Love isnt about finding a perfect person. It is seeing an imperfect person, perfectly.

Though, just like cliche cliche yang lain, the saying above were obviously exaggerated. Heck! Perfect tu, by definition, is SEMPURNA tahu tak? There's no such thing as perfect (except when it comes to God which is a different story. Itu kena tunggu blogpost lain la pulak)

I think it's just human kalau the person you are with sometimes do things that annoy you a little, or has traits that you probably wouldnt tolerate if it was in someone else. But IT IS OKAY! Like i said, it's only human.

Yang penting, despite all that, they still complement you and YOUR annoying traits (apa kau ingat dia je ada flaw, kau takde?) and somehow it just works. 

It might not be a fairytale. Maybe, not even macam drama melayu pun. Tapi who cares? You cant expect your story to turn out exactly like a plot from a romance novel.

Just make it work! and then you can write your own book with your own customized storyline!

Be grateful je lah if you already have someone who:

• will laugh at your jokes (both funny and not) hjtg
• comforts you even when you are (unattractively) crying and sobbing sampai mata lebam keluar hingus semua
• listens when you're raging and pretend for a moment that they hate the guts of the person who caused you grief

Cant always expect people to change in order to suit you. Sebab you know that you yourself pun susah nak change to become somebody's fantasy partner.

What you have is probably already great. Just have to have faith in it je.

:)

of chocolates and sexual demureness (banality, more like it)

When bored and not talking about super important issues (this is just my drama queen way of saying normal issues), Dzul and I always come up with stupid (though, entirely logical) theories.

A few days back, Dzul (being the observant person he sometimes is) noted that chocolates arent usually adorned with colourful and kiddy designs. They are usually more subtle, and well, kinda elegant.

Look at these :

Now, tell me, do any of these look like kids were the target demographic of their marketing plan? Macam tak la kan? (well, unless if it was for kids with 6-going-on-25 issues)

So, we figured, with those kind of wrappings, they were probably not hoping for sweaty jocks to buy these chocolates too. So obviously it's for women!

I mean, we all know that chocolate is the perfect aphrodisiac! (i think it mustve been a dude who first invented chocolate, with a dirty intention to manipulate women's sexual vulnerability! Tapi serious malas nak pergi Google and check. Korang je lah check kan eh?) 

Check out all those chocolate adverts on TV. It always depicts a cute girl licking the centre filling of said chocolate, or at least eating them in the most sensual way there is.

(nampak sangat i cannot be in a chocolate advert because i kalau makan chocolate, memang telan je terus, takde maknanya nak makan sexy sexy)

Anyway, here's solid proof!

Check out Bournville's website and click on How to Savour. Ahhh i bet all you lazy people wouldnt even bother with the link kan? Fine laaah, i type balik la for korang.

Step 1 : Hold the chocolate and delicately peel the top half of the wrapper. One slow circle after another. After you've tempted your eyes long enough, allow them to set their sight on the fine dark chocolate. 

Step 2 : Bring the chocolate next to your ear and snap off a single cube. Let its sharp sound resonate inside you, long enough to give you that tingling sensation. Long enough for your eyes to shut knowingly.

Step 3 : Smell the chocolate before you eat it. Its distinct aroma is a tantalizing invitation to the tongue. It also prepares you for tasting the chocolate. This will enhance your perception of the flavour. 

Step 4 : Place the chocolate on your tongue and allow it to melt by pressing it on the roof of your mouth. The cocoa butter will spread evenly and an evolution of flavours will build up on your palate. 

Step 5 : As the chocolate melts in your mouth completely, close your eyes and concentrate on the flavours that are enveloping your tongue. Give in to the feeling and be guided to new experiences, to the world of Cadbury Bournville, fine dark chocolate.

Now. We all know that's not really chocolate they were describing. Those were not! Anyway, it's obvious that chocolate and sex goes hand-in-hand.

But dont you wonder why European chicks are sexually liberal as compared to Malaysian women? Because.... this was what we grew up eating!

Tak sexy langsung okay!

one last night with Iylia Elena

I hope I wont forget this tomorrow!

*voice gets squeaky*

I know! I'm gonna write this down!

*voice gets squeakier*

Ooooh! I shall tweet about this!

*voice goes down 2 notches*

I dont think I can fit all these in a single tweet. This'll have to go in my blog!

And, so, here it is.

(I eventually forgot what it was that i feared i would )

i could but i dont wanna

ahh.
i could be all poetic and ambiguous in telling you what i feel.
i could use big words and metaphors in every sentence.

but i choose not to.
because i want to be obvious.
and i want the world to know how smitten i am.

more importantly,
i want YOU to know, that,
"My atoms and chemicals could've been made anywhere in the universe, but they were made here, near you. Near yours."

Random #1 : My Favourite Song

It took me so long to start the 30 days project,
not because i was suddenly swamped with ideas,
but the title for the first day (which is my favourite song) proves to be a huge setback.

For those of you who has hung out with me before,
you would know just how fickle i am.
I am that girl who goes 'id like one McChicken please.'

*5 seconds later*

'eh kejap kejap kejap. change that to Double Cheeseburger lah!'

*yet another 5 seconds*

'eh wait wait. can u cancel the Double Cheeseburger and make it a Big Mac instead?'

If you're the unfortunate person who's queuing behind me, or worse still the person who's taking my orders, dont think your death stares escaped my notice. I perasan okay, saja je buat muka bajet innocent macam tak buat salah.

Yes, i am fickle.
And i felt pressured nak kena pick just one song to list as my favourite so i did what i do best.
I stalled.
:)

To be honest, i dont have any preference to the songs i listen to.
Semua pun ikut mood.

Like, say, if i'm driving long-distance, i'd listen to Muse,Ratatat, Phoenix, Foals, Feist or Nadasurf.
If i'm angry, I'd listen to System of a Down or The Mars Volta.
If i'm in a breakup mode, i'd listen to Dygta, Coldplay, Damien Rice, Broken Social Scene or songs with heartbreaking lyrics.
If i'm chilling, i'd opt for Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Metric, The New Pornographers, Jack Johnson, Lily Allen or Regina Spektor.

Sometimes i listen to The Donnas and The Pierces when i'm in a girl-power mode. Or Weezer, Phantom Planet, OK Go, Garbage when i want to reminisce on my Foundation days. Or Lapsap, Klaxons or Agrikulture when i want to goyang goyang.
See?

How the hell am i supposed to break it down to one song?

Hehh. Fine just so tak lari tajuk. My favourite song right at this moment is Woo-Hoo by the 5678s. That's the same song as the famous whistling in Kill Bill Vol. 1 btw.

:)

Ok dah la dah penat type lah. Bye bye.

hai perempuan halimunan!

hai lah perempuan,
dengan sepenuh perasaan aku attempt untuk cuba jadi memahami
dan dengan nada suara paling lembut yang aku bisa muster,
aku mahu tanya kamu ini,

mengapa yang tak pasti juga yang kamu mahu?
adakah kamu ditipu oleh ayat cinta manis bersalut gula,
atau dipaksa keadaan yang sentiasa tak menyebelahi kamu,
atau kamu merely in denial?

apa kamu tak sedar yang kamu bukan sekadar inflict pain atas diri sendiri?
tempias tempias luka sampai ke hati aku, hai perempuan.
sakit perit derita akan termaktub ke jiwa jiwa lain juga, hai perempuan.

susah sangat ke,
kalau kali ini,
aku minta jasa baik kamu,
beri aku peluang untuk betul betul bahagia?

sebab sumpah aku penat jalan atas duri yang sama!

Revelation #77

being understanding sure is noble, but sometimes it drains the energy out of you.
no?
especially when there are about a million things out there that escapes your comprehension and lacks stability.

i lack stability.
that says a lot about my mental sturdiness, kan?
keeping that fact in mind, what chance do i have at being understanding?

maybe it's not stability that i lack, maybe it's faith.
maybe it's sanity.
fuck if i know.

p/s : will you people stop spamming my chatbox with cliched bloghopping invitations? if you really do have to do it, then at least make an effort to be original. pfft.

P. Ramlee bears quite a huge resemblance to Charlie Chaplin in this, dontcha think?

:)

Oh, i miss those days when i used to set up my sleepover kit in my parent's bedroom and cuddle under the covers eating Koko Krunch while watching Pendekar Bujang Lapuk (takpun tengok Chaplin's Modern Time).

5 is the best age, if you ask me.

I mean, seriously, i was so easily entertained and awed back then.

Pfft. Who needs Astro? Watching huge greasy guys in spandex wrestle each other pun boleh terbeliak mata aku tengok sampai pukul 1-2 pagi.

Spongebob? Naaah, back then pagi tengok Peter Pan, petang sikit will be time for Beauty & The Beast, then malam-ish i'll watch Cinderella. I love Disney's cartoon. Evergreen siot. 

Repeat la satu cartoon sampai 15 kali sehari pun takpe, it's all good. 

Weh. Rindu nya. 

:'(

Paul The Octopus, the football pundit.

Hello!

My name is Paul.

As you can see, i am an octopus!

In the other world, before i was hatched, I made an acquaintance with a delightful (albeit peculiar) man called Nostradamus and this gentleman taught me (above all things) how to predict the result of football games.

I was bred in Germnay, and thus could only predict games played by the Germans (though i actually hatched from my egg in England).

Back in 2008, for EURO 08, i only got one prophecy wrong (this is turning to be quite a badly presented resume ey? hehe).

This year, they once again put my prediction skill to test for the FIFA World Cup. I was there stuck in my aquarium (which, to be honest, makes me feel a tad bit claustrophobic) and they will put my food in two containers that are marked with the German flag as well as the flag of the opposing team.

You know, earlier on, when i predicted the win of Germany over Argentina, plenty of Argentinian fans threatened to eat me (thank god they never actually did!). 

It was also pretty chaotic the other day when i indicated that Serbia will win over our nation. Some chose not to believe me, but at the end of the game, they had to silently succumb to the fact that they were wrong, and i was, once again, right.

Last night, i made my final prediction for this year's World Cup. To be honest, i just thought that the food in the Spain container looked more enticing.

I have no idea if we lost due to the fact that Spain's defense was spot on, or if i have unintentionally brought the morale of my countrymen down by predicting their loss. 

But hey! i didnt want to repeat my last mistake where i rooted for Germany but they were beaten by Spain, which made me look kinda stupid (though, as an octopus, you would think it's hard to appear any more stupid that i already do).

I saw last night's game so that i will be able to foresee the chances of me receiving more death threats. Looks like it's coming fast and steady now. I shall go and hide in the corner of my tank now before somebody makes a 'sambal sotong' out of me. 

Til the next prediction! (and you guys who are rooting for Netherlands and Spain can breathe in relief now as I wont be able to predict the outcome of THAT game!) 

:)

p/s : i do have a hunch that Holland will win though! ;)

Bookworm Bitch is now Bookenstein!

Due to the inappropriateness of the name and the unfortunate sexual innuendo (as well as the fact that my mom now reads my blog) i have decided to change the url of my book blog. 

It is now officially christened bookenstein.blogspot.com

Hear! Hear!

:)